British

[Wobblybob]

Is it just me or does anyone else this is a very xenophobic topic or is it bash a Brit day?

[bignok]

A Scotsman, an Irishman, and an Englishman are each sentenced to a year in solitary confinement; before being locked away, each is to be granted a year's supply of whatever he wants to help him get through the long, long spell alone.

The Scotsman asks for a year's supply
of whisky; it's given to him and he's locked away.

The Irishman asks for
a year's supply of Guinness so he's locked up with several thousand bottles
of it.

The Englishman asks for a year's supply of cigarettes and he's
given a pile of cartons and the cell door is shut on him.

One year later, the doors are all unlocked.

The Scotsman staggers out and shouts, 'I'm
free!' and then keels over dead from alcohol poisoning.

The Irishman is
dragged out into the light, whereupon he promptly dies of liver failure.

When the door to the Englishman's cell is opened, everybody watches eagerly
to see what sort of a wreck the man has made of himself.To their
surprise, he walks right out the door, sidles up to the first person he
sees, and asks, 'I say you wouldn't happen to have a match, would you?'

[bignok]

2 minutes ago, Wobblybob said:

Is it just me or does anyone else this is a very xenophobic topic or is it bash a Brit day?

Lighten up

[Wobblybob]

5 minutes ago, bignok said:

Lighten up

What do you think my name is Ozzy Osram?

[bignok]

Three Englishman walk into a bar and spot a Welshman sitting alone at a table.

One fellow said to the others, 'Let's pick a fight with that Welshman over there.'
His partner replied, 'Wait, we don't want to be arrested. Let's make him start the fight.'
The third Englishman said,
'Wait here chaps. I know how to do it.'

He went over to the Welshman and said, 'St David was a flippin' sissy.'
To this the Welshman replied, 'Ah well you don't say!' and calmly resumed drinking his beer.

The second Englishman now tried his luck and said to the Welshman, 'St David was a stupid fool that wore a dress!'
The Welshman again replied, 'You're very sharp, you don't say!' and calmly resumed drinking his beer.

The last Englishman told his friends he knew how to rile the Welshman and bounced up to the table and yelled, 'St David was an Englishman!'

The Welshman replied, calmly, 'That's what your mates were trying to tell me.'

[bignok]

An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while
fighting in a far-off foreign land, and the leader of the captors said,
'We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all
in turn.  But first, you each can make a final wish.'

The Englishman responds, 'I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one
more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the London All Boys
Choir. With Morris Dancers Dancing to the tune.'

The Irishman replies, 'I'd like to hear "Danny Boy" just one more time to
remind me of the auld country, sung in the style of Daniel O'Donnell, with
Riverdance dancers skipping gaily to the tune.'

The Welshman answers, 'I'd like to hear "Men Of Harlech" just one more
time to remind me of the country, sung as if by the Treorchy Male Voice
Choir.'

The Scotsman says quickly, 'I'd like to be shot first.'

[KannikaP]

17 minutes ago, bignok said:

A Scotsman, an Irishman, and an Englishman are each sentenced to a year in solitary confinement; before being locked away, each is to be granted a year's supply of whatever he wants to help him get through the long, long spell alone.

The Scotsman asks for a year's supply
of whisky; it's given to him and he's locked away.

The Irishman asks for
a year's supply of Guinness so he's locked up with several thousand bottles
of it.

The Englishman asks for a year's supply of cigarettes and he's
given a pile of cartons and the cell door is shut on him.

One year later, the doors are all unlocked.

The Scotsman staggers out and shouts, 'I'm
free!' and then keels over dead from alcohol poisoning.

The Irishman is
dragged out into the light, whereupon he promptly dies of liver failure.

When the door to the Englishman's cell is opened, everybody watches eagerly
to see what sort of a wreck the man has made of himself.To their
surprise, he walks right out the door, sidles up to the first person he
sees, and asks, 'I say you wouldn't happen to have a match, would you?'

MODS. Please move to Worst Jokes forum please, and all his other ones.

[KannikaP]

10 minutes ago, bignok said:

The Englishman responds, 'I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one

We've got a KING now!

 

Somebody tell me why that drew a SAD emoji please.

Edited July 30, 2023 by KannikaP

[bignok]

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar...

...they each order a pint. The Englishman gets his beer, looks at it and sees a fly in it. He immediately pushes the drink aside and demands a fresh pint. The Scotsman gets his drink and there's a fly in his. He calmly picks the fly out, flicks it aside and enjoys his drink. Finally, the Irishman gets his drink and there's a fly in his. He pulls it out, holds it by the wings and screams, "Spit it out! Spit it out, you thief!"

[Victor Laszlo]

1 hour ago, 0james0 said:

It ain’t no nothing to do with English comprehension, it’s a grammar typo. You should go back to grammar school to learn to differentiate and comprehend the difference. Just trying to help ya there young fella 55!

Thank you kindly sir, just a bit of banter, no offence meant.

[KannikaP]

Can you imagine the replies if someone had started an OP with 'AMERICAN' or 'THAI' or CHINESE' and then go on about not being able to talk to them at 4am in the morning. 

 

Come on 'somebody', tell us all WHY you think it deserves a SAD emoji without explaining why. Be a man, show who you are.

Edited July 30, 2023 by KannikaP

[bendejo]

3 hours ago, LaosLover said:

[ . . ] if you want to hear a Martin Scorcese-level New Yawk accent, you have to go out to The Pocono's or far north New Jersey, where all the cops retired to. 

We'll always have Fran Drescher.

 

[BangkokReady]

British people can be very shy.  it's why they drink so much.

[Walker88]

4 hours ago, bignok said:

Howdy Partner

I'm American and I can barely understand Texans. Plus, my hair turns gray waiting for them to finish a sentence.

 

We have a range of accents in the US and make fun of the best of them.

 

Here's Boston:

 

 

Edited July 30, 2023 by Walker88

[KannikaP]

15 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

British people can be very shy.  it's why they drink so much.

Full points for the most silly post of the day, thanks.

[VocalNeal]

6 hours ago, still kicking said:

So, what is wrong with the Brits? I do have some Brits on my Facebook, try to talk to them at their time, but everybody seems to be sleeping or ignore me so much for British gentlemen or ladies 

Very interesting.????

 

 

[BangkokReady]

4 minutes ago, KannikaP said:

Full points for the most silly post of the day, thanks.

It's pretty well established that British people are pretty shy and reserved, and most drink to be able to relax and socialise.

 

I guess you can have your own imaginary version of reality, as with the other post, but you're kidding yourself, again.

[KannikaP]

Just now, BangkokReady said:

It's pretty well established that British people are pretty shy and reserved, and most drink to be able to relax and socialise.

 

I guess you can have your own imaginary version of reality, as with the other post, but you're kidding yourself, again.

What are you on about. Football hoolighans 'shy and reserved'?

[bignok]

7 minutes ago, KannikaP said:

What are you on about. Football hoolighans 'shy and reserved'?

Insecure, self esteem issues

[BangkokReady]

9 minutes ago, KannikaP said:

What are you on about. Football hoolighans 'shy and reserved'?

Not that we're talking about football hooligans, but they do need to drink a lot or take other substances to get themselves ready.  ????‍♂️

[KannikaP]

2 minutes ago, bignok said:

Insecure, self esteem issues

WHAT?

[KannikaP]

14 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

It's pretty well established that British people are pretty shy and reserved, and most drink to be able to relax and socialise.

 

EXCEPT football hoolighans! 555

[KannikaP]

2 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

Not that we're talking about football hooligans, but they do need to drink a lot or take other substances to get themselves ready.  ????‍♂️

Oh sorry, I WAS talking about those so called hoolighans.

[BangkokReady]

5 minutes ago, KannikaP said:

WHAT?

Again, it's well established that people that get drunk and fight do so because of personal issues.

 

Quote

Hooligans typically stem from the lower, working-class, but their inclusion to the group gives them a never-before-felt status.  Additionally, their status increases through confrontational challenges of an equal (Guilianotti, 2002).  Lower class individuals find it difficult to obtain a high status through their schooling or work, so they rely on physical intimidation to establish success within the firm and others subsequently view them with greater esteem.

 

https://haenfler.sites.grinnell.edu/subcultures-and-scenes/football-hooligans/

You can't keep making up your own reality, if you want anyone to take you seriously.

[BangkokReady]

 

 

5 minutes ago, KannikaP said:

20 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

It's pretty well established that British people are pretty shy and reserved, and most drink to be able to relax and socialise.

 

EXCEPT football hoolighans! 555

Maybe some of them, but really I have no idea what point you are making.  Do you think most British people are football hooligans or something?

 

You're not making much sense.

[BangkokReady]

6 minutes ago, KannikaP said:

10 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

Not that we're talking about football hooligans, but they do need to drink a lot or take other substances to get themselves ready.  ????‍♂️

Oh sorry, I WAS talking about those so called hoolighans.

Good for you.  But why?

[KannikaP]

2 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

Again, it's well established that people that get drunk and fight do so because of personal issues.

 

You can't keep making up your own reality, if you want anyone to take you seriously.

I am quite happy in my 'own reality' thanks. I do not give a monkey's whether other members take me seriously or not.

 

[BangkokReady]

1 minute ago, KannikaP said:

I am quite happy in my 'own reality' thanks. I do not give a monkey's whether other members take me seriously or not.

The latter is certainly useful for someone suffering from the former.

[KannikaP]

1 minute ago, BangkokReady said:

The latter is certainly useful for someone suffering from the former.

Who said I was 'suffering' . 

Let's end this silliness.

[BangkokReady]

5 minutes ago, KannikaP said:

Who said I was 'suffering' . 

"Suffering from" is very different from "suffering".

 

5 minutes ago, KannikaP said:

Let's end this silliness.

Good idea for you.