Feeling Rather Disappointed

[roo860]

On 4/1/2020 at 12:07 AM, SAINT THOMAS said:

A dowry is given to both Virgins and women married before.

 

Its much less for someone married before compared to a Virgin.

 

Someone in the village was married not long ago both are Thais she worked overseas and saved up 2-3 Million baht in a few years and came back, the family wanted from him 100,000 baht and both paid for the wedding.

 

The funniest one was a Thai man whose wife died a few years ago maybe 65 years old wanted to marry a women across the street she is also around 65 years old and wanted 200,000 as a Dowry.

 

The Dowry doesn't mean she is going to stay with you, many stories of Thais marrying Thais and the women just leaving afterwards since the family now has the money.

 

A wealthy married man not far from my house had an affair and got the women pregnant, he accepted taking responsibility for the child not for the women.

 

Another married man of means not far from my house, had an affair with a young women or a Virgin and got her Pregnant, the family asked for 40,000 baht, made him have a marriage ceremony at His house and he now has the child that His wife is raising.

 

First - Stop paying her. You already have the upper hand Thais LOVE Money. 

 

Second - Get away from her especially if she is beating on you. I had a Thai guy come to drink at a little store we have, his wife came and started beating him because he was drinking, I had to throw her out, most Thai women if they did that would be then beat'n by their husbands, seen it many times even if the women started mouthing off or disrespecting them, part of the reason why besides Money Thai women like to marry foreigners, they won't get a beating.

 

[ Choice -  Boot Her or When In Rome Do As The Romans ]

 

I was living with a beautiful women who slapped me ONCE when we were arguing, she wanted to get married from the time she moved in, in America not a Thai women, I told her to get her things and Move Out Now, that was the end of that relationship, I think I even helped her pack. 

 

Third - Get a lawyer to draft an offer to her a 1 time payment of 100,000 baht and custody of the child.

 

Once you Stop paying her and she runs out of Money, she will take any Free Money you offer. 

 

You can always do a DNA test later if you want, I wouldn't establish Paternity ahead of time, I have been to Thai courts before won all my cases, not for anything like this, but the court just might tell you to keep paying her for the child the amount you have already been paying or established for the child and leave custody with her.

 

Then like most women, she will get a new Husband and her, the new husband and family living off You're money will not want you to visit, You're Child.

 

Happens all the time in America, one of the reasons I never had Children. 

wife died a few years ago maybe 65 years old wanted to marry a women across the street she is also around 65 years old and wanted 200,000 as a Dowry.

 

The Dowry doesn't mean she is going to stay with you, many stories of Thais marrying Thais and the women just leaving afterwards since the family now has the money.

 

A wealthy married man not far from my house had an affair and got the women pregnant, he accepted taking responsibility for the child not for the women.

 

Another married man of means not far from my house, had an affair with a young women or a Virgin and got her Pregnant, the family asked for 40,000 baht, made him have a marriage ceremony at His house and he now has the child that His wife is raising.

 

 

 

 

I reckon I'd move, quickly!????????

[thaibeachlovers]

On 4/1/2020 at 6:07 AM, SAINT THOMAS said:

A dowry is given to both Virgins and women married before.

As I understand it Sin Sod is NOT a dowry. A dowry is for the wife, sin sod is for the parents as compensation for losing the person that should look after them. if the daughter has been married before they were already compensated, so why the <deleted> should they be compensated again?

[OzMan]

Unlikely to be your child. No dna, no more money. if she is abusive now she will only get worse. anyway, there are plenty more fish in the sea.

[sotonowl]

Grow a pair mate, get yourself a backbone inserted, get a DNA test done and stop giving her money.

[bermondburi]

5 pages and no reply from the op. 

[huemakmak]

Make sure you know what she REALLY wants before tying the knot. 

Here's my story,

I dont work or live in Thailand, i'm from its neighboring country, I myself is an Asian-Canadian as well,  I"ve adored Thai ladies all of my life. 

 

Now i'm back in Asian and I thought about searching my life partner, so I ended up on TInder, (I know right, who would have guessed), and hold and behold I met my wife (soon to be ex) on Tinder, we dated only for about a month and half, we discussed and laid out our future plans during the dates, over Line app, over phone, etc.

Everything went smooth sailing and we decided to get married on paper first, then planned for the wedding a year or two later (sin sod was discussed several times). We were never been married before.

 

But in the meantime I supported her financially, she got her majority of her savings from me, I send her some potion of my salary every month. We've travelled together to Korea and planned to go to Japan but didn't make it for some reason. 

 

Now, it's been just a little over a year, I've asked for a divorce the other day.

 

Here's what happened, since we're in a LDR, I have no clue of knowing what she's been up to. Yes, we talked almost every single day to make sure we are properly communicated and share our daily activities.

 

Not long after we've married, out of the blue I've got that gut feeling that I have to check her out of Tinder, so I created a fake profile and dropped the location pin on her exact position. Low and behold, there she is, proudly displaying her bikini picture I took of her at a beach. 

 

I subtly confronted her about this, and the reason I was given was this " she wanted to check on her ex", that's it.  Ok, I sort of ambivalently brushed of my doubts and  told her to delete her profile, and Ive tried to forget about this for a few months. I was hoping she would change for the better as I've been a good supporting husband physically, emotionally, and financially. 

 

And every now and then I kept doing the same thing and she kept popping up on Tinder under different name and pictures. It has been more than 4 times now I've caught her on Tinder. Later on, every time I give her serious warnings and hints she will break out into tears and blame me for not trusting her. <deleted>, she expects me to trust her after I caught her trying to score a quickie with a strangers on the interweb. Not long after , she started to lie about her work schedule and our communication was deteriorated dramatically. She started to lose interest in my life and it became a mundane relationship. 

 

Now, a year and a few months later I just gave her an ultimatum on the Whatsapp, no more support from me in any shape or form. Im going to be divorcing her when I can travel to Thailand again. That's it, i've invested my life, time and money in that woman and all i get in return is a new title ' divorce' which I never had before. 

 

Life lesson learned.

 

I'm 37 and she's 30. 

 

So please take my life for a lesson, make sure what you guys want for the end goal. Take time before getting married.

DO NOT become her financial obligation.

[marc26]

On 4/1/2020 at 8:31 AM, Muzzique said:

You are in a pickle but it is a rod of your own making. Thai culture is based on respect and for a girl to go with a man especially a Ferang before marriage can seriously damage her reputation in her village community. This is doubly so if you do not marry. Just because she was married before does not mean that she is easy and you should have respected that but despite that she gave herself to you expecting you to be the one. 

 

Once she became pregnant she expected you marry her. It is not unreasonable for her to ask for this for the sake of her and her families reputation.

 

As part of this it is expect of you to pay a dowry or Sin Sod. This is not a cash sum for the sake of it. It shows how much you value her and you are paying back her parents for the way they raised her. During the wedding the whole village will be shown the Sin Sod and it shows that she is a woman that you value and you are refunding the investment  her parents made in making her the woman she is. This is a matter of pride for her and without this it indicates you have no respect for her or her family and she is worthless. Her reputation will be destroyed and her family will feel ashamed.

 

The money asked was too high and you could have negotiated. For a woman on her second marriage and with a previous child a figure of 300-400,000 would have been more reasonable.

 

When you refused her family would have thought it was just negotiation and perhaps your partner told her parents you would offer 500,000 to ensure they would allow you to marry but was reluctant to tell you.

 

When you said no to her you totally shamed her, you basically said she was worthless and let her to go back to her family pregnant and without honor. She would think you used her then cast her away like an old shoe. That you had no compassion and she meant nothing to you.

 

From then on she was motivated by the pain you caused to her. If you would not value her then she would not value you. 

 

When she tried to reconcile I assume you still did not understand her. She gave you another chance but again I assume you put your foot in it. You had another chance to apologize and perhaps give her honor again but you didn't take it so she went back assuming you had another reason for not marrying her. Another woman perhaps.

 

She decided to forget you and to find another guy who would respect her and when you got angry she tried to hurt you. Thai women can be very unforgiving and if you hurt them will hurt you back. Then you contacted her new guy it was basically saying I don't want you but you can't have anyone else.

 

Then you asked to come to the delivery. She was having a child out of wedlock which is a huge shame for her, you had refused to pay her Sin Sod, and you just wanted to come and watch the results of her dishonor delivered. You really rubbed it in.

 

I am not surprise she didn't want to see you or let you see your child. You totally destroyed her reputation and shamed her and her family. She would want to treat you as a low life and take as much from you as she can to get back at you.

 

Then when she did offer an olive branch she sees THAT picture which totally confirms her belief that you were going with others behind her back.

 

Thai woman have a power temper and if you cross them you will get back a whole heap of trouble. Trust me I know.

You used her, shamed her, cheated on her and left her with a totally destroyed life. You are the one who created this and you are the one being made to suffer for it by her. Instead of offering to provide a home for her and your child you stepped over the fact of what you did and treated her as if she was nothing to you and said it is just for your son.

 

She is the mother of your child and if you love your son you should take care of both him and his mother as she is the one who he will love and be closest too. Hurt her and you will drive him away from you.

 

I hope you will now see what you did and what it created. I know this was done out of ignorance and you did not realize the consequences of your actions but this is what you did to her. This is why she treats you like she does.

 

How you move forwards is up to you. You made this mess and fixing it it up to you. 

 

The advice you have been given here is relevant, but if for a year you were fine and she wasn't asking for money at this time I feel sure that was not her initial motivation. What you did next made this mess.

 

If you offer money to give you her son I think you will make the mess even bigger. However I think you should know what you did. It might not fix anything but it will give you a clearer insight into what you did to her.

 

Maybe too much water has gone under the bridge but perhaps you can talk to her about what you did and how ashamed you are of your actions It might change things.  There is no simple answer to your dilemma I'm afraid.

 

This post is delusional and this thinking is the main reason so many guys have issues with their Thai wives/gf's.

Talk about putting the Thai girl on a pedestal while you give up all your culture and values.....

 

Be a normal person, be secure in what you offer as a way of lifestyle and normal support(not money) that any man would do in a marriage.

Don't be a pushover, like so many guys are in Thailand

If you are offering a good life and good marital support..............than be firm in that from the start

If the girl is actually into you for more than just money she won't worry about all this nonsense that goes on in Thailand with farangs and Thai girls

 

It amazes me that guys were intelligent enough to make money in their own country but seem to check their brains in when they fly to Thailand

 

The bottom line is so many guy are insecure and they think the only way they can keep a girl is to throw money at her, or to make themselves feel like a big shot.

Just be normal................

If you