My wifes family have banished me for good.

[Despondent Foreigner]

Basically I have been having a lot of serious issues with my inlaws for the past couple of years. It all started when our son was born. They wanted to take him from us immediately back to their hometown, to which I was strongly opposed and ultimately refused, to which my father in law took great offence. Another problem occured when my son was around 1 years old, her dad yet again was not satisfied with the way I was parenting my child and he took even more offence. Now we cannot even maintain eye contact anymore and he totally ignores me at family get togethers.

 

The problems have now escalated to my mother in laws side of the family. As we were driving back home the other day one of her cousins took great offence at me resting my foot on my knee in the car as I have long legs and needed to stretch. She said thai people doesnt like this kind of thing and i should show some respect. I basically told her to get stuffed.

 

So the whole family connections have completely fallen apart and to find a solution to it as my wife does not want a divorce she has now suggested to her family that they have zero contact with me in future. They have duly accepted. 

 

Marriage and family life is hard in thailand that is for sure. Though i am very happy that I never have to see or deal with them ever again.

[richard_smith237]

Are they upset because you wouldn't go in to the Waterfall ?

[Swiss1960]

Most people will say... lucky you to get rid of the family and still keep wife and kid...

Unfortunately, you have to ask yourself, whether or not your wife will accept such arrangements for the longer future...

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[SidJames]

You've won the lottery fella, enjoy

[Despondent Foreigner]

9 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

Are they upset because you wouldn't go in to the Waterfall ?

I dont know. I didnt ask. After her cousins outburst in the car everyone was quiet until we arrived home. Most awkward journey of my life,

[BritManToo]

15 minutes ago, Despondent Foreigner said:

So the whole family connections have completely fallen apart and to find a solution to it as my wife does not want a divorce she has now suggested to her family that they have zero contact with me in future. They have duly accepted. 

 

Sounds perfect to me.

[LomSak27]

Why not leave now?! Initiate a pre emptive breakup. You are heading this direction anyway so why not get the jump on them?! Just my three cents

[Rv Hawee]

You are the father of your son so don't care about what the gran-parents want to do. Be happy they  don't want contact you anymore !

if your wife is single child, it might be harder on her, but it's maybe time to get some friends from outside the family circle. If they p*ss you off, then the hell with them (make sure all about ground/house property or potential inheritance is on good hands with your spouse...)

[steven100]

Wow !  lucky you ...... I've been trying for years to get that result .....  it must be heaven  !

[Despondent Foreigner]

3 minutes ago, steven100 said:

Wow !  lucky you ...... I've been trying for years to get that result .....  it must be heaven  !

Its not an ideal situation by any means, but under the circumstances it is the only viable option to save my marriage at the present time.

[user343434]

Lucky me,

 

as my wife and I met she went into battle as the family demanded money coz of the new golden Buffalo.

 

She countered them out with the words that she always needed to help herself selling Pa Tong Go in the early morning and kneading the dough in the afternoon day by day.

 

that worked wonder and I was off the screen.

Now we have a good relationship and none ever asked for money again. 

On my visits to Isaan I give a little like 1000 baht for dad, 500 for auntie and 100 each kid just for some food but never more.. 

I am off cause not being rude and try to keep manners and when I have to stretch my long legs I apologize in beforehand telling the legs hurt I have to change my sitting position..

Its seems not to be offending that way but the opposite: No plomplom comes then from everyone, cushions getting offered and all try making it comfortable as much for me.. 

 

Sorry but my wife can't get kids so that problem will not occur but I know the Parents have the saying by many families and want the grand kids at home. 

[CharlieH]

Showing the sole of your foot to someone is indeed considered an insult, (usually to older generation)

[55Jay]

5 minutes ago, brewsterbudgen said:

Because this is the Families and Children forum. Why are you reading and commenting?

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

Some folks land here from the suggested articles to read along the right margin of the page, rather than clicking directly on a specific topic subforum on the Forum Home page.  I've been caught out a few times, then scroll to the very top of the page to see I've landed in a sub-forum I wouldn't normally be in.   The thread titles usually give it away, but not always. 

[scorecard]

9 minutes ago, Rv Hawee said:

You are the father of your son so don't care about what the gran-parents want to do. Be happy they  don't want contact you anymore !

if your wife is single child, it might be harder on her, but it's maybe time to get some friends from outside the family circle. If they p*ss you off, then the hell with them (make sure all about ground/house property or potential inheritance is on good hands with your spouse...)

 A twist, my Thai son had similar problems when all of his 3 children were born, his MIL, and his wife's elder sister and his wife's older (middle aged) loud overbearing full on lady boy brother demanded that they take the babies home with them, all happened at my son's house with his wife present. 

 

He sat them down and told them politely but very clearly that what they were asking for was totally out of the question forever, and if you have any ideas to ask again don't come here, ever.

As soon as he made his statement his wife told them all that she confirmed his message. She also made it clear she did not accept their comments that it was dangerous for the kids to be living in a house with a farang.  

 

None of them came but son's wife did get a couple of phone calls asking again to take the children. She wasn't having any of it and she responded, 'you keep talking about this and I hang up', and she did.

 

Two years on they all came back, very polite and never mentioned it again. But they are Totally forbidden to ever take any of the 3 kids away from the house without either their mother or father and my son reminds them every time they come to the house.

 

 

 

[tlandtday]

Why anyone put up with this bs is beyond me.  The family likely wanted the kid as they can then show him off and ask for monthly stipends to "support" him.  Another reason to be very careful with getting involved with many Thais.  Best bet is to find an independent progressive gal maybe in a city like Bangkok or Chiang Mai.

[varun]

Quote

 

my wife does not want a divorce

Forget about what your wife wants. She doesn't want to lose a cash cow.

If you want a divorce, be prepared to walk and walk. 

 

Quote

She has now suggested to her family that they have zero contact with me in future. They have duly accepted. 

You're a very lucky man!

You can also duly accept not to give them a single satang, moving forward.

 

 

 

[Despondent Foreigner]

11 minutes ago, CharlieH said:

Showing the sole of your foot to someone is indeed considered an insult, (usually to older generation)

I didnt show her the sole of my foot. I was in the front seat and she was sat behind me.

[mike787]

A word of caution: make sure your alliance/relationship with you wife is not undermined by the family.  If you two become divided on issues enough to cause her to revaluate her marriage, this will impact your, (ie divorce) Marriage Visa.  Your marriage = marriage visa.  No marriage = NO visa = Plan B....whatever that is for you.  Congrats you two are a united front - for now.

[CharlieH]

4 minutes ago, Despondent Foreigner said:

I didnt show her the sole of my foot. I was in the front seat and she was sat behind me.

No one said you did, I said "someone". You need to check your own story.......

"her cousins took great offence at me resting my foot on my knee in the car as I have long legs and needed to stretch. She said thai people doesnt like this kind of thing and i should show some respect. "

 

 

[colinneil]

OP the fact you put your foot up is enough to cause offence, it not accepted here.

My wife had a farang girl in her pickup, she did exactly as you did, my wife said nothing to her, but when she came home i got an ear bashing, and instructed to tell the girl never to do it again.

[Lacessit]

My GF's family accept me. They also accept I am uncomfortable in family gatherings because while my Thai is reasonable, it's not fluent so I find it difficult to follow a conversation. 5 minutes is enough. They are probably a bit uncomfortable too, as I am a lot taller than any of them.

None of them have ever asked me for money. I give small amounts for things such as birthdays.

The only deal breaker I have with my GF is if she goes into debt for any reason. She is quite clear on what will happen if she does.

Many Thais are like children - they need boundaries drawn for them. The OP should discuss his own boundaries with his wife.

[mercman24]

look on the bright side, you have got rid of a lot of baggage, no inlaws or long lost relatives to come beging at your door for a *loan* of which will never get repaid, as in the future the *loan* will mature into a *gift*.  as someone posted, you have won the lottery , enjoy a happy life without these controlling bar stewards, its their loss not yours.

[55Jay]

OP, you felt the tension and knew your favorable standing in the family, was deteriorating.  

 

In another context, think of that gobshite at the pub, everybody thinks the same thing about him.  Finally one night, he rips off a passive/aggressive insult and you unload on him both barrels - and the whole group nods and agrees with what you've done.  The guy had it coming.   And you give him zero tolerance from that day forward, the slightest offense or cross word, you put the guy in his place, or ignore him completely, shunning him from the group.

 

The foot fetish they have here is typically forgone among close family members in a private setting, around the house, etc.   You weren't in that "zone" anymore and got pulled up.   Suspect the family group would agree, although some may still have hope for you.

[Tilacme]

So have my inlaws, long may it continue, wasters.

[thaibeachlovers]

1 hour ago, Despondent Foreigner said:

As we were driving back home the other day one of her cousins took great offence at me resting my foot on my knee in the car as I have long legs and needed to stretch. She said thai people doesnt like this kind of thing and i should show some respect. I basically told her to get stuffed.

You were in the wrong about this and I'm not surprised they took offence. If you want to live in Thailand it would behove you to learn about the culture.

Best if you just accept not having any contact with them. I'd have loved it if my Thai in laws had stayed far, far away from me.

Just don't expect any assistance from them if you should ever need it.

[Odysseus123]

As long as  I kept the Johnny Walker (or Hong Thong) coming with a dozen or two of Chang/Singha or Leo thrown in for good measure none of my rellies gave a flying squirrel about playing "simple Simon"

 

Apart from the fact that I opine that booze makes up for most language difficulties the only other moral to the tale might be.."never put your enemies in the back seat of the car"

 

 

[Despondent Foreigner]

43 minutes ago, mercman24 said:

look on the bright side, you have got rid of a lot of baggage, no inlaws or long lost relatives to come beging at your door for a *loan* of which will never get repaid, as in the future the *loan* will mature into a *gift*.  as someone posted, you have won the lottery , enjoy a happy life without these controlling bar stewards, its their loss not yours.

Same as I see it. Most of them, especially the oldrr generation are farmers and some have nevrr even been to school. If one of them showed up at my door and asked me for money i would laugh an close it quick as a flash.

 

The father in law is power mad and commands respect at all times but he hasnt done anything to earn mine so he hasnt got chance.

[thaibeachlovers]

1 hour ago, Despondent Foreigner said:

I dont know. I didnt ask. After her cousins outburst in the car everyone was quiet until we arrived home. Most awkward journey of my life,

After one unpleasant trip with the SIL my wife told me she ( SIL ) didn't want to travel with me any more. My response was that I didn't want her travelling with me either.

Came to it in the end I didn't want my wife travelling with me anymore too, and then we got divorced. At least I never have to put up with those thieving <deleted> ever again.

[DaRoadrunner]

You got banished.... lucky you!

 

Thais are weird, maybe it's because, unlike most countries in SE Asia, they were never colonized and so don't relate well to foreigners? I think you've done the right thing. At least they won't be coming around sponging off you, once you give in to this it never ends.

 

I made it clear to my Thai girl (Lady Roadrunner) at the start, I am taking her on board, not the whole tribe.

 

As for the foot fetish, showing the sole of the foot is considered most disrespectful. Yet Thais often put their feet on furniture? I notice Lady Roadrunner often sits in my car with her legs crossed on top of the seat, soles of both feet on display.

 

Now if we could just get them to eat with their mouths closed and not stick their finger up their nose...... Ah, that's different, they just don't see how they offend us Farangs.

[NanLaew]

33 minutes ago, CharlieH said:

Showing the sole of your foot to someone is indeed considered an insult, (usually to older generation)

Correct. It is also something that a disgruntled, younger generation Thai will use as a flimsy excuse to make the OP look bad or make everything the OP's fault.

 

Of course the culturally aware OP should have realized the offense caused, placed his foot back on the floor, made a wai and apologized.

 

...then patted the complainant on the head with a "mai bpen rai nah?"