7 hours ago, reddo1973 said:

Thanks all for your comments - it's appreciated. This wasn't a click bait, or trolling going on so I am surpised at some peoples words suggesting it may have been.

 

With clear communication and doing the right thing for everyone and I am sure we it'll be fine.

 

Good luck everyone and thanks.

Good luck to you and don't worry, as we're a suspicious lot here.

13 hours ago, clivebaxter said:

Just another poster bait first post, there have been scores of first post like this from newbies never heard from again. Appears to have been posted in the middle of the night in the UK, really?

and quoted by the OP... " We rent in the Uk so no assets over there. "

If he's in the UK.... where is 'there'?

3 hours ago, The Theory said:

"When was the house purchased??? ( before or after marriage), "

The house is in her name. she won't agree with divorce. They will go to court, she will win the house. And definitely she will win "alimony" for the 12 years old and perhaps some for herself. 

You have no clue. The house will be divided between husband and wife and Thai divorce law doesn't know alimony for the wife. Support for children will be granted, but both are required to share that. Even if she wants no divorce after 3 years being separated each party can File for divorce.  Try google there is the whole Thai CCC available in English.

...a tough call for sure, all the best. Do right. 

9 hours ago, golfpro47 said:

Contrary to what’s been posted and to what most people I knew told me to forget about it and write it off, I chose to ignore what people were saying and decided to fight with a Court Case.

Now my House was in her name yet I kicked her out,due to her gambling whilst I was out of the Country working.

 I found a Solicitor,well the Thai Manager of our Village did, I spoke to him via the Manager a number of times and attended Court also 3 / 4 times and barely uttered a word,it took just under a Year to resolve I got the House and all the contents and she never got 1 baht,so you see you don’t have to write it off or give in, give it a try,consult a Solicitor and take his advice,I did and I received over 4 million baht when I Sold it.

Did you have kids with her ?

9 hours ago, golfpro47 said:

Contrary to what’s been posted and to what most people I knew told me to forget about it and write it off, I chose to ignore what people were saying and decided to fight with a Court Case.

Now my House was in her name yet I kicked her out,due to her gambling whilst I was out of the Country working.

 I found a Solicitor,well the Thai Manager of our Village did, I spoke to him via the Manager a number of times and attended Court also 3 / 4 times and barely uttered a word,it took just under a Year to resolve I got the House and all the contents and she never got 1 baht,so you see you don’t have to write it off or give in, give it a try,consult a Solicitor and take his advice,I did and I received over 4 million baht when I Sold it.

Did you have kids with her ?

1 hour ago, Albert Zweistein said:

Did you have kids with her ?

 

1 hour ago, Albert Zweistein said:

Did you have kids with her ?

No we didn’t have children but she had a daughter from her previous relationship a Thai guy.

 I was surprised it went so smoothly and very surprised when it all went my way,the only hitch if you like was I could only stay in the House for a Year and it had to be Sold or put in a Thai name,as I was going to Sell anyway this wasn’t a problem, I have advised a number of guys to take a chance and not to give up,it payed off for me and considering the time it took  and the Travel to the Courts for the Solicitor and myself when needed the Costs were a bargain 200,000baht.

15 hours ago, FalangJaiDee said:

I’m glad I have a treasure trove of anecdotes from boomers who married Thai women on this website. I’m renting women for the rest of my life (I’m 30). Cheers ???? 

When I had a girlfriend back in the UK, or took a girl out, and that was very often, I always knew that she was with me because she wanted to be, not because I was paying her.

Today in Thailand, if I was single (I'm in a very happy marriage) I could never rent a girl knowing that she was only with me for the money, because I was so used to girls being with me because it's me.

That's not to say I would not use a lady of the night when I wanted to, but rent? Never.

26 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

When I had a girlfriend back in the UK, or took a girl out, and that was very often, I always knew that she was with me because she wanted to be, not because I was paying her.

Every girl I ever dated (after age 23) was with me in the hopes of getting a free house. Most of them had to settle for free food and free drinks, but they always had the hopes for the free house.

 

1) A pal of mine (tall,  good looking, bit of an athlete, made good money) in his mid 50s now has never managed to have a long term relationship. Bit of an oddball in that he's never wanted to own property. Once when he was moaning about women never staying with him, I asked, "Did you ever mention to your gfs that you never wanted to buy a house?" ,,,,, a bit later he got back to me and admitted he had never connected no house with no woman, but they all departed shortly after he mentioned his bias against buying property.

 

2) Ever noticed how adult men living with their parents are widely vilified and ridiculed by women? ...........You'd think they would appreciate men who love and look after their parents, but ........... no house to be had.

 

@Possum Did you by any chance buy your Thai lady a house?

13 hours ago, The Theory said:

"When was the house purchased??? ( before or after marriage), "

The house is in her name. she won't agree with divorce. They will go to court, she will win the house. And definitely she will win "alimony" for the 12 years old and perhaps some for herself. 

Which country is this? Not Thailand anyway

 

Thai's have a great saying, translated it goes something like: People who don't know speak easily

 

Learn the rules, learn the system, choose your Thai lawyer very carefully (he may very well be more on their side than your side), always have an interpretor who doesn't know the lawyer, don't be afraid to just force it to the Appeals court regardless of if you are recommended that it'll only be worse, it won't, alimony is for the child and generally 100 to 200 baht per day, don't accept a "mutual agreement" if you feel that the wife probably won't honour the agreement, you'll probably get around 50/50 physical custody if you can prove that you're a good father (that's not only paying for education), it's not unusual that foreigners get more too. 

 

You don't have to be afraid ofJuvenile court in Thailand, they're fair. Be afraid of your Thai lawyer though. Just mitigate that problem

 

I'd like to think I was trusting enough to buy a home and have that home in the name of anyone even my wife. But, sadly I don't have that  capacity. But this is not about me.

I'd follow the 'put the brakes on' strategy. Slow down your thinking for starters, accept that right now the relationship has change (acceptance doesn't mean condoning or agreeing by the way), you don't need to be emotional about it - especially in ways that interfere with your slowing down and choosing your actions! ... in some ways and learn to accept them.

Calm your emotions and imaginings my friend. The 'lease idea' (as remarked on by Sanuk 711) is useless in providing any real tenancy security and assisting in a pathway to securing 50% of the property if and when it may be sold. If the home brings in a decent rental and is trnat secure leave it for now. Look at the priorities of how to negotiate the relationship and support it being amicable and decent to all. This will support the settlement of the marriage later if you attend to it with sincerity, patience and kindness.

I think (BMan2) gave you some accurate true legal comment. Go speak to an English lawyer asap, lay out your reality i.e. when the house was bought, who was the local lawyer, what was the agreed upon sharing etc of this home, witnesses to any conversations about the home and ownership, what is the true nature of your relationship now, and how has it changed over time. Talking with a lawyer will help is some ways clarify both legal rights, and issues - now and future and help you reflect and put aside the emotionality, and mental drivenness of any thinking you might be doing.

I think too, the comments of amicable negotiation is wise and prudent, especially since your wife is content to sit in the marriage which you seem to not enjoy i.e. your cry for "help internet", and she's okay with in a "loveless" relationship.

I would avoid the girlfriend/sideline thing, even if the missus were to seem to be happy to let you go to something like that, and live in the same house as you do now ... if she gets wounded sharply it may go very badly for you in angst in the house (beyond what you are experiencing now) and court-time later. 

Be friends, talk calmly, don't project a conclusion (which you seem to have already formed and be emitting to everyone) e.g. 'I must get out now!'

Maybe get a female mediator to sit and assist the conversation and explore the options (not a personal friend of either). You have children, some young adult, the others still children. They need their father to be kind and understanding and to be mature and as clear as he can be. They too are experiencing the difficulties in your marriage but they unlike you are children and therefore not as equipped to control and process what is happening. This goes doubly for the 12 year old, who is experiencing a powerful time as a child in the best of circumstances.

 

 

20 hours ago, connda said:

Good lad.  You've learned from the pros! 

The pros are previous losers.... 

On 7/7/2021 at 10:40 PM, FalangJaiDee said:

I’m glad I have a treasure trove of anecdotes from boomers who married Thai women on this website. I’m renting women for the rest of my life (I’m 30). Cheers ???? 

A wise decision.

On 7/8/2021 at 2:57 PM, MikeyIdea said:

Which country is this? Not Thailand anyway

 

Thai's have a great saying, translated it goes something like: People who don't know speak easily

 

Learn the rules, learn the system, choose your Thai lawyer very carefully (he may very well be more on their side than your side), always have an interpretor who doesn't know the lawyer, don't be afraid to just force it to the Appeals court regardless of if you are recommended that it'll only be worse, it won't, alimony is for the child and generally 100 to 200 baht per day, don't accept a "mutual agreement" if you feel that the wife probably won't honour the agreement, you'll probably get around 50/50 physical custody if you can prove that you're a good father (that's not only paying for education), it's not unusual that foreigners get more too. 

 

You don't have to be afraid ofJuvenile court in Thailand, they're fair. Be afraid of your Thai lawyer though. Just mitigate that problem

 

According to the OP, they are living in the UK.

That would change the legal situation, no?

1 minute ago, thaibeachlovers said:

According to the OP, they are living in the UK.

That would change the legal situation, no?

No, it wouldn't. If the marriage is registered in Thailand, Thai law applies

Just now, MikeyIdea said:

No, it wouldn't. If the marriage is registered in Thailand, Thai law applies

I was referring to the hiring of a Thai lawyer etc, which would be quite difficult to do if in the UK.

Sorry if that wasn't obvious.

20 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I was referring to the hiring of a Thai lawyer etc, which would be quite difficult to do if in the UK.

Sorry if that wasn't obvious.

I would conact Happy Larry ????