Marriage

You have two choices in life:

You can stay single and be miserable,

or get married and wish you were dead.

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At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't

you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"

The other women replied, "Yes I am, I married the

wrong man."

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Eighty percent of married men cheat in the U.S.A.

The rest cheat in Canada.

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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it

cost to get married?"

And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

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Young son: Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a

man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?

Dad: That happens in every country, son.

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Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what

real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was

too late."

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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to

every word you say, talk in your sleep.

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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through

life thinking they had no faults at all.

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You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you

start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights,

and so does she.

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Husband: Want a quickie?

Wife: As opposed to what?

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First guy: "My wife's an angel!"

Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk

down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still

think they are attractive to the opposite sex

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Tony asks his divorce lawyer, "why is a divorce so expensive?" And the lawyer says, "because it's worth it!"