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Posted

Thank you for sharing your story.  So sorry for your loss.  You mentioned that you missed or ignored the warning signs.  Could you please list them now in hindsight?   Maybe it will help some of us recognize we are in a similar boat, before it us too late. ????  Kap Kon Krap

Posted
18 hours ago, CharlieH said:

Ok, heres my penneth.

 

Yes you were an idiot, and clearly on the rebound.

You are not the first and certainly not the last. Some of the above raises flags for me like, whats the point of screenshots of texts or facebook etc as they would be in Thai and I assume you dont read Thai, so that seems off to me.

 

Anyway lets go through some realities.

Thailand aint the west. A divorce is not "filed" you can both walk in to the amphur sign and its done ! It aint that difficult.

 

However, for that to happen you need the mother and her co operation and judging by the above you'll need to pay to get that.

 

Detach your emotions, what do you want first ? What is your ultimate goal ? Get that established and then seek how to achieve it.

You are going to get hit hard for cash if you allow it. The child will be just fine, Thai families are strong bank on that. She left the other 2 and the Lukreung will be taken care of too.

 

The only time , you need to start doing DNA etc and thinking courts etc is id she cant be found  or wont play ball. But first you must decide and be sure want you want to do.

Thanks for your reply, I agree some of the decisions I made were were due to my previous breakup and impatience to move on with my life.

 

The screenshots of messages were in Thai between my wife and her aunt, I used translation software which I concede is far from perfect but still gives you the gist of what is being said. However what I translated was confirmed by ongoing conversations with her aunt, who speaks good English but writes in Thai.

 

There is strong family loyalty which is understandable, however her aunt is close to her in age and they often fall out and argue with each other, more like sisters really.

 

Currently she is missing in action and has effectively disappeared, cutting off communication with me, and the dialogue I have with her aunt seems to have gone cold. But I still hold out hope she is my best chance at maintaining contact. 

 

Ultimately my number one priority is my daughter. I can’t give up on her.

  • Like 2
Posted
18 hours ago, northsouthdevide said:

Here's my 2 bobs worth. 

You have to put her in the local family court where her I'd card adress is, 

And apply for paternal rights, pending a dna test. 

After said test, you can seek advice according to the result. 

If negative, with all your evidence, you have a good case. 

She will get 2 years prison, or be forced to negotiate a settlement. 

If you're the father, you may have to consider if you want to negotiate full custody. 

My malevolent side agrees with this course of action, but really I can’t see this happening unless as a last resort. I don’t want to pile more problems onto her if she is going through issues and is struggling with life, needless to say she is still my daughters mother.

 

I am maybe naive but I firmly believe in treating other people how you would want to be treated yourself, and despite how poorly I am being treated in this matter I would forgive all to be allowed access and contact with my little girl again.

 

Maybe the threat of such a course of action would be enough, I don’t know.

  • Like 2
Posted
13 hours ago, TC17 said:

Thank you for sharing your story.  So sorry for your loss.  You mentioned that you missed or ignored the warning signs.  Could you please list them now in hindsight?   Maybe it will help some of us recognize we are in a similar boat, before it us too late. ????  Kap Kon Krap

The obvious (now) warning signs developed after she last left the UK and the pandemic started. She neglected to call me as often, my calls sometimes went unanswered, messages not read. Seeming to go cold after money had been sent. Her friend (tomboy) always in her company. Wanting money for a specific task, then not doing or postponing that task for later, giving reasons for the delay or lack of action that I found hard to disagree with, yet still didn’t make total sense. ‘This is Thailand’ and ‘don’t worry this is how things are here’, or ‘it’s because of COVID’. 

 

Breaking her telephone over three times (Sometimes showing genuine evidence, but other times I would have no idea if it was the truth or not) and needing a new one or a repair, often following a period of non communication, and the broken phone being the reason. Angrily accusing me of trust issues when I pressed her on why things seemed odd or suspicious. 

 

My little girl needing to see the dentist, and a total lack of urgency from my wife. My daughter showing me scabs on her chest during a call, (which I quickly diagnosed as ringworm), and when I put this to my wife she seemed unworried and said she had had them for over a week and thought it was eczema. I encouraged her to see a doctor quickly and get the medication to resolve it, which she did, but only after I demanded it. 

 

In summary a disconnect had manifested between us that I found hard to understand, but as we were in the middle of the visa application I overlooked many of these red flags in my belief that they would soon be on their way back to me in the UK, and if I didn’t trust her I would make things worse.

Posted
15 minutes ago, 40yearoldnumpty said:

It is a genuine post i’m afraid, I wish it wasn’t! 

 

There is so much I haven’t included about the past 5 years, namely our experiences together and the things said between my wife and I during this time, her charming way with me and my family really is the hardest thing to deal with when I look back. I have trouble reconciling her actions and personality during the five years I have known her with the current situation and what I know now, the lengths she went to in convincing myself and my family she was genuine… I really can’t put into words how betrayed and foolish I feel for being led on in such a way. She is either an incredible actress, or there were genuine feelings for a time (despite the ongoing adultery), although that is probably me kidding myself a little due to how i’m feeling right now. 

 

I know it is common for Thai’s to have a ‘little wife/husband’, and perhaps this kind of behaviour is considered acceptable? Maybe she had feelings for me (which is why I was so convinced) but the ‘other’ relationship subsequently developed in my absence, due to COVID we haven’t been together for nearly 2 years. The drug issue maybe a new development, I don’t know. For context, in my youth and formative years I used recreational drugs myself, (behind me now for many years), I grew up in the 1990’s and was a regular raver, so I would easily recognise the signs of drug use. We talked about it sometimes, she had friends who used ICE and she would often put them down for this. In the time we spent together there was no behaviour that made me suspect she was using drugs, although it would explain where some of the money was going.

 

I am considering the DNA test for sure now, although the thought is disconcerting. I have watched my daughter grow up from birth, and she has spent a year and a half living with me in the UK. There are many reasons to believe she is mine that I would never have doubted without knowing what I do now.

Regards the DNA aspect, if you feel you can commit to your daughter irrespective of doubts, then drop it and do what you can to have her with you full time. You clearly love her a great deal. Obviously, were the results to be not you wanted to here, you'd have an even bigger dilemna than you have now.

 

I can't pretend to be an expert on Thai culture but "mia nois" (minor wives) were/are a not uncommon feature for men. At one point, my gf's father had 2 at the same time. Ridiculous really. "Giks"(f__k buddies) also seem to be a feature as well. Also look up "tom and dee", which is relevant to your situation.

 

I think the best thing is to disassociate with her ASAP and consider the DNA thing. Given she already has 2 kids away in the sticks, I honestly doubt she cares a whole lot about your daughter. Sad to say.

 

Good luck. 

  • Like 2
Posted
43 minutes ago, MarkyM3 said:

Regards the DNA aspect, if you feel you can commit to your daughter irrespective of doubts, then drop it and do what you can to have her with you full time. You clearly love her a great deal. Obviously, were the results to be not you wanted to here, you'd have an even bigger dilemna than you have now.

 

I can't pretend to be an expert on Thai culture but "mia nois" (minor wives) were/are a not uncommon feature for men. At one point, my gf's father had 2 at the same time. Ridiculous really. "Giks"(f__k buddies) also seem to be a feature as well. Also look up "tom and dee", which is relevant to your situation.

 

I think the best thing is to disassociate with her ASAP and consider the DNA thing. Given she already has 2 kids away in the sticks, I honestly doubt she cares a whole lot about your daughter. Sad to say.

 

Good luck. 

Yep, thanks for your reply and advice. I agree with what you say. The 'Tom and Dee' scenario makes a lot of sense to my situation, it seems i've probably been replaced. Hard to accept but that's life I guess.

  • Like 1
Posted
19 hours ago, Tanomazu said:

Ummmm, these text  conversations were in English then? Or you can read Thai?

I noted that too... my Thai friends might try a few words in English, but text me in Thai... 

 

but I surely don't see things the same as most... my thought was 3some?? have lemons, make lemonade, as they say? Or better, Dylan said, 'It's life and life only.' 

 

Though if the post is true and the budding author is pained, surely he has my sympathies... 

  • Haha 2
Posted
20 hours ago, Tanomazu said:

Ummmm, these text  conversations were in English then? Or you can read Thai?

Google Translate easily translates texts, not with 100% accuracy but sufficient to get the gist of most messages.

  • Like 1
Posted
10 minutes ago, dddave said:

Deep in the Thai-Visa archives (as well as other forums) are quite a few posts about biological fathers fighting for and successfully getting custody or joint-custody of children they had with an estranged Thai spouse or GF.  

These post have over the years made it clear that Thai courts are not entirely one-sided and that a fathers rights are frequently protected.  What has also been clear is that getting sole custody and removing the child from Thailand is highly unlikely unless a private arrangement is made with the mother which usually involves large sums of money.

 

Maybe some other members here will help link some of those archived posts.  The search function on this forum is not very good but most posts can be found through a Google search.  There are proper search terms  that make it more effective.  I forget the best form but maybe somebody else can provide it.

 

I suggest you stop being so hard on yourself and stop looking upon yourself as a victim.  People fall in and out of love all the time.  What may have seemed to your wife to be a dream life in the UK may well have dissipated with the reality of a years day to day there along with the constant cultural issues of dealing with "farang".  She re-invented herself in the past before she met you and she's doing it again.   

 

Do diligent legal research, get professional legal assistance and put yourself in a position to enjoy being a meaningful part of your daughter's life.

Thanks Dave, i'll take a look. My priority is my daughter, and I agree i'm still raw about the betrayal, perhaps 'romance scam' is the wrong title for this post. We had a romance for sure, but maybe it is changing circumstances and a change of heart that she feels unable to communicate to me that is driving this. I worry for her welfare and that of my daughter primarily, and it's the not knowing that is hard to take. I hope contact can resume and we can come to an amicable agreement.

Posted (edited)
57 minutes ago, dddave said:

Google Translate easily translates texts, not with 100% accuracy but sufficient to get the gist of most messages.

And how will he transcribe it from a screenshot? He said she sent him screenshots. Presumably in Thai.

 

So he typed the Thai text from the screenshot into Google Translate? Okay.

Edited by Tanomazu
  • Confused 3
Posted

Geez, like I have never heard a story like this in my multiple years of calling Thailandp my home? ????????????

 

Just chalk it up to a learning experience along with the millions of others who have been hoodwinked over the past 100 years or so.....????????????

  • Confused 1
Posted
11 hours ago, MarkyM3 said:

 

 

Given she already has 2 kids away in the sticks, I honestly doubt she cares a whole lot about your daughter. Sad to say.

 

Good luck. 

Bargaining chips is what mixed race kids are to the Thais.

Posted
8 hours ago, 40yearoldnumpty said:

Nope, the app has a camera button, press that and then import file. The file is scanned and you are given a translation of the text. Alternatively point your camera at the text and it translates it 'live'. Try it. It's clever tech.

What's the name of the app please?

Posted

The only thing I am seeing through your posts is desperation to get in contact either for your daughter or you also believe there is a chance to resurrect this romance and that she has been led 'astray '

 

I think you know this has been calculated. To meet your family and treat you like this is a cold hearted self centred cow of a woman.It won't help you right now to say you are better off without.

 

Be prepared for the kid to be used as a bargaining chip to extract more money.

 

She will now no longer care as the cat is out of the bag and will be moving in now for the kill shot with you financially. The ignoring of phone calls is a common occurrence till the money is gone, they then eventually stop making excuses and it all comes down to cold hard cash.

 

There are plenty of these type of tomboy relationships up where I live and they are definitely not a classy bunch of people with drunkenness and regular fighting and drugs involved.

  • Like 2

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