Man Speak

[A. BOOZER]

I'M GOING FISHING"

Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a

stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete

safety."

"IT'S A GUY THING"

Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it and you

have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"

Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," OR "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."

Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"

Means: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."

Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."

Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."

Means: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."

Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first

girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car

I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."

Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I

admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."

Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."

Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely

clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"

Means: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."

Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and am hoping

desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the

next 3 days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."

Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be

worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."

Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."

Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."