Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

[spiceman]

Hello to everybody on this Forum. Ive read and learnt so much over the past year and now would like some good advise from you professionals please.....

Here is my Story: Going back 1.5 years ago I met this well educated Thai girl , she has her Masters degree which she studied at chulalongkorn Uni and then had a placement at Aachen Uni ( Germany ) for 6 months. The way we met was falirly strange because I met her through one of her Friends which I previously talked to over a internet chat site. (Thailandfriends.com)

I talked to my (now)Thai girlfriend for about 6 months on msn before actually meeting her in bkk. The first day I arrived in Thailand I could feel that maybe I got lucky when she pulled up in a fairly decent car to pick me up from my hotel, Since then we have spent many months together in Bkk and Germany , also England. She has just gone back home to carry on with her Job in Bkk as a Technical sales representative - Her profession is that she installs and gives advise to doctors about heart pacemakers and Icd units. she works for a well known heart pacemaking company.

Now this is the problem we have: After she spent many weeks in England she has told me that she dosent really want to live here becuase of the lifestyle, food etc.

I love this girl very much but for us to be together I need to leave my fairly well paid Job. Im an aeronautical ground lighting engineer. Ive applied for many jobs over the Internet to work in the Engineering field in bkk but as of yet nothing. My plan is to leave England and my job so we can be together in Thailand. I have enough savings to last me 2 years whilst studying Thai and looking for work. She has also said that if I need help after the 2 years she will be their to help me! She has met all my family and friends which they all like her... She is 30 and I'm 35.

My question is should I go for it and take the gamble or is that a stupid decision to make ? I've read so many reports that its hard finding work in bkk im getting the Jitters in handing my notice in.

Please help because its sending me crazy thinking what I should do.

Thanks for the Interest.

[britmaveric]

Life is too short, go for it!!!

[Jimjim]

It sounds like you have a great girl to me. That doesn't mean you'll live happily ever after, but you have a better start than most with their Thai girlfriends, in my opinion.

About finding work in Bangkok, it is hard. You could get a student visa to study Thai and do that for a year, and then you may be able to find work in a multi-national corporation if your Thai skills are quite good. While you're studying, you could do a little English teaching on the side.

[DragonQuest]

I left my job after 5 years in America, Ive been with my thai girl for 7 years, I have now been living in Bkk for over 2 years so far so good, i say go for it, you can always go back and work man, goodluck.

[Maizefarmer]

You must do what you feel is best.

As for work - would think it unlikely you're going to get work in Bkk in that specific field, but if you're willing to consider work elsewhere in South East Asia you may well stand a better chance - and then use Bkk as a base.

Phillips Lighting have an ex-pat staff compliment in Thailand (Bkk) and played a role in the lighting for the new airport. Touch base with them - sure someone there could guve you some advise.

What about starting your own business - lots of ex-pats building their own houses in Thailand. I simply don't know, but a willingness to seek employment outside of your specilised field (but in eletrical engineering - if I've understood that right) would be the way to go I would think.

I wouldn't burn my bridges - committ yourself for a period of say around 6 months - and then make a longer term desicion.

I wish you all the best - Thailand is a lovely country, nice people and I'm sure you'll like.

Starting your own business has to be the way to go ultimately.

MF

[kayo]

do it. if the facts are as you state, and it feels right, do it.

worst case, you can always go back.

best case, you've made a brave life changing decision that you'll never regret.

Don't marry her immediately though. Use those two years (or part of them) as a "period of fiance"

(fiance(e) = from french for ConFIANCE, meaning a confidence, and representing a period of truly getting to know profoundly your potential future other half. )

[cdnvic]

I think your own business would be a better way to spend that money. If you have good qualifications you can always go home and get work if it doesn't work out, and that you will know within a year if it's going to work or not.

[Jamie]

Maybe you could go on sabbatical for a year in Thailand to see if it's the right choice for you. I'd discuss this option with your work first and see what they have to say. It gives you a full year to test the waters and if it's not for you, you have a job to go back to.

[Mighty Mouse]

She is the clever one. She regards her career more important than her relationship. (or perhaps she just doesn't like the UK. )

I'm suggesting that you should do the same.

Both of you are in your early 30's, have plenty of time up your sleeve to work on your relationship (true love will always find a way) but these early years are critical as far as forging a worthwhile career path.

Without a good paying job, you aren't an attractive prospect to an ambitious, motivated, corporate professional.

Falling in love with someone who lives in another country creates many hurdles, but you shouldn't sacrifice/gamble with your ability to earn a respectable income so as to provide comforts for the rest of your life.

Let your head make the ultimate decision, not your heart.

[Crossy]

Go for it

Assuming you have a degree at the very worst you can gravitate towards teaching. The secret to getting decent jobs is network, network, network, get to know the players in the industry, and the only way to do that effectively is to be here. All the big consultancy groups have offices in BKK, make some cold calls (or at least cold emails).

That said, you will probably have to use South East Asia as an operations area (India is coming good at present) and commute to LoS on a regular basis, it's what I do (sat in the Hyatt in Mumbai as I write).

You don't say what branch of 'engineering' your expertise lies in, let us know. You never know what may come of it

Finally, if it all goes tits up you're still young enough to go back to the UK to earn your pennies.

[aussiestyle1983]

Life is too short, go for it!!!

Well said.

Your girl also sounds like a good one.

If you want to have a relationship with this woman and possibly get married or start a family with her, you should come here and see what its like. However, if you don't want to be with her forever, well then, thats another story................

[mikethevigoman]

Hello to everybody on this Forum. Ive read and learnt so much over the past year and now would like some good advise from you professionals please.....

Here is my Story: Going back 1.5 years ago I met this well educated Thai girl , she has her Masters degree which she studied at chulalongkorn Uni and then had a placement at Aachen Uni ( Germany ) for 6 months. The way we met was falirly strange because I met her through one of her Friends which I previously talked to over a internet chat site. (Thailandfriends.com)

I talked to my (now)Thai girlfriend for about 6 months on msn before actually meeting her in bkk. The first day I arrived in Thailand I could feel that maybe I got lucky when she pulled up in a fairly decent car to pick me up from my hotel, Since then we have spent many months together in Bkk and Germany , also England. She has just gone back home to carry on with her Job in Bkk as a Technical sales representative - Her profession is that she installs and gives advise to doctors about heart pacemakers and Icd units. she works for a well known heart pacemaking company.

Now this is the problem we have: After she spent many weeks in England she has told me that she dosent really want to live here becuase of the lifestyle, food etc.

I love this girl very much but for us to be together I need to leave my fairly well paid Job. Im an aeronautical ground lighting engineer. Ive applied for many jobs over the Internet to work in the Engineering field in bkk but as of yet nothing. My plan is to leave England and my job so we can be together in Thailand. I have enough savings to last me 2 years whilst studying Thai and looking for work. She has also said that if I need help after the 2 years she will be their to help me! She has met all my family and friends which they all like her... She is 30 and I'm 35.

My question is should I go for it and take the gamble or is that a stupid decision to make ? I've read so many reports that its hard finding work in bkk im getting the Jitters in handing my notice in.

Please help because its sending me crazy thinking what I should do.

Thanks for the Interest.

Perhaps give it a little longer before moving over,. as you are asking for advise you are obviously not 100 per cent yourself,. your lady is being honest ( and sensible ) not wanting to stay in the uk ,.most of the thai girls in the uk dont like it , also after waiting a while you may get a job offer, then you would have 2 reasons to come to thailand, good luck,.

[Head Snake]

aeronautical ground lighting engineer....

Interesting. I would have thought airport ground lighting was fairly commoditized.

I say don't go for it. SHe has made her choice.

[Dakhar]

She is the clever one. She regards her career more important than her relationship. (or perhaps she just doesn't like the UK. )

I'm suggesting that you should do the same.

Both of you are in your early 30's, have plenty of time up your sleeve to work on your relationship (true love will always find a way) but these early years are critical as far as forging a worthwhile career path.

Without a good paying job, you aren't an attractive prospect to an ambitious, motivated, corporate professional.

Falling in love with someone who lives in another country creates many hurdles, but you shouldn't sacrifice/gamble with your ability to earn a respectable income so as to provide comforts for the rest of your life.

Let your head make the ultimate decision, not your heart.

I think you will find that it will be you for the rest of your life or the rest of this relationship making concessions. Yes dear, you want to live with momey, yes dear lets live with momey. Yes dear you want the baby to sleep with us until he is 18 yes dear that is fine. Yes dear you would like for me to support your family, and you sisters family etc.. Sure it is the right thing to do...

Yep, good luck to you. The type of job she has she could do anywhere, due to her language skills. How is your Thai? My point is, she has the ability to move to your area of the world, and you do not have the ability to move to hers and function.

If you spoke Thai fluently, Id say go for it... that is if you did not mind living with mommy and daddy and the sister and the sisters kid, and the cousins next door etc.

Good luck

[taxexile]

She is the clever one. She regards her career more important than her relationship.

i would go for it , life here can be very very good in many ways , but you would be wise to remember the above comment.

She has also said that if I need help after the 2 years she will be their to help me!

..... but i wouldnt rely too much on this one......yet.

[KireB]

A good realtionship should be in balance.

If you are willing to leave your job, life, football club, friends, ect.. in the UK,

she should love you enough to do the same.

If you decide to move to Thailand, it's gonna be real tough, sheer impossible, to invest in your future.

When your relationship would end, you'll have nothing here and not much back home.

And what if you'll get kids in the future. I mean Thailand is lovely and so, but wouldn't the UK be a better environment to raise kids.

A lot of questions, many things to consider, but whatever you do, don't burn your bridges!

[El Taco Loco]

It seems the decision has been made for you. She is not willing to compromise. Test her....

Tilac Jah, why not live in England for one year first?

You will leave a well paid job and career for possibly teaching jobs in BKK? At the end of the day, who is going to pay the bills? Her? You?

Date her longer.... she is not ready.

[solo siam]

She is the clever one. She regards her career more important than her relationship. (or perhaps she just doesn't like the UK. )

I'm suggesting that you should do the same.

Both of you are in your early 30's, have plenty of time up your sleeve to work on your relationship (true love will always find a way) but these early years are critical as far as forging a worthwhile career path.

Without a good paying job, you aren't an attractive prospect to an ambitious, motivated, corporate professional.

Falling in love with someone who lives in another country creates many hurdles, but you shouldn't sacrifice/gamble with your ability to earn a respectable income so as to provide comforts for the rest of your life.

Let your head make the ultimate decision, not your heart.

As a headhunter in a previous life I would disagree with this point of view, your 30-odd so 2 years spend in another country either contracting or running your own company would in fact look good on your CV - Most employees and entrepreneurs understand how difficult it can be to adapt in another culture and what skills are learned. Several of my previous clients asked me to actually look for people that stood out with their experiences in this way, travelling for any length of time, living in another country, running their own business etc...

I came out here at 25 from a very well paying job, I still get offers to go back and work in the UK and have had numerous offers and opportunities here from people I have met, and thats important as who you know is often as important as what you know. Seriously 2 years could be written off as a sabbatical even if you do nothing over here, add in a bit of travelling, some contract work or running a website/other business and it will stand out on your CV, not hamper it in any way.

If you love the girl you don't really have much of a choice. If you don't or can't see that happening then don't bother.

Edited April 13, 2007 by Ben@H3-Digital

[Mobi]

How about going for some kind of compromise.

Suggest to the young lady that she spend the next year or so in the UK with you while you both work hard to increase your savings for your eventual move back to Thailand. Right now is not a good time to come to Thailand and seek work, so it may be better to wait a while, to see if the climate improves. In the meantime you can ply your trade in the UK,maybe she can get a job there and you can both put more money in the bank, which as has been suggested, may set you up in business eventually.

Your lady is clearly sophisticated, and while I can fully understand her preference to live in Thailand, she obviously has survived well overseas before, and no doubt could do so again for a period of time. It is not inconceivable that she may grow to like the UK, once she has been there for a while - I know countless Thai ladies - including my ex wife, who are very happy there and will never come back to live permanently in Thailand.

Try talking to her along these lines - emphasising that it is in both of your best interests for a year or so, and assure her that she can make periodic trips back home. It will be interesting to see her reaction, and help you to judge her commitment to this relationship.

I appreciate there may be some visa issues at play here, but take it one step at a time, and see how she reacts.

Good luck, mate.

[Loz]

Funny how people fall into two distinct catagories. Classicists and Romantics.

If you can indeed love like you have never been hurt then move and to hel_l with the consequences!

If your head is getting in the way they you'll already have asked yourself, "If I give up power now, will I ever have any in the future". Of course should the boot be on the other foot, as a seemingly intelligent woman she would ask the same question of herself. Seems she has, and come up with an answer that works "FOR HER".

You seem like a normal bloke and I wish you every happiness. As Yoda says, "Where there is doubt, there is no doubt".

[spiceman]

Well what a response by everybody, just finished reading all these posts and I'm amazed at the amount of input you all gave.

Thanks very much.

My first initial thoughts right now are to go for it! Like many have said - whats the worst can happen? Just end up catching a flight back home....

Let me clear a few things up regarding my work here in England - I currently specialize in Airport lighting ( working on the control systems in ATC towers and Runway/Taxiway lighting systems) Have been working in this field for the last 8 years. Before that I was a Electrical engineer with 10 years experiance in Electrical control systems and equipment. I do not hold a Degree but have many other Engineering certificates.

I think if worst come to worst and I needed to came back after the 2 years my money would be minus 18k per year working back in general electrical field as I was 10 years ago... but hey whats money !!! Happiness is everything right?

I've asked my company for a sabbatical but unfortunately they have stopped this a couple of years ago. My manager has said to me that I would stand a good chance of getting a job back in the company but he's afraid this can't be guaranteed.

Many of you have said about starting my own buisness , do you mean in the Electrical field or in anything general??? Some have said about teaching English - But I can assure you that I'm no English teacher, what qualification would someone need for that?

I can Understand why my girlfriend dosen't want to work here in England and I've seen first hand her working in bkk and having the lifestyle what she is use to.

Thanks again Everybody , You have made me feel better just by talking about it!

[WaiWai]

I don't think your choice is as black and white as you might think. Many couples now work in different countries. It can be fun, in some ways.

Satisfying work is an important part of life (if one's fortunate enough to have such work). It would seem a waste to abandon your career to live in BKK, if your line of work provides you with satisfaction, and also a waste to throw away the years you have spent studying and building your career.

Does jumping on a plane sound appealing partly because you don't really find your work satisying, and feel ready for a change, regardless of the issue with your girlfriend ? Or does it just sound appealing in a <deleted>, escapist kind of way ?

I advise : don't rush; start looking at the many options for where you might base yourself.

Giving up your means of income ( & perhaps future means of income) puts you in too vulnerable a position. And it's not necessary to do so, and still maintain the relationship.

Let us know what happens.

[macb]

I have mentioned my Scenario in another Topic so am not going to bore guys here again with it.

All I will say is my ole mother bless her (86 yrs) and I am her only child said to me in 2004 'Follow your heart son'

I will say to you matey 'Life is not a rehearsal you only get one chance'

Good Luck

[aznyron]

Hello to everybody on this Forum. Ive read and learnt so much over the past year and now would like some good advise from you professionals please.....

Here is my Story: Going back 1.5 years ago I met this well educated Thai girl , she has her Masters degree which she studied at chulalongkorn Uni and then had a placement at Aachen Uni ( Germany ) for 6 months. The way we met was falirly strange because I met her through one of her Friends which I previously talked to over a internet chat site. (Thailandfriends.com)

I talked to my (now)Thai girlfriend for about 6 months on msn before actually meeting her in bkk. The first day I arrived in Thailand I could feel that maybe I got lucky when she pulled up in a fairly decent car to pick me up from my hotel, Since then we have spent many months together in Bkk and Germany , also England. She has just gone back home to carry on with her Job in Bkk as a Technical sales representative - Her profession is that she installs and gives advise to doctors about heart pacemakers and Icd units. she works for a well known heart pacemaking company.

Now this is the problem we have: After she spent many weeks in England she has told me that she dosent really want to live here becuase of the lifestyle, food etc.

I love this girl very much but for us to be together I need to leave my fairly well paid Job. Im an aeronautical ground lighting engineer. Ive applied for many jobs over the Internet to work in the Engineering field in bkk but as of yet nothing. My plan is to leave England and my job so we can be together in Thailand. I have enough savings to last me 2 years whilst studying Thai and looking for work. She has also said that if I need help after the 2 years she will be their to help me! She has met all my family and friends which they all like her... She is 30 and I'm 35.

My question is should I go for it and take the gamble or is that a stupid decision to make ? I've read so many reports that its hard finding work in bkk im getting the Jitters in handing my notice in.

Please help because its sending me crazy thinking what I should do.

Thanks for the Interest.

want some real advice keep your job in the UK a move like that could be a big downfall in your life don't throw it away on a girl whom you only know for a short time and if she really loved you she would relocate to the UK to be with you she can always go home to visit family once you give up your position in the UK it all over for you trust me i am a street smart kid from Brooklyn new York USA

[Head Snake]

quote:

Let me clear a few things up regarding my work here in England - I currently specialize in Airport lighting ( working on the control systems in ATC towers and Runway/Taxiway lighting systems) Have been working in this field for the last 8 years. Before that I was a Electrical engineer with 10 years experiance in Electrical control systems and equipment. I do not hold a Degree but have many other Engineering certificates.

I think if worst come to worst and I needed to came back after the 2 years my money would be minus 18k per year working back in general electrical field as I was 10 years ago... but hey whats money !!! Happiness is everything right?

I've asked my company for a sabbatical but unfortunately they have stopped this a couple of years ago. My manager has said to me that I would stand a good chance of getting a job back in the company but he's afraid this can't be guaranteed.

Many of you have said about starting my own buisness , do you mean in the Electrical field or in anything general??? Some have said about teaching English - But I can assure you that I'm no English teacher, what qualification would someone need for that?"

do the math. extrapolate... Things don't add up. How is this guy's christmas tree light up??

I now say go for it. Your future is bright, I wear shades.

If not, I apoligizxze

[Farma]

She’s educated and has Chula connections. Old school tie and all that. You never know she might be able to find a job for you through those connections.

By the sound of it she'll have a decent paying job in Thailand; you could also look at starting a business together.

I’d say go for it.

[sunshine13]

what were you doing on thailandfriends.com ???

only you can answer your questions, but it'd make sure in my mind that i was commited to her because you have a decent career and who knows what you will find in thailand... if you have no job, and Mom is at work all day, and you are the type of guy who used to cruise thailandfriends.com ... then....

[spiceman]

what were you doing on thailandfriends.com ???

only you can answer your questions, but it'd make sure in my mind that i was commited to her because you have a decent career and who knows what you will find in thailand... if you have no job, and Mom is at work all day, and you are the type of guy who used to cruise thailandfriends.com ... then....

Hello Sunshine

I thought someone would ask what was I doing on thailandfriends sooner or later.. To be honest it was my first trip to Thailand so I thought it would be a good to speak to local people from bangkok, asking about hotels, food, excursions etc. I never went there searching for a girl. It was her that contacted me on my usual email address which she obtained through her friend.

Thanks for your advice.

[Khun ?]

Seems for a couple years you can continue to see each other every couple months by trading who

does the flying and vacation time. If you are still together in that time, then will be the time to

make such drastic changes when you have more savings. No need to walk off a cliff just yet.

[spiceman]

Seems for a couple years you can continue to see each other every couple months by trading who

does the flying and vacation time. If you are still together in that time, then will be the time to

make such drastic changes when you have more savings. No need to walk off a cliff just yet.

Hi Khun.

Would you have any idea how much savings one would need? How long would 20k pounds last in the land of smiles. I will also be renting my house out in the mean time whilst im gone.

I dont wish to burn money whilst staying looking for work in Thailand but then again I dont wish to go without...

Any idea's anyone???

Thanks