Dowary

[viciouskitty74]

Money doesn't buy respect!

And if it does, I don't want it.

It's so easy to give in and have an relaxed realtionship with her family, but on the long term it might hurt you more and more. Stick with your principles and if she stays with you, she really loves you.

You might have to move back home one day (visa problems, civil unrest, sickness in your family) and you better be sure that she and your future offspring will follow you. If she loves you, she will.

You can support the family in a different way, you can buy them food, you can buy school supllies for the kids, you can put your gf/wife through a good university, you can.....

You should go marry a Indian gal from India and live in India. They will love you.

[KireB]

Money doesn't buy respect!

And if it does, I don't want it.

It's so easy to give in and have an relaxed realtionship with her family, but on the long term it might hurt you more and more. Stick with your principles and if she stays with you, she really loves you.

You might have to move back home one day (visa problems, civil unrest, sickness in your family) and you better be sure that she and your future offspring will follow you. If she loves you, she will.

You can support the family in a different way, you can buy them food, you can buy school supllies for the kids, you can put your gf/wife through a good university, you can.....

You should go marry a Indian gal from India and live in India. They will love you.

Maybe I should yes! Great advice, thank you.

[qwertz]

Can we readjust the descriptions instead?

Dowry is what the wifes family gives to the gal to bring along after a marriage. It can be a gift from the family to the gal or the family to the couple.

Bride Price is Sinsod. The money/land/gifts to the Gal's Family.

Its less confusing this way.

PLEASE!

Kitty, thank you, I've been trying to emphasise that difference through most of this thread.

I hear it often enough in Europe - "Marrying for money"

Call the practice what you like in another land.

If the amount of profit influences the decision of who the woman should marry, she may come under pressure from all sides, drop the man she loves and just resign herself to the path of least resistance.

And many do in Thailand.

But no amount of money can purchase what's in the heart.

BTW, Indian women do in fact, almost without exception, make good, faithful wives and mothers.

[sonnyJ]

Man it seems like every month someone asks this question. really and truly it doesn't matter what anyone here says about a exact amount. It's like this, how valuable do you find a good relationship with her family to be? If you think a good relationship with them is of interest of worthwhile for you then by all means work something decent out. If they are more of a hindrance than help, do as you will. It really has less to do with the girl and more to do with how much you desire a good relationship with the family.

Simple as that.

Money doesn't buy respect!

And if it does, I don't want it.

It's so easy to give in and have an relaxed realtionship with her family, but on the long term it might hurt you more and more. Stick with your principles and if she stays with you, she really loves you.

You might have to move back home one day (visa problems, civil unrest, sickness in your family) and you better be sure that she and your future offspring will follow you. If she loves you, she will.

You can support the family in a different way, you can buy them food, you can buy school supllies for the kids, you can put your gf/wife through a good university, you can.....

That pretty much sums it up. Thais have so many cultural variations, to use to rip someone off if they really want to, that they stumble on it by them selves. Logically thinking brides-pay is destructive in the sense of building up a new family. It is imperative that not only the one to be married but the whole family understands that thai-farang marriage is NOT same same to thai-thai one. In case that some positive results are to be expected in the future.

edit> It is 2007/2550 we are living.

[Maigo6]

edit> It is 2007/2550 we are living.

It is also Thailand, you can always choose to not marry a Thai girl, that is the beauty of freedom of choice, but to come to Thailand and tell Thai people that they are wrong because it's not what's done in your country, is BS.

I know Farangs that have paid out 3-4-500,000 baht Sin Sots, and many Thai's pay a lot more, if you are in the class bracket and financial situation fine, when you cannot afford such things, then you are not in that club anyway, so why worry about it?

The members of that club can afford to pay and not worry about it, yet there are the non members who seem to worry instead. Lol, go figure.

I told my gf I would happily pay 300,000 Baht sin sot, she was very impressed and quite happy......Until I told her the 300,000 was for her 18 Year old sister, not her!

[qwertz]

And are the three of you still getting along, maigo?

[Nebukanezar]

Man it seems like every month someone asks this question. really and truly it doesn't matter what anyone here says about a exact amount. It's like this, how valuable do you find a good relationship with her family to be? If you think a good relationship with them is of interest of worthwhile for you then by all means work something decent out. If they are more of a hindrance than help, do as you will. It really has less to do with the girl and more to do with how much you desire a good relationship with the family.

Simple as that.

Money doesn't buy respect!

And if it does, I don't want it.

It's so easy to give in and have an relaxed realtionship with her family, but on the long term it might hurt you more and more. Stick with your principles and if she stays with you, she really loves you.

You might have to move back home one day (visa problems, civil unrest, sickness in your family) and you better be sure that she and your future offspring will follow you. If she loves you, she will.

You can support the family in a different way, you can buy them food, you can buy school supllies for the kids, you can put your gf/wife through a good university, you can.....

Your not getting it. It's not about respect its about the kind of relationship (if any) you want with the in-laws. Respecting their views (despite what you may think of them) is a good way to earn respect. You want some respect give some. If you don't care what they think, F*&^! em don't care and if your girl loves you she will stick by you. Thats a personal choice each man need make on his own.

Though one thing I see is this. Unlike most Thai boys who get daddy to pay up for the Sin Sot, we expats usualy cough up our own bread. Like I worked for my money I earned every bit of the sin sot I', paying out like a real man, not some soft fat house boy who just took it from daddy to give.

How dose that sencerio even begin to mesure the financial competence of the man. I am actualy looking forward to throwing down the kinda bread I agreed to throw down. Because its a good feeling for me. I never really had alot of money as a kid and I took some lumps as a young man. But now after the blessings of the Gods and pulling my self up on my own I can afford the life I wanted to live and too support the kind of woman I only dreamed of.

[wolfmanjack]

edit> It is 2007/2550 we are living.

It is also Thailand, you can always choose to not marry a Thai girl, that is the beauty of freedom of choice, but to come to Thailand and tell Thai people that they are wrong because it's not what's done in your country, is BS.

I know Farangs that have paid out 3-4-500,000 baht Sin Sots, and many Thai's pay a lot more, if you are in the class bracket and financial situation fine, when you cannot afford such things, then you are not in that club anyway, so why worry about it?

The members of that club can afford to pay and not worry about it, yet there are the non members who seem to worry instead. Lol, go figure.

I told my gf I would happily pay 300,000 Baht sin sot, she was very impressed and quite happy......Until I told her the 300,000 was for her 18 Year old sister, not her!

Good one. I offered to pay for the University tuition for my wife's 18 year old sister and my wife responded by accusing of of having sex together. Her sister went crying to the rest of the family and wouldn't come around after that for about a year.

[KireB]

Man it seems like every month someone asks this question. really and truly it doesn't matter what anyone here says about a exact amount. It's like this, how valuable do you find a good relationship with her family to be? If you think a good relationship with them is of interest of worthwhile for you then by all means work something decent out. If they are more of a hindrance than help, do as you will. It really has less to do with the girl and more to do with how much you desire a good relationship with the family.

Simple as that.

Money doesn't buy respect!

And if it does, I don't want it.

It's so easy to give in and have an relaxed realtionship with her family, but on the long term it might hurt you more and more. Stick with your principles and if she stays with you, she really loves you.

You might have to move back home one day (visa problems, civil unrest, sickness in your family) and you better be sure that she and your future offspring will follow you. If she loves you, she will.

You can support the family in a different way, you can buy them food, you can buy school supllies for the kids, you can put your gf/wife through a good university, you can.....

Your not getting it. It's not about respect its about the kind of relationship (if any) you want with the in-laws. Respecting their views (despite what you may think of them) is a good way to earn respect. You want some respect give some. If you don't care what they think, F*&^! em don't care and if your girl loves you she will stick by you. Thats a personal choice each man need make on his own.

Though one thing I see is this. Unlike most Thai boys who get daddy to pay up for the Sin Sot, we expats usualy cough up our own bread. Like I worked for my money I earned every bit of the sin sot I', paying out like a real man, not some soft fat house boy who just took it from daddy to give.

How dose that sencerio even begin to mesure the financial competence of the man. I am actualy looking forward to throwing down the kinda bread I agreed to throw down. Because its a good feeling for me. I never really had alot of money as a kid and I took some lumps as a young man. But now after the blessings of the Gods and pulling my self up on my own I can afford the life I wanted to live and too support the kind of woman I only dreamed of.

Ok, but do you expect your (future) daughter's husband to pay you sin sod?

I would never ever do that, now way, so where do you break this tradition?

I respect the fact you're a hardworking man and you'll have to find a way to justify your payment, but in my opnion you've thrown your money away! And your priciples.

[torito]

How dose that sencerio even begin to mesure the financial competence of the man. I am actualy looking forward to throwing down the kinda bread I agreed to throw down. Because its a good feeling for me. I never really had alot of money as a kid and I took some lumps as a young man. But now after the blessings of the Gods and pulling my self up on my own I can afford the life I wanted to live and too support the kind of woman I only dreamed of.

gooronya 'Nebukanezar' ....good that you have not forgotten where you come from, and appreciate what you have!

Ok, but do you expect your (future) daughter's husband to pay you sin sod?

I would never ever do that, now way, so where do you break this tradition?

Why it has to be broken?.....and if it is so, it may be up to the next generation..

I respect the fact you're a hardworking man and you'll have to find a way to justify your payment, but in my opnion you've thrown your money away!

correct...his money away

And your priciples.

this is very questionable...

[Nebukanezar]

How dose that sencerio even begin to mesure the financial competence of the man. I am actualy looking forward to throwing down the kinda bread I agreed to throw down. Because its a good feeling for me. I never really had alot of money as a kid and I took some lumps as a young man. But now after the blessings of the Gods and pulling my self up on my own I can afford the life I wanted to live and too support the kind of woman I only dreamed of.

gooronya 'Nebukanezar' ....good that you have not forgotten where you come from, and appreciate what you have!

Ok, but do you expect your (future) daughter's husband to pay you sin sod?

I would never ever do that, now way, so where do you break this tradition?

Why it has to be broken?.....and if it is so, it may be up to the next generation..

I respect the fact you're a hardworking man and you'll have to find a way to justify your payment, but in my opnion you've thrown your money away!

correct...his money away

And your priciples.

this is very questionable...

Thank you I was just about to respond to that It's nice to see someone thats kinda clued in on were I'm comming from on this.

[Nebukanezar]

Man it seems like every month someone asks this question. really and truly it doesn't matter what anyone here says about a exact amount. It's like this, how valuable do you find a good relationship with her family to be? If you think a good relationship with them is of interest of worthwhile for you then by all means work something decent out. If they are more of a hindrance than help, do as you will. It really has less to do with the girl and more to do with how much you desire a good relationship with the family.

Simple as that.

Money doesn't buy respect!

And if it does, I don't want it.

It's so easy to give in and have an relaxed realtionship with her family, but on the long term it might hurt you more and more. Stick with your principles and if she stays with you, she really loves you.

You might have to move back home one day (visa problems, civil unrest, sickness in your family) and you better be sure that she and your future offspring will follow you. If she loves you, she will.

You can support the family in a different way, you can buy them food, you can buy school supllies for the kids, you can put your gf/wife through a good university, you can.....

Your not getting it. It's not about respect its about the kind of relationship (if any) you want with the in-laws. Respecting their views (despite what you may think of them) is a good way to earn respect. You want some respect give some. If you don't care what they think, F*&^! em don't care and if your girl loves you she will stick by you. Thats a personal choice each man need make on his own.

Though one thing I see is this. Unlike most Thai boys who get daddy to pay up for the Sin Sot, we expats usualy cough up our own bread. Like I worked for my money I earned every bit of the sin sot I', paying out like a real man, not some soft fat house boy who just took it from daddy to give.

How dose that sencerio even begin to mesure the financial competence of the man. I am actualy looking forward to throwing down the kinda bread I agreed to throw down. Because its a good feeling for me. I never really had alot of money as a kid and I took some lumps as a young man. But now after the blessings of the Gods and pulling my self up on my own I can afford the life I wanted to live and too support the kind of woman I only dreamed of.

Ok, but do you expect your (future) daughter's husband to pay you sin sod?

I would never ever do that, now way, so where do you break this tradition?

I respect the fact you're a hardworking man and you'll have to find a way to justify your payment, but in my opnion you've thrown your money away! And your priciples.

I understand that from were you stand it must look like I am tossing money away for nothing. However you don't know what I have planed, what I have been given (like the new condo I live in now free of charge thanks to her family) or who I am bonding with. They are damm good pepole and they treat me like blood and with utter respect and acceptance. They may bicker at times with eachother, but I get nothing but love and respect. Thus I am ready to return the favor to herald the begining of what I belive to be a very beautiful relationship... not ONLY with my beloved fiance' but in the holistic sence of her family as a unit.

Principles............well they change as we grow.. anyone who says otherwise never grew. Now not all of them change, the basics (doing good things, not hurting or stealing ect ect) these tend to be written in stone but more cultural based ones are much more maliable.

For example, I'm 31 now, has you asked me about this sin sot stuff at 19 I would have been radicaly against it. However if you had told me I would marry a Thai I would have also been in denial. In thouse days I belived that every compitent Black Man & Black Woman in America had a duty to seek out each other and marry, raise children, and there by raise the standard of our community that is in a dire crisis.

I have since realised that while you may not agree with a particular cultural oppinion, if your gonna commit to someone you MUST respect their cultural belifes and work with them. And While I would love too solve all of the problems of the Black community in the States.... No man should deny his heart and to seek a life partner based on what she is or were she is from is simply dead wrong.

Your soul will let you know when it's right and who is right for you.

PS

Sorry if I go off tangent I'm just a lil tipsy (Bombay Saphire is a goooooooood thing)

[Nebukanezar]

Oh and No, if I was blessed enough to have children with my fiance' and we had a daughter I would not alow a sin sot to be paid. However I would do my best to impose other prerequisites on the hopeful groom. I would want someone with a sense of hustle someone who could fall on his face flat with nothing and pull him self up, dust himself off and face the world like a man. No lame ass spoiled brat momma's boy's that just bum money off their parents I don't care if they are ultra rich. A strong man will make my daughter into a better woman and a more satisfied wife.

[qwertz]

Neb, I wish you lots of luck with your philosophy.

However, as the father of a daughter I can tell you this: you probably wouldn't have a lot of say in the matter if she followed her heart and chose to marry an aimless bum who couldn't find his @ss with both hands.

She'll only ask your advice after the marriage predictably goes tits up.

I speak from experience.

[Nebukanezar]

Neb, I wish you lots of luck with your philosophy.

However, as the father of a daughter I can tell you this: you probably wouldn't have a lot of say in the matter if she followed her heart and chose to marry an aimless bum who couldn't find his @ss with both hands.

She'll only ask your advice after the marriage predictably goes tits up.

I speak from experience.

Your right that could happen. And there would be nothing I could do about it. I wouldn't turn my back on her however, we would still talks and I would even allow her and her scum bag bum to vist (even if it ment locking up the silverware). However she would never get a penny from me so long as she was with the bum.But I WOULD NOT hold my toung and he would no exactly what I thought of him, each and every time I saw him. And I pray they wouldn't breed because I would hate to have to tell my grand kids that their dad was a peice of S*&!

If she ever left him I would be there for her, help her out how ever I could so she could get back on her feet and never ever ever stop loving her.

Before I met my Fiance' I knew a Iranian girl that LOVED me to death. I knew her for years from chating online and over the phone. She begged me to marry her she was ready to run away from Iran. I turned away from her. Granted I was already falling in love with my fiance, but one of the reasons was that her evil ass family would have disowned her and some of her brothers would have killed her if she returned after marrying me. I hate a person who turns their backs on their kids because of who they love.

[qwertz]

Yep, Neb, that's the problem of mixing in other cultures.

Once you're on their turf it's home rules.

[Nebukanezar]

Yep, Neb, that's the problem of mixing in other cultures.

Once you're on their turf it's home rules.

Thats ok, while not perfect, give me Thai turf reltionship rules over American ones anyday....

[Globeliner]

It all depends on the background of your girl. E.g. virginity, married before, worked in a bar in her past life, age, educated or not etc.

An example: My wife educated, was 22 when we first met and got married when she was 25. She was a virgin, educated from a good Thai university, holds a degree, and now works for Thai Airways. She's from Rayong.

The family demanded 100,000. I paid 60,000 and she paid the remainder. Because I wasn't going to pay more than 60,000 no matter what....

These are roughly the current prices:

100,000 for an educated virgin with a degree.

60,000 for a shop girl with high school and also a virgin.

30,000-40-000 for a divorced single mother

0 for a divorced single mother (ex bargirl)

0 for a non-virgin bargirl or ex bargirl

But as previous posters have pointed out, a lot depends on the family and the girl's skills convincing her family that you can only pay an X amount as dowry.

Good luck!

What is this an auction? Start the bidding please

[sonnyJ]

edit> It is 2007/2550 we are living.

It is also Thailand, you can always choose to not marry a Thai girl, that is the beauty of freedom of choice, but to come to Thailand and tell Thai people that they are wrong because it's not what's done in your country, is BS.

[samui bill]

When i pay the 200,000b her family will have to use some of it for flights etc (approx 25,000b) and my gf has told her mum that we can not give any money in the future and she is ok about this,this is thai culture and i think i need to respect this.im sure alot of people who get married to a thai would not admit to there friends that they did pay something!

[enyaw]

My wife educated, was 22 when we first met and got married when she was 25. She was a virgin, educated from a good Thai university, holds a degree, and now works for Thai Airways. She's from Rayong. The family demanded 100,000. I paid 60,000 and she paid the remainder. Because I wasn't going to pay more than 60,000 no matter what....

These are roughly the current prices:

100,000 for an educated virgin with a degree.

60,000 for an educated virgin with a degree who works for Thai Airways and is from Rayong.

60,000 for a shop girl with high school and also a virgin.

30,000-40-000 for a divorced single mother

0 for a divorced single mother (ex bargirl)

0 for a non-virgin bargirl or ex bargirl

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