Don't move your Thai wife to the West if you want to come back .

[thaibeachlovers]

On 1/26/2020 at 8:30 AM, ericthai said:

dont know about all that drivel, but drive around the USA and all you see is help wanted signs everywhere! 

Perhaps people don't want to work for the wages they offer. Has to be worse in the US where they have to rely on tips to make enough- IMO a despicable way for employers to avoid paying a proper wage.

[khwaibah]

 

[ChaiyaTH]

On 1/19/2020 at 7:32 AM, RichardColeman said:

I know about 50 Thai farang couples that moved from Thailand to the UK - about 2 are still married, the others are all divorced.

 

NONE of the women want to move back to Thailand.

Did many of those end up with another local guy in the UK, strangely well timed too? I could see that as a thing actually, suddenly they get in a country where there is boat loads of farangs and they are pretty much unique too so easily get attention. Well considered or not, regrets or not, cheating could then happen easily to ruin all.

Obv. could state that if a woman cheats, she is not worth it anyway bla bla, but I honestly think it is somewhat significant compared to staying in TH.
Could also imagine how much that financially costs and ruins the farang side (and now with no visa option anymore either as of a divorce, house with cheap lifestyle in a remote area in TH gone, pension plan ruined to retire earlier, perhaps a lot costs for getting her where she is / paperwork etc).

[Vigilante]

Wife knows that in the US she can easily find another schmuck once the OP is gone

Better business prospects and all that.

A middle aged woman in thailand has zero marriage value

Sorry for being brutal.

 

[sirineou]

On 2/13/2020 at 9:50 PM, thaibeachlovers said:

Perhaps people don't want to work for the wages they offer. Has to be worse in the US where they have to rely on tips to make enough- IMO a despicable way for employers to avoid paying a proper wage.

Statistics in the US are a difficult thing for those who are not intimately familiar with the country and it's politics to understand .

First political considerations have developed measuring systems that provide the politically desirable picture.

Unemployment statistics  do not include "Under employment" , so a person that lost a good job with benefits, eventually settles for a Mac Job at McDonalds  and is considered just as employed as before. Or if one loses his/hers job and after a while of unsuccessfully   trying to get a job gives up , such person is no longer considered unemployed but as not a part of the job market.

Notice the downward slope on the job market participation graph in a year with the lowest unemployment in the US, could it be that a huge number of people won the lottery???? 

   Other statistics are also skewed by subcultures of which are many in the US, Remove crime in many subculture and  areas and the picture changes for others, Remove deaths from some subcultures and life expectancy statistics change for others,

    As far as working for tips at restaurants is a system that works well. The server does not only work for the restaurant, but also works for you and as such determines the motivation for good service to you. I have lived in many countries and different continents, and the service I get at most restaurants in the US  is IMO far superior than any country (not a value judgment) .

The people are not that different the motivation has changed.  

     

[bwpage3]

On 1/18/2020 at 8:45 AM, sirineou said:

I am not sure if taking a girl out of thailand is like taking a fish out of water is correct. We know several thai couple and as far as I can tell they all seem to thrive. for two of the couples the wife males more money than the Husband, One is a Hairdresser for the Hair cuttery and makes crazy money, the other got a job a seamstress at a parachute factory, and now runs the whole place, wants my wife to go work there, This little Thai  girl jumps out of planes!!! They are required to jump out of the plane with their product, I guess you do a real good job if you are required to use it on yourself LOL

Point made, Give Thai people a chance and they excel.  But that's not good for for me, I love Thailand , I want to be there.

   

Went back to Thailand to visit in December 2019 for the first time in 6 years.

 

Both my wife and I said No way we would ever move back and live in Thailand.

 

Problems keep getting worse and worse.

 

Pollution in lots of places. 

 

Worse overcrowding than ever.

 

Corona Virus shows you how how susceptible you can be living in Asia.

 

No Thanks.

 

 

[SCOTT FITZGERSLD]

On 1/18/2020 at 11:12 AM, sirineou said:

Give it a try for a couple of years and see how it goes.

my advice to you - don't give it a try. it is the devil's advice.

your wife is right.

why would you go back to thailand, if you are at the top of the world?

if you will breakout from your wife in your advanced age, you might lose it all.

even your life.

just be happy to come visit thailand sometimes and count your blessings. they

don't come from thailand (excl. the wife).

[bwpage3]

On 1/18/2020 at 6:12 PM, Roy Baht said:

I'm assuming you brought your wife to the US before Sept 11, 2001 because good luck getting a visa for her now. The whole process is a nightmare now--especially since Trump--expensive and in most cases doomed to failure. The people I know who succeeded brought their Thai brides-to-be to the States on the fiancee visa. After you've married, it's no dice. We found that out too late. My wife still complains about it. I wouldn't want to live in the States anyway, so I'm fine with it. I'm retired here and we live well--much better than we could in the States. But if you're an American, don't complain about Thai visa rules. Even at their most draconian, they are better than the States.

My wife came to the US on a marriage visa, arriving in 2014. 

 

The process took approx. 14 months

 

She is already a US citizen now.

[SCOTT FITZGERSLD]

On 1/21/2020 at 10:18 PM, cmarshall said:

A couple would need at least 65k/month to live in Bangkok

most of the people who live in bangkok are doing so on 20-40K BAHT a month.

but they are thai people...

[Thainess]

It sounds to me like you need to divorce your wife. She's also probably a Trump supporter. You're obviously a man of intelligence and morality if you're a Bernie fan. 

[bwpage3]

On 1/19/2020 at 7:00 AM, sirineou said:

   I think what I say below is part of the reason many of as come to Thailand or similar places.

I guess many also want something different and exciting, a sense of adventure and discovery. I lived in the US all my life, nothing new for me there, Coming to Thailand  opens up a new chapter, new things to discover, something new and different around every corner. Here in the US , the same thing every day.  get up in the morning, read TVF, got to Goole news and read what happened around the world , 10am go to the gym, 12pm come home eat lunch, either go to the Flagler pier fishing, or call a friend and go kayaking in the Intercostal, come home , take a shower, wife comes back from work, talk with her , go to bed, get up next day and repeat   with minor variations.  

   I Guess if we lived in Thailand full time for 5-10 years , after you did and saw everything , it would become the same. 

As Far as Thais in the US are concerned, I guess most of them, by virtue of the fact that they are there,  share a common personality trait,

They are motivated. 

 For most of them they did not leave their country, and families to come here and dick around, they came here for a better life for them and their families and they work at it. Perhaps it is because we live in a relatively affluent community , so of course we will meet successful people, those not having the  level of success required to be there , are not there, But every Thai person we know here are nice hard working above average for the community people.

We are lucky , that we have a very large Asian market 10 min from our house with every imaginable Thai product, 

and we also have a small garden where we grow Papayas, Lemons, Limes, Oranges, and vegetables, 

I should have known that I was digging my own "we are never moving to Thailand" Grave LOL

Anyway, Wife last night said " look for ticket to Thailand prices for August" , I said "August? I Thought we were going this spring"  she said, "will see"

Grrrrr  I don't care, I am coming this spring with her ot without her . Mostly with her though because what will i do there without her at my age? PS: I will be 63 then.

 

Instead of Thailand, there are so many beautiful Caribbean Islands close by.

 

Flew from Miami to Aruba US$220 round trip on American. 2 hours.

 

Go there once and you will forget all about Thailand.

 

My Thai wife loves it there and we will go back  there at least once a year and to other islands as well.

 

 

 

 

[bwpage3]

On 1/20/2020 at 4:23 AM, SiSePuede419 said:

If I may ask, exactly what education degree and job experience prepared your wife to do so well in a state overrun with low wage workers from Puerto Rico and Haati, not to mention every single country in South America?!?!?

 

I remember reading on Stickman about 20 years ago a man did exactly what you did.  Found out his wife was working at a massage parlor on the downlow.

 

Big money. Oops. ????

 

 

Don't believe everything you read.

[bwpage3]

On 1/20/2020 at 4:49 AM, SoSoCNX said:

As soon my friends wives, received citizenship they all filed for a divorce. The age difference between my friends and their partners was between 5 and 15 years. There is not Love just money and citizenship.

 

Maybe find some better friends.

[SCOTT FITZGERSLD]

On 1/25/2020 at 1:36 PM, spidermike007 said:

It is a boring, dull, listless, predictable life back there.

and what is so interesting, rich and unpredictable in thailand?

minivan crashes?

immigration new laws?

virus outbreaks?

too spicy som tam?

every place had it's pluses and minuses.

[bwpage3]

On 1/20/2020 at 4:55 AM, fordguy61mi said:

I brought my Thai wife here to the US and we’re going to Thailand to live in 4 years when I retire. My pension will go a lot farther there and our quality of life will be far better. She hasn’t put up much of a fuss and she knows I’ll go whether she does or not and since I’m the gravy train she’ll go. Maybe the mistake you made was making her too independent. Either way, good luck to you.

Who can predict what Thailand will be like in 4 years?

 

Pollution?

 

Corona Virus?

 

Costs are rising everywhere

 

4 years from now you might not even be able to live in Thailand on a  pension

 

Have a plan B would be a good idea.

 

I was shocked at how much Thailand changed (for the worst) in the last 6 years since I had been there.

 

Unless you plan to live in Isaan, and can afford a house and car, it wouldn't be worth it

 

Plus medical costs!

[bwpage3]

On 1/20/2020 at 11:41 AM, sirineou said:

The problem is that she doesn't get part of mine, untill she is of age , (at least I think she has to be of age) and she will not be old enough for another 25 years, Hopefully I will hast that long which will make me 88 but I don't think so. 

A good incentive to keep me alive, LOL

Your wife only has to meet the minimum requirements to pay into the social security system on her own for 10 years.

 

After that, if you die, she gets your social security for life.

 

 

[bwpage3]

On 1/20/2020 at 2:58 PM, gk10002000 said:

Yes, you are right.  A quick search tells me that in general the surviving spouse has to be 60 before they can collect.  I had no idea and that surprises me, but it probably helps keep the murder rate lower!:

 

"In most cases, a widow or widower qualifies for survivor benefits if he or she is at least 60 and had been married to the deceased for at least nine months at the time of death. But there are a few exceptions to those requirements..."

The rule is your wife has to work and pay the minimum into the social security system on her own for 10 years.

 

(i.e. have a social security number and work)

 

Then she is vested and can collect the husband's social security, when he passes, for the rest of her life no matter what her age.

 

 

[sirineou]

6 hours ago, bwpage3 said:

Your wife only has to meet the minimum requirements to pay into the social security system on her own for 10 years.

 

After that, if you die, she gets your social security for life.

 

 

Yes but if I understand this correctly she has to wait untill she is 62 years old to start collecting my social security and then she only gets a percentage. 

[Curt1591]

After 4 years in the US, my wife encouraged me to retire early and move to Thailand. Been doing fine, going on 2 decades.

 

Every time I try to discuss finances, in the event of my death, she doesn't want to talk about it.

She will work it all out. She was doing quite well before I came into her life, She will be OK, at least financially, when I leave. 

Money has never been a factor in our relationship. 

[sirineou]

6 hours ago, bwpage3 said:

Instead of Thailand, there are so many beautiful Caribbean Islands close by.

 

Flew from Miami to Aruba US$220 round trip on American. 2 hours.

 

Go there once and you will forget all about Thailand.

 

My Thai wife loves it there and we will go back  there at least once a year and to other islands as well.

 

 

 

 

My wife likes it there also, Which is part of my problem. She likes it there because like I like Thailand, (something different for me) the US is also something different for her. Aside from all the obvious reasons, Thailand is old shoe for her and I suspect many other Thai girls also, Why would she want to go back? especially now that her parents passed away,

 Which is part of the reason why I started this thread, as a warning to someone who might be going there with the thought that he will work for a few years and then comeback to Thailand, as I did. By then the wife might have a different idea, and if you have children ?? then totally forget it , at least until the children are older. 

  But like her, the US is old shoe for me also, being there done that. Being to the Caribbean a thousand times (as a young man used to work for Holland American cruises). Nothing new, I was never one for doing the same thing over and over again, Thailand even after coming there for 13 years now is new and exciting for me. Different places Different people, (not only the Thai, but expats from all over the world) . And a freedom not available in the west. At my Thai home if I want to build another room to our house , I just do it.  Try doing that in the US, (permits, architectural plans, property tax increases etc etc) .

I love Thailand worts and all. 

 

[OZinPattaya]

On 1/18/2020 at 7:35 AM, Ventenio said:

You plan a short-term trip, round-trip plane tickets for only a few months.  Then she will be happy since she knows she's coming back.  However, while you are in Pattaya, sell the house ASAP, transfer the cash to your offshore bank account and give her 200 baht for some good somtam.  But, really, she might realize Thailand is where her heart is......but remember to buy 10 burn phones.  I have 18.  

I honestly don't understand why western men believe that Thai women are so very different from western women. They're not. And when western men realize this, they're shocked. 

[spidermike007]

14 hours ago, SCOTT FITZGERSLD said:

and what is so interesting, rich and unpredictable in thailand?

minivan crashes?

immigration new laws?

virus outbreaks?

too spicy som tam?

every place had it's pluses and minuses.

For me, the culture and ways of the people are still bizarre and mysterious. After all these years, I still cannot quite figure the place out. That really works for me. It keeps me stimulated. I love it here. I love every day here. I can handle the US for a month. After that I am so ready to return here. It is fun. It is strange. It works for me! 

 

And yes, the food can be glorious. It is the only cuisine I can eat every day and not get tired of it. It helps that my wife is a very accomplished gourmet cook! 

[Odysseus123]

This is still a most interesting topic so I after talking to my wife and her friends (we have quite a large Aus/Thai community here) I shall add my two (Aussie cents here)

 

Not a single Thai woman here is keen on going back.Sure some will go back usually in the context of a sense of duty to their parents-but even then they mourn the loss of freedom..

Freedom of what exactly?

Freedom to be themselves,freedom to start a business on equal terms,freedom to not be crushd by males from a 15th century culture and their bludging machinations.

Freedom to say what they want and hold the opinions that they may choose to have.

Freedom from an hierachical autrocratic country that slots them into place and holds them rigidly in a fixed cultural framework..

 

Freedom from what is essentially an opressive and repressive religion.

 

Freredom before the law

 

 

Freedom of choice.

 

Freedom to send their kids to decent schools and to see them thrive and prosper..(as I have seen many do)

 

And,last of all,the freedom to support their families (as most Thais are wont to do) in better paying jobs,usually protected by the law and with the very low risk of being shot,machteteed and burned to death by a Thai partner who has barely dropped down from the trees.

 

To be fair-there were quite a number of expats that I met in Thailand who had barely dropped down from the trees as well-that is why they were there.

[sirineou]

5 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

For me, the culture and ways of the people are still bizarre and mysterious. After all these years, I still cannot quite figure the place out. That really works for me. It keeps me stimulated. I love it here. I love every day here. I can handle the US for a month. After that I am so ready to return here. It is fun. It is strange. It works for me! 

 

And yes, the food can be glorious. It is the only cuisine I can eat every day and not get tired of it. It helps that my wife is a very accomplished gourmet cook! 

That's exactly how I feel. 13 years and i still have not figured Thailand out. It makes life interesting. 

4 hours ago, Odysseus123 said:

This is still a most interesting topic so I after talking to my wife and her friends (we have quite a large Aus/Thai community here) I shall add my two (Aussie cents here)

 

Not a single Thai woman here is keen on going back.Sure some will go back usually in the context of a sense of duty to their parents-but even then they mourn the loss of freedom..

Freedom of what exactly?

Freedom to be themselves,freedom to start a business on equal terms,freedom to not be crushd by males from a 15th century culture and their bludging machinations.

Freedom to say what they want and hold the opinions that they may choose to have.

Freedom from an hierachical autrocratic country that slots them into place and holds them rigidly in a fixed cultural framework..

 

Freedom from what is essentially an opressive and repressive religion.

 

Freredom before the law

 

 

Freedom of choice.

 

Freedom to send their kids to decent schools and to see them thrive and prosper..(as I have seen many do)

 

And,last of all,the freedom to support their families (as most Thais are wont to do) in better paying jobs,usually protected by the law and with the very low risk of being shot,machteteed and burned to death by a Thai partner who has barely dropped down from the trees.

 

To be fair-there were quite a number of expats that I met in Thailand who had barely dropped down from the trees as well-that is why they were there.

Exactly in a nutshell!!! ^^^^^^ I have being thinking in these terms but your post laid it open. 

In some ways my wife comes out and says exact you said above, In others I can feel it.

How she has changed since the day we met. Her confidence  is palatable, the change in her demeanor is remarkable.  , she no longer accepts that someone else need to give her anything, including me, We are equal partners, I don't think it is possible for her to go back,she is not going to change, We will give it a try , but I don't think it is going to happen,  and because I love her, I don't think I want  her to compromise her life to make me happy,

The genie is out of the bottle. 

 

[metempsychotic]

On 1/18/2020 at 8:33 PM, DaRoadrunner said:

Taking a Thai out of Thailand is often like trying to take a fish out of water, they don't do too well. Compared to which your story is one of success. Congratulations! I would not complain if I were you!

 

Furthermore, she is correct, the Govt is <deleted>. Plus the pollution not good for the health. Thailand is not what it used to be, why come back?

Every thai I have know who has relocated to canada or the us has loved it. 

 

Granted in these cases they were university educated career oriented and spoke english already.

 

In other words the couple were equals, partners and the realtionship was predicated on their similar goals and desires rather than an economic imbalance.

[Odysseus123]

12 minutes ago, sirineou said:

The genie is out of the bottle. 

 

Excellent response.

 

You have always been one of the better type of poster on ThaiVisa.

 

You have never denigrated women (Thai or otherwise) and have always been positive in your attitude and approach to life.

 

All the very best whatever you and your wife decide to do in the future.

[bwpage3]

14 hours ago, sirineou said:

My wife likes it there also, Which is part of my problem. She likes it there because like I like Thailand, (something different for me) the US is also something different for her. Aside from all the obvious reasons, Thailand is old shoe for her and I suspect many other Thai girls also, Why would she want to go back? especially now that her parents passed away,

 Which is part of the reason why I started this thread, as a warning to someone who might be going there with the thought that he will work for a few years and then comeback to Thailand, as I did. By then the wife might have a different idea, and if you have children ?? then totally forget it , at least until the children are older. 

  But like her, the US is old shoe for me also, being there done that. Being to the Caribbean a thousand times (as a young man used to work for Holland American cruises). Nothing new, I was never one for doing the same thing over and over again, Thailand even after coming there for 13 years now is new and exciting for me. Different places Different people, (not only the Thai, but expats from all over the world) . And a freedom not available in the west. At my Thai home if I want to build another room to our house , I just do it.  Try doing that in the US, (permits, architectural plans, property tax increases etc etc) .

I love Thailand worts and all. 

 

Visiting Thailand and living there full-time, the shine soon wears off as the day to day grind can run you down.

 

90 day reports and TM-30's.

 

The 12 month cycle of flooding and drought is no fun.

 

Utilities still go out when you need them most for what it seems is no reason. Tough to handle the heat when the electric is out.

 

Air pollution is another thing. I could not believe how bad it actually was when I returned 6 years later. 

 

Over-crowding and traffic nightmares.

 

Costs are high across the board for just about everything and with the baht at <30 to the dollar, it is really no bargain.

 

I just do not think there is  much to do. You can only see so many temples before that wears off.

 

This last trip in Dec. 2019 convinced me I could never retire there.

 

I honestly don't even want to go on vacation there as there are so many other exciting places in the world to see.

 

 

[bwpage3]

1 hour ago, sirineou said:

That's exactly how I feel. 13 years and i still have not figured Thailand out. It makes life interesting. 

Exactly in a nutshell!!! ^^^^^^ I have being thinking in these terms but your post laid it open. 

In some ways my wife comes out and says exact you said above, In others I can feel it.

How she has changed since the day we met. Her confidence  is palatable, the change in her demeanor is remarkable.  , she no longer accepts that someone else need to give her anything, including me, We are equal partners, I don't think it is possible for her to go back,she is not going to change, We will give it a try , but I don't think it is going to happen,  and because I love her, I don't think I want  her to compromise her life to make me happy,

The genie is out of the bottle. 

 

I always tell myself that before I met my wife, I had a full enriching life where I was able to travel all over the world.

 

I lived in Thailand for 10 years, however, after I got married, the entire shine had warn off and I wanted a better quality of life for us both.

 

Now, I find happiness in doing things for my wife.

 

She definitely wants to stay in Florida.

 

So be it, and happy to hear that as I mentioned my last trip to Thailand in Dec. 2019 I could not believe how worse and expensive things have gotten.

 

Here we can get on a plane and be in some choice locations in a few hours with no hassles at all.

[bwpage3]

15 hours ago, sirineou said:

Yes but if I understand this correctly she has to wait untill she is 62 years old to start collecting my social security and then she only gets a percentage. 

No that is not correct if she has already paid into the SS system for a minimum of 10 years. 62 years is the requirement if she has never worked or paid into the system. 

[sirineou]

5 minutes ago, bwpage3 said:

Visiting Thailand and living there full-time, the shine soon wears off as the day to day grind can run you down.

 

90 day reports and TM-30's.

 

The 12 month cycle of flooding and drought is no fun.

 

Utilities still go out when you need them most for what it seems is no reason. Tough to handle the heat when the electric is out.

 

Air pollution is another thing. I could not believe how bad it actually was when I returned 6 years later. 

 

Over-crowding and traffic nightmares.

 

Costs are high across the board for just about everything and with the baht at <30 to the dollar, it is really no bargain.

 

I just do not think there is  much to do. You can only see so many temples before that wears off.

 

This last trip in Dec. 2019 convinced me I could never retire there.

 

I honestly don't even want to go on vacation there as there are so many other exciting places in the world to see.

 

 

For sure, 

Vacationing some place and living there are two entirely different things. I fully understand that.

I am not burning any bridges. If I do, I am going into it with eye wide open.