Hello My Friends

[Twat]

Hello,

I really like you guys, you're the best. We can be friends and everything, sort of like brothers or something. It's not easy to make friends for people like me. I get so sad sometimes.

Not these days though, now I'm in Thailand. I never had a girlfriend before, well, not a real one. The lady who lives next door to me back home used to do nice things for me all the time when my Mum was at work but she's 40 years older than me. I like them a bit younger if you know what I mean. Around 50 is OK. In America, older women seem to dote on me I like that but now I have a really great girl in Bangkok, or should I say Bangers just like you guys do (you're so cool). My Mum says I should go someplace for a vacation so I did. I never went outside the good old US of A before.

I was only here 3 hours when I walked outside my hotel. It's a nice hotel called Hunny, or something like that. When I walked outside a girl came right up to me and held my hand. Everyone seems so nice here. She asked me where I was going and said she could good take care me for everything. Now she's my girlfriend and she says such nice things to me like she loves me forever. I'm so happy.

Sometimes I see her all the time. Sometimes I don't see her for weeks, she says it's because she's gets scared I'll be bored of her. I tell her don't worry. When she comes to see me she always smells of fresh soap, she keeps herself real nice for me, my girl does.

She must work so hard. Sometimes she falls asleep while sitting on the toilet because she's so tired. I just carry her to bed. She won't let me lose my virginity to her though. I think she wants to do this with me though because she always carries 6 or 7 condoms in her bag, very sensible good girl.

I tell her don't work so hard, she says OK and I help her with money sometimes. She only needs 10,000 baht a day!!! I love a girl that can economise because I only have a low wage.

My Mum came to visit, she's still here now. She says she doesn't like my girl and tells me I should find an American girls because they're built to last and have meat on them. I got angry when she said that and then I cried because my girl started breaking stuff.

Later, I'll try and make things good again. I'll take them both for a drink in this great place I found down the road called Cowboy, do you know it? Maybe you guys can meet us there. Me and my Mum will be there, we'll have a ball. My girl says she works as a dancer, she's so artistic. I'm so lucky.

You can tell me what to do about what my Mum says. Is she right to tell me go home and get an American girl.

Please help me guys.

P.S. I haven't got much money left, can you buy me a drink?

[compman]

You ol' jealous troll you!

[20yearsinthai]

You must be Major Hunts long lost American alter-ego

[Twat]

You guys are so clever but I don't know what you say sometimes. My Mum tells people they should talk real slow with me. She'll see you right when we go to the bar.

Don't forget your ATM card I need to borrow some money remember. My girl says her pet lizard got sick and needs to go to some place called Bumrumgrad, or something like that. She loves that lizard so much.

[elsie]

Waste of bandwidth

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Bangkok, or should I say Bangers just like you guys do (you're so cool).

Another dig at me, blimey! How come all my enimies on here come back as trolls?

[andyinkat]

Waste of bandwidth

Not at all LC - great entertainment. More!!

[Axel]

Waste of bandwidth

Perhaps Elsie, perhaps.

But then, may be not.

Next time his girl takes the lizard to Bumrumgrad (sic) he might wish to go along. There is a nice Thai doctor of Chinese ethnicity, Dr. Meo Think Brain, (Kun) who might be able to do some 'adaw-adjustment' for Baht 11,000 or thereabouts.

[Davidcharles]

Sorry <deleted>, but you REALLY are.......well A <deleted>!

Came up to you in the street and held your........come on!

Pull the other leg it's got bells on.........

[KevinN]

You got it wrong,,only limeys say "My MUM"

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Ole Twit is reliving past memories I think. He's thousands of miles from the LOS and that nice Cowboy place.

[Boon Mee]

You got it wrong,,only limeys say "My MUM"

I thought they said: "Me Mum"!

[Twat]

My Mum is English you guys are so smart. My Dad met my Mum in the war he Did. He says you English guys are so nice but you should be more grateful for bailing your assess out all the time. I love my Dad. I just wish those law men would leave him alone.

Why did'nt you guys come to see me last night? I waited for hours I did. I could't pay the bill in the bar. They wanted to take my watch but it would't come off because my hands are so big. My Mum paid the bill in the end but she said no problem because she wants her little boy to be happy she does.

A really nice guy got talking to my Mum last night, he was English I think because he spoke real strange. He had a ring in his nose and everything. He put something in my Mum's drink when she was in the toilet and winked at me. Later she went all wierd and crazy. I think that English guy was so nice but all that metal in his face made my eyes water just to look at it.

Anyways you guys, maybe you missed the bus last night but that's OK. Maybe you can come bowling with me and my sweetheart later. She says we go TDK or something near Siam. PLease come. My Mum's gone home now cus my Dad wants to move the trailer.

Please come guys, it'll be great.

P.S. What's badwidth?

[rod_kalashnikov]

I'll take them both for a drink in this great place I found down the road called Cowboy, do you know it? Maybe you guys can meet us there. Me and my Mum will be there, we'll have a ball.

A ping pong ball.

Try to catch it in your mouth ... you'll win a bottle of Sang Thip whisky.

[rod_kalashnikov]

A really nice guy got talking to my Mum last night, he was English I think because he spoke real strange. He had a ring in his nose and everything. He put something in my Mum's drink when she was in the toilet and winked at me.

I heard Charles Sobhraj was back in Thailand.

[Bluecat]

I'll take them both for a drink in this great place I found down the road called Cowboy, do you know it? Maybe you guys can meet us there. Me and my Mum will be there, we'll have a ball.

A ping pong ball.

Try to catch it in your mouth ... you'll win a bottle of Sang Thip whisky.

Haven't been in Soi Cow Boy for quite sometimes also, it seems, Rod.

Ping pong balls are long gone.

Or is it me?

Are they back?

[rod_kalashnikov]

I'll take them both for a drink in this great place I found down the road called Cowboy, do you know it? Maybe you guys can meet us there. Me and my Mum will be there, we'll have a ball.

A ping pong ball.

Try to catch it in your mouth ... you'll win a bottle of Sang Thip whisky.

Haven't been in Soi Cow Boy for quite sometimes also, it seems, Rod.

Ping pong balls are long gone.

Or is it me?

Are they back?

At my age, fifty years ago seems like only yesterday.

[Boon Mee]

"Dad wants to move the trailer.

Please come guys, it'll be great.

P.S. What's badwidth?"

This is some good stuff here, <deleted>! Y'all ain't Gypsies with that "badwidth" double-wide trailor are ya?

[Twat]

Wow you guys are my heroes now. I wish I was clever like you. If I can find such a nice girlfriend here, your wives must be truly amazing.

My Mum says she was a Pikey in Engalnd. Maybe that's why she loves my Dad so much. They both like to sleep on the roadside but all my washing smells like diesel. My girl says she doesn't want me to see her home because she says it is very simple. I said that if it has wheels then we'll be just fine. She says maybe if I gave a simple gift to her parents then they might like me more. I hope they like me. I will let my girl help me choose the gift because she understands everything here. I got to use my credit card though. She says the lady in the gold shop takes any credit card. That's handy.

I let my girl take care of my money now because she says it's the tradition, or something, here in Thailand. She tries to do everything for me wow she's good to me. My Mum says that back in England they didn't use credit cards or money and stuff. They used bits of string. How things have changed.

My credit card company keeps calling me, they don't sound too happy. I'm scared of them folks. I'll worry about that when I go back to America. I don't want to go back. My girl says if I marry her she can come with me, she's says she can make it big in America with her artistic skills and we can stay together forever. All I need is 500,000 baht for a dowry, I think it's some kind of farm machinery for her family to use after we've gone. I feel like everythings going my way these days. Can life get any better I wonder.

What beer do you guys like? I'll order for you while we're waiting for you. My girl really wants to meet you guys, she says she knows all about Bokseedaahs so she'll get on just great with you.

P.S. What's a Bokseedaah?

[Boon Mee]

That's what you give to sick buffalos!

[rod_kalashnikov]

She says maybe if I gave a simple gift to her parents then they might like me more.

Five elephants and a couple of 10kg Credit Suisse gold ingots sounds about right.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

This is boring, can't we talk about Darknight's avatar or something?

[rod_kalashnikov]

This is boring, can't we talk about Darknight's avatar or something?

We could ... but I think her parents would prefer five elephants and a couple of 10kg Credit Suisse gold ingots ... they don't have a computer.

[Sexy Beast]

<deleted>

The name is quite poignant.

Has this sad case honestly nothing better to do with his time?

[KevinN]

<deleted>

The name is quite poignant.

Has this sad case honestly nothing better to do with his time?

Pobly could,,but why?

I have read a thousand books since I came over here and nothing I have found beats this ######,,he should quit fuking around and get a book on the market,let me know the name and I sure will buy a copy.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

<deleted>

The name is quite poignant.

Has this sad case honestly nothing better to do with his time?

Pobly could,,but why?

I have read a thousand books since I came over here and nothing I have found beats this ######,,he should quit fuking around and get a book on the market,let me know the name and I sure will buy a copy.

I did not reply to Sexy Beast because I couldn't have agreed with him more and couldn't wait for the topic to sink.

Well done Kevin for encouraging him, I'm sure we'll have another portion of his talentless, studenty, <deleted> in no time.

[john b good]

This is boring, can't we talk about Darknight's avatar or something?

Come on scampi.

You are not the pot calling the kettle black are you?

I was reading one of your post a few nights back and my GF found me asleep at the computer.

She said coming to bed 'daaaarling' and I said I will come soon after I have finished reading what scampie has to say.

MY GF found me asleep again at the computer (the sun was now beaming through the windows.

[Englishman]

GS, try to read between the lines with this fellow.

[compman]

GS, try to read between the lines with this fellow.

Yes, that is even more reason to find him boring!, his advice is good, though very general and stereotypical. Not all Farang are so naive as to marry an ex BG.

[Englishman]

Advice! What advice This guy is just taking the pi.ss. When I said read between the lines, I meant look for the subtle humour as well as the blatant.

It's just old fasioned pi.ss take, no advice in here