How do thai guys save enough for marriage?

[meand]

first, thais are still paying sin sod. whoever says they are not has no idea what is going on. 

 

you can't listen to people in a village for many reasons, the first of which is they are apt to get more via borrowing the more you give. so there goes their opinion, throw it right out the window. 

 

in all seriousness, i would tell them you ran into financial difficulties, cut the amounts you discussed by 75% or more, and see how things play out. you will know exactly where everyone stands at that point. 

[sunnyboy2018]

On 7/25/2019 at 8:40 PM, Mikisteel said:

I don't believe a word of this and if you ever been in a crappy Thai village you will realise they all talk sh%t. Comparing Litrually anything they can think of like 9 year olds. Crappy issan villages not really a good example of Thailand at all IMO.

 

 

Interesting. Some people think an Issan Village is real Thailand and sneer at me for promoting Pattaya and Bangkok as being more authentic Thailand.

[Farangwithaplan]

On 7/26/2019 at 2:40 AM, Mikisteel said:

I don't believe a word of this and if you ever been in a crappy Thai village you will realise they all talk sh%t. Comparing Litrually anything they can think of like 9 year olds. Crappy issan villages not really a good example of Thailand at all IMO.

 

 

I wanted ice cream when I was nine years old. Forget the gold. I want 250,000 baht worth of ice cream!

[sunnyboy2018]

How much is a baht of good in grams?

[ericthai]

On 7/25/2019 at 11:40 PM, Solidpoo said:

NO, I'm not and I'm not trolling. Is the story that ridiculous ? i mean marriages on average are expensive everywhere.  

 

I wasn't aware its on the high side, from what I've gathered (through the web) the average is about 100kbaht to 500k baht. and i still got told (250k) was on the low end.

 

Also had to take in account she's the only uni graduate in her family, so they've invested a lot in her and likely have their hopes on her. I'm pretty much taking that away (she'll follow me back after our marriage). 

I do visit her every month or every few months.

 

No way in hell I'll ever work there. Honestly could write a whole book on why.

 

Wouldn't live there either. Hot, polluted, loud, inconvenient. And i honestly believe theres something off with the water there. They've got a high gay population.

 

yeh, should've seen the trolls coming.

Still, there are some really good advice/sharing. Thanks all for that !

 

There's still no answers for qns 2, anyone?

You are already giving too much!  My wife went to university and we had a sin sod of 100K next day it was given back. It was just for show. Gold we did buy some for her mom and dad, I dont recall what size. 

 

Why are you giving her so much money each month? My wife worked I didn't give her anything. She did send money home each month but only 2000-3000B. In the village Elec is typically 200-300B as they only run fans, lights, TV and a fridge. Water most will have a well, if not 100B max. .  Not much money is needed in a village. 

 

I hate to say it but I think they're taking you for a ride.  You need to stand up, tell her your work is slow so you need to stop monthly payments. When she gives you are hard time, tell her ok you can help but only 3K a month, if she needs more she needs to get a job, she has a degree.  She can always get a job at 7/11 to help. If she dont want to help you need to reevaluate your situation. 

[SenorJorge]

On 7/26/2019 at 7:13 AM, marcusarelus said:

When you get married it's your wife's money.  Any country the girls are raised to think this and act like they've been shot if this does not take place.  I have girl children and I never told them but they all feel this way.  They get the paycheck and give the guys an allowance.  

 

You need to be the boss.

 

That is what these girls are used to anyway.

 

If the relationship has gone this way for a long time its going to be more difficult.  But you need to just stand up and say look, I AM THE MAN.  I MAKE THE MONEY.  YOU DONT WORK.  I MAKE ALL THE DECISIONS FROM NOW ON.  DEAL WITH IT OR LEAVE.

 

This is how real Thai men handle women like this.  If she has any real feelings for you she'll stick around.  If she wants to simply control a free paycheck,  she'll get a new farang.  That simple.

[shy coconut]

On 7/25/2019 at 8:48 PM, NCC1701A said:

his forum name is solidpoo. ????????

I've not had one of them in all my time in Thailand

 

In fact I'm often wondered how they end up floating around the ocean here!

[Damrongsak]

1 hour ago, shy coconut said:

I've not had one of them in all my time in Thailand

 

In fact I'm often wondered how they end up floating around the ocean here!

Loy loy kratong

Loy loy kratong

Loy kratong an yai

It won't float if piled too high

[craigieboy1973]

Omg brother walk run fly away your being taken for a ride and going get worst....i pay 10k a month and gave her 50k she started business and when marry only 20k for party no sin sod but if you love her and not care about being seen as an atm i wish you good luck .... 100k a month will never be enough 

[RocketDog]

The only element of this formulaic drama that's missing is the 'brother'.

 

OP:

Has she introduced you to her 'brother' yet. Does he have a new motorcycle or car? Lots of gold jewelry?

 

Methinks you're in the poo pretty solid at this point.

Edited July 29, 2019 by RocketDog
Addition

[luk AJ]

Sin sot can be presented publicly for reasons of face and then returned privately.  I am told that is what a good family does. Unless a girl is a virgin I am uncertain if sin sot is required.  i also heard its a relatively new idea linked to a Chinese dowry system. I also heard that in the old days in agricultural regions the son moved in with the family and thus provided labour.  I think sin sot is used to bilk naive farangs.

I am told by Thai people that returning the sinsot mainly happens when a farang is involved. In Thai to Thai weddings the money goes to the girl’s parents and the gold is kept by the bride.


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[seancbk]

On 7/28/2019 at 10:32 AM, justin case said:

what do you do to earn 100k baht ? tell us please, I want in ???? 

 

He doesn't live in Thailand.

[DUNROAMIN]

Sinsod is old news, not practiced much in the general population of Thais, mainly for the wealthy when a rich old geiser wants a 22 year old stunner, or in your case you got sucked into a scam by her or the family, all I can say is you better make sure she wants you for who you are and not your money. Eventually you"ll be bled dry and thrown out ready for the next farang.

[Captain 776]

On 7/28/2019 at 2:26 PM, soidog99 said:

If this is real you are a complete idiot and should not be coming to Thailand. Obviously you have not done any homework.  This is a very very old tradition and it wasn’t about showing money but having a marriage party where  everyone contributed food such as chicken, rice and pork and other types of food.  Because of people like you this stupid cycle just keeps going round and round. When will this end it’s happened so much it’s so boring. In the Western world the woman’s family is the one who supposed to pay for the wedding, wake the <deleted> up. 

Every time I read one of these stories........when I stop laughing, I tell myself.......SELF......you MUST write that book of Do’s n Dont’s for uninformed foreigners coming to Thailand for the first time.

 

the title:

 

Pin the Tail on the New BUFF-A-RO

[Captain 776]

On 7/26/2019 at 2:06 AM, amykat said:

They are taking advantage of your low self esteem ...you are trying too hard to please them and not aware of what you have to offer.  Thais always like to use peer pressure to make you feel bad, they also like to make you feel bad for motivation for some reason.   Rather than thanking you.

 

They are negotiating and will keep asking for more as long as you keep saying yes.  Your final yes in your mind, means to them, that they did not ask for enough, because they did not hear NO yet.

 

I would start to complain and lower the amount each time your gf speaks about it.  Or say you must lower your monthly payment to her now to save for it.  Why does Mom need more gold, you just gave gold?  If she needs gold buy it out of the 20K you give each month ....<deleted>?  You should probably just dump these people, you are on a bad path that will only get worse!!  But if you insist on keeping them, better learn how to negotiate hard and get some backbone or they will eat you alive as they have started.

 

And why are you sending so much money to her?  That is what old men send to hookers who are on their payroll???  And that is a big payment!!!  You don’t need to do that ...why don’t you find a girl your age who can earn money and share life with you, not suck you down the tubes????

But.....my girl is different.......lolol

[Captain 776]

On 7/26/2019 at 1:48 AM, Davo369 said:

Are you having a laugh.......

I agree........is this really true or some guy just wrote this for a wind up

[Captain 776]

23 hours ago, thaijoe said:

read this book!!!!! don't send her shi@ get out now..

Exactly.........good book......then multiply the content by 10 and consider it a true story.

Thats what you are headed for.

[Captain 776]

On 7/26/2019 at 9:18 AM, NCC1701A said:

i am not sure which troll post i like better, this or the "I am inhering a large sum, should I tell my Thai wife?" 

You and I think a lot alike.  Lolol

 

Some of the questions here are beyond my comprehension.........and I thought it was just me......lmao

[Captain 776]

I married this beautiful lady 10 yrs ago.......paid NOTHING.

When I met her she had been at same job 23 yrs.

I am now 67.....she is 60

Her Dad was Army here in Thailand 30 yrs, needs NOTHING from me.

When Mom n Dad put addition on their already nice house and made new western type kitchen, I wanted to buy them a real nice high end side by side refrigerator........they said thank you, but no need.

 

If you are REQUIRED to pay......RUN AWAY~!!

[gearbox]

On 7/28/2019 at 1:32 PM, justin case said:

what do you do to earn 100k baht ? tell us please, I want in ???? 

You can go and work for Agoda, I remember they were paying up to 120k usd per year for top notch IT people.  

[HeyHeyHey]

Are you F crazy?

 

You give them 240k THB a year

 

Now 120k for engagement and 400k for sinsod?

 

For a farmer in the middle of nowhere? They saw you coming lol

[ROGER DUNN]

Dump her cos after you Marry you Have to Support Her Family as Well,   There are plenty more honest fish in the Sea!!!

[Seth1a2a]

On 7/28/2019 at 10:53 AM, SenorJorge said:

If she has any real feelings for you she'll stick around.  If she wants to simply control a free paycheck,  she'll get a new farang.  That simple.

Just a joke but whenever I hear about a sick or dead buffalo I always think of it as  replacing some guy who tried his best but called it quits.

 

 

 

A point to consider is that there is a one in a million chance that you will ever

be accepted as a Thai would be in Thailand much less as a Thai in a Thai marriage. This means that for all intents and purposes , you are not only trying to be something you are not , you are also trying to become something you will never be. This is why it's a problem for you in the first place.  It's like a guy applying for a job as an engineer who has no education credentials or job experience but he tries to fudge his way through until he gets caught and fired.  I'm not saying it's hopeless. I'm saying you should deal with it on it's own merit. Is it really a relationship does she really love you , or is it just the business transaction your original post seems to describe. 

I've seen two school teachers who loved each other become millionaires over time while raising a family and living within their means so it's not impossible for you two to do something together as opposed to you being the  "buffalo"

who gets sick and dies working your @$$  off to support her family's wants and needs. 

Right , they have expectations for their daughter but your expectations for a wife are not outweighed in the negotiations.   

 

 

 

 

 

[digbeth]

I know there are services that rent out piles of cash and gold to show 'face' at wedding.

 

People are known to borrow their friends and go into debt for a big wedding.

 

Mostly lower class people though.

 

 

Do you know that you can recoup the cost of the wedding from the gifts in the invitation envelope the guest are expect to give back right? some even make a profit, negotiate that you and your newlywed wife gets to keep this, away from her family in lieu of all that sinsod shit

[Katipo]

Everything you write about this girl, her family, and friends and villagers tells me that you should get out now. This is not normal, you are being taken advantage of.

You said engagement isn't normal, yet you still gave money. Why? You're giving the family 20% of your income. Why? An amount of Sin Sod was agreed upon, yet family members are passive aggressively making you feel bad by comparing to others who may or may not have got more. This family don't see you as a son-in-law, they see you as a source of income. And that is all you will ever be. The precedent has been set, and will lead to ongoing problems throughout the duration of your marriage.

In summary, getting married to this woman will be a mistake that you will lead to frustration, anger, and unhappiness.

[Isaanbiker]

As you know getting engaged is not really a thing there, even her family wasnt sure about the procedure so they asked for 50k and 2 baht of gold.

 

How much do you know about her? She doesn't want any Thai baht, only some gold from time to time. What could go wrong? 

[andux]

Not sure if OP is a troll, because I see expats (farangs and men from Korea/Japan) get exploited by their Thai girflriends on a daily basis. 

 

OP: If you are not a troll, and you really love this girl, at least date her for a few more years before even talking about marriage. You are going too fast; it feels like they are rushing you into marriage. That in itself is a huge red flag, and then you have all the other red flags such as all the money you are paying, the fact that you'll have to pay for their house repairs, etc.

 

Imagine if this girl was Canadian, would you accept this BS? Exactly, there's your answer. I suggest you stop the allowance, refuse to pay for the house repairs, and see what happens. 99% chance she dumps your ass, which would be a great victory for your wallet and sanity.

 

If she doesn't dump your ass and is fine without your money, then you might have found a keeper there. 

 

On the other hand, if you don't mind being a sucker, keep paying up.

[CanadaSam]

Solid, IGNORE everything you read on this forum, and look it from what you need done.

 

You are already into this for a sum of money.

 

Your intentions are to get her out of Thailand and to your country at the earliest.

 

Therefore, SIMPLY negotiate the lowest balance amount to be paid (or loaned) at the wedding, and TAKE HER HOME, end of story!

 

Then, pray for a happy life with your new wife.

 

If it doesn't work out, it wasn't that much of a loss in proportion to your income, but there is NO reason why it shouldn't work out, with both of you back in your country!

 

If she asks you to send money home, tell her you don't have it, or are saving up for your kids, etc., and BE FIRM from now on.

 

That advice will stand you in great stead with ANY girl, and ANY part of the world....   BE FIRM, ALWAYS.

 

Best Of Luck!

 

 

[amykat]

On 7/29/2019 at 4:43 AM, Captain 776 said:

I married this beautiful lady 10 yrs ago.......paid NOTHING.

When I met her she had been at same job 23 yrs.

I am now 67.....she is 60

Her Dad was Army here in Thailand 30 yrs, needs NOTHING from me.

When Mom n Dad put addition on their already nice house and made new western type kitchen, I wanted to buy them a real nice high end side by side refrigerator........they said thank you, but no need.

 

If you are REQUIRED to pay......RUN AWAY~!!

She’s very pretty, nice story, good job!!!

[red59]

Wow! You really can’t see what’s happening? Seriously? I’d learn the word No in Thai and use it early and often!


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