Funerals In Thailand

[Bagwan]

Having been to a couple of funerals lately I would like to save my wife a whole lot of the palaver and expense when I cash in my chips. I assume that a doctor issues a death certificate but what then? Must the appropriate Embassy or Immigration Police be informed? If the Embassy is informed do they had a duty to inform authorities back in, in my case, the UK? Can you be buried or burnt anywhere or must the family be subject to the predations of the Monkery and provide meals for all attending for a day or two?

I have made my wife aware of my wishes but then funerals are for the living, not the dead. She says that since I am out of it, she can do what she feels is appropriate. My take is that if she were to take off I would arrange a Thai type funeral but I would prefer her to look after her best interests i.e. wrap me in a bin bag and bury/burn me at the bottom of the garden.

[sutnyod]

but I would prefer her to look after her best interests i.e. wrap me in a bin bag and bury/burn me at the bottom of the garden.

Fat chance! Firstly she would not be happy (or feel comforted, given the topic) with this solution.

Secondly many people here believe that persons making merit together (such as at a funeral) will have a connection in their next life, too.

And thirdly I find some parts of the funerals here quite reasonable, especially that the people talk freely about the deceased and that guest usually inquire: how did he die? how did it happen? So there is a lot of mourning and reminiscensing during the days until the funeral; psychologically that is good for the relatives. You would not want to rob your wife of this occasion I think?

My crystal ball tells me a likely scenario for your funeral: wife will probably agree to all your conditions, but when it comes to it, you will get a big funeral and will go up in clouds of coloured smoke!

[teacup]

I don’t think it will be your problem anymore when the time comes and you do go POOF! thru the chimmy.

If you want to have a thai funeral, just make sure you give your wife - your best and the most hansum black/white pic of yourself ahead of the time, because that is what everybody will be staring at you for a few days. Yes you are correct, the thai funeral is all about the livings not the dead one, so don’t expect foods and drinks for just 1 or 2 days. Take a note that the thai funeral usually is a partly funeral (yours - byebye), and a partly family reunion (well hello! - for the livings) at the same time too!

In my family we have our beloved at home for 2-3 days + 2 days at the temple…..all those buffets are on us, but we do get many token envelopes back , so it helps a bit at the end.

Edited July 31, 2007 by teacup

[sceadugenga]

The OP still doesn't have a reply to one of his major concerns, how much interference can his wife expect from the local authorities and his embassy.

I'll admit it worries me on occasion, my wishes are made plain verbally: cremation, (I wasn't silly enough to stipulate without ceremony), and the ashes to go into the Mekong. But will the Australian government interefer in any way?

I think the best way would be to make a will with a Thai lawyer and deposit a copy at your embassy.

[November Rain]

Yes, your embassy does need to be informed & your passport & documents including death certificate taken to them - although I don't think it's something that needs to be done immediately, unless you (wife) need their help for repatriation of body or notarisation/translation of docs for insurance policies or wills, etc that are held in your own country. Maybe phone them yourself (before the unhappy passing, of course! ) to find out the timeframe involved. When my Dad died in BKK, the embassy was the first place we contacted, but that's because we needed help in sorting things out, as we had no idea what to do about organising a funeral or procedures.

As far as funeral arrangements etc are concerned, your wife & her friends & family will know what to do. Don't insult her by saying you want her to save money, the funeral is very much about her showing her love for you, by sending you off properly. Let her do it in the way she wants.

As for cost, those attending the funeral will give her gifts of money which may well go quite some way to offset the expense incurred.

[November Rain]

The OP still doesn't have a reply to one of his major concerns, how much interference can his wife expect from the local authorities and his embassy.

I'll admit it worries me on occasion, my wishes are made plain verbally: cremation, (I wasn't silly enough to stipulate without ceremony), and the ashes to go into the Mekong. But will the Australian government interefer in any way?

I think the best way would be to make a will with a Thai lawyer and deposit a copy at your embassy.

If our experience is anything to go by, your embassy/govt will not interfere. They will help with anything that they are asked to & can, but I don't think they really care where you decide to have your funeral ceremony. Dad had his in a wat in BKK, with no intrusion from the embassy.

[Chopper]

If you want to have a thai funeral, just make sure you give your wife - your best and the most hansum black/white pic of yourself ahead of the time, because that is what everybody will be staring at you for a few days.

Never a truer word spoken. When my mate died last year everyone from family and friends were struggling to find a photo where he was either not grinning like a Cheshire Cat, or pulling the most silly of faces. Personally I would have selected from many of these but protocol seemed to suggest a somber photo.

[Heng]

You can choose whatever photo you want. It doesn't have to be somber. And like in many places in the world, the dead's wishes can and do override tradition. My family has long opted for private temple funerals (with maybe 1-2 notable exceptions that went for the big broo-ha-ha send off) with no outside guests whatsoever. Myself, I have instructions in my will for no funeral even, just the cremation and scattering of ashes in the ocean.

More important IMO is making sure your will is detailed regarding the distribution of assets.

Edited July 31, 2007 by Heng

[sohn]

Anyone going to have a stab at the average total cost of a Thai funeral in thailand for a Thai ?

Edited July 31, 2007 by sohn

[slapout]

Anyone going to have a stab at the average total cost of a Thai funeral in thailand for a Thai ?

No single answer to this question. Is burning in village, city, how many days after death you make fire or burial, no. of monks, food or food and drinks {beer and or whiskey} where do you do meals etc etc. If your not liked it might take one day from death to you going up in smoke so be nice while on death bed or not up to you. I have been to some that probably cost less than 30,000 and other that I would not even guess the cost.

[sceadugenga]

Anyone going to have a stab at the average total cost of a Thai funeral in thailand for a Thai ?

No single answer to this question. Is burning in village, city, how many days after death you make fire or burial, no. of monks, food or food and drinks {beer and or whiskey} where do you do meals etc etc. If your not liked it might take one day from death to you going up in smoke so be nice while on death bed or not up to you. I have been to some that probably cost less than 30,000 and other that I would not even guess the cost.

Knowing my Mrs she'd recoup most of the outlay at the gambling afterwards.

[onzestan]

In the case of a farang dying of natural causes be it at home or in an hospital first thing that needs to be done is inform the police.

They will take the matter up with the embassy, and before the embassy gives the all clear sign the police will hold the mortal remains into custady.

In my case my last will and testament regarding burial is in my file at the Embassy. This does not have to be an official testament. A signed letter with all your personal information stating what has to be done is enough.

More info at http://www.siam-info.com.

Onzestan

[Austhaied]

This has been covered before. here http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=120459

[November Rain]

In the case of a farang dying of natural causes be it at home or in an hospital first thing that needs to be done is inform the police.

They will take the matter up with the embassy, and before the embassy gives the all clear sign the police will hold the mortal remains into custady.

In my case my last will and testament regarding burial is in my file at the Embassy. This does not have to be an official testament. A signed letter with all your personal information stating what has to be done is enough.

More info at http://www.siam-info.com.

Onzestan

That makes sense, Onzestan. The police were already involved in investigation of my Dad's death, so we obviously didn't inform them.

[draggons]

When we sent the missus mother up the lum last year it was a biggish funeral and she lay for 5 days before the cremation so there was a lot of food and drink consumed. There was 3 sets of dancers the night before and the same on the day along with a traditional band. Lot's of flowers etc. Total cost was about 100,000 I think.

She's already got the instructions for what to do with me.

[theviking]

Jeez man, you are dead... whattaya worry about?...

[tijnebijn]

The last thing I would want is my remainings being stocked at a police station by the way.

Before you know there is a stupid law for TIT place for dead farang , not least the living allready notwithstanding. No just burn my body and I am finished with reporting every 90 days !

[Bagwan]

I am agnostic and I don't want a lot of mumbo jumbo when peeps muster to see me off. I would be content if my friends had a few drinks and agreed that I was a likeable but daft old bugger who would be missed on occasions , and then get back to the golf course or wherever. I will have no truck with organised religion now and want none when I depart this world. Is it too much to ask that my wishes be paramount? What if I were a Muslim? Putting me in one of those bedsteads attached to a motorbike belching smoke at the rear and carting me down the wat wouldn't be appropriate then would it? For me, with my beliefs, the wat is out of the question.

My wife's thinking, like that of most Thais, is in the past. This is the way that things have always been done is her unthinking mantra. Although I point out to her that if she had been born into the Middle East she would most likely follow the Muslim faith, in Italy or Spain the Catholic and in the UK anything from Pagan upwards, but she is adamant that she would be Buddhist. It is this mind set that I am battling against in the matter of the disposal of my mortal remains. I would settle for being six feet under in a corner of the farm where she could come from time to time and remember the happy times we had together rather than evaporate up a chimney.

Thanks to those who have contributed their thoughts.