Baby Photographer

[stumonster]

The Smiths were unable to conceive children,

and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive,

Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off the man should be here

soon".

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby

photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

Good morning madam. I've come to......"

"Oh, no need to explain. Come in," Mrs. Smith cut in.

"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good!

My specialty is babies."

That's what my husband and I had hoped.

Please come in and have a seat."

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well,

where do we start?"

Photographer - "Leave everything to me. I usually

try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the

bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too....you can really spread

out!"

Wife - "Bathtub, couch, bed, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for

Harry and me."

Photographer - "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every

time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or

seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

Wife - "My, my, that's a lot of action"

Photographer - "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd

love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with

that, I'm sure."

Wife (muttering)- "Don't I know it."

The photographer opened his briefcase and

pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of

a bus."

Wife - "Oh my god!!"

Photographer - "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you

consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

Wife - "She was difficult ?"

Photographer - "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had

to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were

crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."

Wife - "Four and five deep?" (eyes widened in amazement).

Photographer - "Yes, and for more than three hours, too. The mother was

constantly squealing and yelling - I could

hardly concentrate! Then darkness approached and I began to rush my

shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just

packed it all in."

Wife (leaning forward) - "You mean they actually chewed on your

errrm..........

equipment?"

Photographer - "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my

tripod so that we can get to work"

Wife - "Tripod??

Photographer - "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's

much too big for me to hold very long. Madam?......Madam.....?

Good Lord, she's fainted!!"