My wifes family have banished me for good.

[LawrenceN]

On 4/18/2019 at 1:23 PM, Despondent Foreigner said:

I dont know. I didnt ask. After her cousins outburst in the car everyone was quiet until we arrived home. Most awkward journey of my life,

You owe this cousin an apology. Propping up your feet is rude in Thailand. Showing the soles of your feet is an insult. Even doing it unintentionally requires an apology.

 

You sound inflexible. Try adapting a little.

 

BTW, I think you're right to keep your son and raise him as you see fit.

[natway09]

You should have never have been living with them anyway.

Yes, it is considered very bad manners to point the sols of your feet  at people.

Insulting them in return for being told what is right is wrong.

Go & live in your own house 

[scorecard]

On 4/18/2019 at 1:47 PM, tlandtday said:

Why anyone put up with this bs is beyond me.  The family likely wanted the kid as they can then show him off and ask for monthly stipends to "support" him.  Another reason to be very careful with getting involved with many Thais.  Best bet is to find an independent progressive gal maybe in a city like Bangkok or Chiang Mai.

In the case of my son's full on lady boy brother in law, the ladyboy stated his desire; he wanted to have a little girl he could play dress up with and take to malls etc., to show her off. My son and his wife were totally horrified, hence when any of the rellies come (not often) all 3 kids are watched / monitored like a hawk, every second of the day.  

 

Not the main point, but the OTT loud lady boy lives in Bkk in a small very old apartment, 1 room, with piles of clothes and boxes of junk everywhere, plus a small old dirty bathroom. In total 4 middle aged loud lady boys permanently occupy the one room and 1 is a severe alcoholic with serious depression problems.  

[scorecard]

7 minutes ago, natway09 said:

You should have never have been living with them anyway.

Yes, it is considered very bad manners to point the sols of your feet  at people.

Insulting them in return for being told what is right is wrong.

Go & live in your own house 

 Plus if the man putting his legs up is wearing shorts sometimes legs more up means people can see up the leg of the shorts and see more naked flesh. A total no no. 

 

Showing the soles of your feet etc., as well as being no no and impolite is consider to be low class behavior.

[marcusarelus]

12 minutes ago, scorecard said:

In the case of my son's full on lady boy brother in law, the ladyboy stated his desire; he wanted to have a little girl he could play dress up with and take to malls etc., to show her off. My son and his wife were totally horrified, hence when any of the rellies come (not often) all 3 kids are watched / monitored like a hawk, every second of the day.  

 

Not the main point, but the OTT loud lady boy lives in Bkk in a small very old apartment, 1 room, with piles of clothes and boxes of junk everywhere, plus a small old dirty bathroom. In total 4 middle aged loud lady boys permanently occupy the one room and 1 is a severe alcoholic with serious depression problems.  

It just cries,  make a movie - make a movie.  Call De Niro immediately. 

[Despondent Foreigner]

1 hour ago, LawrenceN said:

You owe this cousin an apology.

No, I don’t. 

 

And the chances of her getting one are slim to none since I will never see her again.

[Knocker33]

What's their problem?  You're not bringing your son up the Thai way. To be a spoilt little brat that is treated like a little pussy that's  never told off and grows into spoilt tw@t that thinks they can get away with any thing 

[grollies]

I understand the cultural thing about feet. Showing the soles of your feet in a family situation is BS. Using your feet to point at things however is a big no-no, family or whoever. 

 

Doing this however, doesn't matter if its in Thailand or the UK, USA, wherever. I'd have got my cigarette lighter out. Edit: scrub that, I'd have just punched her lights out.

 

 

Edited April 19, 2019 by grollies

[toenail]

Its very simple. If they take care of your son then they have a reason to ask you for money, It would be alot of money for them

This is a very wise comment. When there are two parents raising their son, why should the grandparents or extended family have the son??? Totally stupid. True ( unfortunately) very common for grandparents or the extended family to take care of a child while the one daughter or son without partner is working in the big city and the big city is not the best environment for a single parent to raise a child in this type of environment. BTW-I wish the Buddhist monks would address ( speak about) the issues of being a responsible parent and moral issues . It seems to be all about collecting baht for good merit in order to build a new building.


Sent from my iPhone using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[DJ54]

For children to stay a couple of days or weeks with grandparents during break is reasonable. We live in a village and the problem I see is lack of discipline. 

 

Ive seen it first hand with the wife’s nephew. painting our moto

that looks new, breaking the window bending frame to get into grandma room (she lives with us).... everything they laughed. 

 

The window I sent messages to both pair parents 1=2 boys 1= I girl one boy. Told them I don’t care who it was but they need to find out and pay to have it fixed. It was fixed and I got some dagger eyes.

 

It’s a lack of discipline 

[Skallywag]

11 hours ago, ncc1701d said:

14 hours ago, Aussieroaming said:

Pull your family out of their sphere of dominance and take control and dont let yourself be put into a position where you are passive e.g. sitting in a vehicle as a passenger or being dragged to the in laws house.

 

Alpha male leads the pack, so bark back and be prepared to stand up for yourself. Tell them they can visit your child in your home and if they dont treat you with respect then you will kick them out on their ass. That way you are 100% in control and remind your wife that you, her and your child are a family.

This 100%. I would never put myself in a situation where I wasn’t in control of my surroundings or be able to remove myself from a situation I don’t like - especially surrounded by people that I support. I would have told whoever was driving to pull over and have it out in the car right there and then. If they didn’t like it, they can get out and walk. 

Unfortunately this could backfire... You could be the one who ends up walking .  Thai people got along fine before we "foreigners" arrived , got visas, married their thai women,  built them a home, etc... 

Many will still live happily if we "visitors to the Kingdom" leave and never return. 

Married with children does not give you total control when you are a visitor in a foreign land, even with the "support" you may bring. 

That said, no you do not want to put up with negative, controlling in laws or anyone else

Edited April 19, 2019 by Skallywag

[CanadaSam]

I must say, you seem to have the diplomatic skills of a slug.

 

You have chosen to live in a different country and they have their own set of rules and norms, which you choose to ignore and ridicule.

 

A normal human being would immediately take all offended parties aside, and somehow, try to resolve the conflicts.

 

You seem to have no interest in doing so. 

 

I am wondering when the wife will decide to do away with you, and I would hope she would not do it in an illegal way, which is way too easy here in Thailand.

 

Good luck to you.

[myshem]

I wonder if anybody ever had an interesting Thai family ? As even the millionaires that I know are some of the most stupid people that I have ever met...

 

 

 

[helloagain]

On 4/18/2019 at 1:12 PM, richard_smith237 said:

Are they upset because you wouldn't go in to the Waterfall ?

What? What planet you on

[Aussieroaming]

10 hours ago, Skallywag said:

Unfortunately this could backfire... You could be the one who ends up walking .  Thai people got along fine before we "foreigners" arrived , got visas, married their thai women,  built them a home, etc... 

Many will still live happily if we "visitors to the Kingdom" leave and never return. 

Married with children does not give you total control when you are a visitor in a foreign land, even with the "support" you may bring. 

That said, no you do not want to put up with negative, controlling in laws or anyone else

I would rather walk than be treated like s##t

[mike787]

On 4/18/2019 at 4:02 PM, Odysseus123 said:

Very true....

 

It is most selective.

 

In this case someone (S-I-L) was firing a warning shot across the poster's bows.

 

I must go now because my wife has the TV on full volume,shouting into her mobile phone AND has her feet stuck up on the arm of the sofa.

 

Boy,is she going to get a lecture on Thai culture from me..

I do what I want.  If they are not happy, call my lawyer!  Why the double standard??  I have seen many thais with their feet to the sky.  No problems when they do it!  

[inThailand]

Double standard? Is there dual pricing as well? 

[JHolmesJr]

On 4/18/2019 at 2:08 PM, Despondent Foreigner said:

Though i am very happy that I never have to see or deal with them ever again.

Manna from heaven this Easter.

[5633572526]

On 4/18/2019 at 1:41 PM, CharlieH said:

Showing the sole of your foot to someone is indeed considered an insult, (usually to older generation)

I have found that the younger generations have readily adapted to the middle finger as used by the western world ????

[likerdup1]

As I said in an earlier post any man that embarks on a marriage with a Thai woman should first take time to familiarize themselves with both Thai etiquette and the language. The Thai culture is quite different it's forms of etiquette and should be seriously taken into account when in and around Thai people inexperienced with interaction with foreigners else one might get oneself "banished" or insult an important Thai person without even knowing it.

 

check pages 6,7,8 of this essay... there are loads of others on the Internet ready for downloading to educate oneself to the culture.

https://people.westminstercollege.edu/students/sb0930/portfolio/Thailand_Cultural_Paper_Final.pdf

 

 

People with a Thai background consider the foot as the lowliest body part. Because of this, the people of Thailand are expected to never point toes, heels or any part of foot at any person.It is also considered very rude to show the sole of your foot,use the foot to move anything, and especially put your feet up on a table or any furniture. Great care is also taken to avoid stepping over anyone sitting on the floor;instead one is expected to go around the person sitting on the floor. This cultural difference could cause discomfort to a student from Thailand during “carpet” activities that are very common in American elementary classrooms.

 

In Pattaya most all Thais that have lived there are used to the "rudeness" of the many Farangs they interact with everyday. Pattaya Thais have actually lost some of their Thai "charm" and politeness due to the snobbery of some of the Foreign people visiting (Russians and Chinese in particular can be quite bad) They are used to Farangs doing things considered very rude at times, for instance public expression of affection such as even kissing or holding hands is considered rude... Rarely in Bangkok will one see a Thai couple even hold hands in public.. it is considered bad form and rude to others.

 

 

 

Edited April 21, 2019 by likerdup1

[tingtongtourist]

I had a very old shirt with the union jack on it ready for the bin. 

But Gf thought its a good idea to use as a mat for everyone to wipe feet when go into house.

 

next day her relatives are sleeping all over the living room floor so much that i had to step over one them to get to the kitchen.

thought i had started ww3.

5555

[jak2002003]

On ‎4‎/‎19‎/‎2019 at 5:53 PM, Knocker33 said:

What's their problem?  You're not bringing your son up the Thai way. To be a spoilt little brat that is treated like a little pussy that's  never told off and grows into spoilt tw@t that thinks they can get away with any thing 

What are you talking about?  I know most of the half Thai / Farang kids are how you are describing, but not many Thai kids.  When I go out the Thai kids are the most well behaved and included in the family group.  The half / half ones are running about shouting, fighting, climbing on the tables, and have cocky attitudes and no respect for their parents or other adults.

 

 

[balo]

On 4/18/2019 at 1:08 PM, Despondent Foreigner said:

she has now suggested to her family that they have zero contact with me in future. They have duly accepted. 

You should consider this your lucky day!  Maybe you never "donated money" as so many other farangs seem to do.  Good for you, enjoy a peaceful life.   

[CharlieH]

A reported objectionable  remark has been removed.

[mike787]

On 4/21/2019 at 9:37 AM, likerdup1 said:

As I said in an earlier post any man that embarks on a marriage with a Thai woman should first take time to familiarize themselves with both Thai etiquette and the language. The Thai culture is quite different it's forms of etiquette and should be seriously taken into account when in and around Thai people inexperienced with interaction with foreigners else one might get oneself "banished" or insult an important Thai person without even knowing it.

 

check pages 6,7,8 of this essay... there are loads of others on the Internet ready for downloading to educate oneself to the culture.

https://people.westminstercollege.edu/students/sb0930/portfolio/Thailand_Cultural_Paper_Final.pdf

 

 

People with a Thai background consider the foot as the lowliest body part. Because of this, the people of Thailand are expected to never point toes, heels or any part of foot at any person.It is also considered very rude to show the sole of your foot,use the foot to move anything, and especially put your feet up on a table or any furniture. Great care is also taken to avoid stepping over anyone sitting on the floor;instead one is expected to go around the person sitting on the floor. This cultural difference could cause discomfort to a student from Thailand during “carpet” activities that are very common in American elementary classrooms.

 

In Pattaya most all Thais that have lived there are used to the "rudeness" of the many Farangs they interact with everyday. Pattaya Thais have actually lost some of their Thai "charm" and politeness due to the snobbery of some of the Foreign people visiting (Russians and Chinese in particular can be quite bad) They are used to Farangs doing things considered very rude at times, for instance public expression of affection such as even kissing or holding hands is considered rude... Rarely in Bangkok will one see a Thai couple even hold hands in public.. it is considered bad form and rude to others.

 

 

 

Thank you for the information on etiquette. 

They live how they want...I live how I want, they don't like it, oh well, life goes on...

Edited April 22, 2019 by mike787

[davidst01]

On 4/18/2019 at 8:31 PM, likerdup1 said:

Ultimately one has only oneself to blame for not studying, in detail, Thai culture before embarking on a commitment with a Thai such as marriage. It's an old story that get's played out each and everyday in Thailand An endless parade of Farang men expecting a Thai woman and family to behave like rational westerners might behave in regards to a marriage and everything connected to it in making a family.

 

Basically, and I hate to be blunt but to any Farang man who marries a Thai woman and doesn't study Thai culture and doesn't learn even some of the language first - then runs into "trouble".      It's your own fault.

 

Pipe dreams and fantasies imagined on the Pattaya beer bar stool become nightmares and disappointment. I have lived in Thailand for 4 years and have studied the culture and learned the language. My best relationship which ended for reasons other than cultural was with a Filipina I met in Bangkok.

 

Marry a Thai woman? she would have to be exceptional and I would investigate everything about her and her family first... having a kid too? Another major investigation and round of good planning ... immigration, rules about Farang/Thai kids in education... Unbelievable how many punters rush right into marriage and children... then run into so called "trouble" of their own making a few miles down the road. I still haven't met any Thai woman I would consider marrying. There was one recently, then after 4 dates the real truth surfaced... no way.

re your last sentence..... is it bc you're only looking in the bars?

[rumak]

On 4/19/2019 at 1:13 PM, scorecard said:

Many Thais are like children - they need boundaries drawn for them. The OP should discuss his own boundaries with his wife.

I have always followed Cesar Milan's theory ( with everyone).  There needs to be Rules, Boundaries, and Limitations.    I am baffled by some peoples idea of those 3 things..... but to each his own.

[marcusarelus]

8 minutes ago, rumak said:

I have always followed Cesar Milan's theory ( with everyone).  There needs to be Rules, Boundaries, and Limitations.    I am baffled by some peoples idea of those 3 things..... but to each his own.

Didn't Cesar get taken to the cleaners with his last divorce? 

[rumak]

2 hours ago, marcusarelus said:

Didn't Cesar get taken to the cleaners with his last divorce? 

haha   unfortunately for him he got married before he realized the "rules" were against him .  Same thing

has happened to so many .  One rule  often suggested to farangs is don't invest more than you are willing

to lose here in Thailand.   

[marcusarelus]

5 minutes ago, rumak said:

haha   unfortunately for him he got married before he realized the "rules" were against him .  Same thing

has happened to so many .  One rule  often suggested to farangs is don't invest more than you are willing

to lose here in Thailand.   

Probably should different rules for dogs than wives.  At least that's been my experience.  Cesar didn't and it got him divorced - did you see how the women cringed whenever he hugged them?  Almost as bad as Biden.