First Thai relationship, any advice?

[Hokeus]

A couple of reasons for their seemingly unpredictable behavior could also be that you might have (unintentionally) done something to make them feel uncomfortable, lose face, or embarrassed. In those instances they normally won’t say anything and just start distancing themselves. They may also start to think to themselves that you are a foreigner, so you are incapable of understanding Thai culture, and that there isn’t any point putting in much more effort into the relationship. And then they also start pulling back and slowly flaking out of the relationship over time (which is less confrontational) rather than just breaking it off straight away. 

Edited August 24, 2023 by Hokeus

[tandor]

you've just cheapened your relationship by discussing private information on here..she's just an immature Thai kid.

[Kinok Farang]

9 hours ago, bignok said:

What's to understand? Mostly very basic people. They like nice food and music. Shopping and being told they are pretty.

 

If you can't figure out Thai women forget building a rocket ship.

I bow to your expertise master.

[Colabamumbai]

19 hours ago, ozthai23 said:

Hi all,

I'm in my early thirties and she is in her early twenties, not that I'm sure age is a factor in my concerns. But it could be relevant I suppose.

 

I have been dating a Thai for 3 months. We live separately and she only visits me at my condo, I've never seen her accomodation. She is a student and has her own student accomodation.

Sometimes she surprises me and can be warm and affectionate, and she often sleeps at my place. However sometimes she stays home due to 'needing to get up early for class' but in reality stays up to 2am claiming she was in her phone and couldn't sleep.

 

 

My condo is kind of small with only tiny couch in lounge and a bed in bedroom which may influence the following, but sometimes she feels cold and distant when she is over at my place she will sit on said couch on her phone while I'm in the bedroom watching tv, for hours until midnight and then come lay with me for a little and sleep, then leave early the next day.

 

 

When she comes over its often already 11-12 at night, which itself concerns me a bit.

 

There has been a few times she has said she's sore and doesn't want to do the thing, although we hadn't been together for a day or two.

 

The other morning, she told me she was calling a grab. 10 mins later she collects her stuff and makes a b line for the door without telling me her lift arrived or she was leaving. Nothing. 

I decided to ask her what was up and if it was normal to leave without saying anything, her response was she was tired and didnt feel like talking? Kind of threw me off a bit.

 

Anyway, sorry about the long post but I like the girl, I just don't understand some of the behavior and and leads me to feel paranoid. I haven't really experienced this before and honestly if it was a western girl I'd wonder if she might be a little Asperger's or even be uninterested altogether!

 

I could be paranoid and completely in the wrong here. I'm just not sure.

 

Any advice or feedbacks is appreciated, thanks in advance.

 

 

 

Read  Thai Friendly My Life in The Kingdom A. Clark. 

[fredwiggy]

10 hours ago, bignok said:

What are women for? Having fun, sex, cleaning, cooking and babies.

 

You don't talk physics or algo trading methods for 5 hours with them.

Try telling that to any woman you want to be with. Only the low self esteem ones with no other prospects will stay, and also the one's you can purchase.

[BritManToo]

1 minute ago, fredwiggy said:

Try telling that to any woman you want to be with. Only the low self esteem ones with no other prospects will stay, and also the one's you can purchase.

I've always found women prefer you to say nothing while they blab on about rubbish.

Doubt there's any women that would want to discuss god with you.

[BritManToo]

13 hours ago, fredwiggy said:

Why tell someone to run when you nor anyone else knows what's going on in her life?

Probably because OP doesn't seem happy and relationships rarely get better, but often get worse.

[rocketboy2]

4 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I've always found women prefer you to say nothing while they blab on about rubbish.

Doubt there's any women that would want to discuss god with you.

Thai ladies can sure talk for 20 minutes,  but say nothing. 

[fredwiggy]

3 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I've always found women prefer you to say nothing while they blab on about rubbish.

Doubt there's any women that would want to discuss god with you.

Actually, any Christian woman will. Have had many conversations over the years with women who love God. You'd be surprised how any woman can go on for a long time with a subject that interests them. The easiest way to get closer to a woman is to communicate with her. Yes, women usually do most of the talking but that's the point entirely.

[fredwiggy]

2 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Probably because OP doesn't seem happy and relationships rarely get better, but often get worse.

But when you find the right one, you stay. Hardest thing to find on earth but you never know when it will come. Running from the wrong ones is a given, the one's who aren't honest, faithful and are takers.

[Vibora99]

19 hours ago, petermik said:

She sounds a very immature young girl.....better quietly to distance yourself as soon as possible.

only she is the immature one? I think that the writer would have to quickly return to his mother's arms and reproach him because she didn't make him a little more little man... (you have to be very stupid to complain on a social network...

[fredwiggy]

12 minutes ago, Vibora99 said:

only she is the immature one? I think that the writer would have to quickly return to his mother's arms and reproach him because she didn't make him a little more little man... (you have to be very stupid to complain on a social network...

Pretty harsh and not deserving I would think. Many people come here to complain, and to seek advice. Some are given good advice, some are degraded for asking advice, as you just did. People sometimes come here because they know many of us have lived in Thai situations and understand what's going on and what we did to alleviate the situation. Some do come just to rile up the troops, and they get the business. I don't see him as anything but wanting help because he knows we've been there. Thai women, although sharing all other women's traits, have a few which stand out more than many others. Living here you see them. He has gotten some good advice and some bad advice. His decision what to do because he's the one living it. Every relationship takes time besides the one's where the other shows their true colors right off the bat. usually it's subtle clues you have to read. What are red flags to some is just a woman's fear to others. You can hide everything forever. This may be a good woman that's just fearful of men and not deceptive and hiding other men from him. And a mother doesn't make a man a man. That's the father's job, or another good male role model that's around when a boy is growing up.

[AustinRacing]

I have a suspicion this story is made up. 

[bignok]

1 hour ago, fredwiggy said:

Try telling that to any woman you want to be with. Only the low self esteem ones with no other prospects will stay, and also the one's you can purchase.

You are depressed in Isaan and running away. Why would we take your advice?

[kingstonkid]

21 hours ago, Kwasaki said:

Well you might like her but if I were you I wouldn't answer the door anymore.

 

Sounds like the 3 months has run it's course.

 

 

There are so many young Thai girls out there.  The big issue is in fact her age.  There is a definite maturity issue with young that girls.  

 

You should try dating older girls that are not in university that know what the real world is like.

 

She is probably using you as a status symbol and place to hide.

 

Heed the words from Jenny

 

Run Forrest run

[fredwiggy]

13 minutes ago, bignok said:

You are depressed in Isaan and running away. Why would we take your advice?

I'm not depressed. Thailand is boring to me, so I'll be going back as soon as I can re locate with my daughter. Thailand isn't a bad place. I just don't like some of what goes on here and can't enjoy my hobbies either. Doesn't matter where a person lives. If they are knowledgeable about a subject from research and study, you can take their advice. Advice given has to be put into your own life and arranged so it fits you.

[Hummin]

21 hours ago, ozthai23 said:

Hi all,

I'm in my early thirties and she is in her early twenties, not that I'm sure age is a factor in my concerns. But it could be relevant I suppose.

 

I have been dating a Thai for 3 months. We live separately and she only visits me at my condo, I've never seen her accomodation. She is a student and has her own student accomodation.

Sometimes she surprises me and can be warm and affectionate, and she often sleeps at my place. However sometimes she stays home due to 'needing to get up early for class' but in reality stays up to 2am claiming she was in her phone and couldn't sleep.

 

 

My condo is kind of small with only tiny couch in lounge and a bed in bedroom which may influence the following, but sometimes she feels cold and distant when she is over at my place she will sit on said couch on her phone while I'm in the bedroom watching tv, for hours until midnight and then come lay with me for a little and sleep, then leave early the next day.

 

 

When she comes over its often already 11-12 at night, which itself concerns me a bit.

 

There has been a few times she has said she's sore and doesn't want to do the thing, although we hadn't been together for a day or two.

 

The other morning, she told me she was calling a grab. 10 mins later she collects her stuff and makes a b line for the door without telling me her lift arrived or she was leaving. Nothing. 

I decided to ask her what was up and if it was normal to leave without saying anything, her response was she was tired and didnt feel like talking? Kind of threw me off a bit.

 

Anyway, sorry about the long post but I like the girl, I just don't understand some of the behavior and and leads me to feel paranoid. I haven't really experienced this before and honestly if it was a western girl I'd wonder if she might be a little Asperger's or even be uninterested altogether!

 

I could be paranoid and completely in the wrong here. I'm just not sure.

 

Any advice or feedbacks is appreciated, thanks in advance.

 

 

 

Old saying, if you not sure, you are sure!

 

This will trouble you for years if you continue, and not even related to a thai thing! 

 

I have been like this to some few girls to, and I stayed with them out of convinient reasons, until something better showed up. 

 

Sorry, but thats the truth! 

[Kwasaki]

22 minutes ago, kingstonkid said:

There are so many young Thai girls out there.  The big issue is in fact her age.  There is a definite maturity issue with young that girls.  

 

You should try dating older girls that are not in university that know what the real world is like.

 

She is probably using you as a status symbol and place to hide.

 

Heed the words from Jenny

 

Run Forrest run

You maybe right you maybe wrong, I would say near to what's said here "up to him". ????

[ChrisKC]

You have an answer, you are already incompatible. 

[bignok]

13 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

I'm not depressed. Thailand is boring to me, so I'll be going back as soon as I can re locate with my daughter. Thailand isn't a bad place. I just don't like some of what goes on here and can't enjoy my hobbies either. Doesn't matter where a person lives. If they are knowledgeable about a subject from research and study, you can take their advice. Advice given has to be put into your own life and arranged so it fits you.

So leaving your wife then.

[bignok]

4 minutes ago, Hummin said:

Old saying, if you not sure, you are sure!

 

This will trouble you for years if you continue, and not even related to a thai thing! 

 

I have been like this to some few girls to, and I stayed with them out of convinient reasons, until something better showed up. 

 

Sorry, but thats the truth! 

I agree. Like a job or house. Stay put until a better ootion comes along.

[fredwiggy]

2 minutes ago, bignok said:

So leaving your wife then.

Already did

[bignok]

1 minute ago, fredwiggy said:

Already did

So you picked the wrong woman then and my comments about women are spot on.

 

What you need is 2 or 3 common hobbies. You didn't have any. 

[fredwiggy]

Mutual interests are a great bond, along with communication, trust and loyalty. I didn't have that with this one besides the intimacy, cooking and her not being overly greedy. It was other things that ruined it. Things she learned as a child from neglective and abusive parents.

[bignok]

Women turn into their mums or rebel. Men turn into their dads or rebel. Study the mum if you want to know what the wife will end up as.

[fredwiggy]

2 minutes ago, bignok said:

Women turn into their mums or rebel. Men turn into their dads or rebel. Study the mum if you want to know what the wife will end up as.

Usually happens unless the child recognizes that the mom or dad isn't "right" and tries to be different. The longer they spend with their parents, whatever they are like, the more ingrained the parents habits become, and the harder to break if they need to.

[bignok]

7 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Usually happens unless the child recognizes that the mom or dad isn't "right" and tries to be different. The longer they spend with their parents, whatever they are like, the more ingrained the parents habits become, and the harder to break if they need to.

People copy behaviour of common surroundings friends or family. Same as animals. So you need good role models. So avoiding drunks and bad people helps too. 

[fredwiggy]

2 minutes ago, bignok said:

People copy behaviour of common surroundings friends or family. Same as animals. So you need good role models. So avoiding drunks and bad people helps too. 

Toxic people, even if they are family, should be kept at a distance. Stress from these kinds isn't helpful in your life.

[ArnieP]

Returning to the OP, ‘his girl’ appears to often have her mind on other things: another guy or guys?

[fredwiggy]

2 minutes ago, ArnieP said:

Returning to the OP, ‘his girl’ appears to often have her mind on other things: another guy or guys?

Take away their phones, and they would learn to communicate normally.