When did U fall out of love ?

[georgegeorgia]

This is to those guys who split up ,divorced etc in life.

Just asking when did you know when to split with your partner?

 

Did you suddenly fall out of love ?

Was you never really in love ?

 

Many guys blame their ex partner and are bitter angry but .  Was it really yourself that caused the split up ?

How did u know when to go separate ways ?

 

For those who have split up,divorced parted ways etc in life my question are ...

 

How long were you together?

How did you know it was coming to a end?

Do you still have any contact with your ex partner?

Did it break your heart to split up ?

Did it hurt you emotional or did you just carry on?

Was that person your soulmate ?

Did you find love again ?

 

 

 

[tubby johnson]

[WEBBYB808]

Just like dying... the minute  you are in love and together  the closer you are to ending it and time running out. 

Even those that manage to love until death have an end date.  You must realize that not only in Thailand  but other countries  every culture  is different,  and loves differently.   Its like food in some Asian cultures, eating is almost like a religion. (Look at tik tok, They love to watch others eating big disgusting  meal's,  as sloppy as tgey can) Thais will tell you they eat to live, not live to eat, but eating together  is on another level with them.  If a man and woman, from same culture eat together  it means more in that instant(Romanticly, and close relationship), than it does in some Western cultures.   

 

In the west eating together  and sharing is still a good and special moment,  but in Thailand  its its really special.   So your question  is when is love over?  Imhop... two different  cultures  especially  here, have obstacles  and both will veiw love differently.   Yes there are different  subcultures  in Thailand,  but there is still a similar  foundation. 

 

One way to look at how different it can be was once shared with me in a story of love as told from the perspective  of a Thai man, but he was raised in the west.  Forgive me I dont remember  the article or story, but one thing that stands out was that he said,"No way would he ever believe anything  a Thai lady would say in English." He futher said,"If she says I love you in English", no way would he believe  it carries any weight. She must say it in Thai and in front of others  He said also depending on where she was from, where he met her. And what she did for a living, would also impact, if he believed what she would speak in her native language.   

 

You have to understand,  many people come to Thailand  with a few bucks, that goes very far in Thailand,  and wouldn't  go far in their home country.  They use these funds to exploit and use the poor to do things that wouldn't  be acceptable  in their home country.  These exploited and financially  challenged  people dont know they are being used and abused, all they see is(Robert Plant)"All that gliters is gold"! So they get jaded, and that can really hinder any chance at love.

 

In Thailand I see many doing a (Justin Bieber) "Running to the alter like a track star," without once realizing  the charm and culture doesn't  change, and they dont think it will get old.  I see ladies with children  being raised by their mother and father while they work in a tourist city, some even marry knowing the lady has a child, but in their mind they are happy to leave the child with the grandparents,  so they can be alone with the lady, and the lady as its business,  will often agree, but if you leave the child in the village,  and arent raising with your wife then you nor her love each other.  She will know you are just business  and will play the long game. 

 

Other Examples,  going to village  and no one speaks English but their girl, The food in Issan is different than tourist areas, when in their village the ladies act differently than they do in tourist cities, and the ladies will visit their school friends male and female frequently,  no matter what type of family your girls was raised as, as a foreigner  they will treat you like their bank(so to speak)  the culture is just diffent and the facade put on you in the tourist cities will wear off if she wasnt serious. 

Even if shes a good lady, and she means well there will be cultural  challenges  and you shouldnt try to change her.  So no matter who you love, male or female, the min you fall in love you are inching ever closer to the death of that relationship.  Make a good choice with reason not for love.  Especially  here!

[RichardColeman]

1 hour ago, georgegeorgia said:

Just asking when did you know when to split with your partner?

When I had debt collectors knocking on the door was the indication of the right time to left the thieving buffalo go

 

I took out a loan for a Thai catering business in the UK and she promptly used it to get loans from every bank in the town, run up to the limit on every credit card, spent all the saved tax money, and wrote a letter to her friend giving them the business if she did not pay a small loan back in a week. 

 

Saving my house was more important than any saving of anything with her. If only she could have been deported !

[RafPinto]

When I saw her naked and without make-up.

[bkk6060]

After the 3rd day.  The 3 day rule is a real thing.

[JustAnotherFarang]

When i realised her dishonesty, deceit and her deceptions.  When confronted for the umpteenth time she did a runner and tried to blackmail me for my work permit and marriage visa.  Her family made no effort to reach out to me or help reconcile the differences because they had instigated and participated in the fraud. I distinctly remember feeling morally underhanded when I installed the hidden surveillance cameras around the home but if it wasnt for the fact that I now have video evidence of all her wrong doings I would have lost everything.  As it stands, I retain control of my home but Im unable to sell it and my personal bank account remains my own.  I have managed to get back on my feet again but it took 2 years.

 

Think long and hard about your reasons for marrying.  I thought that my pleasant lady who was a temple devotee was a good girl and everyone we met thought the same but she was a true narcissist and fooled us all with her plaintive ways. If I had my time again I would never marry a thai girl, they are never quite what they seem.

 

JAF

[RafPinto]

3 minutes ago, JustAnotherFarang said:

When i realised her dishonesty, deceit and her deceptions.  When confronted for the umpteenth time she did a runner and tried to blackmail me for my work permit and marriage visa.  Her family made no effort to reach out to me or help reconcile the differences because they had instigated and participated in the fraud. I distinctly remember feeling morally underhanded when I installed the hidden surveillance cameras around the home but if it wasnt for the fact that I now have video evidence of all her wrong doings I would have lost everything.  As it stands, I retain control of my home but Im unable to sell it and my personal bank account remains my own.  I have managed to get back on my feet again but it took 2 years.

 

Think long and hard about your reasons for marrying.  I thought that my pleasant lady who was a temple devotee was a good girl and everyone we met thought the same but she was a true narcissist and fooled us all with her plaintive ways. If I had my time again I would never marry a thai girl, they are never quite what they seem.

 

JAF

One thing amazes me every time.
They lie like crazy.
My ex believed so much her own lies, she didn't know anymore if she was telling the truth or just lying.

How many times I catched her telling porky pies and still giving her the opportunity to come clear.

 

Her strategy was:

Even more lying

Accusing me of something

Just ignoring me

 

I showed her written evidence, photos etc. She still was denying she was lying.
Probably in their culture is better to lie then to admit you did something wrong.

Face over everything.

[RafPinto]

7 minutes ago, JustAnotherFarang said:

When i realised her dishonesty, deceit and her deceptions.  When confronted for the umpteenth time she did a runner and tried to blackmail me for my work permit and marriage visa.  Her family made no effort to reach out to me or help reconcile the differences because they had instigated and participated in the fraud. I distinctly remember feeling morally underhanded when I installed the hidden surveillance cameras around the home but if it wasnt for the fact that I now have video evidence of all her wrong doings I would have lost everything.  As it stands, I retain control of my home but Im unable to sell it and my personal bank account remains my own.  I have managed to get back on my feet again but it took 2 years.

 

Think long and hard about your reasons for marrying.  I thought that my pleasant lady who was a temple devotee was a good girl and everyone we met thought the same but she was a true narcissist and fooled us all with her plaintive ways. If I had my time again I would never marry a thai girl, they are never quite what they seem.

 

JAF

A friend of mine met a thai 3 years ago.
Last year, he drove up to the village to meet the family and they agreed on sinsod.
They wanted 400k

He negotiated it down to 300k

 

They were already pushing for a date but he had no real date in mind.

He paid a "reservation 555" fee of 100k

 

He postponed and postponed ....
They never got married.
They finally finished their relationship and now comes the story:

 

She said that he made her loose face and she will now sue him in court.
She is entitled to the full sinsod amount.
She spoke already to a lawyer to get something out of him.

Just F;;;;;;; off. Nothing you will get from him. It's not Europe where you can drain his bank account, get his house etc. Nothing, nada, nichts, zero.

[Airalee]

10 minutes ago, JustAnotherFarang said:

she was a true narcissist

+100

 

After much research, I came to the conclusion that mine had NPD also.  She showed all the red flags but I was too naive/stupid to see them for what they truly were.  I have a feeling that there are many expats with Thai girlfriends/wives that are suffering in silence.

[RafPinto]

1 minute ago, Airalee said:

+100

 

After much research, I came to the conclusion that mine had NPD also.  She showed all the red flags but I was too naive/stupid to see them for what they truly were.  I have a feeling that there are many expats with Thai girlfriends/wives that are suffering in silence.

And many are extremely dangerous.
When they are fuming, run Forrest, run.

[Lacessit]

Can't say I have ever fallen out of love with Thai women. Western women, definitely.

[JustAnotherFarang]

4 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

Can't say I have ever fallen out of love with Thai women. Western women, definitely.

I never fell out of love with thai women, there are good and bad examples wherever you go............ but I would never marry a thai woman again, the odds are overwhelmingly in their favour, wherever they may go

[Lacessit]

30 minutes ago, JustAnotherFarang said:

I never fell out of love with thai women, there are good and bad examples wherever you go............ but I would never marry a thai woman again, the odds are overwhelmingly in their favour, wherever they may go

I was married to a Western woman, once was enough.

IMO it is completely unnecessary to marry a Thai woman, as long as one "takes care" that is enough for most women here.

[JustAnotherFarang]

11 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

I was married to a Western woman, once was enough.

IMO it is completely unnecessary to marry a Thai woman, as long as one "takes care" that is enough for most women here.

The reason I married was so we could stay together in Thailand and I was then able to get my non immigrant o visa and a work permit for our business.  Now that Im over 50 I have a retirement visa and another thai lady who takes care of me ????

[BritManToo]

3 hours ago, georgegeorgia said:

Just asking when did you know when to split with your partner?

Many guys blame their ex partner and are bitter angry but .  Was it really yourself that caused the split up ?

 

How long were you together?

How did you know it was coming to a end?

Do you still have any contact with your ex partner?

Did it break your heart to split up ?

Did it hurt you emotional or did you just carry on?

Was that person your soulmate ?

Did you find love again ?

1. When she abducted my children and served divorce papers on me.

2. I played no part in any of it, unless being middle aged and a bit dull is a reason to divorce a guy. 

 

30 years

house was empty one evening when I came home

ZERO contact with her or the 4 kids since

yes

yes and yes

I thought so

I've found plenty of lovers since, the Asian girls have all been great.

 

[whereyougo]

22 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

I was married to a Western woman, once was enough.

IMO it is completely unnecessary to marry a Thai woman, as long as one "takes care" that is enough for most women here.

Sure if they left school at 6 and are as intelligent as the village Buffalo or are a 45 year old ex bar girl that likes to sleep untill 2 pm then stupid farang will line up to "take care". 

Funny how thai men want nothing to do with them

Educated thai women with a well paying career dont need to take care

[BritManToo]

1 minute ago, whereyougo said:

Educated thai women with a well paying career dont need to take care

Why would one of those want any of us?

[Iamfalang]

she said, 'quit talking about sex'  (her English is very, very bad and I can't spell Thia correctly).

 

I said, "quit asking for money'

 

same house, different rooms, haven't spoken for 35 years

[Golden Triangle]

2 hours ago, WEBBYB808 said:

Just like dying... the minute  you are in love and together  the closer you are to ending it and time running out.  Even those that manage to love until death have an end date.  You must realize that not only in Thailand  but other countries  every culture  is different,  and loves differently.   Its like food in some Asian cultures, eating is almost like a religion. (Look at tik tok, They love to watch others eating big disgusting  meal's,  as sloppy as tgey can) Thais will tell you they eat to live, not live to eat, but eating together  is on another level with them.  If a man and woman, from same culture eat together  it means more in that instant(Romanticly, and close relationship), than it does in some Western cultures.   In the west eating together  and sharing is still a good and special moment,  but in Thailand  its its really special.   So your question  is when is love over?  Imhop... two different  cultures  especially  here, have obstacles  and both will veiw love differently.   Yes there are different  subcultures  in Thailand,  but there is still a similar  foundation.   One way to look at how different it can be was once shared with me in a story of love as told from the perspective  of a Thai man, but he was raised in the west.  Forgive me I dont remember  the article or story, but one thing tgat stands out was that he said,"No way would he ever believe anything  a Thai lady would say in English." He futher said,"If she says I love you in English", no way would he believe  it carries any weight. She must say it in Thai and in front of others  He said also depending on where she was from, where he met her. And what she did for a living, would also impact, if he believed what she would speak in her native language.   You have to understand,  many people come to Thailand  with a few bucks, that goes very far in Thailand,  and wouldn't  go far in their home country.  They use these funds to exploit and use the poor to do things that wouldn't  be acceptable  in their home country.  These exploited and financially  challenged  people dont know they are being used and abused, all they see is(Robert Plant)"All that gliters is gold"! So they get jaded, and that can really hinder any chance at love.

In Thailand I see many doing a (Justin Bieber) "Running to the alter like a track star," without once realizing  the charm and culture doesn't  change, and they dont think it will get old.  I see ladies with children  being raised by their mother and father while they work in a tourist city, some even marry knowing the lady has a child, but in their mind tgey are happy to leave the child with the grandparents,  so they can be alone with the lady, and the lady as its business,  will often agree, but if you leave the child in the village,  and arent raising with your wife then you nor her love each other.  She will know you are just business  and will play the long game.  Other Examples,  going to village  and no one speaks English but their girl, The food in Issan is different than tourist areas, when in their village the ladies act differently than they do in tourist cities, and the ladies will visit their school friends male and female frequently,  no matter what type of family your girls was raised as, as a foreigner  they will treat you like their bank(so to speak)  the culture is just diffent and the facade put on you in the tourist cities will wear off if she wasnt serious.  Even if shes a good lady, and she means well there will be cultural  challenges  and you shouldnt try to change her.  So no matter who you love, male or female, the min you fall in love you are inching ever closer to the death of that relationship.  Make a good choice with reason not for love.  Especially  here!

Far too long & no paragraphs, never even bothered trying to read it.

[whereyougo]

12 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Why would one of those want any of us?

Why wouldnt they? A good looking well dressed and well spoken man will always have admirers. If your referring to harry the hump slurping beer all day in soi Buhakao then yes I agree with you 

[oxo1947]

3 hours ago, georgegeorgia said:

Many guys blame their ex partner and are bitter angry but .  Was it really yourself that caused the split up ?

You seem to be well on your way to getting your answer georgegeorgia ,  seems none of the guys are at fault..........

 

And that may well be true.

 

22 years together, we decided to start a highly stressful business in Australia. The Rag Trade. Living together/working together/stressing over the same things together.

After 5 years we couldn't stand the sight of each other.  As the business got better the relationship got worse.

 

Working together,  It seems to work out for some folk-for us it didn't.

[Lacessit]

25 minutes ago, whereyougo said:

Sure if they left school at 6 and are as intelligent as the village Buffalo or are a 45 year old ex bar girl that likes to sleep untill 2 pm then stupid farang will line up to "take care". 

Funny how thai men want nothing to do with them

Educated thai women with a well paying career dont need to take care

I have news for you, there are quite a few Thai women who want nothing to do with Thai men. Given the abusive nature of some relationships, hardly surprising.

Educate me, what percentage of Thai women are (a) well educated (b) well paid?

[petermik]

23 minutes ago, whereyougo said:

 

Educated thai women with a well paying career dont need to take care

 

21 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Why would one of those want any of us?

Well I found one eight years ago and have never been as happy as I am now....Southern girl Uni educated in BKK...her mother was a schoolteacher and she was Credit control manager in the finance dept of a large BKK Hospital...no children and her remaining family have never asked me for anything....better ask her why she chose to live with me.

[Airalee]

2 hours ago, JustAnotherFarang said:

When i realised her dishonesty, deceit and her deceptions.  When confronted for the umpteenth time she did a runner and tried to blackmail me for my work permit and marriage visa.  Her family made no effort to reach out to me or help reconcile the differences because they had instigated and participated in the fraud. I distinctly remember feeling morally underhanded when I installed the hidden surveillance cameras around the home but if it wasnt for the fact that I now have video evidence of all her wrong doings I would have lost everything.  As it stands, I retain control of my home but Im unable to sell it and my personal bank account remains my own.  I have managed to get back on my feet again but it took 2 years.

 

Think long and hard about your reasons for marrying.  I thought that my pleasant lady who was a temple devotee was a good girl and everyone we met thought the same but she was a true narcissist and fooled us all with her plaintive ways. If I had my time again I would never marry a thai girl, they are never quite what they seem.

 

JAF

In the beginning, they all seem like “good girls”.  Going to temple means nothing.  Many, due to their abusive (and neglectful) upbringings end up with personality disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  It’s textbook.  Unfortunately, there is no therapy nor medication for it.  They are essentially soulless.

 

The relationships follow the same patterns and I have known many guys (myself included) who have fallen prey to their (initially) charming wiles.

 

First, there is the “Lovebombing” stage.  This is what you fall in love with and you also see a reflection of yourself in them.  It feels great.  The sex is great.  They’re bubbly, fun and attentive.  Unfortunately, it’s all fake.

 

Next, the cracks start to show.  Their insecurities become apparent.  They might make mention of the “honeymoon phase” coming to an end.  “Do you love me?” and other similar statements become commonplace.

 

Then comes the gaslighting, confabulation, (unnecessary) lies, accusations (which are most likely projections of what they are actually guilty of).

 

After that, the devaluation/dismissal stage.  The silent treatment that they are so well known for is part of this stage.  They no longer feign interest in the things you are interested in.  At this point, they are regressing into their real state.  It’s a definite mind-bender and leaves you confused.

 

Finally, the discard phase.  When you start to withdraw from the relationship, they sense it.  You are no longer providing whatever benefit they were usually after.  Here, of course, it is usually money/fun/travel/security.   They might start “breadcrumbing” you (showing little bits of love/attention/affection) in order to reel you back in and even possibly apologize for their misdeeds/transgressions, but it will be a very vague non-specific apology.  “I’m sorry for everything” is what they will say. They will never own up to specific things.

 

At this point, they are usually already looking for their next source of “Narcissistic supply” and are probably back on Tinder/Thaicupid/Thaifriendly…..hidden from you of course.  They may also accuse you of cheating at this time.  (Projection)

 

Finally, when they have found their next unwitting target, they bail….if you haven’t already bailed first.  If that new source of supply doesn’t work out, they may try to return to you (this is called “hoovering” in narcissist relationship lingo).  Don’t fall for it.  The only thing to do is go “no contact” and leave them in the rear view mirror.

 

Mind you, they’re not all bad.  Some people have very successful loving relationships.  But, when they are bad, they’re hell.

[Rampant Rabbit]

You  have to define  love, good  luck with that, the reality is the very first girlfriend, after that it  all decreases, then theres  age at 16 the only thing about love swings  between  your  legs. 

Been married toa  Thai 16  years, shes  decent, hard  working but do I love her? no idea, we dont live together and I told  her the other day she should find someone else as nothing makes  me   happy and shes  quite happy..she just said she didnt want that.

Its certainly  not  about money for her in any way, she  actually  supports me, shock  horror I  know.

Things we  have in common are hard  work and independance and space LOTS  of  space, Id  say her biggest fear is she doesnt want to be  alone as she  ages.

Does she  love me, again I  have no idea absoloutely  none, we  have no  kids she has no parents.

[whereyougo]

41 minutes ago, petermik said:

 

Well I found one eight years ago and have never been as happy as I am now....Southern girl Uni educated in BKK...her mother was a schoolteacher and she was Credit control manager in the finance dept of a large BKK Hospital...no children and her remaining family have never asked me for anything....better ask her why she chose to live with me.

Same with me from the south and a Thai Muslim 80 k a month salary here in Bangkok and 10 years together untill I found a way to destroy it lol. 

Stick with her they are hard to replace and I now have regrets 

[USEpat]

It was a Tuesday, cloudy and damp, with a light dew on the grass and on the metal of my old Buick.  Alas, I said to myself..................it's over.

 

And it was.

[ripstanley]

What is love? Can someone give me a definition?

[whereyougo]

12 minutes ago, ripstanley said:

What is love? Can someone give me a definition?

Boom boom without actual cash being placed in the claw directly after ????