A Few Good Ones

[Kan Win]

There once was a religious young woman who went to

confession. Upon entering the confessional she said,

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."

The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."

The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made

mad passionate love to me seven times."

The priest thought long and hard and then said,

"Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the

juice."

The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my

sins?"

The Priest said "No, but it will wipe that smile off

of your face!"

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CONFESSIONAL

An old man walks into a confessional. The following

conversation ensues:

Man: I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70

years, many children, grandchildren, and great

grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college

girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had

sex with each of them three times.

Priest: Are you sorry for your sins?

Man: What sins?

Priest: What kind of a Catholic are you?

Man: I'm Jewish

Priest: Why are you telling me all this?

Man: I'm telling everybody!

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BROTHEL TRIP

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam

he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised,

she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

"I'm 90 years old," he says.

"90!" replies the woman. "Don't you realize you've had

it?"

"Oh, sorry," says the old man, "how much do I owe

you?"

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CALLER QUESTION

The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking

questions when a caller asked, "Doctor, I want to

know, why do men always want to marry a virgin?"

To which the doctor handily responded, "To avoid

criticism."

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OLD FRED

Old Fred's hospital bed is surrounded by well-wishers,

but it doesn't look good. Suddenly, he motions

frantically to the pastor for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly hands him a pen and a piece of

paper, and Fred uses his last bit of energy to

scribble a note, then dies.

The pastor thinks it best not to look at the note

right away, so he places it in his jacket pocket..

At Fred's funeral, as the pastor is finishing his

eulogy, he realizes he's wearing the jacket he was

wearing when Fred died. "Fred handed me a note just

before he died," he says. "I haven't looked at it, but

knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration

in it for us all.

Opening the note, he reads aloud, "Help! You're

standing on my oxygen tube!"

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BEAUTIFUL

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after

surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His

eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're

beautiful." Then he fell asleep again.

His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed

by his side.

A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he

said, "You're cute!"

The wife was disappointed because instead of

"beautiful," it was now "cute." She said, "What

happened to 'beautiful'?"

The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off!