My wife left me indefinitely to become a prostitute, what legal action can I take?

[HighPriority]

Just now, ezzra said:

I would, if i were you, keep quiet, enjoy the extra chsh she'll bringing home and find my senf another women on the side, win-win situation...

Yes, I’d be unhappy if she wasn’t sharing or at least paying back my 30k Baht.

[rankric]

You should chill out a bit, have a beer or something.

[VinnieK]

Sorry I didn't read the whole novel but I bet she was a pro from before.

[keysersoze276]

56 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

You didn't mention how old you both are?

Anyway, stuff like this happens in Thailand, don't blame yourself.

I know loads off guys that had the same (or worse) happen.

I am 44, She is 31. Thanks for the encouragement because this hurts.

[Callmeishmael]

2 minutes ago, keysersoze276 said:

I am 44, She is 31. Thanks for the encouragement because this hurts.

You might point out to her that she should divorce you and move on while she is still young.  If these problems persist and she is in this situation again in 10 or 15 years, it will be much harder for her to start over.

[CharlieH]

She tried forr 7 years ! She didnt make that decision easily or overnight. Your relationship was finished awhile back

Like the drink, you need to let go of her tool You both screwed it up ! 

You have made a new start by stopping the drink etc , continue that by staying booze free and find another girl, plenty out there, relocate far from there and get on with your life,its too short to dwell on disasters ! Learn from it, start again. You wont be the first or last, thats for sure.

 

[keysersoze276]

37 minutes ago, Fat is a type of crazy said:

Play this up loud, dust yourself off, keep off the booze and wait and see if you can get her to sign the divorce further down the track. No assets or kids so no worries.

 

Tainted Love / Where Did Our Love Go (Extended Version / Medley) - YouTube

 

Thank you.  She left again yesterday and I didn't even consider buying booze.  Last night would have been the night to "drown my sorrows in a bottle and ruin my life", but no.  It's not good for anyone actually, and I admit sometimes I overdo it so I am done with it.  Other people keep calling me a drunkard, but really all I do is like to sit out on the bench outside of my condo and have a few beers after a long day of work.  But occasionally I would drink more than I should.  Anyway, I don't need that stuff.  I appreciate your encouragement.  Thanks.

 

56 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

And she prefers being a prostitute with many guys instead of being a prostitute only for one.

Maybe you should ask yourself: why? And think primary about yourself.

For me it seems you deserve what you got.

I wish her good luck.

OK.  Not sure how i deserved what I got, but I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.  And asking myself why- all I can come up with is peer pressure and wants to just party every night with her "friends".  SHe drank maybe five times a year before, now she is posting photos at the clubs every night.

[keysersoze276]

54 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

That is one of those moments when we need this: 

 

You are so deep in your hole, and you don't even realize that you are the problem.

What else must happen before you ask yourself: Is it me? Should I have done things differently?

Should I talk to a professional to sort out my life because I obviously can't do it myself?

Yeah, I took a good hard look at myself, and I have recognized, admitted and apologized for any blame.  I know I am not perfect.  I can't change the past, but I can do better in the future.

 

[Celsius]

I doubt she suddenly became a prostate.

 

Where did you find her? In a bar?

[keysersoze276]

49 minutes ago, Ralf001 said:

She grew some balls and kicked the drunkard husband to the kerb.

 

Kudo's to her.

I don't know you and you don't know me, but I am willing to bet you drink more than I do, just by chance.

 

35 minutes ago, HappyExpat57 said:

"indefinitely?"

 

My friend, she's gone for good.

She didn't even take her stuff.  Walked out with a purse and has two suitcases here.  I figured she would pack up some clothes and shoes and things while I sat on the balcony.  

[keysersoze276]

25 minutes ago, Callmeishmael said:

You might point out to her that she should divorce you and move on while she is still young.  If these problems persist and she is in this situation again in 10 or 15 years, it will be much harder for her to start over.

She won't willingly divorce, it looks like I will need a lawyer.

 

3 minutes ago, Celsius said:

I doubt she suddenly became a prostate.

 

Where did you find her? In a bar?

Totally understand what you mean, I would doubt it too.   It would be the most likely situation, but no I did not meet her in a bar and she wasn't a prostitute before.  Like I  said in the OP, we were having a very nice dinner and two "friends" showed up, they ended up getting wasted and I can only suppose they talked her into doing it.

[cyril sneer]

quite surprised she's taken 30k and gone straight to work

 

could have been spent on lottery tickets I guess

[stupidfarang]

She is gone, not worth you waiting for her to come back. Pack your things and move to a new Condo and do not tell her, then see a lawyer and get divorce. Then move on. If you stay togeather it will happen again

 

[Bruno123]

Some really nasty people making nasty assumptions. That's what you get when you post your personal problems here. Sad.

 

Charlie H and BritmanToo with sensible and sensitive replies. ???? 

I agree with not trying to fix it. Time to move on. No one here can judge you, as they weren't there. 

Use it as a catalyst to move onwards and upwards. Work on your health; mental and physical. Walks, with focus on deep and even breathing. Create some space for yourself and focus on you and the way you treat people around you. When you are ready, you will find yourself what you need. Don't panic. It's not as bad as it seems. 

[Lacessit]

Why does the OP need a divorce? That would only be necessary if he was to get married again, which would fit the definition of insanity.

According to the OP, there are no assets to split.

Just change the locks, or move somewhere else. Plenty of other women eager to hook up with a farang.

[Lacessit]

25 minutes ago, Celsius said:

I doubt she suddenly became a prostate.

 

Where did you find her? In a bar?

One of the funniest posts I have read on this thread, albeit unwittingly.

[AsianAtHeart]

1 minute ago, keysersoze276 said:

Yeah, I took a good hard look at myself, and I have recognized, admitted and apologized for any blame.  I know I am not perfect.  

 

Those who have similar problems are often the least forgiving.  The strong criticisms you have received may well come from others who are or have been in a similar boat.  I have never drunk alcohol in my life, for which I am very grateful to my parents for having brought me up well.  I have taught thousands of people about the harms of alcohol and have encouraged them to leave it.  You are doing the right thing to steer clear of it.  If you want some encouragement toward your new course without it, you might experiment with cracking a raw egg into some rubbing alcohol ("lao 70")--70% ethyl alcohol.  Beer averages 5%, so this is stronger and you will see the reaction more quickly; but one of the biggest reasons I always used rubbing alcohol is that I don't want to support the beer companies.  When you crack the egg into the alcohol, remember what an egg is.  It is a cell--just like one of the trillions of cells you have in your body.  The egg is a very large cell, and the nucleus of that cell (the yolk) is easy to see, as is its cytoplasm (the egg white).  With just the alcohol, you will see that the egg is "cooked" (coagulated), no heat required.

 

Alcohol kills.  That is why they use it in the hospital to clean a patient's skin before administering an injection.  This will prevent living bacteria, viruses, etc. from being inserted past the skin barrier.  The alcohol people drink also kills.  It kills cells in every part of the body: lung cells, blood cells, liver cells, brain cells, etc.  We usually talk about alcoholics losing their brain cells, with little mention of the others.  Why?  Because when you kill your blood cells, more will take their place.  Ditto for lung cells, liver cells, skin cells, etc.  But brain cells are not regenerated.  That is why we often focus on them.  Neighboring cells may be able to take over the role that the dead brain cells used to serve, but the cells are not replaced.  Alcohol reduces memory capacity, in addition to the more temporary effects of impairing judgment and reflex.  The liver, the only organ able to break down and destroy the alcohol, is especially harmed.  Even though it can break it down, it is also hurt in the process--perhaps akin to the mouth cooling hot food--yes, it is cooled, but the tongue got burned in the process.  If you burn your tongue, you will not wish to eat anything hot for several days.  But the liver has no nerves to tell you that it has been burned.  So most drinkers have a glass every day, and their liver is further weakened, bit by bit.  It is an amazing organ and has the capacity to regenerate if given time, and allowed to do so early enough (before damaged beyond repair).  But once one has been diagnosed with liver cancer, there's little hope of survival beyond six months.

 

I'm not preaching, I'm teaching.  Knowledge is power.  Everyone knows that drinking is bad, but most don't know all the reasons why.  When you know those reasons, it gives you more ability to decisively say "no" the next time your craving hits.

 

Good for you for not succumbing in your lonely moment after she left!  It takes a real man to be able to be self-controlled like that.  Keep going!  The temptation to just give in and enjoy at least "something" will be strong yet for weeks to come.  Doctors in my family suggest that B-vitamins may help with reducing those cravings.  Having never drunk alcohol, I cannot say anything from personal experience about this, but it would be harmless to try if you think you need some additional help in laying the cravings to rest.

 

I'm rooting for you!  Once you are alcohol free, you can carefully examine your life to see if there are any other changes you might like to make.  I tend to agree with the sentiment that you should move on.  Adultery is certainly grounds for divorce, legally and morally.  It gives you an opportunity, at this point, to get out of a relationship that may have been dragging you down and to plant your standard on higher ground.  I would wait at least awhile before trying to replace her, though.  Focus on who you want to be in your new life.  Make sure you are comfortable and confident there.  Then, you will be ready to find someone who is at that same standard, who can equal you--and not need to be "controlled."  Women need guidance, but most will chafe if they feel controlled.  There's a difference, and a loving way to guide that will not be off-putting.

 

Ignore those who only seek to make themselves look superior by condemning you.  None of us is perfect, and they aren't either.  Focus on doing the right thing for yourself because it is right.  You have the right to change, and to upgrade to a better life--even when you are already mature.  You always have that right.  There's no need to think one can never learn something new nor turn over a new leaf.  You can, if you will.  Go for it!

[BritManToo]

23 minutes ago, keysersoze276 said:

but no I did not meet her in a bar and she wasn't a prostitute before.

Unless you knew her from childhood, how could you possibly know what she did in her past? Doubt she'd mix with other hookers (her friends) if she wasn't of a like mind.

 

PS. I lived with a Thai girl for a year with plans to marry (she'd actually collected all the documents) then she goes away for a week to look after her sick parents, but she's really on holiday (all expenses paid) in Phuket with a former white boyfriend. She was actually surprised when she returned and I wasn't there.

[rankric]

Its new sim card time. Just chuck the old one away head south for a few months. Have a couple of months on the beach with a cocktail and move on. 31 is too old now anyway, its a win win. 

[HighPriority]

5 minutes ago, AsianAtHeart said:

Those who have similar problems are often the least forgiving.  The strong criticisms you have received may well come from others who are or have been in a similar boat.  I have never drunk alcohol in my life, for which I am very grateful to my parents for having brought me up well.  I have taught thousands of people about the harms of alcohol and have encouraged them to leave it.  You are doing the right thing to steer clear of it.  If you want some encouragement toward your new course without it, you might experiment with cracking a raw egg into some rubbing alcohol ("lao 70")--70% ethyl alcohol.  Beer averages 5%, so this is stronger and you will see the reaction more quickly; but one of the biggest reasons I always used rubbing alcohol is that I don't want to support the beer companies.  When you crack the egg into the alcohol, remember what an egg is.  It is a cell--just like one of the trillions of cells you have in your body.  The egg is a very large cell, and the nucleus of that cell (the yolk) is easy to see, as is its cytoplasm (the egg white).  With just the alcohol, you will see that the egg is "cooked" (coagulated), no heat required.

 

Alcohol kills.  That is why they use it in the hospital to clean a patient's skin before administering an injection.  This will prevent living bacteria, viruses, etc. from being inserted past the skin barrier.  The alcohol people drink also kills.  It kills cells in every part of the body: lung cells, blood cells, liver cells, brain cells, etc.  We usually talk about alcoholics losing their brain cells, with little mention of the others.  Why?  Because when you kill your blood cells, more will take their place.  Ditto for lung cells, liver cells, skin cells, etc.  But brain cells are not regenerated.  That is why we often focus on them.  Neighboring cells may be able to take over the role that the dead brain cells used to serve, but the cells are not replaced.  Alcohol reduces memory capacity, in addition to the more temporary effects of impairing judgment and reflex.  The liver, the only organ able to break down and destroy the alcohol, is especially harmed.  Even though it can break it down, it is also hurt in the process--perhaps akin to the mouth cooling hot food--yes, it is cooled, but the tongue got burned in the process.  If you burn your tongue, you will not wish to eat anything hot for several days.  But the liver has no nerves to tell you that it has been burned.  So most drinkers have a glass every day, and their liver is further weakened, bit by bit.  It is an amazing organ and has the capacity to regenerate if given time, and allowed to do so early enough (before damaged beyond repair).  But once one has been diagnosed with liver cancer, there's little hope of survival beyond six months.

 

I'm not preaching, I'm teaching.  Knowledge is power.  Everyone knows that drinking is bad, but most don't know all the reasons why.  When you know those reasons, it gives you more ability to decisively say "no" the next time your craving hits.

 

Good for you for not succumbing in your lonely moment after she left!  It takes a real man to be able to be self-controlled like that.  Keep going!  The temptation to just give in and enjoy at least "something" will be strong yet for weeks to come.  Doctors in my family suggest that B-vitamins may help with reducing those cravings.  Having never drunk alcohol, I cannot say anything from personal experience about this, but it would be harmless to try if you think you need some additional help in laying the cravings to rest.

 

I'm rooting for you!  Once you are alcohol free, you can carefully examine your life to see if there are any other changes you might like to make.  I tend to agree with the sentiment that you should move on.  Adultery is certainly grounds for divorce, legally and morally.  It gives you an opportunity, at this point, to get out of a relationship that may have been dragging you down and to plant your standard on higher ground.  I would wait at least awhile before trying to replace her, though.  Focus on who you want to be in your new life.  Make sure you are comfortable and confident there.  Then, you will be ready to find someone who is at that same standard, who can equal you--and not need to be "controlled."  Women need guidance, but most will chafe if they feel controlled.  There's a difference, and a loving way to guide that will not be off-putting.

 

Ignore those who only seek to make themselves look superior by condemning you.  None of us is perfect, and they aren't either.  Focus on doing the right thing for yourself because it is right.  You have the right to change, and to upgrade to a better life--even when you are already mature.  You always have that right.  There's no need to think one can never learn something new nor turn over a new leaf.  You can, if you will.  Go for it!

You say you’re “Rooting for him” so why don’t you cut out the middle woman and give him his 30k Baht directly ?

[Celsius]

6 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

One of the funniest posts I have read on this thread, albeit unwittingly.

There was a pun in there

[keysersoze276]

1 hour ago, VinnieK said:

Sorry I didn't read the whole novel but I bet she was a pro from before.

nope

 

43 minutes ago, Bruno123 said:

Some really nasty people making nasty assumptions. That's what you get when you post your personal problems here. Sad.

 

Charlie H and BritmanToo with sensible and sensitive replies. ???? 

I agree with not trying to fix it. Time to move on. No one here can judge you, as they weren't there. 

Use it as a catalyst to move onwards and upwards. Work on your health; mental and physical. Walks, with focus on deep and even breathing. Create some space for yourself and focus on you and the way you treat people around you. When you are ready, you will find yourself what you need. Don't panic. It's not as bad as it seems. 

Yeah, I am quite shocked at the nastiness, actually.  Especially being in serious mental pain for over a month being home alone working and trying to get the thought of what she is out doing every day and night out of my head.  Nightmares, insomnia, the whole 9 yards.  This will definitely be the last time I post anything personal on this forum and I already tried to remove it, but can't.  Oh well, others like to hurt people to make themselves feel better, I suppose.  Almost everyone is focusing on me admitting I would drink too much sometimes, then calling me a drunkard that got kicked to the kerb.  A lot of illiterate Saints here, I suppose.  But a great thanks to the few sensible comments as well as your advice.  I appreciate and agree with it.

[worgeordie]

Just remember there are plenty more fish in the sea, time to throw

this one back and get on with your life , and better luck next time.

there are good ones out there ,just not easy to find ,

 

regards worgeordie

 

 

[Gaccha]

5 hours ago, keysersoze276 said:

but I quit drinking completely a week ago

That line is, among a lot of high quality lines, the funniest line. Better than any episode of the ratings-smash "She-Hulk" on Disney+. 

 

You are perfect for each other. Two drunks, with strong wills. You can enjoy the drama of the fights to give your empty lives some meaning. Perhaps, a Channel 7 drama could be based on it.

 

Have you thought about contacting a TV Producer, rather than a lawyer? 

[keysersoze276]

20 minutes ago, AsianAtHeart said:

Those who have similar problems are often the least forgiving.  The strong criticisms you have received may well come from others who are or have been in a similar boat.  I have never drunk alcohol in my life, for which I am very grateful to my parents for having brought me up well.  I have taught thousands of people about the harms of alcohol and have encouraged them to leave it.  You are doing the right thing to steer clear of it.  If you want some encouragement toward your new course without it, you might experiment with cracking a raw egg into some rubbing alcohol ("lao 70")--70% ethyl alcohol.  Beer averages 5%, so this is stronger and you will see the reaction more quickly; but one of the biggest reasons I always used rubbing alcohol is that I don't want to support the beer companies.  When you crack the egg into the alcohol, remember what an egg is.  It is a cell--just like one of the trillions of cells you have in your body.  The egg is a very large cell, and the nucleus of that cell (the yolk) is easy to see, as is its cytoplasm (the egg white).  With just the alcohol, you will see that the egg is "cooked" (coagulated), no heat required.

 

Alcohol kills.  That is why they use it in the hospital to clean a patient's skin before administering an injection.  This will prevent living bacteria, viruses, etc. from being inserted past the skin barrier.  The alcohol people drink also kills.  It kills cells in every part of the body: lung cells, blood cells, liver cells, brain cells, etc.  We usually talk about alcoholics losing their brain cells, with little mention of the others.  Why?  Because when you kill your blood cells, more will take their place.  Ditto for lung cells, liver cells, skin cells, etc.  But brain cells are not regenerated.  That is why we often focus on them.  Neighboring cells may be able to take over the role that the dead brain cells used to serve, but the cells are not replaced.  Alcohol reduces memory capacity, in addition to the more temporary effects of impairing judgment and reflex.  The liver, the only organ able to break down and destroy the alcohol, is especially harmed.  Even though it can break it down, it is also hurt in the process--perhaps akin to the mouth cooling hot food--yes, it is cooled, but the tongue got burned in the process.  If you burn your tongue, you will not wish to eat anything hot for several days.  But the liver has no nerves to tell you that it has been burned.  So most drinkers have a glass every day, and their liver is further weakened, bit by bit.  It is an amazing organ and has the capacity to regenerate if given time, and allowed to do so early enough (before damaged beyond repair).  But once one has been diagnosed with liver cancer, there's little hope of survival beyond six months.

 

I'm not preaching, I'm teaching.  Knowledge is power.  Everyone knows that drinking is bad, but most don't know all the reasons why.  When you know those reasons, it gives you more ability to decisively say "no" the next time your craving hits.

 

Good for you for not succumbing in your lonely moment after she left!  It takes a real man to be able to be self-controlled like that.  Keep going!  The temptation to just give in and enjoy at least "something" will be strong yet for weeks to come.  Doctors in my family suggest that B-vitamins may help with reducing those cravings.  Having never drunk alcohol, I cannot say anything from personal experience about this, but it would be harmless to try if you think you need some additional help in laying the cravings to rest.

 

I'm rooting for you!  Once you are alcohol free, you can carefully examine your life to see if there are any other changes you might like to make.  I tend to agree with the sentiment that you should move on.  Adultery is certainly grounds for divorce, legally and morally.  It gives you an opportunity, at this point, to get out of a relationship that may have been dragging you down and to plant your standard on higher ground.  I would wait at least awhile before trying to replace her, though.  Focus on who you want to be in your new life.  Make sure you are comfortable and confident there.  Then, you will be ready to find someone who is at that same standard, who can equal you--and not need to be "controlled."  Women need guidance, but most will chafe if they feel controlled.  There's a difference, and a loving way to guide that will not be off-putting.

 

Ignore those who only seek to make themselves look superior by condemning you.  None of us is perfect, and they aren't either.  Focus on doing the right thing for yourself because it is right.  You have the right to change, and to upgrade to a better life--even when you are already mature.  You always have that right.  There's no need to think one can never learn something new nor turn over a new leaf.  You can, if you will.  Go for it!

This reply was amazing on so many levels.  Thanks for all the info and encouragement.  The funny thing is, I have absolutely no craving.  When I go to 7-11 I buy orange juice which is right next to the beer cooler and don't even notice the beers (Or Soju or whiskey behind the counter.  So, that's great.  A social situation would be more difficult I imagine, though.

[keysersoze276]

23 minutes ago, rankric said:

Its new sim card time. Just chuck the old one away head south for a few months. Have a couple of months on the beach with a cocktail and move on. 31 is too old now anyway, its a win win. 

Actually, I think I am leaving Thailand.  I was in DaNang, Vietnam for a year and a half during COVID and loved it.  Also eyeballing Columbia.  SO, great idea and thanks, but without cocktails.

 

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, keysersoze276 said:

OK.  Not sure how i deserved what I got, but I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.  And asking myself why- all I can come up with is peer pressure and wants to just party every night with her "friends".  SHe drank maybe five times a year before, now she is posting photos at the clubs every night.

You still like to blame her.

I don't say she is innocent. But if she would have been happy with you then she probably would not have changed her life so radially - or back to what it maybe was years ago.

Obviously you can continue to blame her, and maybe divorce and find a new girl. And then maybe one day that new girl "misbehaves". 

Don't you think it might be better that you think about now what you did wrong and what you can do better? Maybe, if you think hard enough, you will find one or the other part of your behavior which can be improved. Do that! And then, over time, you will be a better man. And maybe one day, you will find a "better" woman.

But don't think you will be able to change overnight. It's more than just not drinking anymore. Maybe use the next year to improve yourself. If you do it right, then at the end of the year you will ask yourself: Why didn't I do that much earlier?

[keysersoze276]

7 minutes ago, Gaccha said:

That line is, among a lot of high quality lines, the funniest line. Better than any episode of the ratings-smash "She-Hulk" on Disney+. 

 

You are perfect for each other. Two drunks, with strong wills. You can enjoy the drama of the fights to give your empty lives some meaning. Perhaps, a Channel 7 drama could be based on it.

 

Have you thought about contacting a TV Producer, rather than a lawyer? 

Are you man enough to admit your mistakes, or are you just a 100% perfect person?  Oh, I got it...a troll!

 

[Bruno123]

7 minutes ago, keysersoze276 said:

nope

 

Yeah, I am quite shocked at the nastiness, actually.  Especially being in serious mental pain for over a month being home alone working and trying to get the thought of what she is out doing every day and night out of my head.  Nightmares, insomnia, the whole 9 yards.  This will definitely I post anything personal on this forum and I already tried to remove it, but can't.  Oh well, others like to hurt people to make themselves feel better, I suppose.  Almost everyone is focusing on me admitting I would drink too much sometimes, then calling me a drunkard that got kicked to the kerb.  A lot of illiterate Saints here, I suppose.  But a great thanks to the few sensible comments as well as your advice.  I appreciate and agree with it.

 

You have to change your lifestyle and routines. In other words, if you don't do anything different, you won't feel any different.

Whilst you think that it's her making you feel bad, in fact it's you making yourself feel bad. You just got yourself tangled up in a bad situation, which became your normal.

Now you have to make yourself feel differently. Make physiological changes. 

Think of it as you being frozen in time, reliving a bad moment over and over again. It's you doing that. Producing tension within yourself.

You have to learn to let it all go. It doesn't matter as to whose fault it is. It matters whether you maintain optimal health or not. If you are suffering and thinking the same thing over and over again, then you are not doing the simplest of things to maintain your good health.

Change your routines. Swimming as soon as you get up. Walks with focus on breathing.  Soon those tensions and bad thoughts will go and be replaced with other thoughts. That will be you moving on. Don't go back. 

 

 

[Bert got kinky]

43 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

Why does the OP need a divorce? That would only be necessary if he was to get married again, which would fit the definition of insanity.

According to the OP, there are no assets to split.

Just change the locks, or move somewhere else. Plenty of other women eager to hook up with a farang.

 

Unfortunately, it doesn't matter how much you love her, you have to move on.

Your relationship would never be the same again and hey/your actions during this time will be pulled up at every single argument.

 

I wouldn't just change the locks, that doesn't stop her from coming back and banging on the door all hours.

Also, if her name is on the lease/house, then she has every right to just get them changed again when the OP is out.

 

Moving would be my way, new SIM, all contact details changed, etc.

Another way would to bring back a bar girl to stay for a few nights, once the neighbours start gossiping about it, she will steer clear for fear of losing face.