My Gf's Children Stolen

[damian5000]

Any help with this appreciated. While my girlfriend was at work, her ex came to her aunt's house where the children where being cared for and took her 2 children. One a baby 8 months and one 7 years old.

When she called him he said he was just taking them to Bangkok for a week. After not returning them as he said, she talked to him on the phone again and he said he wasn't going to be returning them. She has no idea where in Bangkok they are, or even if they ARE in Bangkok for sure.

She's filed 2 police reports in Chiang Mai, but they basically told her they can't do anything to help her.

To me the situation looks relatively hopeless assuming nothing changes as far as her not knowing exactly where they are.

This woman is the most selfless, kind, amazing people I've ever met and if anyone has any suggestions it would be appreciated.

-Damian

[Luckydog]

I am so sorry to hear of this.

Why does it always happen to the really good girls?

I know some guys who wish that their GFs kids would be stolen!

Hope it ends well......

[lannarebirth]

Damian,

Terribly sorry you and she are going through this, but can you provide a few more details please? Was she married to her ex? Are they divorced now? Was she awarded custody? Does he have a job? Where? Anything more you could add might aid in getting you intouch with people/agencies that can help. Terribly sorry you and she are going through this.

[damian5000]

Damian,

Terribly sorry you and she are going through this, but can you provide a few more details please? Was she married to her ex? Are they divorced now? Was she awarded custody? Does he have a job? Where? Anything more you could add might aid in getting you intouch with people/agencies that can help. Terribly sorry you and she are going through this.

Thank you for your time. She IS still married to him. No custody has been awarded to either of them from what I can tell. He does have a job. He works (last she knew) for a company (of which she DOES know the name) that drives back and forth Chiang Mai/Bangkok. He refuses to let her know where her children are being kept...

This is a woman who gives of herself fully without asking anything in return EVER. The only thing I could/can think for us to do (short of getting myself in any trouble) is offer him some kind of reward to return the children.

Again, any help is appreciated.

-Damian

[leisurely]

That's awful. I think your idea may work though, is he in touch frequently about the children at the moment? Is your g/f able to speak to them. IMHO, if the marriage has broken down and she wants rid of him, divorce and sole custody to her would be ideal. Offer the tosser some baht and a signed agreement that he won't do it again. Is it possible he stole them in order to get cash from you (does he even know you exist?.

I do live in cloud cukoo land sometimes I know, but I feel so sorry for her.

Good luck.

[SnakeBite]

You say that one of her babies is only 8 months old, how long has she been YOUR girlfriend? Didn't she tell you she was married before you started seeing her? If so, you are playing a dangerous game when it comes to Thais. Not something I would like to get involved with for sure and I would be concerned if I were you. Not saying that it's true but you could be in the sit of them just out to get money from you. If the girl is genuine then let her sort this out as she might have trouble getting custody if the guy can prove she is screwing around while still married. I'll go back to what I said before and say that you can get into some serious trouble (if not killed) by seeing a woman that is in any way involved with another guy, especially if he"s Thai.

[lannarebirth]

Was she abandoned by the husband? If so, when? Have divorce proceedings even begun? Do not be too quick to offer monetary compensation for a resolution. There is a strong liklihood that was the motivation all along. As others have said you may be in some danger and you ought to be keeping an extremely low profile me thinks.

[Shah Jahan]

Well lets just put ourselves in the husbands shoes for a moment

Wife of many years decides that she doesnt like thai husband anymore and takes HIS children away to work as a prostitute and have HIS children raised by some buffaloe forgiener she met while selling her body (not to say that your GF is a hooker, but according to the culture and the husband, that is what she is by being with you)

That is his perspective I am sure - If my wife and I separated and she wanted to be with somebody else I would take the kids away from her too., why would I allow my son to have another Father?..... Not saying that its right or wrong...but its Thai.

btw...I bet you 10 baht the kids are with his mother.

[damian5000]

That's awful. I think your idea may work though, is he in touch frequently about the children at the moment? Is your g/f able to speak to them. IMHO, if the marriage has broken down and she wants rid of him, divorce and sole custody to her would be ideal. Offer the tosser some baht and a signed agreement that he won't do it again. Is it possible he stole them in order to get cash from you (does he even know you exist?.

I do live in cloud cukoo land sometimes I know, but I feel so sorry for her.

Good luck.

She isn't able to speak to her children. He won't let her. He doesn't know I exist as far as I know.

Was she abandoned by the husband? If so, when? Have divorce proceedings even begun? Do not be too quick to offer monetary compensation for a resolution. There is a strong liklihood that was the motivation all along. As others have said you may be in some danger and you ought to be keeping an extremely low profile me thinks.

They have been separated for half a year. He beat her and cheated on her. This is not a hustle. I've been in Thailand for a bit AND worked the Vegas strip for over a year where the hustlers- women and men alike were thicker than thieves. I don't ENTIRELY count out the possibility I'm being hustled, but if I could- I'd bet the bank I'm not...And I don't let go of my money easily.

Apparently she DID go to his mother's house. The mother claimed she didn't know where they were.

I just thought of something. What about paying a cop a few baht to just make a trip to his mother's house and ask a couple questions. Put a little scare into the mom for her son's well being? She calls him and suggests it might be better if he returns the kids, the cops are looking for him. This idea might get shot down by you all, but I can't think of much else. My GF goes to start divorce paperwork tommorrow. I appreciate all the suggestions. Any more ideas or thoughts appreciated...

-Damian

[Shah Jahan]

That's awful. I think your idea may work though, is he in touch frequently about the children at the moment? Is your g/f able to speak to them. IMHO, if the marriage has broken down and she wants rid of him, divorce and sole custody to her would be ideal. Offer the tosser some baht and a signed agreement that he won't do it again. Is it possible he stole them in order to get cash from you (does he even know you exist?.

I do live in cloud cukoo land sometimes I know, but I feel so sorry for her.

Good luck.

She isn't able to speak to her children. He won't let her. He doesn't know I exist as far as I know.

Was she abandoned by the husband? If so, when? Have divorce proceedings even begun? Do not be too quick to offer monetary compensation for a resolution. There is a strong liklihood that was the motivation all along. As others have said you may be in some danger and you ought to be keeping an extremely low profile me thinks.

They have been separated for half a year. He beat her and cheated on her. This is not a hustle. I've been in Thailand for a bit AND worked the Vegas strip for over a year where the hustlers- women and men alike were thicker than thieves. I don't ENTIRELY count out the possibility I'm being hustled, but if I could- I'd bet the bank I'm not...And I don't let go of my money easily.

Apparently she DID go to his mother's house. The mother claimed she didn't know where they were.

I just thought of something. What about paying a cop a few baht to just make a trip to his mother's house and ask a couple questions. Put a little scare into the mom for her son's well being? She calls him and suggests it might be better if he returns the kids, the cops are looking for him. This idea might get shot down by you all, but I can't think of much else. My GF goes to start divorce paperwork tommorrow. I appreciate all the suggestions. Any more ideas or thoughts appreciated...

-Damian

you are dealing in some pretty mucky karma

if you really want the kids just focus on the mother

i am sure she is the mastermind

[sriracha john]

The key problem for your situation is that they are still married and she's committing adultery with you. The Thai courts already favor the father heavily in divorce proceedings and with that issue of adultery(Thailand has some very archaic rules regarding this), things could get ugly for her AND you if push comes to shove in terms of child custody and could potentially end up with criminal proceedings.

I'd be very careful.

[lannarebirth]

Damian,

Are you aware you can be sued for monetary damages by the husband for causing the breakup of his marriage? The way this reads to me is, he is still very much the childrens father and has as much right as she to their custody. If it's not just a shakedown, and he really wants custody of his children, from what I have read, he will most likely prevail.

[GuestHouse]

He doesn't know I exist as far as I know.

I think you need to wise up.

Firstly, he will absolutely know about you. Count yourself lucky he went for the kids and not you.

He's grabbed HIS children to get at HIS wife.

If I where you I'd start thinking about saving YOUR skin.

Lovely has this woman might be, she is SOMEONE ELSE'S WIFE.

Get out of this <deleted> while you can.

worked the Vegas strip for over a year where the hustlers- women and men alike were thicker than thieves

That you believe anything you learned anywhere is training for the <deleted> you are getting into is the funniest thing I've read for weeks.

Let's hope it doesn't become tragically so.

[nikster]

He doesn't know I exist as far as I know.

I think you need to wise up.

Firstly, he will absolutely know about you. Count yourself lucky he went for the kids and not you.

He's grabbed HIS children to get at HIS wife.

If I where you I'd start thinking about saving YOUR skin.

Lovely has this woman might be, she is SOMEONE ELSE'S WIFE.

Get out of this <deleted> while you can.

I agree, sans the sarcasm.

Why don't stick with the known facts and go from there, seeing as it is you don't know your girlfriend all that long.

- She is still married.

- The kids dad took the children

- She is committing adultery with you, as pointed out above.

- You don't know her for very long

Everything else - why he did it, whether she is in on it etc - is unknown. In this situation, you can't just take somebody's word as truth. This is pretty f-ed up even if your fair gf spoke the truth. Love makes us blind. Just consider that.

If she spoke the truth, then her best bet in a court battle would be if you disappeared from the scene yesterday.

If she didn't speak the truth and it's all a ruse of some sort, it would be best if you disappeared from the scene yesterday as well.

==> Explain to gf. Leave email address. Check back in 6 months.

If she wasn't still married, and you had known her for years and raised kids with her for years things would be different. But as it is, go with the facts.

PS: This may sound harsh, but you can't do very much to get the kids back, except act as the ATM in a blackmail situation which is something you must avoid at all costs. If she loves you, she will still do so in 6 months time when things have shaken out. If it was all a ruse, time will tell.

Edited May 15, 2007 by nikster

[yoochoo]

Hi, this is my first posting on Thai visa. I have lived in Thailand for approx 4 years now.

I'm now married to a Thai man and I can understand the love you feel and the difficulties which arise in this country!!

You say you work around the scandals then why are you so blind folded to not see it MAY be happening to you!

I'm not trying to be awful, but I have seen this happen to one of my friends before and my Thai husband knows Thai people who have done it, in fact he was the very first person to warn my friend and let her know what he thought was going off!! They didn't have their children stolen but heres their story...

First of all the woman was the foreigner in this case and the guy she was dating was Thai already married with a child.

At first she didn't know of this, then when she found out he gave her the original line "I'm leaving her" came about and "we only married because she was pregnant" (second statement could have some truth).

Anyway as time went on he would just in general recieve gifts from her (eg clothes, jewellry, DVD etc)as some people like to show affection in this way.

Then as time went on she thought she could trust him more, she would lend him her ATM cards/ credit cards. He wasn't stupid just taking a little each time (eg 10,000) my mate was very starry eyed.

Then the wife approached her and said she knew about them and that she wasn't too bothered but needed him to help pay for the kid, so then funding started for that.

Next meeting of the wife came with the wife wanting a settlement value of money (it was a huge amount!), my friend was so so tempted by this as thought it would rid her forever!! But we all said she should wake up and smell the coffee this wife is going no where!!

Now nearly a year on from them finally breaking up I last saw him driving a BMW (he works in a bar add that up!!) and when I talked to him he's dating a half thai/ferrang model and STILL NOT DIVORCED from the wife but going to!!

Only what I want to tell you is even though you feel love and they probably do for you Thai people can be abit double sided when it comes to relationships. They may truly love you but it won't stop them lying and cheating you when they are involved in other things. What you don't know won't hurt you comes to mind. (please note this is not all Thais but just from the experiences I have known and heard of, and there has been quite a few) Don't think it only happens to foreign people who are with Thais, no I have known it to be done to Thai people with Thai people.

Please look at this in a legal level headed way, like everyone says she is married and right now the dad has rights and for sure he knows about you, people talk. Plus you are not making this situation good for the mother (custody for the kids wise) so why is she holding on to you??

Yes she may love you but she is jeprodising her kids by being with you, do you think she would really do that?

If yes, what kind of woman is she?

If no then who's the victum here. You not her shes got you conned big style, your not seeing the bigger picture! Maybe it would be best to back of a little until it gets sorted out.

I wish you all the luck in the world whatever you decide, it's never going to be easy in this type of situation.

[damian5000]

That you believe anything you learned anywhere is training for the <deleted> you are getting into is the funniest thing I've read for weeks.

Let's hope it doesn't become tragically so.

Maybe you should read more often or grow up because I don't find any of this funny. While I will conceed that I need to proceed carefully, I've been through stuff that most likely you could only imagine.

=

I've offered her money on more than one occasion for this situation and she's turned it down.

Regardless of that, I like the advice about hanging back and letting her take care of this stuff on her own. If'n I come back to Thailand and she's got everything good to go, we'll take it from there.

[distortedlink]

Sorry to hear of this and my heart goes out to your girlfriend.

This is Thailand (money can solve most things) and if you are willing to throw some money into it to help your girlfriend, this is an option that may get the kids back:

There are many private detectives here, advertised in newspapers, mags & the Internet.

Hire one to trace the whereabouts and children in Bangkok. Once residence or school established, hire a couple of heavies to snatch back the children.

Happens all the time in England.

Trying this mention will test how much you value your girlfriend.

Good luck and hope you succeed.

Edited May 15, 2007 by distortedlink

[SoCal]

Damian,

I had two rules when I was single: 1) Don't get involved with a married (separated) woman. 2) Don't get involved with a woman with kids.

Fact is it is hard enough to build a sustaining and worthwhile relationship without the added obstacles.

I didn't always have these rules, and came up with them the hard way (from experience.)

My advice to you is to extricate yourself from the situation, including the girl.

Well, you have your own path to walk, and decisions to make, so will just wish you luck.

SoCal

[astral]

She could ask the Welfare Dept (Pracha Song Kraw) if they can help.

In my understanding custody usually goes to the mother, unless agreed otherwise.

Which Tabien Bahn (household book) are the children listed on, mother or father?

[Rhys]

Look After your six....

[lost_in_space]

"If'n I come back to Thailand and she's got everything good to go, we'll take it from there."

If you are not here in Thailand, I would perhaps be more skeptical about the situation.

As a parent myself, I can sympathize with her suffering over being separated from her children.

So, I might apply the only thing Ronnie Reagan said that made sense, "Trust, then verify."

Take distorted"s advice. If you have the finances, use that money to get some unbiased info about the situation. Thailand is a very small town, you can find out what is up.

Good luck.

[junkofdavid2]

This woman is the most selfless, kind, amazing people I've ever met and if anyone has any suggestions it would be appreciated.

-Damian

Not saying this applies to you man....

... but I've heard of many and seen a few myself of selfless ladies trick their farang boyfriends in order to get money so that they can selflessly help their own relatives who were in dire need (like who need hospital care) or for the benefit of their kids' future.

Edited May 27, 2007 by junkofdavid2

[Globeliner]

You say that one of her babies is only 8 months old, how long has she been YOUR girlfriend? Didn't she tell you she was married before you started seeing her? If so, you are playing a dangerous game when it comes to Thais. Not something I would like to get involved with for sure and I would be concerned if I were you. Not saying that it's true but you could be in the sit of them just out to get money from you. If the girl is genuine then let her sort this out as she might have trouble getting custody if the guy can prove she is screwing around while still married. I'll go back to what I said before and say that you can get into some serious trouble (if not killed) by seeing a woman that is in any way involved with another guy, especially if he"s Thai.

Have to agree with this

[frikkiedeboer]

Well lets just put ourselves in the husbands shoes for a moment

Wife of many years decides that she doesnt like thai husband anymore and takes HIS children away to work as a prostitute and have HIS children raised by some buffaloe forgiener she met while selling her body (not to say that your GF is a hooker, but according to the culture and the husband, that is what she is by being with you)

That is his perspective I am sure - If my wife and I separated and she wanted to be with somebody else I would take the kids away from her too., why would I allow my son to have another Father?..... Not saying that its right or wrong...but its Thai.

btw...I bet you 10 baht the kids are with his mother.

always best to hear both sides of the story.............if somebody was to listen to my story, as told by my ex and her family,i must be the devil incarnate. i "kidnapped " my two kids and refuse my ex access to them because i don't want my kids thinking it is o.k to have a mother who is a prostitute. i know that by making this post i am leaving myself open to criticism, and i am sure it will follow, but i sincerely believe that they are better off without her.

by the way............. if you can be proved to have been sleeping with a married woman in thailand, the husband can sue for compensation....be careful!

Edited May 27, 2007 by frikkiedeboer

[BigA]

In my opinion its always best to negotiate from a position of strength. If you do not have an advantage get one.