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How much for the wifes holiday back home in Issan?


crickets

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3 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

My view now is if they want to see themself as a commodity where you have to pay....then you have the right to also shop around. Most can be upgraded / replaced in hours here

So, taking all of the above onboard, have you managed to firewall yourself against the depredations of your future ex-wife?

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4 hours ago, swissie said:

I have a funny feeling. I am afraid OP's next post will be: "Where can I find a good and honest Thai Lawyer, specialising in Farang/Thai divorce cases".

 

Ha! That made me laugh.

 

I simply never understand why anyone would give these girls even a single cent.

 

Unless she's a cripple, tell her to get off her fat arse and get a job. And if she's unwilling to work, dump her.

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5 hours ago, champers said:

If she is going with the children and there is a BBQ and a few drinks and snacks with extended family, 8000 seems OK to me.

When did you ever pay over 1000 baht for a few drinks and snacks at a BBQ in Thailand? 

If she is driving a car, diesel shouldn't be more than 1000 baht return.

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I don't "give" my wife anything. We had virtually nothing when we married.  We worked, we slaved and raised two boys.  We paid off a house mortgage and paid cash for cars.  We are frugal and she is entitled to use what she needs.  "We" is the operative word.  Of course if she "wants" something badly enough, I say "Yes, dear" to the best of my ability.  It's the only way to survive 40+ years of marriage. In my case, "we" is short for weasel.  555.  Whatever works.

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7 hours ago, crickets said:

Too late.....have a home loan and two kids with her already. The glory days were when she was working and she payed half the mortgage, then we had kids. People are so enthusiastic about kids...wished someone warned me about the pitfalls.

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I don't think 8k for a trip up country is excessive at all. But I do if you are already paying her 20k a month. If you choose this route, and many do this should cover all her expenses. If she wants to buy something out of the ordinary or go away, buy gold etc she can save up for it from her "allowance", same as everybody else has to. Someone said 100 baht per day, that is ludicrous. Yep you could live on a 100 baht a day up country but she is visiting her family (special occasion, she has a husband...do you want her to show up in front of her family and friends and be poorer than they are?

 

I did the allowance thing with my first wife but it was essentially so she could control our living expenses. Was for shopping etc and if she budgeted correctly whatever was left was for her. They just don't understand any of these concepts. She thought it was her pocket money. There could be 2 dynamics here at play. If its an ex bargirl type, you are already on bus heading for a cliff. 20k for her probably about what she was earning in the bar and pssing up the wall every month. She will forget that most of that 20k would have went on living expenses....rent food etc which she now doesn't need to cover. She will be continuously weighing up in her mind if she is better off with or without you and probably on the scout for a better prospect. It doesn't matter how much you give them you will be fighting a losing battle that will only have one outcome. I'm sure you are giving her a lot more than 20k too. Money for family, unexpected issues. This is all bargirl culture....not Thai culture.

 

A normal Thai girl with a job will be a lot better but you will still have some of the issues to a degree. They have this childlike expectation that "getting" a farang is akin to winning the lottery. Even if she is a decent girl she will have her jealous friends baiting her all the time. "Where is your gold? Louis bag? etc". You just have to explain the facts of life, set the boundaries and if she doesn't like it....next. In many ways their thinking is very childlike and you in some ways need to treat them this way. Also if she has come from a village there will be a bit of a pack dog mentality there. Any weakness will be seen as an avenue for exploitation. Forever trying to climb up the pecking order and dominate you. All to varying degrees of course depending on the girl. Have you ever heard the way they speak to each other in the villages. Noisey, screaming, rude. It's all show..ie who talks the loudest and puts on the most front is the most important.

 

What we really need to change is our own attitudes. Most of us come here first time meet this beautiful girl...best thing you have ever had and you do everything you can to hang onto her. What you are really doing is trying to do everything to prevent her from Scrwing someone else. She will have subliminally put these ideas in your head.

 

I don't compromise anymore. I have lived here for sometime now and know the ropes. I play them at their own game. These girls are cunning but not very smart. I wont go near a bargirl or ex farang wife / GF. She has to have a job, not only for financial reasons but I don't want to be stuck at home being her sole source of entertainment every day. I am kind and considerate and generous too, but in a normal relationship way. I don't have the need for a wife the way many do. Even when I am with a girl I cook, clean all of these things. I have to be gaining some positive benefit from the relationship or it just doesn't make any sense to me. A break up for me is always like a breath of fresh air, waking up in the morning knowing you don't have to please anyone but yourself. 

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2 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

You GIVE her HOW MUCH?????? I assume that is 20 THOUSAND baht. 

If so, why?

Tell her to go get a job if she wants money for herself.

I paid all the household bills, rent, water, electricity, cable, but my wife had a job for her own money. I didn't want to live in a grotty hovel, so I paid for a better place myself, as she would not be able to afford to contribute enough on her wage.

If my wife wanted to go on holiday by herself, she paid her own way. If she came with me I paid so we could stay in a decent place.

 

As for the OP, bus fare return and 100 baht a day for food, MAX.

 

BTW, I learned the hard way, Thai women don't exhibit gratitude the way we expect, especially if we GIVE them too much anyway, so they expect it.

We have 2 kids under three so she is a full time mum. She cant work because of this.

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she has lost her sense of responsibility, if she ever had any in the first instance.

she is clearly counting on You when ever an expense show up.

you need to change that mind set.

you should have told her her generous salary of 20k

is for any expense she encounter, not your problem.

if she dont have money then its because she havnt saved up for the trip to nakhon nowhere, so she has to wait until she saved up the money, just like everyone else

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10 hours ago, crickets said:

Anyone else experience this with their wife? I probably wouldnt spend this much on a holiday in Phuket. How does one justify this kinda of spending?

I usually pay for her bus tickets plus 100bht/day, if she wants to clear off for a week.

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29 minutes ago, crickets said:

We have 2 kids under three so she is a full time mum. She cant work because of this.

All the other Thai women seem to manage working at the same time.

My kids, drop at school 7:30, collect between 5 and 5:30 ......... what does she do all day?

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7 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

All the other Thai women seem to manage working at the same time.

My kids, drop at school 7:30, collect between 5 and 5:30 ......... what does she do all day?

A one year old doesnt go to schoo.

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11 minutes ago, crickets said:

A one year old doesnt go to schoo.

Wrong, mine took hers to highschool with her for two years, the teachers and other students used to enjoy helping. She took a year off after graduating, then from age three, he was with me while she was at university, age four at kindergarten, now he's at junior school. 

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