As it is my first post on Bedlam please be gentle.

Still has to be when I was at a Football League match and I went onto the pitch to get an autograph from one of the players before the game, and ended up falling on my ass in front of 5,000 people. I am sure that many people had a good laugh about that, as the game was <deleted> my antics were probably the highlight.

that was an easy victim, Khalll....we expected some more effort....

Ok, Ok ... when I was 21 a high school friend decided to hold her pre-wedding "girls night" at a famous Sydney 'male-revue' club. Can't remember the name now - Jamieson Street, Beattie Street? Anyway it was downtown Sydney. The boys on stage were hot. Ripping of their gear, to the tune of hundreds of stampeding women, they grabbed a few gals from the audience to assist. I took the most perfect shots of my friend on stage getting down and dirty. Brilliant shots. Problem was ... I left the lens cap on!!!

So, after the show the doors were open to male patrons and the place flooded with gorgeous guys. Swanning through the crowd, I caught the eye of a particularly hot spunk ("spunk" - we really said that in those days!) He was very good-looking, very charming. We spoke for a few minutes. I had the strongest feeling that we had met before. He said No. I insisted we had. He couldn't recall. Almost ready to insist again, it suddenly hit me! He was an actor in an Aussie soapie... doh!

Chaser does it again ...

Three members of the Chaser team have been questioned by police after attempting to perform a fake motorcade in Sydney's CBD - one day after their colleagues were charged for entering into the restricted APEC zone in a fake Canadian motorcade.

The trio - Craig Reucassel, Chris Taylor and Dominic Knight - were apparently attempting to replicate yesterday's satirical stunt - but this time using cardboard cut-outs of black cars instead of the real thing.

International attention

The stunt got international attention with some American TV newsreaders raising their eyebrows, while others smiled.

"A prank by a TV comedy crew has turned into an international incident and it could end up making a laughing stock of the entire (APEC) security machine," a straight-faced Phillip Palmer, a newsreader on America's ABC TV network, said in his report. "$160 million was spent to keep dignitaries safe, and a convoy of actors got within yards of President Bush's hotel."

CNN, FOX News, NBC and CBS also carried stories showing footage of the Chaser members being arrested.

The Chaser's motorcade of two black vans, a hire car, two motorcycles and jogging security passed through two checkpoints on Macquarie Street.

They remained undetected until Bridge Street, where the show's executive producer, Julian Morrow and fellow cast member Chas Licciardello - who was wearing a bin Laden beard and robes - got out of their car outside InterContinental Hotel where President George Bush is staying, prompting police to detain them.

http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/chaser...8783454020.html

what's wrong wid making a fool of yerself?...I do it onna daily basis...luckily I got my nieces in Thailand to protect me...'was that guy looking at yer ass indecently???'...'fergit it uncle tuts, just get in the car...' tutsi wades up with nieces clinging to arms 'don't think that I like yew leering at my womenfolk, ye piece ob shit !!!' ...weapons are displayed and the nieces dogpile on uncle tuts to avoid affray...11 y.o. Boh says 'whew...that's the third time today...'

(where's my vodka?...)

Youthful indiscretions with or without the benefit of alcohol are easy and most people use the excuse of "I was pissed as an owl when I .........". I have managed to make an ass of myself on numerous occasions. A cursory glance at my posts will provide plenty of evidence to support that

do people at tuskers know about this ?

I haven't told them but I am sure that they will know by now

CB

Chaser does it again ...

Three members of the Chaser team have been questioned by police after attempting to perform a fake motorcade in Sydney's CBD - one day after their colleagues were charged for entering into the restricted APEC zone in a fake Canadian motorcade.

The trio - Craig Reucassel, Chris Taylor and Dominic Knight - were apparently attempting to replicate yesterday's satirical stunt - but this time using cardboard cut-outs of black cars instead of the real thing.

International attention

The stunt got international attention with some American TV newsreaders raising their eyebrows, while others smiled.

"A prank by a TV comedy crew has turned into an international incident and it could end up making a laughing stock of the entire (APEC) security machine," a straight-faced Phillip Palmer, a newsreader on America's ABC TV network, said in his report. "$160 million was spent to keep dignitaries safe, and a convoy of actors got within yards of President Bush's hotel."

CNN, FOX News, NBC and CBS also carried stories showing footage of the Chaser members being arrested.

The Chaser's motorcade of two black vans, a hire car, two motorcycles and jogging security passed through two checkpoints on Macquarie Street.

They remained undetected until Bridge Street, where the show's executive producer, Julian Morrow and fellow cast member Chas Licciardello - who was wearing a bin Laden beard and robes - got out of their car outside InterContinental Hotel where President George Bush is staying, prompting police to detain them.

http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/chaser...8783454020.html

a) How were they making fools of themselves.

B ) how did you make a fool out of yourself? Were you involved.

c) how did the aussie authorities make fools of themselves

???

edit: Fukin; wish they;d sort out the "B" with ")" issue, that's plagued most of us since the beginning of time,

B )

As it is my first post on Bedlam please be gentle.

Still has to be when I was at a Football League match and I went onto the pitch to get an autograph from one of the players before the game, and ended up falling on my ass in front of 5,000 people. I am sure that many people had a good laugh about that, as the game was <deleted> my antics were probably the highlight.

Welcome to Bedlam mrtoad. Chill out have a few laughs & talk about stuff that might get out of control in other areas of the forum.

Fill in this application form.

This is so we know howgentle or rough to play with you.

Cheers.

no need to be gentle.

these devils like to play rough

no need to be gentle.

these devils like to play rough

I, on the other hand, never play rough!

thats cos you are one toytiger ...refer to image posted in my 3 weeks in europe thread for a visual

a sweet one at that

tutsi...try that post again after morning coffee...

tutsi...try that post again after morning coffee...

coffee is sumpin' that you drink when ye haveta work... tutsi is on holiday and loves making scenes in public with his indescribably beautiful thai female relations...Mu Tawn throws her delectable teenaged body across mine and shouts 'put that cannon away...yer gonna haveta kill me before you harm my uncle tuts...'

isn't life grand?

some guests/relatives visited us for dinner. two years back maybe. mum served them dinner and while they were seated in the living room, exchanging conversations, watching tv, my mum decided to serve them ice cream for dessert. they were served with Aloe Vera flavored ice cream which was lying in the freezer for about 6 months now. no one at home could stand the taste. plus we got it free.

so i walk in after they had done with dessert. they all commended on how good dinner was and how wonderful the ice cream was. my response was that, i'm glad they enjoyed dinner and ice cream for dessert. i then continued to mention that we got this disgusting aloe vera flavored ice cream for free and its still lying in the freezer. and that i would dispose of it soon. not knowing they had been served with that particular ice cream !

they all gave me a stare like i have never seen before. i quietly walked upstairs to my room and locked myself in.

How about his dad? Threw up all over the PM of Japan at a state dinner there?

Indeed: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_U.S._...orge_H._W._Bush

no need to be gentle.

these devils like to play rough

Thanks Mig, as you know I'm not to bad a person, although I can get a littel talkative when on the cider

lol

did i say somefin wrong

khall your story reminds me of something that happened to me quite a few years ago.

i had been out diving and returned home to find my housemate holding a big bbq for some reason. the driveway to the apartment block was filled with bmw's, a rolls royce, porsche....you name it, it was there. so i sort of guessed that there would be some pretty 'up there' people in attendance.

after cleaning off all my gear and working up a huge appetite, i walked into the kitchen to get some food and saw a man standing there who i KNEW i knew. 'hi....how are you' i said. he sort of looked over his shoulder as if to wonder if i was talking to him...

'god i know you' i told him. 'but i have no idea where from'.

'no, i dont think we know each other'

'yes we do. i just dont know where from'

'no, i dont think we do'

anyway this went on for a while and he finally said to me

'ok, ok. we dont know each other but i was married to denise drysdale'

i had hoped at that moment for the earth to open up and swallow me. how embarrasment.

(for those who dont know, denise drysdale is an australian celebrity and her ex - chris someone - was an actor)

A couple of very good friends of mine worked for a company that repossessed cars. After months of tracking down defaulters on loans they would have to get the car from them. Most of the time the owner would accept the fact and hand over the machine but often they would refuse and the guys had to do it their own way. Sometimes the owners would get aggressive or hide the vehicle so the guys would avoid the fuss and simply "reposses" the vehicle without the persons knowledge. They got training in how to break into and hot wire cars and got pretty good at it. After a couple of years they moved up the ranks to exotic ie expensive machinery. These are much harder to hot wire because of sophisticated antitheft devices so they usually just got into the car and then loaded them onto a flat bed trailer or simply hooked it behind a tow truck and then when they had secured the vehicle away from the ex owners house towed it properly to avoid damaging it.

One job they had was for a gold coloured BMW 750i which is not a common car in Australia. They had a tip off that the car was outside a house in a beach suburb of Sydney so went down to check it out. Sure enough - there is the car parked outside a house just sitting there. The rolled the tow truck down to it, one of the guys got out and flicked the locks with a shim bar down and got in. He tried to jack the lock but suddenly the alarm went off at about 600dB so throwing caution to the wind they simply lifted the back of the vehicle behind the truck, tied of the steering wheel and took of down the road. A couple of corners later with the Beemers' lights and siren going off. The stopped to properly sling the vehicle. Suddenly they looked and noticed the registration plate wasn't the same. Looking at eachother they went "nah couldn't be, could it?" The opened the bonnet and checked the vin number and realised they had jacked the wrong car.

They were now it deep trouble with a now stolen vehicle on the back of their tow truck. They didn't bother to disable the alarm just wanting to get rid of the vehicle. So they did a U turn and sped back to the house. There they unhooked the car and just dumped it in the street just as the owner came running out to them. The alarm was blaring the lights flashing and the just jumped back into their truck and took off.

Next day they fronted up to work, with their stories straight and ready to deny any knowledge of the vehicle. They walked into work and were greeted by applause from everyone, the vehicle they had tried to repossess was actually owned by a senior partner in the law firm they worked for and one of the guys had called through the tip to them as a joke.

The final part of the story is that they spotted the real vehicle about a month later parked in a supermarket carpark. After carefully checking that it was in fact the correct vehicle they took the vehicle and handed it in. Pleased with them selves they discovered that the vehicle had already been handed in to the finance company and one of their execs had purchased it. His wife had parked it in the carpark to do the weekly shopping and was now sitting in the police station filling in the paperwork. They had to take the vehicle to the police station and hand it over. Opologise to the owner and offer to compensate for damage to the vehicle and trouble caused.

Shortly afterwards they decided to find an alternative form of work. One of the guys telling me the story said that every now and then he sees the same BMW and it still gives him a shiver down the spine.

CB

Many moons ago muggins here was in the Forces. I was told to take an intrepid band of merry men to Jordan to look after the then Foreign Secy Francis Pym. Not knowing b-all about Jordan and too stupid to ask, got the lads all decked out in summer kit and off we went. Strange looks on the plane as we landed in Amman and even stranger looks from the welcome party in sheepskin coats as it was snowing

^^ well told

My sister visit to the hospital

One Monday early morning my sister woke up in our Edingburgh´s house with a painful back ache, after a quick visit to the toilet she realized that she had cystitis, so she decided to go to the hospital on her own. Once on the hospital, she went straight on to the recepcionist desk. The lady behind the desk asked her nicely: Good Morning, What is the problem?" My sister then realized that she had forgotten her english-spanish dictionary and of course she did not know how to say the proper term in English for cystitis so she went like: "Well, I have a pain in my c.unt and when i go to pissed it burns like fire..." The lady look her attonished and took her to a private room...my sister told me that numerous nurses and doctors came to ask her what was her health problem...you can imagine why.

My sister visit to the hospital

One Monday early morning my sister woke up in our Edingburgh´s house with a painful back ache, after a quick visit to the toilet she realized that she had cystitis, so she decided to go to the hospital on her own. Once on the hospital, she went straight on to the recepcionist desk. The lady behind the desk asked her nicely: Good Morning, What is the problem?" My sister then realized that she had forgotten her english-spanish dictionary and of course she did not know how to say the proper term in English for cystitis so she went like: "Well, I have a pain in my c.unt and when i go to pissed it burns like fire..." The lady look her attonished and took her to a private room...my sister told me that numerous nurses and doctors came to ask her what was her health problem...you can imagine why.

Really did make me laugh...

My sister visit to the hospital

One Monday early morning my sister woke up in our Edingburgh´s house with a painful back ache, after a quick visit to the toilet she realized that she had cystitis, so she decided to go to the hospital on her own. Once on the hospital, she went straight on to the recepcionist desk. The lady behind the desk asked her nicely: Good Morning, What is the problem?" My sister then realized that she had forgotten her english-spanish dictionary and of course she did not know how to say the proper term in English for cystitis so she went like: "Well, I have a pain in my c.unt and when i go to pissed it burns like fire..." The lady look her attonished and took her to a private room...my sister told me that numerous nurses and doctors came to ask her what was her health problem...you can imagine why.

Really did make me laugh...

That is a classic - but I thought we were talking about when we mark an Ass out of ouself not a c.........

CB

to continue the drunk-driving episodes earlier in this thread.....

Meet Holgi, whom we called "the alcoholgiker". The same guy, that we ferried home once in a shopping cart after he passed out on Jack Daniels in my apartment...

Anyways, this classic event started with some party and Holgi decided to drive home. He managed to get out of the parking lot unhurt even though this particular parking lot is very difficult to manage even when sober. Minutes later, he crashed into a parking car and fell asleep.

Woken up by the police he was taken to the cop shop for blood test, the result was well above 2 permilles. He stated that he thought the cars were actually moving and not just parked. Anyways, he asked the cops to drive him back to the car wreck as there were still two cans of beer in the trunk. That this request was denied was for him years later still the worst part of the story....

^ I knew I'd met you somewhere before!

Holgi!

Disclaimer: I am NOT Holgi!

I got home from a night club Hammered out of my skull ,

went to the fridge and took out what i thought was a bowl of mashed potatoe, grabbed a spoon and got stuckin , as it slipped down my throat ,

i realized it was not mash

but a bowl of lard

We were down at the lake where we used to row one Saturday sipping cold ones in the African sunshine when Mr Loadsamoney Loudmouth roars up in his Range Rover with the dinky little speedboat on the trailer.

He spots a couple of people who he reckons are worth talking to so the missus is delegated to put the boat in the water.

She did the best she could and it should have been his job to make sure the boat was unlatched from the trailer.

He threw such a screaming swearing fit when he turned and saw just the little pointy end of the boat sticking out of the water that she panicked and jumped out of the car.

If he hadn't been shouting at her so much she might have thought to put the handbrake on.

I know cars normally float a little bit when they go in the water but they don't when there's a boat and trailer pulling 'em.

We didn't even try not to laugh.

Couldn't have happened to a nicer fellow.

Green Road roundabout, Oxford, a very busy sorta place.

Rush hour and getting very frustrated, see a gap and goes for it.

Dives into a narrow space, too narrow, bumps into the car in front and the car behind nudges me.

Both cars stop and I obviously can't move, they both signal at me, I thought a little rudely, by the way.

He starts to get out of his car, I gesture to exit out of the next junction, amidst the shouts, frustration and car horns as five entry roads onto the roundabout start to back up.

I get out and state, ' Lets get out of the way and talk about it off the Roundabout, are you stupid or something'.

'How'?, came the response.

' By getting in your car and driving off towards Headington, what's difficult about that'.

'Because I am towing the car behind you and you have driven over the tow rope, Ejit'. Well, he didn't say Ejit.

And I did say it was busy, and it really was a bit tight and I really was a bit frustrated.

Moss

Er, you did what!?!