I'm in a toxic situation...

[riclag]

So sad ! I wish I never opened the thread!

OP if everything is as you say,

please , take it as a learning experience!  

 

Next 
 Get your daughter tested Asap, as has been suggested

and dont spend a bht more out of your savings!

[Hummin]

26 minutes ago, BangkokHank said:

If what you say is true,  Staying here for the daughter is also pointless, as it would not be good for the daughter to grow up in such a toxic environment. Don't worry about her not having a father figure in her life. Your wife's boyfriend/brother can play that role - without you having to finance the lot of them.

What kind of human ditch his daughter or kids?

 

Edit note: No real man would do that!

Edited June 16 by Hummin

[KannikaP]

30 minutes ago, NoDisplayName said:

 

More likely "boyfriend" is an alias for father.

That's a bit sick. Never heard that one before.

[KannikaP]

1 hour ago, MalcolmB said:

Gee that is pretty sick. 
if he has fathered your daughter then she is likely to have health problems. 

You don't get it do you? Brother is an alias for boyfriend.

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, HenryRoths said:

I would really like to be able to take my daughter and go back to Europe. That would be the best case scenario. I still have a house there and she would get a good education. I’ve thought about trying to get custody, but I know that’s incredibly difficult for a man here in Thailand, especially for a foreigner. I want to do what’s best for my daughter, but I’m stuck between staying in a toxic relationship or leaving and potentially losing my daughter.

 

Buy the custody for your daughter from the rest of the family. And then leave, fast.

And yes, this is not a joke.

I know a farang who did this - for a couple of million THB, officially with the approval of a Thai judge. 

[Hummin]

21 minutes ago, Hummin said:

What kind of human ditch his daughter or kids?

 

Edit note: No real man would do that!

And giving a confused emotion to this post, just shows how spineless some men in this fora is! 

 

Cowards is the word

[bob smith]

22 minutes ago, Hummin said:

What kind of human ditch his daughter or kids?

 

Edit note: No real man would do that!

...Thai men know all about ditching their kids!

 

bob.

[Hummin]

Just now, Hummin said:

And giving a confused emotion to this post, just shows how spineless some men in this fora is! 

 

Cowards is the word

And pleased to touch a nerve in some of them

[Hummin]

1 minute ago, bob smith said:

...Thai men know all about ditching their kids!

 

bob.

Is this about thai men? Couldnt care less what Thai men do

[BritManToo]

4 minutes ago, bob smith said:

...Thai men know all about ditching their kids!

 

bob.

Brit men too, I ditched 4 kids in the UK when I moved to Thailand, haven't communicated with them in 15 years.

 

All you other guys having 2x phone calls a year from your kids back in the home countries are so much better fathers than I ever was.

Edited June 16 by BritManToo

[bob smith]

1 minute ago, Hummin said:

Is this about thai men? Couldnt care less what Thai men do

Why do you care what the OP does then? what business is it of yours??

 

bob.

[Hummin]

1 minute ago, bob smith said:

Why do you care what the OP does then? what business is it of yours??

 

bob.

I replied to another who gave poor advise not Op who most likely is a wind up

[Hummin]

4 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Brit men too, I ditched 4 kids in the UK when I moved to Thailand, haven't communicated with them in 15 years.

 

All you other guys having 2x phone calls a year from your kids back in the home countries are so much better fathers than I ever was.

Like wise men collectively find themselves in Thailand running away form their responsibility

[GinBoy2]

Well this is a terrible situation isn't it. Rock and a hard place jumps to mind.

 

If it was me, I'd be telling Mom to sign the letter letting you travel to Europe with your daughter to visit Grandma, and assuming your have got your daughter a European passport, if not thats step #1.

 

After you get home with your daughter see if Mom can even be bothered to fight it, and my guess would be no. Certain Thai women seem to be able to abandon children faster than dropping a pair of dirty underwear

[MalcolmB]

50 minutes ago, KannikaP said:

You don't get it do you? Brother is an alias for boyfriend.

Reminds me of a trip in the redneck belt of the USA about 20 years ago.

 

i was chatting to a couple of 20 something’s and one mentioned that he had had sex with his sister.

 

i voiced my disgust that he would have sex with his sister and he turned to his mate and said to him about me “ He must have an ugly sister” 

 

it is more common than you would think. 

[Encore]

I know of 2 instances where Brits were in a similar situation.  They each had a child with Thai partners and, when the relationship went South, they did not want to leave their pre-school children.    They each obtained a Thai passport for their children and then registered their pre-school child’s birth with the embassy which enabled them to obtain a Brit passport for the child.  With the collusion of another Thai female they produced a letter of permission, purportedly from their Thai partner, to take the child out of the country on holiday and showed this to the IO at the airport.  The Thai female accomplice then answered the IO phone call to confirm and they left Thailand together.  

 

Both children have been in UK for many years and are doing very well.  Both father’s ensured regular contact between the child and mother.  One of the father’s returned to Thailand alone a few years later in an attempt to reconcile with his Thai partner and ask her to live in the UK so the child had both parents but she would not leave Thailand.  He was slightly concerned that he would would have an issue with the RTP but nothing happened.

[HenryRoths]

My wife and I have already discussed the possibility of a close separation during some of our many arguments. Meaning, she repeatedly offered to take my daughter and move into her “brother’s” house, which has a lot of empty space and is located just down the road from us. 

 

She has also refused to just leave by herself and to leave our daughter to stay with me. Though moving down the road would at least keep my daughter living close by to me. But the so called brother drinks a bit heavy at times too, which means he sometimes misses going to work, then he just lies around being lazy, and doesn't act particularly pleasant, plus he also has a couple of loud dogs. So it wouldn’t be a very positive or peaceful environment for my daughter to grow up in at his house at all in my opinion. 

 

And the thought of me staying here in this/my house alone (if my wife and daughter move down the road) doesn’t give me a good feeling either. I rather go back to Europe as I mentioned. I still have some family there too. But I am not going to do that if the future for my daughter remains uncertain. Unfortunately I still need to work for at least another 10 years, but luckily my work is mainly done online. So I can work both from here or from Europe. Either location is OK for me in this regard. Also, I am definitely my daughter's father. She has my skin tone and my green eyes. 

 

As a result though of some of the bickering and negative replies above, I don't know if I will respond here again. It also seems a bit toxic on this website and frankly, I don't need the extra stress right now or much see the point in it. 

[novacova]

@HenryRoths you can request to have the thread closed if you want. Good luck.

[NanLaew]

Welcome the Childless Misanthropes 'r' Us thread

[stoner]

2 hours ago, MalcolmB said:

Reminds me of a trip in the redneck belt of the USA about 20 years ago.

 

i was chatting to a couple of 20 something’s and one mentioned that he had had sex with his sister.

 

i voiced my disgust that he would have sex with his sister and he turned to his mate and said to him about me “ He must have an ugly sister” 

 

it is more common than you would think. 

 

this is an old joke you just modified to make it sound personal and real. barf. 

[UWEB]

5 hours ago, simon43 said:

If you have been living in northern Thailand for 12 years, why have you never posted on Thailand's most expat forum?  Why is your very first post of this type, no 'Hi I'm new here' post, just straight into a lengthy post about your problems.

 

Just asking....

The world is a little bit bigger than just Asean Now.

[Jenkins9039]

6 hours ago, HenryRoths said:

Hi everyone,

I’ve been living in northern Thailand for twelve years and married to my Thai wife for seven. We’ve had our ups and downs, but recently things have become unbearable for me, and I am trying to figure out how to move forward. In the perfect situation, I would like to go back to my own country in Europe, but it's not so simple. I'll explain. 

Firstly, the financial strain induced from her family is becoming overwhelming. Not just the actual money, but the emotional burden too. Her family constantly asks for money, and recently it began taking a toll on my savings. Her father has a serious gambling problem is what I believe is the underlying issue, and I’ve bailed him out more times than I can count, but the excuse is always that he needs money to help keep his commercial truck repair business afloat. It’s reached a point where I feel like I’m also enabling this hidden gambling problem of his.

On top of that, and I know that people will find this shocking, but I’ve started to suspect that my wife’s “brother” might actually be her boyfriend. He’s always around, and they seem overly familiar with each other in ways that make me uncomfortable. I’ve tried to talk to her about it, but she gets defensive and angry and accuses me of not trusting her or her family. 

I was told secretly once many years ago by an uncle of hers in the family that her mother had various boyfriends when she was younger, but also already married to my wife's father at that time. Some even suspect some of her older siblings might have a different father because they are much darker skinned than my wife and the 3 other younger siblings. So maybe my wife is no different than her own mother in that sense in terms of infidelity when already married. Apples don't fall too far from the tree, right?

We also have a three-year-old daughter together, and that’s what makes this situation even harder. I’m considering ending the relationship because I can’t continue living like this, but I’m deeply worried about my daughter. I don’t want her to grow up without her father around, and I fear what kind of environment she’ll be raised in if I leave. Even though I would be sending financial support for my daughter after any separation, I don't trust the family values my daughter might grow up with from always being surrounded by my wife's family. 

I would really like to be able to take my daughter and go back to Europe. That would be the best case scenario. I still have a house there and she would get a good education. I’ve thought about trying to get custody, but I know that’s incredibly difficult for a man here in Thailand, especially for a foreigner. I want to do what’s best for my daughter, but I’m stuck between staying in a toxic relationship or leaving and potentially losing my daughter.

Has anyone been through something similar here in Thailand? 

Thanks. 

Little bit of advice.

 

Take her to Europe, kid too... then inform the child agencies of the situration... you'll get custody, wife will eventually  be told to <deleted> off back to Thailand. 

[Excogitator]

6 hours ago, HenryRoths said:

Hi everyone,

I’ve been living in northern Thailand for twelve years and married to my Thai wife for seven. We’ve had our ups and downs, but recently things have become unbearable for me, and I am trying to figure out how to move forward. In the perfect situation, I would like to go back to my own country in Europe, but it's not so simple. I'll explain. 

Firstly, the financial strain induced from her family is becoming overwhelming. Not just the actual money, but the emotional burden too. Her family constantly asks for money, and recently it began taking a toll on my savings. Her father has a serious gambling problem is what I believe is the underlying issue, and I’ve bailed him out more times than I can count, but the excuse is always that he needs money to help keep his commercial truck repair business afloat. It’s reached a point where I feel like I’m also enabling this hidden gambling problem of his.

On top of that, and I know that people will find this shocking, but I’ve started to suspect that my wife’s “brother” might actually be her boyfriend. He’s always around, and they seem overly familiar with each other in ways that make me uncomfortable. I’ve tried to talk to her about it, but she gets defensive and angry and accuses me of not trusting her or her family. 

I was told secretly once many years ago by an uncle of hers in the family that her mother had various boyfriends when she was younger, but also already married to my wife's father at that time. Some even suspect some of her older siblings might have a different father because they are much darker skinned than my wife and the 3 other younger siblings. So maybe my wife is no different than her own mother in that sense in terms of infidelity when already married. Apples don't fall too far from the tree, right?

We also have a three-year-old daughter together, and that’s what makes this situation even harder. I’m considering ending the relationship because I can’t continue living like this, but I’m deeply worried about my daughter. I don’t want her to grow up without her father around, and I fear what kind of environment she’ll be raised in if I leave. Even though I would be sending financial support for my daughter after any separation, I don't trust the family values my daughter might grow up with from always being surrounded by my wife's family. 

I would really like to be able to take my daughter and go back to Europe. That would be the best case scenario. I still have a house there and she would get a good education. I’ve thought about trying to get custody, but I know that’s incredibly difficult for a man here in Thailand, especially for a foreigner. I want to do what’s best for my daughter, but I’m stuck between staying in a toxic relationship or leaving and potentially losing my daughter.

Has anyone been through something similar here in Thailand? 

Thanks. 

I agree with some of the others commenting here. Get out now!

 

Then play the long game. Go back home, get your life there sorted, then maybe, just maybe, in time, your wife will agree to a solution regarding your kid, if you can find the right incentives. Money of course, but also the fact that your daughter can get a better education and a better life there with you..

 

Best of luck.

Edited June 16 by Excogitator

[Yellowtail]

Another guy with two posts baring his soul....

 

Does your wife know about the tranny debacle? 

[HauptmannUK]

Sounds like a rather similar situation to that which my friend has found himself in. Two kids. Thai family making his life a misery. He is a very smart and highly qualified individual who is trapped in Thailand because the family keep an iron grip on the kids.  Don't overlook the fact that if you become too troublesome you may wind up dead.

[bkk6060]

Get out now.  Your kid is 3 she will ask where you are then soon forget about you. Save yourself.

[SlyAnimal]

Leave her and remain in Thailand so that you can remain in your daughter's life.

As I doubt you'd get custody of your daughter if you'd be taking her back to Europe, and you'd be unable to properly raise her in Thailand (I assume you're not fluent in Thai lol).

Plus, you likely came to live in Thailand for the lifestyle, and living by yourself, with just a bit of "child support" for your daughter / exwife will likely be cheaper than paying for the family + yourself + extended family's gambling debts.

You'll then get to live a much more enjoyable lifestyle, still see your daughter regularly and probably save money in the process.

[2long]

Read the book 'Private Dancer'... until the end

[Hummin]

5 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Brit men too, I ditched 4 kids in the UK when I moved to Thailand, haven't communicated with them in 15 years.

 

All you other guys having 2x phone calls a year from your kids back in the home countries are so much better fathers than I ever was.

you have been a proud one to for years, who have been letting us now enough time to remember who you are! 

 

Lucky kids I would say

 

Some fathers is best absent than present

Edited June 16 by Hummin

[FruitPudding]

8 hours ago, HenryRoths said:

I would really like to be able to take my daughter and go back to Europe

 

It wouldn't surprise me at all if your wife is totally okay with this.

 

Most village mothers are fine with someone else raising their kid for them. 

 

Happens all the time.