Need advice on marital situation

[GarryP]

2 hours ago, Just Weird said:

So if my wife takes on a loan in her sole name with no countersigning or guaranteeing or any other input from me or knowledge about it, you're claiming that her debt automatically becomes mine also?  That's novel.

Yes.

[FarFlungFalang]

I would recommend giving her the up to you response.She sounds like she is having trouble with her debts.If you feel uncomfortable with paying out for the loan repayments I would go with your gut feelings and just politely but firmly so no.I went through similar with my wife,but without the kids and the threat of divorce.You can't stop her if she goes through with the divorce,but if you remain calm and just say no and see what she does,I'm pretty sure you will not be liable for the loans unless you have signed legal papers to that effect,which it sounds like you haven't.If she does go the divorce option she will be left with all the bills and the kids and only her parents to support her.She will then be beholden to them.Try and sit it out for the sake of the kids and call her bluff.It's pretty tough living here in Isaan (I'm just over here in Yasothon),but I've grown to like it here.My wife's debts are her problem and although things got a little rough for a while she has resigned herself to that fact.She also demanded money but it is no longer affordable.She always said she wanted a lot money but she was wrong,what she really wanted was a lot more.I would also get out and have look around and see if she lets you go alone,if she doesn't let you go alone she is worried that some other woman will get a hold of you,and then I would say that the threat of divorce is one she is not prepared to go through with.I would go a day or two without talking to my wife as I would rather do that than try to argue with her or get angry(very hard to not get angry).I just started to treat it like a game and she would always crack first.I will always be here for her as I promised 20 years ago until she tells me to leave unfortunately she never has,bugger.What do you do when your wife turns forty?Change her for two twenties!Like Chad Morgan said they're funny darn cattle them women.So hang in there OzFlyer and best of luck.Remember she is testing you so you can test her as well.If she follows you then you'll know.Ciou. 

[expatfromwyoming]

What is the freakin deal here? Am I just another ATM despite the fact I helped fund her existence in Thailand? 

 

You answered your own question- cut your losses and bolt

[e&j]

Out of interest, where did your wife get her education? Most of those wealthy Issan Thais you're talking about don't put their kids into the local schools. Private schools in Bangkok, then university. 

I tend to agree.
There is bound to be reasonably priced private schools there somewhere.
Your kids are very young at the moment... so you got a bit of time on your side to sort out.
Thinking of taking your kids elsewhere in Thailand for the sake of there education at this point is fruitless... you gotta sort out your situation and your sanity as your going to be useless to them otherwise.
She’s done something dishonestly behind your back... so basically your marriage is over as trust is a big foundation...iam sorry to say. So again forget about trying to get them away and setting her up somewhere down south.
Your have to learn to get along with her and with out living with her from now on to get access to the kids.
She has got what she wanted... half thai/farlang kids and money out of you.
And obviously it won’t end there ... she will want you to pay for the kids education etc etc and still try and get it over you.
I would honestly start by getting some advice from a lawyer in Australia.... and decide the rest from there.
Good luck and sorry to hear about your situation


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[OzFlyer]

1 hour ago, KhaoNiaw said:

Out of interest, where did your wife get her education? Most of those wealthy Issan Thais you're talking about don't put their kids into the local schools. Private schools in Bangkok, then university. 

Khon Kaen University. Her parents own a few factories and commercial property collecting nice rent every month and don't rate university degrees. It seems to have rubbed off on the daughter. Their belief is that they made millions of baht with street smarts and education is overrated. I have come to realise their friendship circles are of the same view. Kids go to USA, Canada, UK for education to show off. Kids come back to Issan leeching off their parents.

[OzFlyer]

36 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

The OP's wife is a gambler. A BIG one as well. He should get shot of her as quickly and as peaceably as he can, regardless of the cost. She's threatening the OP with divorce so he should either agree or sue for divorce himself.

Haha, nah mate. She's rarely goes out and if she goes out it's with me on holidays in Thailand or in Asia. She is very strategic, I give her that.

 

I have slowly tightened the wallet over the last few months and I think that is what forced her hand.

[OzFlyer]

35 minutes ago, watcharacters said:

 

Just curious.

 

If you've been a lurker for a while and chose not to participate how is it you didn't learn from the countless threads addressing this very  type  of matter?

I've only been a lurker whilst living in Thailand. I was married to her in Australia prior to coming here and hadn't heard of this forum.

 

I appreciate all your comments thus far. 

[FarFlungFalang]

4 minutes ago, OzFlyer said:

I have slowly tightened the wallet over the last few months and I think that is what forced her hand.

Sounds like it's time to call and see what cards she is playing with.

[OzFlyer]

4 minutes ago, FarFlungFalang said:

Sounds like it's time to call and see what cards she is playing with.

One of the previous posters mentioned she is having problems with her debts. I suspect she is in a bit of a pickle with loans. I have no idea how many loans she is paying every month and to who. Some of her friends drive BMWs and Mercs and I have no doubt it's with shady finance as they don't even have proper jobs to pay off their loans. She can easily hide debt in the business and like I mentioned before, all business transactions and contracts are in Thai. I don't want to get a translator to find out what's going on as if I get sprung it will send off alarm bells. Her parents don't seem to be the kind to lend her millions of baht either. I think they would give her money within reason but not bail her out.

 

I have been playing the strategic game also, cutting down on spending, holidays. All I care about are the kids to be perfectly frank. I wouldn't want my kids growing up in Issan.

 

What good are half-thai/half-falang kids in a broken family? Crazy thinking if all she wants is my DNA. There are a million farangs she can have kids with.

 

 

 

 

[Bangkokhatter]

There are always two sides....
Seems to me the OP and his wife didn't really communicate much before they got married, did you ever discuss what her plans were ?
Most Thai girls much prefer to live close to Mum and Dad and if they can run their own successful business while doing so all the better. Chuck in the prospect of some Luk Kreung and she's cracked it.
It maybe she is having problems with the business ( not surprising in the current economic climate) but asking properly for support is beyond some Thais what with the whole face nonsense.
Look at it from her side for a second, well off parents, just married a foreigner ( they think we are all rich ) her business starts to fail. Can't tell family or friends due to loss of face....next option loan sharks...
The divorce comment is typical, same as a baby spitting his dummy out.
To sum I am trying to say you have 2 kids to think about, try some real communication first before you take drastic action, you have plenty of time on your side.
If it does come to divorce make sure you divorce here, courts will be much fairer.
I wish you well.

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[wreckingcountry]

Amazing the number of guys havechildren with someone from another country and culture they don’t understand!


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[Selatan]

OzFlyer, you said that you have helped her set up a business. What was the intention of setting that business in the first place? So that you wouldn't have to depend on your Australian income if her business becomes successful? Can the business be moved to BKK?

 

Sending your children to study in Bangkok or Chiang Mai still doesn't solve your need to go back to Australia to concentrate on your online business.

 

Strongly helping her to succeed in her business but in BKK or CNX may be some kind of solution to all your problems, I think.

[Outbackoz]

If you believe that marriage is over I would suggest at this point you contact a lawyer in oz that specialises in family law based on the premise the marriage took place in that jurisdiction. The dissolution would need to be done through the family court of Australia. A couple of further points of consideration regarding the "irretrievable  breakdown or marriage" requires 1 year and one day of separation prior to the application for divorce to go ahead prior to Decree  Nisi, and Decree Absolute. Also remember the Family law Act 1975 is based on the no fault principle and therefore the rights and wrongs of the relevant partners in the relationship does not come into play. With respect to child support this is not decided by the courts but by family services pursuant to the "Child  Support Assessment Act 1989" I have attached a link which gives an easy read to understanding the process. As a point of interest the process only requires one partner to initiate and would have to be done in Oz. If the children born from the relationship are Australian citizens It may well be worth discussing with a family law lawyer options for custody that may be enforceable internationally under the right circumstances.

Best bet.. Speak to a competent family law lawyer in Oz ASAP and take advice accordingly, bearing in mind your own interests and those of the children.

It may well be in your interests to explore the options with the lawyer as to what would happen if the other partner is unrepresented, fails to attend, or fails to respond to the service of papers.

 

https://aifs.gov.au/sites/default/files/publication-documents/family_law_and_marriage_breakdown_in_australia.pdf

[elliss]

7 hours ago, RJRS1301 said:

There are two children involved here, and they require consideration in this.

      Thai mother , consideration ? . 

Considering looking for, another farang for take care, soon. Nothing new in Los ..

  Good luck. That said i have been lucky , I have found a good Essan lady..555

       

 

[elliss]

25 minutes ago, Bangkokhatter said:

There are always two sides....
Seems to me the OP and his wife didn't really communicate much before they got married, did you ever discuss what her plans were ?
Most Thai girls much prefer to live close to Mum and Dad and if they can run their own successful business while doing so all the better. Chuck in the prospect of some Luk Kreung and she's cracked it.
It maybe she is having problems with the business ( not surprising in the current economic climate) but asking properly for support is beyond some Thais what with the whole face nonsense.
Look at it from her side for a second, well off parents, just married a foreigner ( they think we are all rich ) her business starts to fail. Can't tell family or friends due to loss of face....next option loan sharks...
The divorce comment is typical, same as a baby spitting his dummy out.
To sum I am trying to say you have 2 kids to think about, try some real communication first before you take drastic action, you have plenty of time on your side.
If it does come to divorce make sure you divorce here, courts will be much fairer.
I wish you well.

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Do any farlangs and their wives really communicate ?.

 There are so many variables that dont mix, background , politics religion, etc.

I am unlucky , my misses only goes back to the village , 5 days/week .

 Working on it , marital bliss , my kindle and myself .

 

 

[holy cow cm]

Thai, some Thai, like to spend and get credit etc without any regard.

 

If she loves you and you love her, then stick by her and the kids. Issan people are different kind of thinkers. As she has gotten you and her into a venture you don't agree on, you are still probably liable since married and need to deal with it. Issan girls can be difficult, but they can also be great fun and joking with a different style character of life. Thing here is you have 2 kids. That is the main thing.

 

[watcharacters]

38 minutes ago, Outbackoz said:

 The dissolution would need to be done through the family court of Australia

 

I can't imagine this  is correct.     Do you know of any link to corroborate it?

[happylarry]

They can get divorced in Thailand but the marriage needs to be registered at an amphur first.

The OP would need to take the original marriage certificate to the Australian Embassy for them to certify it as a true certificate. It then needs to be translated and stamped as a true copy at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. This then needs to be registered at an amphur and he can then divorce in Thailand so long as there are acceptable reasons of course.

HL

[mike787]

2 hours ago, elliss said:

 

Looks like she can empty a foreigner like an ATM machine spitting bills out and fast!  Be careful, these thais can suck you dry down to your soul, and not in good way.  Like sleeping with the enemy and fatal fiancial attraction all in one....rent them, DO NOT buy them.  Not worth the loss.  Remember: price is what you pay, value is what you get.  Most of the time with Thai women there is an inversely proportionate relationship in these 2 variables...

[emptypockets]

56 minutes ago, mike787 said:

Looks like she can empty a foreigner like an ATM machine spitting bills out and fast!  Be careful, these thais can suck you dry down to your soul, and not in good way.  Like sleeping with the enemy and fatal fiancial attraction all in one....rent them, DO NOT buy them.  Not worth the loss.  Remember: price is what you pay, value is what you get.  Most of the time with Thai women there is an inversely proportionate relationship in these 2 variables...

That is such a sad post. I wish you well in the rest of your life.

[emptypockets]

8 hours ago, Lacessit said:

hIncorrect. It's a 50:50 split of assets, although the presence of children means the ongoing support will go further her way in Oz, as mothers usually get custody.

Thai law differs in that the split is 50:50 of assets accumulated AFTER marriage. Again, kids are a complication in both Australian and Thai courts.

There are good Thai women, and bad Thai women. IMO the OP has copped a bad one, and needs very good legal representation.

 

The 50:50 split in Oz is the starting point. When I went through divorce (yes 50:50 split thankfully) my solicitor said he was heading over to Court for the final judgement of a 64 year old bloke and his 59 year old wife. She was going for 100% (erp 100% - the lot!) based on she had spent decades at home raising 5 kids, had no real future earning skills or potential and the hubby did. My mouthpiece was of the opinion that she a good chance of winning. Don't know, or care the final outcome, but nothing is as cut and dried as it seems. This was in North Queensland, not one of the big time city Courts

[Lacessit]

1 hour ago, emptypockets said:

The 50:50 split in Oz is the starting point. When I went through divorce (yes 50:50 split thankfully) my solicitor said he was heading over to Court for the final judgement of a 64 year old bloke and his 59 year old wife. She was going for 100% (erp 100% - the lot!) based on she had spent decades at home raising 5 kids, had no real future earning skills or potential and the hubby did. My mouthpiece was of the opinion that she a good chance of winning. Don't know, or care the final outcome, but nothing is as cut and dried as it seems. This was in North Queensland, not one of the big time city Courts

I don't think anyone has ever said the Australian Family Law system is about justice, apart from the lawyers who profit from it.

[aqua4]

7 hours ago, OzFlyer said:

I suspect she is in a bit of a pickle with loans. I have no idea how many loans she is paying every month and to who.

 

I think you lost control and fell for the liberal idea that we are all equal which we are not. You should have treated her like a daughter from day one and saved you all this mess. Thai women run amok very easily like untrimmed weeds when you dont draw a line in the sand early. Too many expats loose their crap in Thailand as they treat it like home - its not and will never be. 

[NanLaew]

8 hours ago, watcharacters said:

 

Just curious.

 

If you've been a lurker for a while and chose not to participate how is it you didn't learn from the countless threads addressing this very  type  of matter?

Because nobody believes it will happen in their relationship to the so they IGNORE these sort of threads. It is onnly after the fingers (and wallets) get burned do they start to read these 'Idiot Guide' missives

[NanLaew]

5 hours ago, mike787 said:

Looks like she can empty a foreigner like an ATM machine spitting bills out and fast!  Be careful, these thais can suck you dry down to your soul, and not in good way.  Like sleeping with the enemy and fatal fiancial attraction all in one....rent them, DO NOT buy them.  Not worth the loss.  Remember: price is what you pay, value is what you get.  Most of the time with Thai women there is an inversely proportionate relationship in these 2 variables...

So... so... so scarred.

[TEFLKrabi]

There are plenty of schools around Isaan that offer a good education, such as Assumption in Korat. Take some time to look around.

[bkkgriz]

Yes, you are nothing more than an ATM. But you already know this and are now here looking for verification of that fact. If you don't pay up, she will threaten divorce and look for a new sucker. When she finds him, you are out on your ass. Sorry, but you lose no matter what you do now. 

[justin case]

let me explain ...

 

1st child with your wife / gf =  make sure you pay for life ... no love needed

 

maybe 2nd child that she will love = golden child

 

1st = insurance for ATM to pay forever

 

you can see this in many thai "families"

 

I got an exception, my ex loves none, but herself

 

I can say ex now, my little lawyer, right, that might read my posts

[OzFlyer]

10 hours ago, elliss said:

 

Do any farlangs and their wives really communicate ?.

 There are so many variables that dont mix, background , politics religion, etc.

I am unlucky , my misses only goes back to the village , 5 days/week .

 Working on it , marital bliss , my kindle and myself .

 

 

Our communication has declined as a function of me cutting the spending down considerably over the few months,

 

She has made a unilateral decision to purchase this house at 3MB. I had no idea until too late in the piece.

[OzFlyer]

8 minutes ago, bkkgriz said:

Yes, you are nothing more than an ATM. But you already know this and are now here looking for verification of that fact. If you don't pay up, she will threaten divorce and look for a new sucker. When she finds him, you are out on your ass. Sorry, but you lose no matter what you do now. 

I helped fund her business because I believe the profits will be shared between both of us. Who gets married without give and take? She has looked after the 1st child in Australia whilst I was working. Also I was prepared to lose the 1MB startup capital but I'm not prepared to spend a dime more. I certainly won't be spending a dime in Thailand so the 1MB potential loss is OK. We don't have any joint assets.

 

There was a loose understanding which I told her to start paying me back the 1MB once her business makes money. Her business is making money as I have personally seen her transactions. I would estimate in the past 9 months she's made 3MB revenue easy. The problem is that what are her expenses that I don't know about? Thais can easily hide this from foreigners who don't speak the language. As soon as the money was rolling in then she has then undertaken a 3MB home loan without my consent. I think when these women are back in Thailand they run amok and the farang doesn't have a clue what's going on.