2 minutes ago, champers said:

If she is going with the children and there is a BBQ and a few drinks and snacks with extended family, 8000 seems OK to me.

Seriously can't see the need for him to pay for the whole party. He is not even there. They are visiting. If I have a party at my place I don't expect anyone to pay anything then.

25 minutes ago, champers said:

If she is going with the children and there is a BBQ and a few drinks and snacks with extended family, 8000 seems OK to me.

She might have booked out the whole of MK for a few hours i think.

I don't think 8k for a trip home is excessive. What is excessive is paying your wife 'an allowance' of 20k/month. You are the sort of Farang that causes many of us problems when your wife tells all her mates on Facebook and then within a couple of hours nearly every 'Farang wife' in the country is giving the better half grief about their 'low budget' ???? 

I would suggest that you tell her the 8k is for a one way ticket ..... ????

44 minutes ago, Odin Norway said:

Seriously can't see the need for him to pay for the whole party. He is not even there. They are visiting. If I have a party at my place I don't expect anyone to pay anything then.

When will your next party be ?

I just love these comments ``I dont give my wife any "allowance",``a bank card to pay things`????
 

Beat me to it. Like there’s a difference.


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3 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

My view now is if they want to see themself as a commodity where you have to pay....then you have the right to also shop around. Most can be upgraded / replaced in hours here

So, taking all of the above onboard, have you managed to firewall yourself against the depredations of your future ex-wife?

8,000 on top of a 20,000 allowance is pretty generous. How much did your wife earn when she was working?

While 8k is generous, she likely shares it with her family. I see nothing wrong with that. It is however irritating that he needs to ask here instead of simply asking his friends and simply overthinking the whole situation.

27 minutes ago, Enki said:

While 8k is generous, she likely shares it with her family. I see nothing wrong with that. It is however irritating that he needs to ask here instead of simply asking his friends and simply overthinking the whole situation.

 

He might not want to discuss with farang friends ... better the anonymity offered by TV.

 

Eye rolling?

 

You've got a ballbuster.

 

The real bad stuff is yet to come.

 

 

4 hours ago, swissie said:

I have a funny feeling. I am afraid OP's next post will be: "Where can I find a good and honest Thai Lawyer, specialising in Farang/Thai divorce cases".

 

Ha! That made me laugh.

 

I simply never understand why anyone would give these girls even a single cent.

 

Unless she's a cripple, tell her to get off her fat arse and get a job. And if she's unwilling to work, dump her.

I'm gonna guess most of the contributors to this thread thus far are not married, and some others not for much longer!! Bunch of tightwads - op excepted of course

7 hours ago, crickets said:

after handing over 8k i was not given a thank you, just a rolling over with the eyes. This was on top of the usual money i give her for the month (about 20).

You GIVE her HOW MUCH?????? I assume that is 20 THOUSAND baht. 

If so, why?

Tell her to go get a job if she wants money for herself.

I paid all the household bills, rent, water, electricity, cable, but my wife had a job for her own money. I didn't want to live in a grotty hovel, so I paid for a better place myself, as she would not be able to afford to contribute enough on her wage.

If my wife wanted to go on holiday by herself, she paid her own way. If she came with me I paid so we could stay in a decent place.

 

As for the OP, bus fare return and 100 baht a day for food, MAX.

 

BTW, I learned the hard way, Thai women don't exhibit gratitude the way we expect, especially if we GIVE them too much anyway, so they expect it.

1 hour ago, 473geo said:

I'm gonna guess most of the contributors to this thread thus far are not married, and some others not for much longer!! Bunch of tightwads - op excepted of course

Some of us don't have to buy our wives.

5 hours ago, champers said:

If she is going with the children and there is a BBQ and a few drinks and snacks with extended family, 8000 seems OK to me.

When did you ever pay over 1000 baht for a few drinks and snacks at a BBQ in Thailand? 

If she is driving a car, diesel shouldn't be more than 1000 baht return.

26 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

When did you ever pay over 1000 baht for a few drinks and snacks at a BBQ in Thailand? 

If she is driving a car, diesel shouldn't be more than 1000 baht return.

"Extended BBQ" can easy be 20 people. Sorry, on what planet do you live? So she plans to have 1000 for the trip, 1000 for herself, and shares 6000 with her family or makes a small party with 10 - 20 people. Sorry: what the funk is wrong with you guys? And if she has 5k left, she buys something expensive she wants. What is damn wrong with that? If she thinks he gives her to much money, he should simply give her less. This hate speech here is simply super annoying. Of course, she makes only a 3 day trip. I will be in Isaan for 4 or 8 weeks in 2 weeks ... obviously I spent much more than 8k ... and the amount of people I meet is far above 20.

I don't "give" my wife anything. We had virtually nothing when we married.  We worked, we slaved and raised two boys.  We paid off a house mortgage and paid cash for cars.  We are frugal and she is entitled to use what she needs.  "We" is the operative word.  Of course if she "wants" something badly enough, I say "Yes, dear" to the best of my ability.  It's the only way to survive 40+ years of marriage. In my case, "we" is short for weasel.  555.  Whatever works.

I just gave my wife US $30,000+ so she could buy 78 rai in Isaan for her brother to start a family business.

 

That is on top of the rice farm we already own and have never seen 1 baht.

 

However, the rice does feed her entire extended family each year, so well enough.

 

 

Everyday I thank God I am not poor and have to bitch and complain about 20,000 baht.

 

Not sure why people move to Thailand, marry a Thai, then do nothing but complain about spending money, not giving their wives any money etc.

 

That sound like a pretty piss poor life if you ask me

 

 

It’s all relative. If you have 8K left after paying the monthly bills then I see this as a problem. But if 8K is pocket money then why not. If she spends a bit on new shorts for dad, a new bit of something for mom buys a couple cases of beer a couple kilos of pork and a few pieces of chicken to feed the family (because you just know they will be grazing all day long) then all said and done there won’t be much left of that 8K.

When my wife goes out with her friends (which is rarely) I offer spending money and she usually says oh that’s too much and will hand some back. But I’m only giving her 2 or 3 thousand. We live in the same village as wife’s parents so we do the bbq thing regularly but everyone contributes.

We live on a farm and have a “Farang house” so my wife works hard at home and does not have another job. She offered to get one but I said no. I prefer to have our time together and for her to be gone 6 days a week for 9K it’s just not worth it.

For what it is worth my Thai well to do friends in BKK told me years ago that an allowance is customary if you have the means. I’m not wealthy by any stretch. However I believe in “happy wife- happy life”. We have been married 7 years.


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7 hours ago, crickets said:

Too late.....have a home loan and two kids with her already. The glory days were when she was working and she payed half the mortgage, then we had kids. People are so enthusiastic about kids...wished someone warned me about the pitfalls.

+1

I don't think 8k for a trip up country is excessive at all. But I do if you are already paying her 20k a month. If you choose this route, and many do this should cover all her expenses. If she wants to buy something out of the ordinary or go away, buy gold etc she can save up for it from her "allowance", same as everybody else has to. Someone said 100 baht per day, that is ludicrous. Yep you could live on a 100 baht a day up country but she is visiting her family (special occasion, she has a husband...do you want her to show up in front of her family and friends and be poorer than they are?

 

I did the allowance thing with my first wife but it was essentially so she could control our living expenses. Was for shopping etc and if she budgeted correctly whatever was left was for her. They just don't understand any of these concepts. She thought it was her pocket money. There could be 2 dynamics here at play. If its an ex bargirl type, you are already on bus heading for a cliff. 20k for her probably about what she was earning in the bar and pssing up the wall every month. She will forget that most of that 20k would have went on living expenses....rent food etc which she now doesn't need to cover. She will be continuously weighing up in her mind if she is better off with or without you and probably on the scout for a better prospect. It doesn't matter how much you give them you will be fighting a losing battle that will only have one outcome. I'm sure you are giving her a lot more than 20k too. Money for family, unexpected issues. This is all bargirl culture....not Thai culture.

 

A normal Thai girl with a job will be a lot better but you will still have some of the issues to a degree. They have this childlike expectation that "getting" a farang is akin to winning the lottery. Even if she is a decent girl she will have her jealous friends baiting her all the time. "Where is your gold? Louis bag? etc". You just have to explain the facts of life, set the boundaries and if she doesn't like it....next. In many ways their thinking is very childlike and you in some ways need to treat them this way. Also if she has come from a village there will be a bit of a pack dog mentality there. Any weakness will be seen as an avenue for exploitation. Forever trying to climb up the pecking order and dominate you. All to varying degrees of course depending on the girl. Have you ever heard the way they speak to each other in the villages. Noisey, screaming, rude. It's all show..ie who talks the loudest and puts on the most front is the most important.

 

What we really need to change is our own attitudes. Most of us come here first time meet this beautiful girl...best thing you have ever had and you do everything you can to hang onto her. What you are really doing is trying to do everything to prevent her from Scrwing someone else. She will have subliminally put these ideas in your head.

 

I don't compromise anymore. I have lived here for sometime now and know the ropes. I play them at their own game. These girls are cunning but not very smart. I wont go near a bargirl or ex farang wife / GF. She has to have a job, not only for financial reasons but I don't want to be stuck at home being her sole source of entertainment every day. I am kind and considerate and generous too, but in a normal relationship way. I don't have the need for a wife the way many do. Even when I am with a girl I cook, clean all of these things. I have to be gaining some positive benefit from the relationship or it just doesn't make any sense to me. A break up for me is always like a breath of fresh air, waking up in the morning knowing you don't have to please anyone but yourself. 

2 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

You GIVE her HOW MUCH?????? I assume that is 20 THOUSAND baht. 

If so, why?

Tell her to go get a job if she wants money for herself.

I paid all the household bills, rent, water, electricity, cable, but my wife had a job for her own money. I didn't want to live in a grotty hovel, so I paid for a better place myself, as she would not be able to afford to contribute enough on her wage.

If my wife wanted to go on holiday by herself, she paid her own way. If she came with me I paid so we could stay in a decent place.

 

As for the OP, bus fare return and 100 baht a day for food, MAX.

 

BTW, I learned the hard way, Thai women don't exhibit gratitude the way we expect, especially if we GIVE them too much anyway, so they expect it.

We have 2 kids under three so she is a full time mum. She cant work because of this.

she has lost her sense of responsibility, if she ever had any in the first instance.

she is clearly counting on You when ever an expense show up.

you need to change that mind set.

you should have told her her generous salary of 20k

is for any expense she encounter, not your problem.

if she dont have money then its because she havnt saved up for the trip to nakhon nowhere, so she has to wait until she saved up the money, just like everyone else

10 hours ago, crickets said:

Anyone else experience this with their wife? I probably wouldnt spend this much on a holiday in Phuket. How does one justify this kinda of spending?

I usually pay for her bus tickets plus 100bht/day, if she wants to clear off for a week.

29 minutes ago, crickets said:

We have 2 kids under three so she is a full time mum. She cant work because of this.

All the other Thai women seem to manage working at the same time.

My kids, drop at school 7:30, collect between 5 and 5:30 ......... what does she do all day?

2 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

As for the OP, bus fare return and 100 baht a day for food, MAX.

You beat me!

8 hours ago, crickets said:

Too late.....have a home loan and two kids with her already. The glory days were when she was working and she payed half the mortgage, then we had kids. People are so enthusiastic about kids...wished someone warned me about the pitfalls.

I love having kids, can't say mine have affected my life in any negative way at all.

The pitfalls are a lazy wife that's looking for an excuse not to work.

I endured one of those for 30 years in the UK.

 

I wish I could have popped out a kid or two then lived the rest of my life off someone else.

While taking no responsibility for any foolish choice I made, no matter how selfish, dangerous or destructive.

If there's reincarnation, I want to come back with a womb.

7 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

All the other Thai women seem to manage working at the same time.

My kids, drop at school 7:30, collect between 5 and 5:30 ......... what does she do all day?

A one year old doesnt go to schoo.

11 minutes ago, crickets said:

A one year old doesnt go to schoo.

Wrong, mine took hers to highschool with her for two years, the teachers and other students used to enjoy helping. She took a year off after graduating, then from age three, he was with me while she was at university, age four at kindergarten, now he's at junior school.