Elderly parents

[Melpomene]

Has anyone ever brought their elderly parents over to LOS to look after them once they get to an age where they start to struggle on their own.  If so I'd be really interested to hear how you/they handled the move?

 

We're getting to that point with my parents back in the UK.  Going back to the UK to care for them is not an option, and I'd really rather they didn't end up in a carehome in the UK. Ive no other family in the UK, so that leaves us with the only option of bringing them here.  They've no underlying health issues, other than old age, and are both fairly adventurous and have indicated they'd be willing to come and live with us.

 

We'd then employ maids, nurses, carers etc as necessary and based upon their health.

 

They could afford to self insure for any health care issues, so there's no real worry there.

 

Immigration would be a pain, but I've been through it many times, so can set it up for them. They've no issues meeting the retirement visa requirements I think. Unless there is an issue if they need some form of insurance which maybe be difficult to get?

 

I appreciate this is a bit of a broad question, but I'm really just looking to hear people's experiences if you've done something similar.

 

Many thanks in advance 🙏

[cmjl]

As your parents are still mobile why not invite them for a long holiday(2-3 months) to see how they manage.The problem with moving so far away from all they are familiar with would probably be boredom,I've seen this with elderly friends where their families move them into their homes,it's ideal for the family but the elderly are then away from all that is familiar to them which includes their friends.

[Lacessit]

AFAIK the O-A visa requires health insurance, the non-O retirement visa does not. There is always insurance available, the question is whether the premium breaks the bank.

Language will be a challenge for them, unless the carers etc. are proficient in English.

AS cmjl has said, a run of 2-3 months would give everyone an opportunity to see how they handle change.

[NightSky]

A quick google search returned these links:

 

(it looks great if finances permit).

 

https://www.careresortchiangmai.com/

 

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/global-health/climate-and-people/thailand-new-benidorm-retiring-and-elderly-british-expats/

[Melpomene]

1 hour ago, cmjl said:

As your parents are still mobile why not invite them for a long holiday(2-3 months) to see how they manage.The problem with moving so far away from all they are familiar with would probably be boredom,I've seen this with elderly friends where their families move them into their homes,it's ideal for the family but the elderly are then away from all that is familiar to them which includes their friends.

 

This is a great idea, not sure why I didn't think of it!  I may well suggest this to them - thanks for the idea...

[Melpomene]

1 hour ago, NightSky said:

A quick google search returned these links:

 

(it looks great if finances permit).

 

https://www.careresortchiangmai.com/

 

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/global-health/climate-and-people/thailand-new-benidorm-retiring-and-elderly-british-expats/

 

Yeah I've seen these places, they do look good don't they, certainly better than some of the horrible care homes back in the UK!  Our preference would be to have them with us, but good to know there's always that option should situation dictate.

[Tropicalevo]

I know a couple of people who have brought their elderly parents out to live here.

With money, it is easy.

Retirement visas (1.6 mil baht in the bank for two) and then self insure.

For any major surgery, they fly to Turkey or Vietnam. Last op was hip replacement in Turkey.

The old folk love it here and have no desire to go back to their own country.

Good advice from cmjl - come for a holiday. If they like it - stay.

The only problem the old folk had - Thai driving test. They are in their late seventies/early eighties.

Edited January 16 by Tropicalevo

[still kicking]

What age are they? I am 76 myself and I moved back to OZ because I need to pay health insurance in Thailand and over 70 it will cost you an arm and leg. I still do cooking and cleaning just get my Thai wife to drop me off at shops to buy food since I gave away my car last week. 

[scubascuba3]

It's a good idea, my parents will be going into a home soon in UK, cost around £13k a month, certainly would have been better to bring them to Thailand

[Melpomene]

9 hours ago, still kicking said:

What age are they? I am 76 myself and I moved back to OZ because I need to pay health insurance in Thailand and over 70 it will cost you an arm and leg. I still do cooking and cleaning just get my Thai wife to drop me off at shops to buy food since I gave away my car last week

They're early 80s and reasonably healthy. However, in the past year you can see things changing.

 

Good luck with your move back to Oz.  Having your wife to help out must be really good for you. Perhaps I'll send Mrs Melp back to look after them if we can't make this work 😀

[Melpomene]

3 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

It's a good idea, my parents will be going into a home soon in UK, cost around £13k a month, certainly would have been better to bring them to Thailand

Ouch! That's insane. Did you investigate the option of bringing them here?

[Melpomene]

10 hours ago, Tropicalevo said:

I know a couple of people who have brought their elderly parents out to live here.

With money, it is easy.

Retirement visas (1.6 mil baht in the bank for two) and then self insure.

For any major surgery, they fly to Turkey or Vietnam. Last op was hip replacement in Turkey.

The old folk love it here and have no desire to go back to their own country.

Good advice from cmjl - come for a holiday. If they like it - stay.

The only problem the old folk had - Thai driving test. They are in their late seventies/early eighties.

Good to know thanks.  Don't think they want to drive here so no worries on that front.

 

Out of interest why do your friends not get their medical care here ? Is it really that much cheaper in Turkey ?

Edited January 17 by Melpomene

[Tropicalevo]

27 minutes ago, Melpomene said:

Good to know thanks.  Don't think they want to drive here so no worries on that front.

 

Out of interest why do your friends not get their medical care here ? Is it really that much cheaper in Turkey ?

They do all of the basic stuff here but Samui is a bit famous for expensive private medical care.

For major ops - I guess overseas treatment must be cheaper. I do not know the prices, but they have done it more then once.

Even some not so major ops here are expensive. I was asked to pay almost 400,000 baht to have my prostate removed. (TURP - I negotiated a discount.)

Another friend, married to a Vietnamese girl, says that private medical care is much cheaper there. He goes to Vietnam for most non minor things.

Edited January 17 by Tropicalevo

[scubascuba3]

3 hours ago, Melpomene said:

Ouch! That's insane. Did you investigate the option of bringing them here?

It's too late, Dad has Parkinson's, both around 87. Best to get them over before they're too ill

[scorecard]

14 hours ago, Melpomene said:

 

This is a great idea, not sure why I didn't think of it!  I may well suggest this to them - thanks for the idea...

A further point, are there small children in your house?

 

For older people at first this maybe quite fun but 24/7 maybe more than they could cope with.

 

But every case is different and you are the only person who knows the answer.

 

Maybe if there's small children this is another reason to try a 2 month holiday to start the process and discover the positives and negatives.

 

Good luck.

Edited January 17 by scorecard

[Rumpelstilskin]

You are planning ahead, which is great because you cant plan behind. If you have a good space for them in your home that would be the best option. They would much rather be close to you than any other scenario. Instal grab bars in the shower/toilet area now because slips and falls arent OK. Wheelchair accessable ramps instead of stairs are easier on the elderly and walker friendly.If you find a good caregiver be prepared to pay. So difficult to find people who can understand spoken English.  The daily rate is 1600 baht for someone to stay at the house when you are travelling. Subscribe to whatever periodicals they read in UK, books. Bring in their favorite things from Waitrose/et al. Go get them and fly back with them to avoid any slip ups. You are doing the right thing; Honor thy mother and father is commandment 1.

[john donson]

19 hours ago, Melpomene said:

Has anyone ever brought their elderly parents over to LOS to look after them once they get to an age where they start to struggle on their own.  If so I'd be really interested to hear how you/they handled the move?

 

We're getting to that point with my parents back in the UK.  Going back to the UK to care for them is not an option, and I'd really rather they didn't end up in a carehome in the UK. Ive no other family in the UK, so that leaves us with the only option of bringing them here.  They've no underlying health issues, other than old age, and are both fairly adventurous and have indicated they'd be willing to come and live with us.

 

We'd then employ maids, nurses, carers etc as necessary and based upon their health.

 

They could afford to self insure for any health care issues, so there's no real worry there.

 

Immigration would be a pain, but I've been through it many times, so can set it up for them. They've no issues meeting the retirement visa requirements I think. Unless there is an issue if they need some form of insurance which maybe be difficult to get?

 

I appreciate this is a bit of a broad question, but I'm really just looking to hear people's experiences if you've done something similar.

 

Many thanks in advance 🙏

 

care home in the UK is the best option... how are you going to afford healthcare ?

might be millions here in th

[Melpomene]

2 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

It's too late, Dad has Parkinson's, both around 87. Best to get them over before they're too ill

Ah ok understood.  I hope you're able to make things work as best you can.

[Thingamabob]

I would definitely suggest a trial run, an extended holiday,  before committing to this. The last thing you want is to bring them here on a permanent basis only to find that they don't like it.

[NorthernRyland]

The heat and the inability to go for a simple walk outside (heat, no sidewalks, dogs etc...) would make my parents miserable. The only thing you should be doing now is getting them here for a few months to see how they cope.

[1FinickyOne]

sounds like a good idea... take some time to get them acclimatized before they are ill... i am sure they will be best off near caring family members.

[JimTripper]

10 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

It's a good idea, my parents will be going into a home soon in UK, cost around £13k a month, certainly would have been better to bring them to Thailand

I have relatives paying 8k pound a month in the Usa. The problem is they are too old to make the move now anywhere else (not very mobile, need care, etc). So they don't have any other options. Add to this the situation where the rent keeps going up, sometimes 1k pound a month, or just whatever they want to charge, as it's a private facility with no regulations on cost.

 

Only last option would be to have family in the Usa make room on their property, or they need to move into a cheaper facility in line with pension payments.

 

If I had signed as a co-signer when they moved in I would have probably gone bankrupt since they come after co-signer assets with corporate lawyers if the bill is not paid. So, be careful what you sign and any contact info you give these places. Sometimes they put you down as emergency contact with your address and ask you to sign off on treatment plans and such which can be construed as being a responsible party as you are approving costs with the treatment plan.

Edited January 17 by JimTripper

[scubascuba3]

44 minutes ago, Melpomene said:

Ah ok understood.  I hope you're able to make things work as best you can.

You or your parents will need plenty of money to cover healthcare and residential care eventually, if they haven't got any money then back in UK is best where a home and care will be on the state 

[Gecko123]

Question that immediately jumped out...

 

What would happen if something happens to you?

 

Despite their current vitality, over time they are going to be increasingly dependent on you, and if for whatever reason you can no longer manage their care, sounds like they might find themselves to be in a fairly vulnerable position.

 

Edited January 17 by Gecko123

[Melpomene]

19 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

Question that immediately jumped out...

 

What would happen if something happens to you?

 

Despite their current vitality, over time they are going to be increasingly dependent on you, and if for whatever reason you can no longer manage their care, sounds like they might find themselves to be in a fairly vulnerable position.

 

Yes that's a very good shout and something my wife and I have talked about. 

 

My wife gets on with them very well, better than I do in fact! She's like a daughter to them and vice versa, she'd 100% continue to care for them if something happened to me. 

 

Something happenibv to both of us though is rightly something we'd need to think about and have a plan b in place for.

 

 

[Melpomene]

41 minutes ago, scubascuba3 said:

You or your parents will need plenty of money to cover healthcare and residential care eventually, if they haven't got any money then back in UK is best where a home and care will be on the state 

Yeah that's sadly the case these days isn't it. Thankfully as a family we're OK in that respect, so it's just about making sure we choose the best option.

[Gecko123]

41 minutes ago, Melpomene said:

she'd 100% continue to care for them if something happened to me. 

Not trying to play devil's advocate here, but are you basing the above assessment on doe-eyed verbal assurances from your wife or is there a tried and tested track record in the care-giver department? It's hard to believe that your Thai wife would have the capacity to take care of three elderly or incapacitated foreigners. The other issue you need to consider is that at home "elder care" standards in Thailand are pretty rudimentary: bed, TV at foot of bed, bed pan, help walking to the bathroom, rice porridge, etc., so when a Thai person says they'd be willing to take of an elderly person, there may be a huge gap between the level of care they are picturing they will deliver and what you are envisioning. Other factors to consider would be the number of people needed to assist in the transportation and moving of say a 100 kg foreigner. You're probably going to need at least 2 people if not 3-4 to get someone safely into a wheel chair and then into a car for a visit to the hospital. The other thing I would mention is that Thailand's population is aging very quickly, and finding quality at home nursing and assisted living helpers is probably going to be increasingly expensive and difficult to arrange. Frankly, I have been a long-time skeptic that Thailand is the promised land for elder care and that "elder respect" is in the genetic code of Thai people. Might have been true 100 years ago, but nowadays my strong advice would be to beware of nursing home marketing hype peddling this shop-worn myth to unsuspecting foreign potential customers.

 

Edited January 17 by Gecko123

[BE88]

In my opinion it is not a good idea because at a certain age such a radical change is not for everyone and there are many unexpected inconveniences that could occur. Don't then transport 87 year olds to Thailand and hope that everything goes well. It is madness.

[JimTripper]

21 minutes ago, BE88 said:

In my opinion it is not a good idea because at a certain age such a radical change is not for everyone and there are many unexpected inconveniences that could occur. Don't then transport 87 year olds to Thailand and hope that everything goes well. It is madness.

Good point. Many people in their 70's/80's also have some mild dementia and memory issues. If you say Thailand they may think it's a good idea if you act excited about it, but not really understand the trade offs.

 

If they got depressed in a foreign country later on there could be the possibility of needing to move them back again or hear ongoing gripes and complaints, or a feeling you manipulated them into a wrong spot for the rest of their years. Not being able to speak Thai could get real lonely and isolating in a facility where you don't get out much if English is not commonly spoken.

Edited January 17 by JimTripper

[NorthernRyland]

24 minutes ago, JimTripper said:

or hear ongoing gripes and complaints

 

well then they can just join ASEAN now and be in good company. 😂