Let's Face It:

[yok yawng]

There is no egg in the eggplant, no ham in the hamburger and neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.

English muffins were not invented in England, French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted.

But if we examine its paradoxes we find that:

Quicksand takes you down slowly, boxing rings are square and guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.

If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth.

If the teacher taught, why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what the heck does a humanitarian eat!?

Why do people recite at a play yet play at a recital?

Park on driveways and drive on parkways.

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can burn up as it burns down and in which you fill in a form by filling it out. And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which of course isn't a race at all). That is why when the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible. And why it is that when I wind up my watch it starts but when I wind up this story it ends?

And more..................

Some food for "Thought".......

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why is a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure ?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"

[ThaiPauly]

but ain't it the most widely spoken language on earth?

I am of course biased and for most part dont give sh#t about antything you have written

try understanding the way Thai's tell the time why is Nueng both one and seven-beats me

[yok yawng]

but ain't it the most widely spoken language on earth?

Top five spoken languages (millions)

1 Mandarin 885

2 Spanish 332

3 English 322

4 Arabic 235

5 Bengali 189

[meadish_sweetball]

but ain't it the most widely spoken language on earth?

Top five spoken languages (millions)

1 Mandarin 885

2 Spanish 332

3 English 322

4 Arabic 235

5 Bengali 189

I would guess that this list shows the number of mother-tongue speakers and not the actual number of speakers (regardless of mother tongue), but I may of course be wrong.

You could compile a similar joke list for any human language of the world - languages are not always logical - how could they be? People are not logical.

For Thai (and for the record, these are attempted jokes, you do not need to actually explain these questions) -

Since a man's hair is called "phom", why is a woman's hair not called "deechan"?

Why is it perfectly polite to refer to a "dteen saphaan" (foot of a bridge), yet unthinkable to ask a stranger to refrain from stepping on your own "dteen"?

If guavas are "farang", chewing gums are "maak farang", and potatoes "man farang", why are water melons not called "nom farang"?

Since the lock is called "mae kunjae" - why is a key called "luuk kunjae" and not "phor kunjae" - look at what the key does with the lock!!

Should you use the "yaa khaa nuu" if you want to kill the 8-year-old daughter of your neighbour?

... I could do many, many more.

[the scouser]

widely spoken

I think these are the operative words. Yes, more people do speak Mandarin, for example, but only as a first language. As a Mandarin speaker try leaving China and attempting to converse in it.....

Top five spoken languages (millions)

1 Mandarin 885

2 Spanish 332

3 English 322

4 Arabic 235

5 Bengali 189

Anyway, why isn't Hindi on the list. There are c. 1 billion Indians so it must figure somewhere even if some of them do speak more localised languages.

Scouse.

[yok yawng]

Anyway, why isn't Hindi on the list. There are c. 1 billion Indians so it must figure somewhere even if some of them do speak more localised languages.

Scouse.

6. Hindi 182

32. Kannada 33.7

33. Oriya 31

34. Panjabi, Western 30

35. Panjabi, Eastern 26

[Santini]

Try teaching English to a non native speaker explaining this

" I will PRESENT the PRESENT at the PRESENT time"

I give up

[Totster]

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

And why isn't 30 pronounced "threety"... ?

[Dickie]

but ain't it the most widely spoken language on earth?

Top five spoken languages (millions)

1 Mandarin 885

2 Spanish 332

3 English 322

4 Arabic 235

5 Bengali 189

Brits, Canadians, Aussies, Kiwis, Yanks, and many African nations speak English as the first language, so how can it only be 322M? Maybe so, but it is definitely the most widely-spoken language.

(edited by me because I forgot the capital 'A' in Aussies, you know how fractious they can be about things like that )

[Robby nz]

This could all change soon

Robby

Brussels policy document 567/90/MN

The European Union Commissioners have announced that an agreement has been

reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications,

rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the

negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that there was some room for

improvement and has accepted a five year phased plan for what will be known as

Euro-english or "Euro" for short.

In the first year "S" will be used instead of the soft "C". Sertainly sivil

servants will resieve this news with joy. Also the hard "C" will be replaced

by"K". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but keyboards kan have one less

letter.

There will be growing publik enthuisiasm in the sekond year, when the

troublesome"PH" will be replaced by "F". This will make words like "fotograf"

20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to

reach a stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will

enkorage the removal of of double letters which have always been a deterent to

akurate speling. Also al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "E"s in the

languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "TH by

"Z" and "W" by "V".

During ze fifz year se unesesary "O" kan be dropped from vords Kontaining "OU"

and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor

trubls or difikultis and everun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU.

[Dickie]

Don't get me started on the poxy EU.

[yok yawng]

Don't get me started on the poxy EU.

That would be the adventure holiday as seen in the bolour supplement!!!