Do I tell my friend or not? Or best left unsaid.

[brianthainess]

1 hour ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Sooooo, what are you going to do if she abandons him or he tells her to get lost? Are you going to take care of him?

Absolutely YES

[OneMoreFarang]

Why would you tell him?

 

Many of us who live in Thailand for years had likely situations were we had information which would be interesting for our associates or friends but because it's bad news we don't really want to be the messenger of the bad news. 

 

Personally I keep Information like that to myself. I don't go forward like: There is something I must tell you.

No, I don't have to tell anybody!

If a friend asks me a direct question like if I know if his missus is active with other men then I will tell him. But only if he asks. If he doesn't ask then likely (at least IMHO) he doesn't want to know. Or he knows it already but doesn't want to talk about it.

 

There is no point for us to tell people what they likely don't want to know. And then we are the bad guys for telling the bad news.

[brianthainess]

2 hours ago, 4MyEgo said:

before borrowing the money against the house,

Where did I say that? More likely from friends and loan sharks.

 

19 minutes ago, whitewolfchefny said:

so after hesitation i told him and he thanked me

End of post.

[tandor]

...tell him; i wish someone had alerted me earlier too.

[tandor]

7 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Why would you tell him?

 

Many of us who live in Thailand for years had likely situations were we had information which would be interesting for our associates or friends but because it's bad news we don't really want to be the messenger of the bad news. 

 

Personally I keep Information like that to myself. I don't go forward like: There is something I must tell you.

No, I don't have to tell anybody!

If a friend asks me a direct question like if I know if his missus is active with other men then I will tell him. But only if he asks. If he doesn't ask then likely (at least IMHO) he doesn't want to know. Or he knows it already but doesn't want to talk about it.

 

There is no point for us to tell people what they likely don't want to know. And then we are the bad guys for telling the bad news.

...all or any of my friends and associates are encouraged to keep me up to date, as i would them.

[OneMoreFarang]

3 minutes ago, tandor said:

...all or any of my friends and associates are encouraged to keep me up to date, as i would them.

Ok, fine. Just make sure you know they want to know.

Because it seems there are many people out there who prefer to live in their dream-world.

[4MyEgo]

1 hour ago, brianthainess said:

4 hours ago, 4MyEgo said:

before borrowing the money against the house,

Where did I say that? More likely from friends and loan sharks.

 

Reading from your original post: "She borrowed money, without telling him, for "her dad's dialysis hospital bills", now one would generally assume when one is borrowing money for hospital treatment for such, it would be an expensive treatment for a Thai and that they would need some kind of asset to put up as security for a loan. 

 

You didn't say she borrowed money against the house, now if it was friends which I doubt or a loan shark I am sure they would want some kind of guarantee unless they are totally stupid.

 

The fact that she upped and left is suspect, Thai's don't usually run when they owe money, they say, sorry, no have, will pay later. Besides a quick Google search on dialysis treatment shows it isn't that much after all, i.e. unless he stayed in a private hospital for a while.

 

Like I said before, as she didn't discuss it with him means she is a liar and will take what she can from him till she has had enough, I mean they could have stayed in the house vs renting and paid the money that they would be using on rent to make repayments on the loan, running away from the problem isn't the answer unless she borrowed big, which I would assume she did, that or the below which is more likely.

 

Perhaps she was selling illegal lottery tickets and someone one won and she doesn't have the money to cough up, a common thing among Thai villagers, they skip town for a while, has happened twice in ours.

 

Anyways whatever, hope your mate is happy and will continue being looked after.

Edited December 5, 2020 by 4MyEgo

[grobec]

If married before house purchase, Get a lawyer and immediately register him as husband on the chanots. Blocks any sale or loan as 1/2 belongs to him.

[DogNo1]

After my experiences with my ex-wife in Vietnam, I learned to only trust myself.  In Thailand, I only rent - never buy.  I only bring in about 70,000 baht on a monthly basis.  If I need any caretaking in the future, I will pay for it on a monthly basis and make it clear that I do not lend money.  I have lent money to housekeepers or paid them in advance and it has never worked out.  If you become too friendly with people who work for you, you are vulnerable to their requests for money.  This kind of attitude is probably not attractive to elderly people in poor health who are looking for a sympathetic person who will just take care of things for them.  If the OP's friend is up to it emotionally, it would be good for him to take control of the situation and salvage whatever funds he has left.  Just playing along with his wife will inevitably result in his losing everything.

I had a friend in Japan who fell victim to a similar situation.  His wife died of cancer so he decided to adopt a Chinese girl in her 20s who was working at his company.  While he was still well and in his 60's, he sent her to college in the US.  After college she returned to live with him sometime, broken with long stays in Shanghai.  As he neared his 80's he got her to return to live with him but had to pay her a salary and borrow money to buy her things.  She is now living in his house in Japan but has had him committed to a 20 sq. m. room in a retirement center.  He is alone most of the time but entrusts all of his military retirement pension to her.  Countless people have urged him to break with her but at the age of 83, he is just incapable of managing his own affairs.

I can imagine a similar thing happening to the OP's friend.  He may want to cling to his wife and hope for the best, but in the worst case, he could end up broke and alone.  If he is emotionally capable of doing so, it would be best to clarify the financial situation and take steps to safeguard his pension.

[ianezy0]

Why don’t people ever learn. No disrespect towards anyone with an illness or disease, but come on, what did he expect

Quite obviously she was on it for the money as are the majority of younger Thai girls who shack up with older men don’t do it for love. Those that say they do are liars.

[starky]

So hang on she borrowed money. And he had to bail up north with her and now he is paying rent and chose to stay with her. Knowingly leaving the house which I assume is in her name and did a runner with her, right? So what in the actual (deleted) is it in this situation do you think he is not aware of?

[brianthainess]

15 hours ago, starky said:

So hang on she borrowed money. And he had to bail up north with her and now he is paying rent and chose to stay with her. Knowingly leaving the house which I assume is in her name and did a runner with her, right? So what in the actual (deleted) is it in this situation do you think he is not aware of?

That she has rented out or sold the house, without his knowledge keeping all money from him,

[Techno Viking]

8 minutes ago, brianthainess said:

That she has rented out or sold the house, without his knowledge keeping all money from him,

 

To be fair it is her house !!

[brianthainess]

17 hours ago, grobec said:

If married before house purchase, Get a lawyer and immediately register him as husband on the chanots. Blocks any sale or loan as 1/2 belongs to him.

He doesn't have funds for a lawyer and can't get out on his own to arrange anything like that., and wouldn't she have to agree to have him registered, no way would she do that.

[Deerculler]

It happens to so many.

Your are a very good friend so he is fortunate to have you and your wife there for him.

The sticky one is his visa.

I am sorry have no answer for the  visa.

I wish you all the very best and hope all turns out okay.

[Sheryl]

Posts with profanity have been edited or removed. Please refrain from profanity.