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Don't move your Thai wife to the West if you want to come back .


sirineou

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2 hours ago, sirineou said:

I am not sure if taking a girl out of thailand is like taking a fish out of water is correct. We know several thai couple and as far as I can tell they all seem to thrive. for two of the couples the wife males more money than the Husband, One is a Hairdresser for the Hair cuttery and makes crazy money, the other got a job a seamstress at a parachute factory, and now runs the whole place, wants my wife to go work there, This little Thai  girl jumps out of planes!!! They are required to jump out of the plane with their product, I guess you do a real good job if you are required to use it on yourself LOL

Point made, Give Thai people a chance and they excel.  But that's not good for for me, I love Thailand , I want to be there.

   

"Give Thai people a chance and they excel"...….

 

The better way to say it is "give nearly anyone a chance and they will excel". Especially if they came from a poor background. I think your wife's story, in itself, is something folks wanting to move to Thailand should consider. Why do so many want to move to Thailand when so many there want to move to a better life in the west. I guess it's thinking the grass is greener on the other side. If folks in the west would handle their finances better and invest better during their working years there would be no reason to move overseas.

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2 hours ago, tgw said:

it takes much more money to feel comfortable in the West than in Thailand.

I just got back from the us after 7 months there EVERYTHING is cheaper there now, unless you like living in a shoebox. Thailand isnt cheap anymore.

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1 hour ago, sirineou said:

We have being in the US for 10 years now, boy how time flies? 

Not everyone same or circumstances in life as I'm sure you know.

!0 years of living well in US I guess would do it, sounds like your wife had already decided to stay unlike mine.

My wife had a young son to go back to and we went back to Thailand for a couple of weeks every 6 months during her 2&1/2 years in UK.

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One of the things which makes Thailand attractive for farangs is the fact that we are not expected to follow the Thai hierarchy rules. We get away with lots of things because we are the "funny" outsiders.

But Thais, especially so called low class Thais, are supposed to know their place. I.e. if a hiso tells them they are idiots then they are supposed to wai those hisos and smile and hope the hiso will let them live (ok, not really, but you get the idea),

Thais outside of Thailand don't have to follow those strict rules and that makes them free - no more Thai social pressure anymore.

I am sure this is a factor why some Thais are happier away from Thailand.

There are obviously downsides for Thais of living outside of Thailand. But this thread is about why they might like it.

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2 hours ago, BritManToo said:

You've been gone the last 10 years, I've been here the last 10 years.

It's changed, and not for the better.

 

If I could afford a woman and a house in Florida (and a US passport), I'd be there like a shot.

I have not be gone for 10 years . We own a house in Thailand (actually two, we inherited her parents house also)

,we come to thailand every year , I usually stayed for a couple of months , and came back to work, sometimes the wife came   stayed longer, or came before me, and sometimes she came without me, especially when her parents were sick but I could not get way from work.Last I was there was last spring. 

I like Thailand, I like the energy, I like my house there and my Garden, going to the morning market for the food of the day., or for a walk at night in a night market  I even like some of you, A lot of interesting people from many parts of the world , with interesting stories. Taking a ride to Laos for a visa run, Cambodia , Myanmar (never being there), see many parts of Thailand I have never seen yet . etc etc.

I am not divorcing my wife, I love her more than I love my life, I would be lost without her.  I stay where she stays, I just wish she would be more happy to come to Thailand, And wanted to warn others that it could happen to them, and something to consider. 

Our house in Khon Kaen

image.png.7a62804db83cb640186e2caa9bc48d61.png

 

 

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1 hour ago, HuskerDo said:
3 hours ago, sirineou said:

Point made, Give Thai people a chance and they excel.  But that's not good for for me, I love Thailand , I want to be there.

   

"Give Thai people a chance and they excel"...….

 

The better way to say it is "give nearly anyone a chance and they will excel". Especially if they came from a poor background. I think your wife's story, in itself, is something folks wanting to move to Thailand should consider. Why do so many want to move to Thailand when so many there want to move to a better life in the west. I guess it's thinking the grass is greener on the other side. If folks in the west would handle their finances better and invest better during their working years there would be no reason to move overseas.

 

Yeah, but here on Bwana Central (AKA, TVF), it's extremely irritating to some folks when they hear Thai people described as competent, intelligent, etc.  I worked with an office full of competent Thai people that I would have put up against any of their counterparts I worked with in my career.  But I've been called a liar for saying as much.

 

I think the more profound cautionary tale from the OP's story is that if your hold on your wife is the carrot of holding onto you as her cash cow, bringing her back home is risky, because she can become financially (and emotionally) independent.  To many, that's not a threat because they have great marriages.  Sounds like the OP is in that category and I salute him.  Other guys I've met in Thailand- not so much.

 

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23 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

One of the things which makes Thailand attractive for farangs is the fact that we are not expected to follow the Thai hierarchy rules. We get away with lots of things because we are the "funny" outsiders.

But Thais, especially so called low class Thais, are supposed to know their place. I.e. if a hiso tells them they are idiots then they are supposed to wai those hisos and smile and hope the hiso will let them live (ok, not really, but you get the idea),

Thais outside of Thailand don't have to follow those strict rules and that makes them free - no more Thai social pressure anymore.

I am sure this is a factor why some Thais are happier away from Thailand.

There are obviously downsides for Thais of living outside of Thailand. But this thread is about why they might like it.

I like to take this opportunity to Thank everyone for replying to my thread, I have read every single reply and I can say that with exception of one reply , they were all insightful and appreciated. 

I replied to this one because you touched on something that my wife always repeats. 

"I am free here"

I guess it is hard for as to grasp this concept, but that gave me something else to think about and consider

Thank you. 

 

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2 minutes ago, sirineou said:

I like to take this opportunity to Thank everyone for replying to my thread, I have read every single reply and I can say that with exception of one reply , they were all insightful and appreciated. 

I replied to this one because you touched on something that my wife always repeats. 

"I am free here"

I guess it is hard for as to grasp this concept, but that gave me something else to think about and consider

Thank you. 

 

yeah.  USA has its issues, but it really is in general a very free place.  Sure there are rules and laws, taxes, some odd social "norms", sometimes crazy neighbors, rough neighborhoods, some crazy politicians, etc.  But in most cases, one can hop in their car and go anywhere they want, go shop where they want, buy what they want, are not monitored as much as some countries are, well, there are exceptions of course and big brother is out there trying to gather information.  One can read online what they want, in most places anyway

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I think your wife is the clearer thinker between the two of you. The pollution and rules of living for a foreigner in Thailand are pretty poor. If your wife is happy to stay and you have enough funds to live comfortably why would you want to live in Thailand? 

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I took my wife back to Melbourne in Australia in July some years ago.  She hated it. Way to cold.  We went to Cairns which was a bit cool for her.  Then the year before last I thought I may have to return to  Australia to qualify for a pension.  I thought her head would explode when I told her!  Luckily it was only for a couple of months.  She came for a month (November) and I stayed till January.  It was not just the weather she didn't like, it was just as much the food....or lack of Thai food to be precise.  So yer,  iT's like the song "some girl's do and some girl's don't, some girl's need a lot of lovin' and some girl's don't".  They all different!

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I'm assuming you brought your wife to the US before Sept 11, 2001 because good luck getting a visa for her now. The whole process is a nightmare now--especially since Trump--expensive and in most cases doomed to failure. The people I know who succeeded brought their Thai brides-to-be to the States on the fiancee visa. After you've married, it's no dice. We found that out too late. My wife still complains about it. I wouldn't want to live in the States anyway, so I'm fine with it. I'm retired here and we live well--much better than we could in the States. But if you're an American, don't complain about Thai visa rules. Even at their most draconian, they are better than the States.

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I think the OP should remain in Florida.  Evidently his wife is younger and not ready to retire.  Since he prepared her for a career in the US at which she is thriving, I don't think he should deprive her of it especially since he may not even like retirement in Thailand.  Sometimes one member of a couple has to sacrifice for the benefit of the other.  She knows where she would be better off.

 

Florida is, after all, a popular retirement destination and would seem to be a reasonable compromise.

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10 hours ago, sirineou said:

I love Thailand, I guess if i lived there for a while, it might wear out, that's why I don't want to sell the house, 

Give it a try for a couple of years and see how it goes.

The best move we ever made was to split each year between our home in the West and our home here in Thailand, I wouldn't want to live in either place full time.

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1 hour ago, Roy Baht said:

But if you're an American, don't complain about Thai visa rules. Even at their most draconian, they are better than the States.

Well said.  So far, nNo one is accusing TM of separating children from their parents at the border.

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You lucky stay there. I took my wife to Australia for nearly 3 years she was happy there. When I retired we came back to Thailand, she was not fussed to come back it was my dream. She follow me anywhere.

I disagree with so many negative comments voiced on here. I feel sorry for all the guys who have had bad experiences with Thai wives.

Your wife sounds like mine you also are lucky.

I built a nice house here in Thailand and we love our life here. I tried up too much in house and goods here to move. Selling real estate hard here so leaving again difficult.

We had about 10 Aussie married to Thais friends in our area in Australia. I only saw happy couples, again the negative comments don't ring true.

Your wife works and loves you stay and enjoy, maybe do some holiday trips here.

You are a lucky guy.

Good luck for future.😀🇹🇭

 

 😀🇦🇺

 

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8 hours ago, sirineou said:

I have not be gone for 10 years . We own a house in Thailand (actually two, we inherited her parents house also)

,we come to thailand every year , I usually stayed for a couple of months , and came back to work, sometimes the wife came   stayed longer, or came before me, and sometimes she came without me, especially when her parents were sick but I could not get way from work.Last I was there was last spring. 

I like Thailand, I like the energy, I like my house there and my Garden, going to the morning market for the food of the day., or for a walk at night in a night market  I even like some of you, A lot of interesting people from many parts of the world , with interesting stories. Taking a ride to Laos for a visa run, Cambodia , Myanmar (never being there), see many parts of Thailand I have never seen yet . etc etc.

I am not divorcing my wife, I love her more than I love my life, I would be lost without her.  I stay where she stays, I just wish she would be more happy to come to Thailand, And wanted to warn others that it could happen to them, and something to consider. 

Our house in Khon Kaen

image.png.7a62804db83cb640186e2caa9bc48d61.png

 

 

The other thing some happily married Thai women living overseas fear is their husband spending too much time in Thailand with all the available lovelies who are here. At the hairdresser, her family and friends, other 'playboy'  farangs setting the agenda. She knows back home you are just a lovable ageing old fart - over here you have 20-30 years knocked off the clock and become a 'hansum' man. 

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1 hour ago, Grumpy John said:

I took my wife back to Melbourne in Australia in July some years ago.  She hated it. Way to cold.  We went to Cairns which was a bit cool for her.  Then the year before last I thought I may have to return to  Australia to qualify for a pension.  I thought her head would explode when I told her!  Luckily it was only for a couple of months.  She came for a month (November) and I stayed till January.  It was not just the weather she didn't like, it was just as much the food....or lack of Thai food to be precise.  So yer,  iT's like the song "some girl's do and some girl's don't, some girl's need a lot of lovin' and some girl's don't".  They all different!

The comparisons will differ depending on your home country.

The UK is probably the worst western country in the world (or maybe that's Australia).

The USA is the best I love Florida and San Francisco.

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49 minutes ago, URMySunshine said:

She knows back home you are just a lovable ageing old fart - over here you have 20-30 years knocked off the clock and become a 'hansum' man. 

And that is the problem I see with Thai farang divorces - she does not want the 20-30 year older old fart, she wants the 20-30 year old younger man that never went to Thailand

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2 hours ago, Roy Baht said:

I'm assuming you brought your wife to the US before Sept 11, 2001 because good luck getting a visa for her now. The whole process is a nightmare now--especially since Trump--expensive and in most cases doomed to failure. The people I know who succeeded brought their Thai brides-to-be to the States on the fiancee visa. After you've married, it's no dice. We found that out too late. My wife still complains about it. I wouldn't want to live in the States anyway, so I'm fine with it. I'm retired here and we live well--much better than we could in the States. But if you're an American, don't complain about Thai visa rules. Even at their most draconian, they are better than the States.

Actually she arrived here September 11 2008, It really was not that difficult. I had gone to the US first to get set up and made the application from there, The process was straightforward, just give them all the required paperwork and plenty of evidence of relationship. Evidence of Relationship is the trick, Plenty of pictures with her and her family, receipt of hotels we stayed together with both our names on them, airline tickets, emails, telephone transcripts showing calls to each others phones,  copies of our text messages.  

It took about Nine months . We only had one hiccup where after her interview she was "rejected do to administrative process " whatever that meant, 

 We young and in love,  were devastated and besides ourselves, we thought our lives were over. . 

I tried E-mailing and calling the embassy to no avail. Then I found this forum joined and asked , with in a couple of Hours, someone replied not to worry, "administrative process " meant that  they were probably looking into  some of our paperwork,   and they were right !! two weeks later  she had her visa. 

   Why the could not have said " we are looking at some paperwork and we will call you back"

She arrived in the US on 7/11.  we married immediately and filed for a change of status, a few weeks later she got her temporary Green card, two years later her permanent Green Card, and a couple of years more her citizenship.   

  We often complain about this forum, but I cant count all the times the posters in this forum have come through for me. 

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Been married to my Thai lady for twenty years - our daughter is 10 and doesn't speak Thai, apart from "Chun phut Thai mai Dai" (I can't speak Thai) which I taught her, as Thais here in Oz keep asking her stuff in Thai ! We moved to Oz six years ago after I was diagnosed with laryngeal cancer, caused by breathing the "air" in C Mai for over twenty years. Got cured here (radiation). We live in a drought-free high-rainfall area with lovely clean air and wifey grows every Thai vegetable or fruit she wants, all now well established, on our little farm. She has Thai lady friends too and ours is a fantastic marriage as we both love the same things in life, including living in the bush. She says she is NEVER going back to Thailand to live ever and, she means it. She is about to get her Oz citizenship and then we plan on travel overseas during school holidays. We sold our home in C Mai before we left - it took over a year to sell and "we lost a million baht" according to the wife, (but we actually made a small profit). So, I appreciate how hard it is to leave Thailand after being 'dug-in' for so many years. I have been back twice for dental work, but I won't be going back again until it is time for my daughter to get her first Thai ID card (can't get it in Oz) - she has her Thai passport but she will need the card to get the new passport after she turns 18. In short - the wife loves it here in Oz and has told her mum that in no uncertain terms. She says her mum (who we support financially) understands this. The missus wants to visit Vietnam, as "the food there looks nice". I had an Oz wife 35 years ago - my Thai missus is far superior in all aspects - I am so lucky ! 

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I'm just adding to the positive reports here. I know two Thai-American couples very well. The Thai girls absolutely blossomed in the States. Took courses to upgrade their English, learned other skills, run businesses or have a good job, very active in their communities.  They have loosened up a lot, i.e., became American and embraced freedom.

 

One relationship, I'll admit, I thought would be a disaster. No, not a bar girl! I'm happy to report I was dead wrong. She emails me once in a while. So, coming to Thailand this winter?, I ask. Doesn't want to. The other couple, nope, not coming back this time.  In conversations with them, they don't want to talk about their families and frankly, avoid the visits as much as they dare. 

 

In both cases, the American husbands, long-time friends of mine, are cool about not visiting Thailand. But they do travel elsewhere, such as Europe and South America. 

 

OP, a good topic. 

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1 hour ago, sirineou said:

   Why the could not have said " we are looking at some paperwork and we will call you back"

She arrived in the US on 7/11.  we married immediately and filed for a change of status, a few weeks later she got her temporary Green card, two years later her permanent Green Card, and a couple of years more her citizenship.   

  We often complain about this forum, but I cant count all the times the posters in this forum have come through for me. 

Very prudent that she got her US citizenship.  So, she has the strongest possible claim on SS benefits on your earnings to say nothing of the hedging benefit of dual citizenship.

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12 hours ago, White Christmas13 said:

Not correct,I don't like trump at all, but he creates a new world wide recession

Im not a trump fan but what recession in the us are you talking about ??? Lowest unemployment in history, good jobs everwhere (unless you cant pass a drug test or are a lazy bum) Everything much cheaper than thailand. Try again.

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44 minutes ago, ireckonso said:

Im not a trump fan but what recession in the us are you talking about ??? Lowest unemployment in history, good jobs everwhere (unless you cant pass a drug test or are a lazy bum) Everything much cheaper than thailand. Try again.

The US economy as a whole is not in recession, but manufacturing in the US is in recession.  I think the poster was pointing to is the slowdown of trade with China which is indeed due to Trump's tariff policy, which has nevertheless failed to reduce the US trade deficit, which was 25% higher in 2018 than 2016.  As one result of reduced trade with China, Thailand's growth was slowing in 2019, although it has so far not entered recession.

 

It's true that the headline US unemployment figure looks good, that statistic hides certain facts.  For instance, the 2 million incarcerated people in the US are not counted as unemployed even though they don't have jobs, nor are discouraged workers who have given up looking for work.  A better statistic is the labor market participation rate which counts the percentage of working age people who have a job, rather than the "unemployed."  Here is that graph.  While most of this cannot be blamed on Trump, it is a reason American workers are not feeling as festive as they were in Bill Clinton's term of office.

 

Labor Market participation rate

United States Labor Force Participation Rate

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To the OP, thank you for submitting a "real" topic that "affects" so many of us.  It's great to hear many excellent contributions.  I must say ALL have provided priceless contributions.  In the end, relationships are a gamble, but shakespeare said it best: "Better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all".  A way to interpret this,  take a chance but be calculated, establish safety/preservation rules where you consider what will you do and where you want to be in a worst case scenario ie she leaves....what does your "exit plan" look like with your best interest in mind.  Don't gamble everything; however, go ahead risk everything if that is your path in life, but try to make an "informed decision"....enjoy life but like driving, try to wear your seat belt - especially in thailand (because that is all you have)....good luck!

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We lived in the UK for seven years had a house ,she worked and our son was in school ,we sold up and came back to live in Thailand ,no problems ,we have a nice house here and our son has a good job .  must have been lucky i guess ,

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19 hours ago, HuskerDo said:

"Give Thai people a chance and they excel"...….

 

The better way to say it is "give nearly anyone a chance and they will excel". Especially if they came from a poor background. I think your wife's story, in itself, is something folks wanting to move to Thailand should consider. Why do so many want to move to Thailand when so many there want to move to a better life in the west. I guess it's thinking the grass is greener on the other side. If folks in the west would handle their finances better and invest better during their working years there would be no reason to move overseas.

   I think what I say below is part of the reason many of as come to Thailand or similar places.

I guess many also want something different and exciting, a sense of adventure and discovery. I lived in the US all my life, nothing new for me there, Coming to Thailand  opens up a new chapter, new things to discover, something new and different around every corner. Here in the US , the same thing every day.  get up in the morning, read TVF, got to Goole news and read what happened around the world , 10am go to the gym, 12pm come home eat lunch, either go to the Flagler pier fishing, or call a friend and go kayaking in the Intercostal, come home , take a shower, wife comes back from work, talk with her , go to bed, get up next day and repeat   with minor variations.  

   I Guess if we lived in Thailand full time for 5-10 years , after you did and saw everything , it would become the same. 

As Far as Thais in the US are concerned, I guess most of them, by virtue of the fact that they are there,  share a common personality trait,

They are motivated. 

 For most of them they did not leave their country, and families to come here and dick around, they came here for a better life for them and their families and they work at it. Perhaps it is because we live in a relatively affluent community , so of course we will meet successful people, those not having the  level of success required to be there , are not there, But every Thai person we know here are nice hard working above average for the community people.

9 hours ago, Aussiepeter said:

wifey grows every Thai vegetable or fruit she wants, all now well established, on our little farm. She has Thai lady friends too and ours is a fantastic marriage as we both love the same things in life, including living in the bush.

We are lucky , that we have a very large Asian market 10 min from our house with every imaginable Thai product, 

image.png.4d779a462062f6bcca910f677fd7eff6.png

and we also have a small garden where we grow Papayas, Lemons, Limes, Oranges, and vegetables, 

Image may contain: plant, outdoor and nature

I should have known that I was digging my own "we are never moving to Thailand" Grave LOL

Anyway, Wife last night said " look for ticket to Thailand prices for August" , I said "August? I Thought we were going this spring"  she said, "will see"

Grrrrr  I don't care, I am coming this spring with her ot without her . Mostly with her though because what will i do there without her at my age? PS: I will be 63 then.

 

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On 1/19/2020 at 3:15 AM, BritManToo said:

You've been gone the last 10 years, I've been here the last 10 years.

It's changed, and not for the better.

 

If I could afford a woman and a house in Florida (and a US passport), I'd be there like a shot.

I don't care how bad LOS gets, it's still better than the PC over regulated anti male place I live in now.

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