Are you a happy person?

[Lacessit]

I don't know if I am happy - contented would probably be a better description. I've found stepping back from a potential or actual problem, and thinking about possible options, is better than reacting immediately.

I forget who said it, but the only person who can give you stress is yourself.

[rumak]

I hope Odysseus will forgive me for moving this photo from another thread.   He refers to them as the real women of Thailand.   As Ireland has found out,  the good ones are not found shopping at the flea mkt in Pattaya.   One of these ladies looks a bit like my lucky find  555

And i do not think anyone of  these ladies speaks English or German or ?    Kills me when some guys here say they don't want to learn Thai.   Of course I also think that these ladies are not the sexy tidbits that our 60 year old expats generally fall for.   Three of these ladies might have some nice features when one gets to look beneath the clothes   ????    And probably sweet and loving .... if the man is right.   

 

[Antonymous]

Yes I am a happy person and always have been. School reports when I was a young kid would describe me as a ‘happy go lucky’ person, only expending effort when it suited me.

 

Most people define happiness as some measure of contentment and fulfillment. For me the key to happiness is being able to do what we want in life. It is why I chose, to the astonishment of those around me at the time, to give up a successful career and lifestyle in the UK to pursue a wholly different career and lifestyle in Thailand, free of many family and social constraints and expectations that I found to be constricting.

 

To be happy you must find a purpose in your life. Contentment comes at a time that you understand what your purpose is and that you are pursuing it. Find out what drives you, what you value most that will make you happy. Then follow that path regardless of what another’s opinions of you are. This is what I did.

 

If you aren’t happy, it’s time to make some changes.

 

For example – there so many on these forums - if you live in Thailand now, but find that you are constantly disappointed and complain about everything Thai, you are clearly not in the right place and you are not fulfilling your purpose. If you are a teacher and complain about the Thai education system and your low pay, then it is time to find a different job or career.

 

In this phase of my life I am learning to live in the moment without aspiring to be or do anything else, except being free and healthy. And I work hard at my relationships, most particularly that with my dear wife, because, as so many longitudinal studies have shown, close relationships are good for health and well-being.

 

Here’s a closing thought for those of you bickering about your chosen life partner. Perhaps you should start afresh. Perhaps you should work harder at it. You decide:

 

“People who are more isolated than they want to be from others find that they are less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain functioning declines sooner and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely. The people in relationships where they feel they really can't count on the other one, those are the people who experience earlier memory decline. And those good relationships, they don't have to be smooth all the time. Some of our octogenarian couples could bicker with each other day in and day out, but as long as they felt that they could really count on the other when the going got tough, those arguments didn't take a toll ...”

 

(From The Harvard Study of Adult Development that for 75 years, tracked the lives of 724 men, from different socio-economic backgrounds).

Edited November 27, 2019 by Antonymous
Spacing

[Laza 45]

[Headgame]

As mentioned by others, I value contentment instead of happiness.

My friends (outside of TH) often ask me how I'm doing and my response is always that I am vey content.

By nature, I am highly adaptive and do not suffer from a lot of the negativity recycled over and over on TV.

While many of these complaints are correct, they don't bother me because I always go with the flow and adapt.
 

When I can no longer adapt I will just move on and bring my lady with me.

 

It doesn't take much to make me happy. I have a very low threshold. That helps.
I remain grateful every day for what I have.

Edited November 27, 2019 by Headgame

[hugocnx]

Big boys don't cry.

 

[khunPer]

I'm very happy, especially after I moved to LoS...????

 

And yes, of course there can be moments where some minor things can be irritating, but when thinking about that it's only minor, I'm happy again.

 

OP @thaibeachlovers' question about money and happiness, or as stated "lucky enough to be born into wealth", is quite relevant. We have all heard the saying in one or other variation, something like: "Money is not all, but it's a bit more pleasant to be unhappy in the back seat of a Rolls Royce."

 

Some people "lucky enough to be born into wealth" – and might be more than just "some" of them – might only realize how lucky they are, when the wealth has gone.

 

On the other hand, money and wealth can generate more problems than just having enough to survive in a decent lifestyle. Happiness is more the people around us, and what we do for others – from our hearth – than what we can buy for money. However, too little money often cause problems – and unhappiness – so money do have importance in happiness level.

 

I haven't tried to be "lucky enough to be born into wealth", but my family had enough, yet some compromises were always needed to have enough. My late mom was closer to "born into wealth", but with many brothers and sisters from my grandfather's two marriages, the wealth didn't follow into the next generation, but little extra did help us to always manage "enough"; we were a happy family.

 

As with most other – if not all – things in life: It's a question of finding the right balance.

 

And yes, parents, family, the way we grow up, and our schooling, are all important factors for generating the "right balance" for us, when we are children and young, getting us dressed to find our own "right balance" – which might be completely different from our background – when we grown up; and thereby happiness.

 

So-called "positive thinking" might also help.

Edited November 27, 2019 by khunPer

[Isaanbiker]

The question is a difficult one. I've met too many foreigners here who were anything else than happy.

 

  But once you've reached a certain age, you'll realize that life consists of good and bad times. 

 

Even in bad times, I try to think positive and that keeps me happy.

 But to be honest, when I look at the current Pinocchio, the always-changing laws and regulations where you need a lot of knowledge to understand it all, then you'll realize that it can hardly make you happy.

 

Live with it and think about what you want. 

 

  So I'm trying to live with whatever comes and see the positive sides of things in life.

 

Too many people do not see the trees in a big forest and their lives have become so boring that they can hardly be happy.

 

  I hop on my bike that helps me often to feel the way I wanna feel. 

 

Finally, the people who are surrounding you are the ones who are very important if you're happy, or not. 

 

  

[Kwasaki]

15 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Are you a happy person?

Bah Humbug.

[Lacessit]

3 hours ago, rumak said:

I hope Odysseus will forgive me for moving this photo from another thread.   He refers to them as the real women of Thailand.   As Ireland has found out,  the good ones are not found shopping at the flea mkt in Pattaya.   One of these ladies looks a bit like my lucky find  555

And i do not think anyone of  these ladies speaks English or German or ?    Kills me when some guys here say they don't want to learn Thai.   Of course I also think that these ladies are not the sexy tidbits that our 60 year old expats generally fall for.   Three of these ladies might have some nice features when one gets to look beneath the clothes   ????    And probably sweet and loving .... if the man is right.   

 

Like it. The smiles look genuine to me. A couple of honeys to boot.

[rhodie]

It doesn't matter how much or how little you have, you have to be content. If you are content living in a studio that you can afford, you will be happy. If you are content living in a penthouse overlooking the sea and you can afford it, you will be happy. If you are not content in the penthouse because you want better and can't afford it, you will never be happy. Sure, it would be nice to have more at times and that is natural.

 

Recently read a blog by James Ricketson. 72 and jailed in Cambodia as a spy. Spent a few years in jail before getting pardoned and back to Australia recently. Talks about how emotions affecting you the same whether locked up in Cambodia or living free in Australia. Will try to find the link.

 

https://www.abc.net.au/news/health/2019-07-31/james-ricketson-finding-happiness-contentment-cambodian-prison/11348922

 

You either accept what you are dealt in life and make the most of it, or you are always unhappy. Just look around you.

Edited November 27, 2019 by rhodie
Added link

[simon43]

...And probably sweet and loving ....

 

Definitely don't find the one top right attractive... ????

[rumak]

33 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

Like it. The smiles look genuine to me. A couple of honeys to boot.

I thought you might appreciate these gals.   I've dated a few forty year olds with really nice skin, decent figures....... and most important ,  genuine goodness.  

They are out there and just waiting for a genuine guy  .  

 

Edited November 27, 2019 by rumak

[rhodie]

9 minutes ago, simon43 said:

 

 

 

Definitely don't find the one top right attractive... ????

But, somebody will! ????

[Fex Bluse]

There are different ways to get to happy. 

 

Some countries do it by keeping almost everyone ignorant and satisfied with being unproductive members of our species similar to "maibenrai" philosophy. 

 

Other countries have more considered philosophies such as Swedish "lagom" philosophy or Japanese "ikigai" philosophy. 

[torturedsole]

53 minutes ago, Isaanbiker said:

But once you've reached a certain age, you'll realize that life consists of good and bad times.

I hear that my friend.  I still feel the overwhelming urge to punch idiots on occasion but not so often as when I was younger.  

[Fex Bluse]

4 hours ago, Antonymous said:

Yes I am a happy person and always have been. School reports when I was a young kid would describe me as a ‘happy go lucky’ person, only expending effort when it suited me.

 

Most people define happiness as some measure of contentment and fulfillment. For me the key to happiness is being able to do what we want in life. It is why I chose, to the astonishment of those around me at the time, to give up a successful career and lifestyle in the UK to pursue a wholly different career and lifestyle in Thailand, free of many family and social constraints and expectations that I found to be constricting.

 

To be happy you must find a purpose in your life. Contentment comes at a time that you understand what your purpose is and that you are pursuing it. Find out what drives you, what you value most that will make you happy. Then follow that path regardless of what another’s opinions of you are. This is what I did.

 

If you aren’t happy, it’s time to make some changes.

 

For example – there so many on these forums - if you live in Thailand now, but find that you are constantly disappointed and complain about everything Thai, you are clearly not in the right place and you are not fulfilling your purpose. If you are a teacher and complain about the Thai education system and your low pay, then it is time to find a different job or career.

 

In this phase of my life I am learning to live in the moment without aspiring to be or do anything else, except being free and healthy. And I work hard at my relationships, most particularly that with my dear wife, because, as so many longitudinal studies have shown, close relationships are good for health and well-being.

 

Here’s a closing thought for those of you bickering about your chosen life partner. Perhaps you should start afresh. Perhaps you should work harder at it. You decide:

 

“People who are more isolated than they want to be from others find that they are less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain functioning declines sooner and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely. The people in relationships where they feel they really can't count on the other one, those are the people who experience earlier memory decline. And those good relationships, they don't have to be smooth all the time. Some of our octogenarian couples could bicker with each other day in and day out, but as long as they felt that they could really count on the other when the going got tough, those arguments didn't take a toll ...”

 

(From The Harvard Study of Adult Development that for 75 years, tracked the lives of 724 men, from different socio-economic backgrounds).

Hello 

 

Enjoyed your post, but I need to politely disagree with one point. 

 

The idea that loneliness somehow kills us or aids in mental function decline is weak. 

 

There are also studies that suggest that smarter a person is relative to the average, the more isolated and lonely he will be...

 

 

In Thailand, it's almost impossible for a reasonably smart person not to feel lonely as he will encounter almost no other person like him from day to day.

 

On the contrary, if all a person cares about is flesh and appeals to the physical (and not mental) senses, Thailand is among the best places on earth. 

[torturedsole]

4 hours ago, Antonymous said:

And I work hard at my relationships, most particularly that with my dear wife ...

In 2009 I was flying high in my career but no relationship, no girlfriend, so decided to try a dating site.  I took umbridge at one stage in the communication with a new Thai lady which was probably lost in translation and very nearly hit the block button but desisted.  I'm glad I did because what happened next was the best thing that ever happened to me.  We were married within a year and never looked back. 

 

Seriously, there's some real gems out there.  

[spidermike007]

I consider happiness to be an inane and nearly impossible thing to measure. On the other hand fulfillment is not. Those of us that lead fulfilling lives enjoy the state of mind that is perhaps being referred to here. 

[CNXexpat]

I am happy: healthy, good wife, enough money, no enemies... - nothing to complain.

[The Theory]

On 11/27/2019 at 5:39 AM, Odysseus123 said:

"Folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.."

 

Abraham Lincoln.

Perhaps at the time Abraham Lincoln was not aware of “depression”. 

Edited November 28, 2019 by The Theory

[Nobody55]

15 hours ago, CNXexpat said:

I am happy: healthy, good wife, enough money, no enemies... - nothing to complain.

I agree

It is difficult to be happy if you are an elderly person who is not in good health without a family and with many problems.????

[swissie]

On 11/26/2019 at 11:36 PM, Credo said:

I think most of us come into life pre-set. It's more or less a biochemical thing.  Most of us are set at about a 5 out of 10.   Events may get us dialed up or down, but I think we go back to our original setting.   

 

I know a few people who have spent most of their life in a low, depression like funk, probably a 3 or 4.   I know others who are perpetually happy and upbeat, and probably at 7 or 8.   

 

If something great happens to the first bunch, they may get all the way up to a 5 or 6, but before long they are back to their normal.   I've known those upbeat people who have experienced serious disease and death of close ones, but they are back to a 7 or 8 in a matter of time. 

 

People who get down on the 0 - 2 scale are a real suicide risk.   

 

 

I tend to be slightly on the + side of 5.   When something bad happens, I am out of sorts until I get back to 'normal'.   

I have read a lot about this subject before it hit TVF. Amazingly, above post seems to summarize in a few sentences, what the "scientific-community" seem to have found out so far. (Overall, consensus-wise). Remarkable!
-------------------------
In contrast, by quoting Benjamin Franklin: "The fact, that there is something like Beer proves that there is a God and he wants us to be happy". Alternative science?

Clearly, a small number of Bar-Owners and their Patrons in Pattaya firmly believe in this concept.

[swissie]

On 11/27/2019 at 5:34 AM, thaibeachlovers said:

When I wake up in the morning and nothing hurts, I'm grateful; if I make it through the day without a letter from the government saying they are cutting my pension ( that happened ), or being evicted because they want to redevelop my accommodation ( which I'm expecting at some time ), I'm content; if I see a wondrous sunset, I thank "God" for letting me share in such marvels of nature.

 

However, I remember the times I was happy, when I had a wife that loved me and all was well with my world. I miss that feeling because it was <deleted> marvellous.

I think I'd be happier if I'd never known real love, but I have, and life without love is a shallow thing.

Just curious and certainly no offence intended. Are you referring to the woman that finally ruined you financially? (according to previous posts of yours).
In case it's the same woman: Would be interesting to know (step by step) how happyness has turned into a nightmare.
Of course, such a diary of "a pathway to disaster" may contain personal elements that you may have concluded that they do not belong in a public Forum. Fine!

- On the other hand: I would find a description of a Relationship gone wrong by a "mature Farang" far more insightful, than the "girl-stories" by newbees that emerge here regularity (yawn) on a weekly basis.
TBL: Like we say in Eastern Tumbuktu "up to you"!

[sunnyboy2018]

The pursuit of happiness is an illusion.

[daveAustin]

On 11/26/2019 at 11:46 PM, cyril sneer said:

Human life is a tragedy ????

Indeed, convinced it's either a punishment or test; no eternally-wise spirit would surely enter into such a messed up realm lightly (in this time, at least).

 

One doesn't necessarily have to be always happy, which is pretty much impossible with the selfish monster minds we are burdened with, unless you are always mushroom-chilled. Key is balance and more of the less misery, which can possibly be achieved by simply watching what that <deleted> of a mind is putting out. Money doesn't buy it, no, but it may get you the freedom and time to muse things you're into and that is what its all about. ATEOTD I think it's easier to be happier in Thailand/East where the west would seem to have you content with misery.

[Moo du]

OP, I think you would have had better results if your original question was
"define your happiness" as happiness is subjective.
I guess some will be happy through a certain emotion, while others will be happy through a specific state
of mind. Hard to have both, even harder to refrain from both.

 

And yes I am happy. whenever I manage to achieve some peace of mind.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 11/27/2019 at 7:28 PM, simon43 said:

Reading some posts in this thread, is it materialism and hunger for $$$ that brings us unhappiness?

Part of it. If I didn't have enough, I'd be extremely unhappy, but for sure wanting stuff doesn't make me happy when I get it as I just want more stuff.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 11/28/2019 at 3:31 AM, Fex Bluse said:

Hello 

 

Enjoyed your post, but I need to politely disagree with one point. 

 

The idea that loneliness somehow kills us or aids in mental function decline is weak. 

 

There are also studies that suggest that smarter a person is relative to the average, the more isolated and lonely he will be...

 

 

In Thailand, it's almost impossible for a reasonably smart person not to feel lonely as he will encounter almost no other person like him from day to day.

 

On the contrary, if all a person cares about is flesh and appeals to the physical (and not mental) senses, Thailand is among the best places on earth. 

Due to an inability to move the cursor about the page, I am unable to correct mistakes, or separate words. Please bear with me despite the errors. 

 

You are talking about loneliness in relation to whether you are compatible or not, but having other people about you.

I venture to say that you are not alone, as in no friends, no family, no one to say goodmorning to, no on eto share thoughts with, a complete lack of human company of someone that cares about you.

I experience d that when my marriage broke down, though hatred is a good antidote for loneliness. However, hating is not a good way to live, and I'm better off just being lonely. Being busy is a good way to avoid loneliness, watch tv or movies likewise. I keep really busy and watch a lot of movies. Blathering on TVF helps too. In a way, the TVF community have become my "family"

 

I think you will find that loneliness is a killer if you investigate more deeply. Happy people don't commit suicide, and lonely people are not happy.

 

I don't miss my marriage per se- the screaming the arguing, the hatred, but I do miss having a person in my life that I meant something to. 

[thaibeachlovers]

On 11/28/2019 at 3:01 AM, rumak said:

I thought you might appreciate these gals.   I've dated a few forty year olds with really nice skin, decent figures....... and most important ,  genuine goodness.  

They are out there and just waiting for a genuine guy  .  

 

Problem with 40 year olds is that they usually come with offspring, because the man never seems to keep them. I tried that once, and never ever again. When a woman comes with kids it's never a relationship between the two of you, which is what happens when one marries a childless woman, but it's all about the children. I didn't want my own, so why should I look after some other man's kids, that he doesn't even want?

 

Having said that, the middle one lower row looks quite appealing.