Looking for help

[andych]

23 hours ago, ChicagoExpat said:

And yes, she is a sex worker.

How do you know? Every one jumping to conclusions,

 

Any way asked her why she interested in me? I am not wealthy, I told her that, and I won't give her money. 

 

Also managed to speak to her best fiend, A, via facebook, today who is probably a sex worker, as she is working as a bar girl, which I knew about, saying P knows she could earn more but doesn't want to be doing that, and P likes me because I was nice to her, also P isn't very clever or smart, but is a good person, and since meeting me is like a big teenager, talking all the time about me to her work colleagues, and does realise I am not a wealthy farang.

 

Now I am taking this with a very small pinch of salt as  they might be trying to entice me in more me? 

As I said before it is the debt more than anything which concerns me.

She doesn't really have any close family any more, just a few friends. And I did tell her friend if P comes to UK she may never be able to come back to Thailand regards the debt. And yes I have taken some advice on here from some members and read other posts.

Going back in a few weeks, and hoping to clear things up RE divorce and debt. And her boss is a good man, I got on with him ok when I met him, saying he will keep job open for a few months if she wants to visit, but that i think may not happen, all depending on visa.

 

[BritManToo]

26 minutes ago, andych said:

How do you know? Every one jumping to conclusions,

 

Any way asked her why she interested in me? I am not wealthy, I told her that, and I won't give her money. 

 

Also managed to speak to her best fiend, A, via facebook, today who is probably a sex worker, as she is working as a bar girl, which I knew about, saying P knows she could earn more but doesn't want to be doing that, and P likes me because I was nice to her, also P isn't very clever or smart, but is a good person, and since meeting me is like a big teenager, talking all the time about me to her work colleagues, and does realise I am not a wealthy farang.

For a start we know because she's friends with bar girls.

Respectable Thai women don't mix with sex workers.

[save the frogs]

31 minutes ago, andych said:

How do you know? Every one jumping to conclusions,

It doesnt matter.

Most relationships are 95 per cent financial arrangements and 5 per cent love at best. 

If she's more than 30 years younger, 0.1 per cent love. 

 

[jts-khorat]

39 minutes ago, andych said:

Any way asked her why she interested in me? I am not wealthy, I told her that, and I won't give her money. 

 

Also managed to speak to her best fiend, A, via facebook, today who is probably a sex worker, as she is working as a bar girl, which I knew about, saying P knows she could earn more but doesn't want to be doing that, and P likes me because I was nice to her, also P isn't very clever or smart, but is a good person

 

I am really sorry, andych, I do not know you. But your story still sounds nothing more than the usual. I really mean it: exactly your story I have heard and seen literally a thousand times, only the names of the actors were exchanged (the good friend, the good girl, the girl not interested in money, etc etc etc). So far you follow the exact timeline of a Thai holiday romance to the minute.

 

From what you have written so far, I read two things: what jumps out to me is your charming (?) naivety and willingness to believe what other people say, as long as it is exactly what you want to hear. This you share with an amazing percentage of all newcomers to Thailand. It also explains, why you ask for absolution from anonymous forum posters, as well as quoting random "friends" of your girlfriend (as if they would be reliable character witnesses).

 

Secondly, you really want to believe that "my girl is different". As such it is clear that you will move ahead with your plans regardless, so my suggestion would still be, to accept whatever follows next as being a fair learning cost. Do not invest more than you can loose (finanycially and emotionally) and off you go... be your own man. It is a journey started every year by thousands, with a few finding a diamond indeed. But in all likelihood after a few failed tries you will also begin to understand that there are a lot more river pebbles than valuable gems to be dug from the muck.

 

Maybe post us updates, as you go along, if it makes you feel better. But at least try to not fulfill the cliche at absolutely every turning...

[GinBoy2]

@andych don't get any of us wrong.

 

I've been happily married together with my wife for over 20+ years, kids the works.

 

But I met my wife at work, a very typical workplace relationship which ultimately developed, well it was a workplace affair since I was still married at the time!

 

So anything is possible.

 

But the situation you describe is for all us that have lived in Thailand, it's a classic minefield

 

Don't underestimate a Thai woman, who has, or is in the trade to concoct a very plausible story, I think they trade scenarios.

 

You wouldn't be the first to fall for it, God knows the streets are paved with guys have fell for it.

 

So you do what you gotta do but for God's sake go into it with your eyes open cos you're gonna need it with everything you've described                                                                                                                                                                         

[andych]

She told me today she is going to Bangkok on monday with her friend, to get her divorce sorted she said. No mention of needing any funds from me to help her out, not that i offered. ( I am part Scottish!)  Also had a holiday planned to Portugal  cancelled in a few weeks, so I may take an unexpected 5 nights trip to Thailand, looking at staying in Karon, and making a surprise trip to Patong one day.

Again, head not heart. And not all Thai girls are sex workers, or all Thais rip off merchants. Looking at other forums more friendlier than here. And more helpful, yes a few helpful comments here thanks.  

And @save the frogs she is 12 years younger, 47

[save the frogs]

26 minutes ago, andych said:

Looking at other forums more friendlier than here.

nah, last thing you want to do is surround yourself with a bunch of yes men.

 

[GypsyT]

5 hours ago, andych said:

Again, head not heart. And not all Thai girls are sex workers, or all Thais rip off merchants. Looking at other forums more friendlier than here. And more helpful, yes a few helpful comments here thanks.

What do you expect after calling all "Forum Mongrels"...

 

But I understand why you feel how you feel. When we, lonely men, are in love we are brain dead!

 

I was in same boat and this forum smashed my dreams too. I wrote something nasty back and thought I was right.

Guess what - THEY were RIGHT!

 

I cleared my head finding out the truth and still am friends with her but don't pay anything any more.

She has about 8 mil in 2 properties but she is 100% broke, no money at all. She opened the books for me.

I fixed one for sale, found a buyer but instead for selling she leased it for 3 years to Mari dope dealers! Reckless spending continues...

 

You don't even know how much she is in debt.

Also, she may be after UK social security, not your money.

Go and see and and keep us posted.

 

[youreavinalaff]

8 hours ago, GypsyT said:

What do you expect after calling all "Forum Mongrels"...

 

But I understand why you feel how you feel. When we, lonely men, are in love we are brain dead!

 

I was in same boat and this forum smashed my dreams too. I wrote something nasty back and thought I was right.

Guess what - THEY were RIGHT!

 

I cleared my head finding out the truth and still am friends with her but don't pay anything any more.

She has about 8 mil in 2 properties but she is 100% broke, no money at all. She opened the books for me.

I fixed one for sale, found a buyer but instead for selling she leased it for 3 years to Mari dope dealers! Reckless spending continues...

 

You don't even know how much she is in debt.

Also, she may be after UK social security, not your money.

Go and see and and keep us posted.

 

How will she get UK social security?

[jts-khorat]

On 1/27/2024 at 11:09 PM, andych said:

And not all Thai girls are sex workers, or all Thais rip off merchants. Looking at other forums more friendlier than here. And more helpful, yes a few helpful comments here thanks. 

 

Friendlier, but at the same time more helpful? I am not sure that is possible.

 

Frankly, I have not seen that you asked for any help in particular. All your questions were answered, if you needed better tips, maybe less open-ended questions would be something I would advise for any other forum you wish to place your story.

 

All in all, of course I wish you luck and happiness in your endeavors. As you say, not all Thais are out to rip anybody off, so you might be on the right track after all.

[andych]

11 hours ago, jts-khorat said:

 

Friendlier, but at the same time more helpful? I am not sure that is possible.

 

Frankly, I have not seen that you asked for any help in particular. All your questions were answered, if you needed better tips, maybe less open-ended questions would be something I would advise for any other forum you wish to place your story.

 

All in all, of course I wish you luck and happiness in your endeavors. As you say, not all Thais are out to rip anybody off, so you might be on the right track after all.

Thank you, maybe i should have worded my question better? And sorry if I offended anyone. But it was the way i got initial replies, thinking that I would have practical advice?

Before I went Thailand  I heard all about the bargirls and other scams, massages etc, I experienced it but didn't fall into that trap. 

Regardless of the girls motive, I was just looking for any possible answers in the long term.

I didn't go to Patong looking for love, or sex for that matter. Just to get away from a few things at home. And visit Thailand, something I have always wanted to do. And also Patong isn't really my scene, a few day maybe for the experience. Try to avoid the center, beach, bangla road area when I visit there. Prefer Old Town.

 

And my number 1 concern is the debt, I don't want it to bite me on the arse, and I think she may not get a visitor visa to UK.  But looking forward to surprising her in a couple of months, will get a better idea from her response when I show up unexpectedly.

[Liquorice]

I'd like to explore the practical side of your suggestions, re marriage and living in the UK.

In your opening post, you stated;

On 1/20/2024 at 12:34 AM, andych said:

I don't have much savings only a small emergency fund, and i would only pay for her uk visa and flight. 

 

You are aware that the current financial requirement for a family visitor visa is £29,000 per annum from spring of this year.
It's a 5-year route to obtaining ILR (permanent residency).
She has to pass the English language test to level A1 for the initial visa application, then level A2 and B1 and pass the Knowledge of Life in the UK test to obtain ILR.

The £29,000 current requirement is set to rise to £34,500, then £38,700 (dates yet to be confirmed)

 

It seems to me, if you can meet those financial requirements, why don't you have much in savings.

 

Visitor visas for the UK are far easier to obtain than those for the US or Australia.
From the details you've already supplied about your g/f circumstances, she would qualify.
 

[andych]

I will have access to savings in a few years time. I don't have a mortgage any more and own my house. 

Meant to add why no  savings as I put a lot of my wages into pension pot via salary sacrifice, and paid of mortgage last as well.

I am not making any decisions until  I go over in March, awaiting to see her reaction when I show up unexpectedly. 

At present I am not 100% committed yet, until I know her better as well. Yes she may be trying to con me. Or she may be genuine, a lonely woman with no family to help her. But I am making sure I won't be  taken advantage of again.

[Nick Carter icp]

4 minutes ago, andych said:

I am not making any decisions until  I go over in March, awaiting to see her reaction when I show yo unexpectedly. 

 

   I wouldn't do that if I were you . 

It doesn't usually end too well ,  apart from in the movies 

[andych]

4 minutes ago, Nick Carter icp said:

 

   I wouldn't do that if I were you . 

It doesn't usually end too well ,  apart from in the movies 

It will be interesting to see her reaction. I am keeping an open mind.

Also meeting with another friend who is on holiday there. So won't be a wasted journey if it doesn't go well.

 

But this time staying in Karon.

May as well try different places.

 

[rasg]

On 1/19/2024 at 6:21 PM, still kicking said:

It will be hard she has no reason to go back 

She does as her boss has said he will keep her job open for three months. It was my wife's only reason to return back in 2015.

[rasg]

On 1/20/2024 at 2:29 AM, GinBoy2 said:

Language is tough.

 

As I've said before my wife grew up in her teenage years in Chicago, then lived in Singapore where we met. When our son was young we did like almost all multilingual parents only spoke in one language at a time until he'd mastered them all.

 

After that we generally always spoke English at home, except when my wife is really angry at me and it devolves into a Lao/Thai tirade, which since I speak both I understand.

On the flip side, if I'm really pissed off with her I revert to Spanish, which she doesn't understand, but knows it's bad!

 

But not sure I could live with someone where our mutual communication was severely limited.

 

Not saying I need in depth conversation on particle physics, but just everyday chit chat on the weather, work, dinner, and my personal favorite politics which we argue about constantly. She loves Trump!

 

Maybe it's the arguing thing I'd miss, rather than the default Thai female screaming 

She sounds like a wise woman politically. My wife's English is streets ahead of what it was when she first came here in 2015. We occasionally discuss particle physics with the help of Google Translate.

[andych]

5 hours ago, rasg said:

She does as her boss has said he will keep her job open for three months. It was my wife's only reason to return back in 2015.

Did she have any assets in Thailand? Or was the lob being still open enough?  Thanks

[andych]

On 1/20/2024 at 9:35 PM, spidermike007 said:

You should date for a minimum of 2 to 3 years before even moving in together, and perhaps add another year or two on to that before you consider getting married. There are just too many variables, there's so many things about her that you don't know at this point Until you've spent thousands upon thousands of hours with her you really don't know who she is.

 

Time is your ally not hers, use it. 

Thanks Mike, but I am approaching 60 and time I feel is not on my side. I am doing what I can, and google translate is good on transcribe  😉 only people she did speak to was her friend and a work colleague , her boss i think. Nothing to worry about after I  re-read the transcripts.

But me being me, I still have a very tiny bit of doubt in my mind, say 1%. Bearing in mind I have had a couple bad experiences in past with women.

[Celsius]

every ho I dated on tinder eventually ended up in UK, Germany, Belguim chatting to people like the OP while I was banging them.

 

have fun

 

 

[andych]

Just now, Celsius said:

every ho I dated on tinder eventually ended up in UK, Germany, Belguim chatting to people like the OP while I was banging them.

 

have fun

 

 

😀

[spidermike007]

30 minutes ago, andych said:

Thanks Mike, but I am approaching 60 and time I feel is not on my side. I am doing what I can, and google translate is good on transcribe  😉 only people she did speak to was her friend and a work colleague , her boss i think. Nothing to worry about after I  re-read the transcripts.

But me being me, I still have a very tiny bit of doubt in my mind, say 1%. Bearing in mind I have had a couple bad experiences in past with women.

I have you beaten in the age column, fortunately I'm in a good relationship but when it comes to women, better to take your time then end up facing disaster, or a really bad match. If it's good it's only going to get better, if there are problems they're going to manifest themselves over time. Time is your ally, not hers. 

[andych]

18 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

I have you beaten in the age column, fortunately I'm in a good relationship but when it comes to women, better to take your time then end up facing disaster, or a really bad match. If it's good it's only going to get better, if there are problems they're going to manifest themselves over time. Time is your ally, not hers. 

Again thanks Mike, I feel comfortable in her company when we are together, but i am also in my mind questioning her replies to me, 99% are good, rest maybe because of translation and also my past trust of women. Again I am keeping an open mind, ready to drop and block all contact if anything is wrong.

[roo860]

On 1/21/2024 at 1:01 PM, grain said:

andych: best thing you can do for yourself is move on and forget about all these plans you are considering. If you persist your life is going to become very complicated by dealing with both Thai and British government laws and regulations and lengthy procedures. And you're going to put yourself into a situation of continual financial drain. At the present time it's very early days, don't progress any further with this, if you do, the deeper you get the more tangled up your life will become and the more difficult it will be to extract yourself at a later date. If you want to save yourself a lot of stress, complications, headaches and expense move on now. However, if you must continue with this relationship then your best course of action is to take an early retirement, come live in Thailand, live together with your girlfriend (no need at all to get legally married at this early stage) and see how it goes. I wish you all the best.

Well said.👌👌

[Liquorice]

4 hours ago, andych said:

Did she have any assets in Thailand? Or was the lob being still open enough?  Thanks

In terms of applying for a visitor visa for the UK, one of the 3 key elements to prove you're more than likely to return to Thailand at the end of your proposed stay is;

1. Owning your own land/property/business.
2. Dependant children.
3. Proof of a valid job.

[theoldgit]

13 hours ago, Liquorice said:

In terms of applying for a visitor visa for the UK, one of the 3 key elements to prove you're more than likely to return to Thailand at the end of your proposed stay is;

1. Owning your own land/property/business.
2. Dependant children.
3. Proof of a valid job.

If an applicant has their own business it can be useful, but it’s imperative that cover arrangements are explained whilst the applicant is on their trip.

Evidence of dependent children are often disregarded as decision makers will be aware that it’s not uncommon for children to be left with relatives whilst the mother goes to the promised land to make their fortune.

Evidence of employment can be useful provided the employer confirms the leave of absence has been approved for the duration of the proposed trip, along with evidence of income from the employer for a reasonable period of time.

[spidermike007]

20 hours ago, andych said:

Again thanks Mike, I feel comfortable in her company when we are together, but i am also in my mind questioning her replies to me, 99% are good, rest maybe because of translation and also my past trust of women. Again I am keeping an open mind, ready to drop and block all contact if anything is wrong.

Is it safe to say, judging by your answer that you've never met? That this is strictly an online relationship? One must take into account the chemistry angle, I wouldn't invest too much time or effort, and I certainly would not invest any money prior to actually having meeting her, and spending a significant amount of time with her. 

[rasg]

22 hours ago, andych said:

Did she have any assets in Thailand? Or was the lob being still open enough?  Thanks

No. Nothing apart from how close she was to her family BUT she had spent the previous 20 years of her life working from home and sending money home each month. No assets.

[GypsyT]

On 1/30/2024 at 10:42 PM, andych said:

I am not making any decisions until  I go over in March, awaiting to see her reaction when I show up unexpectedly. 

That's the worse way to start relationship....

 

Thai gals are not stupid - she will dump you.

Or change her plans to con you before you know it!

 

Keep posted, blow-by-blow how it went.

[andych]

11 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

Is it safe to say, judging by your answer that you've never met? That this is strictly an online relationship? One must take into account the chemistry angle, I wouldn't invest too much time or effort, and I certainly would not invest any money prior to actually having meeting her, and spending a significant amount of time with her. 

Met 3 times in last year, with 1 week alone together. Keep in touch every day.