What Is the Best Way to Fly?

[123Stodg]

Long-haul flying: it’s either an exciting part of your trip or a grim exercise in survival. So, what’s your best strategy? Do you pop a pill or three, crack open a bottle, and have a 10-hour solo party in the sky? Or do you white-knuckle your way through it? Maybe you whack in some noise-cancelling headphones and chill with a big bag of pork-skin crisps and a neck pillow shaped like a lopsided donut?

I’ve seen it all, though. A guy next to me once downed six vodka miniatures, popped a handful of green olives in his mouth and ate a smashed liverwurst sandwich he “found” in his carry-on, then burped, and passed out mid-sentence. Is that the secret?
 

Or maybe it’s the lady who handed me a vial of CBD oil and said, “Trust me babe, you’ll be weightless before we hit cruising altitude.” Then there was the guy sneaking hits off a nicotine vape in the lavatory and the couple who got a bit too handy under the blanket.

To be honest, there’s a million ways to tackle a flight it seems. Maybe you load up on shots of free Jäegermeister and attempt to flirt with the flight attendants, or you’re the type who downs a handful of "gummies" and wakes up drooling in a different time zone? Or perhaps you’re the model flyer: stays fully hydrated, strapped into your compression socks, lumbar support pillow, and then practice in-seat yoga and deep breathing.

For me, flying from Bangkok to Europe or the US is always a test of my patience and endurance. I usually prep with snacks I’d never admit to eating on the ground (beef jerky, dried squid, and Doritos) and a playlist of questionable 80s power ballads. Add in a stiff drink before takeoff, and that puts me somewhere between comfortably numb and wondering if the in-flight magazine has ever won a Pulitzer. If it’s an extra-long haul flight, like to LA or New York, I might go for a little something “extra” in the form of a blue pill to knock me out even before the first meal cart rattles by.

But hey, that’s just me. How do you fly? Are you a disciplined planner with a Kindle full of Dickens classics, or the kind who takes two Xanax with a double whisky and lets the chips fall where they may? Any hacks for picking the perfect seat, avoiding a stiff neck, or managing those in-flight farts?

[HappyExpat57]

I used to fly economy-plus. Then China air gave me a free upgrade to business class. Since then, it's always business.

 

Like any successful pusher, "the first one's free."