Wife always getting angry and short tempered..

[BritManToo]

5 minutes ago, Keyser Soze666 said:

The thing is, this is not going to change, probably just get worse. Having kids has boxed me in, don't want to walk away from them, but at the same time I deserve to be happy too, or maybe not?

You do deserve to be happy, and you're right, she will only get worse.

Better to leave sooner than later.

[Keyser Soze666]

3 minutes ago, 86Tiger said:

I feel your pain, OP.

 

Mine is grumpy half her life and seems brought on at times simply because I am feeling good and smiling.  I have come to conclusion some just have to be miserable and complaining to be happy.

 

But when those babies crawl up in my lap and give me a hug it doesn't really matter at all.  I accept nothing I can say or do will change her attitude so to hell with it, I'll go about my business.  She can't drain the life out of me if I don't allow it.

I actually do think you make a very good point. maybe I should stop giving her any attention, don't say nothing to her, asking her what is wrong etc..just let her get on with it.

[Orton Rd]

5 minutes ago, Keyser Soze666 said:

Agree. she is 40

Too young for menopause, that's just an excuse anyway for their anger, aggression and moodiness. Thank goodness we don't have any kids.

[CorpusChristie]

14 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Bipolar and since bipolar, narcissistic tendencies follow with the highs. Extreme mood swings, short fuse, sleeping a lot, no interest in things that used to make her happy. Blaming others for problems she creates. Thinking she's always right, rages, physical abuse, thinking  nothing ever will improve. Sometimes wants to be dead. Complaining about things that weren't a problem before. never satisfied no matter how many things are bought. Been there, am there somewhat again, had best friend kill himself from it, have relatives that have it, and Robin Williams is just one well known actor/comedian that died from it, although he had everything in life. It ruins most marriages, and until the person can admit they have a problem, everything is your fault. With medication (the right one), the serotonin levels will be more stable, and the moods will level out, without the extreme mood swings. Millions have it, and especially here, where life is generally boring. Nothing to do but sleep and work. Life is same same every day. Menopause usually starts between 45 and 55, so that probably isn't it, especially if this started earlier.

And I do feel that the Thai soap operas on television have some influence on some peoples behavior

The Thai soaps where everyone is always screaming and shouting at each other, attacking each other , having affairs and when they deal with everything by screaming and shouting and going crazy

 

[robblok]

5 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

You do deserve to be happy, and you're right, she will only get worse.

Better to leave sooner than later.

That is certainly true, after making sure there wont be any improvement then yes better to end it sooner then later. 

[ravip]

6 minutes ago, 86Tiger said:

I feel your pain, OP.

 

Mine is grumpy half her life and seems brought on at times simply because I am feeling good and smiling.  I have come to conclusion some just have to be miserable and complaining to be happy.

 

But when those babies crawl up in my lap and give me a hug it doesn't really matter at all.  I accept nothing I can say or do will change her attitude so to hell with it, I'll go about my business.  She can't drain the life out of me if I don't allow it.

You are tough. Got rid of two. OK, no Kids

[robblok]

1 minute ago, Keyser Soze666 said:

I actually do think you make a very good point. maybe I should stop giving her any attention, don't say nothing to her, asking her what is wrong etc..just let her get on with it.

Is this a recent thing ? I mean if it is hormonal or mental maybe something can be done. But if this was always this way and you now start to get bothered with it then there is no saving anymore. 

 

You can still take care of your kids even without her. Yes its hard but maybe your happier that way. Maybe shared custody. 

 

But id first talk with her so she knows how serious you are about this.

[Pilotman]

13 minutes ago, Keyser Soze666 said:

Hear what you're saying, I know we have our 'disagreements' but I do appreciate you as a poster.

 

The thing is, this is not going to change, probably just get worse. Having kids has boxed me in, don't want to walk away from them, but at the same time I deserve to be happy too, or maybe not?

Do get a blood hormone check as a first step. I'm  sure that she doesn't wish to be like that , who would, and it may just be a hormone imbalance that can get fixed with medication. Perhaps Sheryl will have some good advice.  

[fredwiggy]

Just now, Keyser Soze666 said:

Yea agree with all that mate, and it sounds very much like my missus. And yes, it will only get worse.

 

Yes, it's so boring here, I'm losing my mind. My 80 year old mother has a better social life than me, no joke.

With kids involved, sticking in and trying to convince her she needs help is best, although the stigma makes it hard. "I'm not crazy, you are". No, you aren't crazy,but you have to admit,you go from happy to very angry in a matter of minutes, and most days are sleeping, brooding and looking at the ceiling. I'm going through some of that now, and I've tried to just shut up when she goes off. It works, because she usually comes back later and is ok. Before, it was, "you talk too much". yes, because you don't talk, and look away when I try to talk. Sometimes they run and hide, thinking the problem will go away, but no matter where they go, it follows them,and sometimes they realize that it's been in their lives since the teen years, and that's when it starts. relationship troubles all their lives, and always thinking there is something better out there. Most people won't tolerate it, and especially here. You give a Thai man <deleted>, he's gone. Plenty more where she came from. the kids cannot be left with them, as they aren't the best of mom's, just doing the bare minimum, and hoping the schools open so they don't have to deal with them. maybe grandma can take care of my kid. I'll go back to Bangkok and just send money home. Thailand leads the world in children raised by grandparents. More than 25%, and that bodes very bad for future generations. Grandparents, especially from our generation, and especially here, are uneducated, usually working at the farm, and the kids aren't being watched. That leads to drug use, teenage pregnancies and problems with the law. Vicious cycle. A pill can work miracles,  IF they'll take it, and if it's the right one. Getting them that far is hard anywhere, but especially here where psychotherapy isn't as prevalent as in advanced countries.

[Pilotman]

3 minutes ago, Orton Rd said:

Too young for menopause, that's just an excuse anyway for their anger, aggression and moodiness. Thank goodness we don't have any kids.

no true, menopause can occur at almost any age, it's very individual. 

 

 https://www.jostrust.org.uk/information/living-with-cervical-cancer/menopause?gclid=Cj0KCQjwu8r4BRCzARIsAA21i_Cnn7KAGOhDmsArrN92V9lUARm7Bf72TmjT5itBjRKuMn9J4qYy-RIaAu8tEALw_wcB

[BritManToo]

Just now, robblok said:

Is this a recent thing ? I mean if it is hormonal or mental maybe something can be done. But if this was always this way and you now start to get bothered with it then there is no saving anymore. 

Nah, I put up with this for years back in the UK.

Looking back, I should have jumped at the first signs.

It's hard to leave but you have to decide, endure or not!

The one thing for sure is she will only get worse.

[Keyser Soze666]

2 minutes ago, Pilotman said:

Do get a blood hormone check as a first step. I'm  sure that she doesn't wish to be like that , who would, and it may just be a hormone imbalance that can get fixed with medication. Perhaps Sheryl will have some good advice.  

Haha Sheryl?? Do me a favour.

 

I'm talking about the real world here, you seem to be away with the fairies.

[lemonjelly]

Food....  order some food in, mentally spicy somtam usually cheers them up

[BritManToo]

1 minute ago, fredwiggy said:

You give a Thai man <deleted>, he's gone. 

 .... or he beats you senseless.

[kingofthemountain]

42 minutes ago, lust said:

Maybe you should sit down and ask her the same question? 

From my experience this method doesn't work at all with Thais

[fredwiggy]

Just now, BritManToo said:

Nah, I put up with this for years back in the UK.

Looking back, I should have jumped at the first signs.

It's hard to leave but you have to decide, endure or not!

The one thing for sure is she will only get worse.

Agree with the last line. Many will leave, I don't want to live my latter years like this, but some have kids, and they are the priority now, because you are the parent.It will get worse, and some will end it. Being miserable isn't fun, and staying doesn't fix things, unless they start to see it isn't you. If you say nothing and just be nice, no matter what, they have no ammunition to use. Just one little argument can get them to go ballistic, because all you want to do is be assertive .

[Orton Rd]

8 minutes ago, Pilotman said:

Do get a blood hormone check as a first step. I'm  sure that she doesn't wish to be like that , who would, and it may just be a hormone imbalance that can get fixed with medication. Perhaps Sheryl will have some good advice.  

Her sort would never agree to that- not her fault so no need for checks. I got mine to take evening primrose oil telling her it was good for the skin, but it has not made much difference. Mine has never seen a Dr about anything in 20 years apart from a dog bite. She has argued about where to cross the road, if it's raining or not and had a melt down abroad demanding a flight back home because I did not offer to help with the washing up I had no idea she was doing. I have found the best responses are either ignore or make fun of them, sometimes laughing at them stops it.

Edited July 18, 2020 by Orton Rd

[Shot]

Should have nipped it in the bud. 

[Keyser Soze666]

Just now, kingofthemountain said:

From my experience this method doesn't work at all with Thais

Of course it doesn't.

[robblok]

2 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Nah, I put up with this for years back in the UK.

Looking back, I should have jumped at the first signs.

It's hard to leave but you have to decide, endure or not!

The one thing for sure is she will only get worse.

I have put up with this too long in the Netherlands too. My mistake and yes i had to have packed up faster. However in this case there are kids. So all options should be explored first IMHO.

 

I once was with a girl that had mood swings but some medicine fixed that. Sometimes things can be fixed if there is a mental problem. If this is not the case then yes make plans to exit and think about the kids ect. 

 

Im lucky never had kids don't want them so if I have to jump ship its easy.

[fredwiggy]

Diabetes is very prevalent here, and is what my wife has. metformin, although it does regulate blood sugar, has many bad side effects, and one is depression. Cure one disease, exacerbate another. What sometimes works is if you can sneak St. John's Wort into their food. It's natural and works a little.

Edited July 18, 2020 by fredwiggy

[Pilotman]

8 minutes ago, Keyser Soze666 said:

Haha Sheryl?? Do me a favour.

 

I'm talking about the real world here, you seem to be away with the fairies.

There you go again, insulting the very people who are trying to help and be constructive.  Judging you from your posts and your forum attitude, I am not at all surprised that she is pxxxed off  and grumpy with you. I'm out of this, deal with it. 

[Heppinger]

22 minutes ago, Keyser Soze666 said:

Hear what you're saying, I know we have our 'disagreements' but I do appreciate you as a poster.

 

The thing is, this is not going to change, probably just get worse. Having kids has boxed me in, don't want to walk away from them, but at the same time I deserve to be happy too, or maybe not?

Your a lucky man having Thai kids dedicate yourself to them and treat them well as they will return the favor when your old and decrepit and not just stick you in a nursing home.  As you know Thai culture is very different to western, including within relationships.  Some Thai women wont respect men who are indecisive or "easy going".   Show her your teeth, let her know why evolution decided you, and not her, should have testosterone. 

[Orton Rd]

She's just had a go at me now, somebody just delivered something and I answered the door as she was asleep as usual, apparently I was rude to her 'guests' as she knew the kids in tow. Silly me should have invited them in for a nosh up. Not loving her family is a favorite along with forgetting to wai the one she calls her mother (she's adopted) Then there is a permanent list of faults including you have no friends (did have before) you cannot make baby (bit of luck there then) and the good old if you don't like Thailand go back home. She used to like to go out now just wants to stay in all the time and watch Korean soaps, eating and phone, that's about it. Not really as much fun as it used to be.

[kingofthemountain]

35 minutes ago, lee b said:

My Thai ex was like that, so I binned it and traded her in for a younger model. Will not put up with that rubbish anymore.

Yes i have had exactly the same problem with all my ex (Wife, gf)

untill one day i have decided it was time for me to be really happy

divorced with the wife (15 years together), finished with the GF (7 years together)

now i only rent, and only in the 20\25 years old range, 1 hour, 1 day or 1 week, up to me

on the long run it's cheaper and i have only the good moments

i don't have anymore to deal with a sad face or an unpleasant routine

life is short and we have only one, don't wait to enjoy it

 

Edited July 18, 2020 by kingofthemountain

[OneMoreFarang]

Maybe she does what she does because she can do. You let her do it.

When I met my gf all was perfect. And when she made "mistakes" I helped her and forgave her.

And over the time she learned that I let her misbehave. And she misbehaved more.

My behavior was also not perfect. But in a way that was good for her because she could argue that she can be bad because I was bad.

Over time the situation got worse and at some stage I just had enough of it. She sometimes visited family up country and I told her to stay there. I don't want to see you.

And at the same time I had a look at other girls and I rediscovered that there are many beautiful and very nice girls in Thailand.

And I was seriously considering to break up with her after many years and enjoy life again.

And then my gf changed. Because she realized that she won't get away with her behavior anymore. She understood that she has to change to the better or I will be gone and she has to look for a new sponsor.

She changed and now most of the time she is a nice girl again. And when once in a while she gets some stupid ideas I tell her if she goes on like that then she can pack her things can go home to her family because I don't need that s$#%. And because I tell this to her like I mean it because I actually mean it then soon she behaves again.

 

I think in general with Thai, and maybe not only Thai, girls it is necessary that she knows she has to behave - or else.

 

Obviously your situation is more difficult with kids. But maybe you should decide that this is no way to live for you and you won't accept it. And when you really realized that then tell her to shape up or that's it. She has to understand that you won't accept her behavior anymore.

 

P.S.: I have no idea if that will help you and will work in your situation. It might, and this is why I write it here.

 

[BritManToo]

Just now, Orton Rd said:

She's just had a go at me now, somebody just delivered something and I answered the door as she was asleep as usual, apparently I was rude to her 'guests' as she knew the kids in tow. Silly me should have invited them in for a nosh up. Not loving her family is a favorite along with forgetting to wai the one she calls her mother (she's adopted) Then there is a permanent list of faults including you have no friends (did have before) you cannot make baby (bit of luck there then) and the good old if you don't like Thailand go back home. She used to like to go out now just wants to stay in all the time and watch Korean soaps, eating and phone, that's about it. Not really as much fun as it used to be.

Plenty of ladies on ThaiFriendly happy to go out for a free meal.

[Keyser Soze666]

5 minutes ago, Pilotman said:

There you go again, insulting the very people who are trying to help and be constructive.  Judging you from your posts and your forum attitude, I am not at all surprised that she is pxxxed off  and grumpy with you. I'm out of this, deal with it. 

Just saying you should get out into the real world a bit. Those expats that you look down your nose at who go out drinking maybe you should go join them and come out from behind your tranquil innocent little life.

 

You actually suggested Sheryl?? I mean really, come on!

[poohy]

Menopause !! God be with you its painful

[heiri007]

Difficult topic. Even more difficult, since it's difficult to have a discussion with a Thai - man or woman - based on logic and arguments. It all gets emotional quickly without any relation to what was just talked about. So you cannot solve problems by discussing.

 

As someone pointed out, hormones play an important role in biochemical process in our bodies, and moods are widely influenced by hormones. That might be a start, but of course how to convince her to get a checkup since you OP are blamed for everyting?

 

Did you try talk to her in-laws? Does she have a history? Was she like this as a child? Many women in Thailand were and are mistreated and it reflects in later years. Imagine a MeToo-movement would be started here. It would disrupt everything. That's why there's no MeToo-movement here in the first place.

 

I'd probably do what normally only women are able to do: separate, pull the plug. Even if painful for you and the kids, she might realize what she has in you and you are in a stronger position. Of course, everything will return to the old normal quickly if you can't resist her.

 

But it's up to you to take your life into your own hands,. Don't mind what others say and how others judge you. If starting anew is not for you and you feel too much guilt, you can always return.