Expatriot Phases

[Dr. Burrito]

Curious what 'phase' of being an expatriot you find yourself in and how it associates to how long you have been living here? Also, how it is affected by other times you lived outside your native home?

I have a friend that almost runs and hides at the sight of another farang as if he is afraid something is going to rub off on him. Seriously, I am the only farang friend this ex-Brit has. He now speaks Thai very nicely and considers himself superior to most other farang. He flies only Thai Airlines if possible, gets cold shivers when he has to travel even a few meters outside the country and wonders why all other farangs are such <deleted>. I've known him since he arrived and have seen him go through the whole arc of emotions and phases. It has been a fascinating behavioral pattern to observe, if somomes a bit tedious.

Another guy I know, who's been here a really long time has almost nothing good to say about most Thais, shuns Thai food and hangs strictly with fellow farang. That said, he speaks wonderful Thai and has great respect for the country itself.

I like to think I've always been on a rather even keel where ever I was, but then, that's just my own observation of me. I love Thailand, but hold it up to no speical measure, because then, I would be constantly setting myself up for disappointment when things don't equate. At the same time, I do think there are many unique qualities about the people and the culture that appeal to me and I always enjoy them.

But as far as friends, I hang with whomever I enjoy hanging with, be they Thai, English, Maritan or otherwise. I don't get where people think a Thai is a better friend and I don't get where people think Thais are useless gits that the wouldn't give the time of day either.

For me, this is the first place I have ever lived overseas, and I am sure that has a huge amount to do with how I feel. I've been here almost three years and unless something changes will probably stay here. I am sure a lot of you folks have far more extended experience with this and the behaviors you have observed as well. We could probably learn a lot by what you have to say.

No doubt, I left a lot out of options, but I thought there were some well-rounded choices. Apologies for all those I omitted.

[Insight]

Interesting idea for a poll, Dr. Burrito, but can't find the option I want to vote for.

If anything, the "Same sh!t..." option would be closest, but don't want to pick this as it sounds too cynical. Something like "Going with the flow..." would be closer.

Think I have an equal share of Thai and farang friends, but that doesn't mean I "shun" one group when I hang around with the other either...

[Khun Larry]

Think I have an equal share of Thai and farang friends, but that doesn't mean I "shun" one group when I hang around with the other either...

That is interesting. Amazing actually!

I do not know any Farangs with Thai friends. Are they acquaintances from work, relatives, or do you think they are Thai friends? What common interest are shared and how is it you consider them friends.

[Dradam]

Think I have an equal share of Thai and farang friends, but that doesn't mean I "shun" one group when I hang around with the other either...

That is interesting. Amazing actually!

I do not know any Farangs with Thai friends.

I find that I don't fit any of the categories either.

I read, write, and speak Thai and work for a Thai company. I feel perfectly comfortable communicating all day in Thai and some days don't speak much English if any. When I go to the movies, I can read the subtitles as fast as they appear and enjoy the translation mistakes by translators who can't understand slang or Hollywood phrases and idioms.

On the other hand, I feel like I can connect with Americans easier than Thais in some ways so I keep regular contact with my fellow Americans as well. I can't talk to Thais about US or World Politics, NBA Basketball, NFL Football, American Media, or specifically Western lifestyles and ideas.

On the other hand, Americans know little about Asian history, culture, lifestyle, and personality. Thai people consider friends to be for life and willingly sacrifice their own comfort for that of friends. You cannot walk into a Thai home without receiving something to eat and drink. Even total strangers are given this welcome if you enter their home.

Expats who only know Bangkok, in fact, know very little to nothing of Thailand. If you can't speak the language and never leave this crowded polluted city, you are tasting the worst of Thailand. If you have never sat with a group of young construction workers in the Isarn and sang songs as they played the guitar or went fishing with a group of fishermen late at night or stayed at an only-local beach with a group of close friends then you have missed out on some of the beauties of Thailand.

Bangkok, in my opinion, is not true Thailand. It is westernized Thailand. It is only a shadow of the rest of the country. People come here to make money. They lose their friendly manners and giving natures as they struggle to make it big in capitalist Bangkok. No one has time and everyone wants more money. Spend a month in Sakhorn Nakorn and you will see that life is much more easy going. Mai Pen Rai becomes a way of life.

I am certainly enjoying my time in LOS but I do not want to live here forever.

[Coffee Dude]

Interesting idea for a poll, Dr. Burrito, but can't find the option I want to vote for.

If anything, the "Same sh!t..." option would be closest, but don't want to pick this as it sounds too cynical. Something like "Going with the flow..." would be closer.

How about 'Riding the Rapids' or "Another Shitty Day in Paradise'. But of all the places I have lived and worked I still like Thailand the best "hands down".

Coffee!!!

[Jockstar]

I really enjoy living in Thailand. I live in Bangkok. Now i know its a caotic city. But its so full of life. I used to live in Auckland in Nz. It was a beautiful city, nice and clean and i had a great job and many friends. It was ok but had no character. Where as BKk is polluted, dirty and can be very dangerous(ie. traffic,etc) But it has character.I also got a good job and heaps of Thai and farang friends. I have had many friends who have come here with the idea that they would not enjoy it. But most of them have loved it. I think this is because myself and my gf. Take them to where Thais eat and drink. Dont get me wrong i dont mind Kao san rd now and then. But i do like to introduce them to good food at the fraction of the cost to the tourist areas. I can speak a little Thai and can get by. I just got back from Phi Phi where my friends are on holiday. I've been there before and its alright. But i found with most of the restaurants have just about got the same menus. ie westernised Thai food. My gf and i found a nice little food stall where many Thais eat. it was not a nice looking place, so most tourist wouldn't even consider going there. Beautiful and simple food. I turned my friends onto it. so basically life is what you make it. no matter where you live. Enjoy life and be content with what you got. If you dont like somewhere.. Then move. If you dont like a country then leave. Its not a difficult choice. I'm very happy here but i to dont plan on living here for ever. Another year or so then Oz for a few years. After that who knows? Maybe back here. But when people knock Bkk. It doesnt bother me. I know what makes me happy. Everyone is different.

[Dr. Burrito]

Interesting idea for a poll, Dr. Burrito, but can't find the option I want to vote for.

If anything, the "Same sh!t..." option would be closest, but don't want to pick this as it sounds too cynical. Something like "Going with the flow..." would be closer.

Think I have an equal share of Thai and farang friends, but that doesn't mean I "shun" one group when I hang around with the other either...

Yes, I knew making it there would be that issue. Certainly a very individual thing, but I do find the way people handle their lives away from everything they knew to be interesting.

I'm fairly sure that a lot of the people, if ex-Military or children of, have a whole different sense of it than someone like me, who always lived in America before moving here.

Then I guess the time issue is the other biggest factor.

BTW the way, don't consider same sh!t, different day to be neccesarily negative. I think some people just get on about life and might well put themselves into that category.

For me, I genuinely like living here, but I can't say I couldn't live somewhere else either. The only rule I have is I won't live somewhere I don't like for any reason. Other than that, I find the whole world an interesting option.

[Khun Larry]

Dradam

Really good post. Interesting experiences you have had.

By the way, how many hands you have over there?

[theviking]

Khun Larry wrote:

I do not know any Farangs with Thai friends

I guess you know a lot of interesting ppl then??

[Khun Larry]

Khun Larry wrote:

I do not know any Farangs with Thai friends

I guess you know a lot of interesting ppl then??

Not sure how interesting they are, that depends. But they are honest for sure.

I was frustrated at first at there not being intellectual Thais to associate with. Now I just accept it... mai pen rai... Thai style, thai culture.

[Insight]

I do not know any Farangs with Thai friends. Are they acquaintances from work, relatives, or do you think they are Thai friends? What common interest are shared and how is it you consider them friends.

Common interests? Tunes, simply.

[mango]

That is interesting. Amazing actually!

I do not know any Farangs with Thai friends. Are they acquaintances from work, relatives, or do you think they are Thai friends? What common interest are shared and how is it you consider them friends.

I have plenty of Thai friends, I have one group of about 6-7 who i play Snooker with 2 or 3 Times a week, i also have my Thai friends who i train with (Muay Thai) 3 times a week. I also have Thai friend who i go for a beer with sometimes after work, i dont know them from work but met them at a Thai bar neer to where i live.

You must lead a very strange life if you live in Thailand and dont know any Farang with any Thai friends let alone have none yourself.

Cheers Mango

[mango]

I was frustrated at first at there not being intellectual Thais to associate with. Now I just accept it... mai pen rai... Thai style, thai culture.

There are plenty, you obviously just dont attract people of this ilk.

Cheers Mango

[lowersmiths]

I've visited a few times and I'm just about to move to BKK for good early next month. I have a few Thai friends, although obviously I hope this circle widens when I make their beautiful country my home.

To start off with, I think I may drink in Farang places to ease the transition, but I aim to integrate as much as possible into my surroundings too.

I can't think how anyone could live in Thailand and not have Thai friends????? Sounds crazy to me.

[Khun Larry]

I was frustrated at first at there not being intellectual Thais to associate with. Now I just accept it... mai pen rai... Thai style, thai culture.

There are plenty, you obviously just dont attract people of this ilk.

Cheers Mango

Mango

Your comment is the root of the matter. Either I don't attract them, they don't exist or our paths have not crossed. I can tell you the Farangs I keep up with are well educated interesting people.

In expressing my lack of success in developing a similar group of Thais I was at first taken back by the comment from a very astute Canadian expat : "Why would you want to". Upon further reflection, a mai pen rai attitude was quite convenient.

I'll to keep an open eye for more opportunities as you seem to have succeeded where I have not. I think you are in the minority. Most of the farangs who think they have Thai friends are fooling themselves.

Thanks for your comments

Chookdee na.

[Khun Larry]

I've visited a few times and I'm just about to move to BKK for good early next month. I have a few Thai friends, although obviously I hope this circle widens when I make their beautiful country my home.

To start off with, I think I may drink in Farang places to ease the transition, but I aim to integrate as much as possible into my surroundings too.

I can't think how anyone could live in Thailand and not have Thai friends????? Sounds crazy to me.

" I've visited a few times and I'm just about to move to BKK "

Talk to me in 5 - 10 years.

Good luck on the move.

[lowersmiths]

Thanks Larry. It's what I wanted since the first time I visited. It became almost impossible to return to the UK so this should be perfect for me. Two weeks and counting..............

[stroll]

I'll to keep an open eye for more opportunities as you seem to have succeeded where I have not. I think you are in the minority. Most of the farangs who think they have Thai friends are fooling themselves.

To suggest others are fooling themselves is harsh; as you hinted before, who you call friends relates to your expectations of friendships.

BTW, have you tried any of the places I suggested a while ago? I remember having been perplexed when you complained about lack of opportunity to meet Thais before.

[thatguy]

farangs don't look right

[theviking]

Most of the farangs who think they have Thai friends are fooling themselves.

How can you say this....

You dont have thai friends you'rself, and you certainly dont know anybody with thai friends.

Just wonder what you based you're comment on?

[Khun Larry]

Just wonder what you based you're comment on? 

I base it on time.

Hard to argue with time.

[chonabot]

farangs don't look right

Green cross code advice?

[Tornado]

I understand what khun larry has written here. I personally think it comes down to where you live, as the majority of educated Thais are in Bangkok.

Khun Larry lives in Phuket I think? and in Phuket, there are not many Thais that anyone would associate with. The majority have an alterior motive for befriending a farang and it usually means money.

I notice a lot of expats saying they have Thai friends in Phuket, but to me it should put under the heading of networking as the Thais that actually do speak english down here, want to befriend a farang for gain.

In Bangkok, I have met many middle class Thais who seem to be genuine in building a friendship for the right reasons.

I know plenty of Thai people in Phuket, but I wouldnt trust anyone of them.

[sbk]

I have lived in the same place for over 15 years, and although locals would consider me well integrated into the community I have come to realize, no matter how well integrated I am, I am not Thai and never will be considered Thai, even if I lived here for another 50 years. It used to bother me but then I came to face a few facts, this is a country that is generally homogenous, ie most people have a similar look. Anyone with red hair, white skin and green eyes is sure to stick out. Regardless of how long she has lived here. I also live in a small community where everyone has known everyone else their entire lives. I know one guy whose father was Vietnamese and married a local thai girl and he is still referred to as "that Vietnamese guy". More times than not I have been the only farang at a wedding or funeral and I rarely feel unwelcome or out of place. But I also realize that to people who don't know me I am not "Na" but just some farang.

As for the friends issue, well, if you ask most Thai people how many true friends they have it will usually come down to just a few that they have known since childhood. I consider my Thai friends more like friendly acquaintances as they would be horrified if I called them up at midnight one night after having an argument with my husband. Whereas my closest farang friend would expect it. And as tornado points out, living in a touristy area you learn to beware anyone who calls you "my friend" as it usually means they want something. I have learned that the Thais who seek out farangs as friends are usually these types whereas the Thais one becomes friendly with through a shared experience (like the muay thai) tend to more genuine.

That all said, I voted for same sh!t, different day because I have gone through the starry eyed "Thailand is wonderful" phase, I have gone through the "I need to shun farang and be like Thais" phase and I have been through the "Thailand sucks I want to go home phase". Once you get through these different phases you come to realize that it is a nice place to live but so are many other places. It has it's pluses and minuses as well as any other place would. You learn to just live your life in the way that gives you the most peace and happiness.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Same shit, different location.

I notice a lot of expats saying they have Thai friends in Phuket, but to me it should put under the heading of networking as the Thais that actually do speak english down here, want to befriend a farang for gain.

With all due respect mate, I'm in a better position to judge that one at the moment.

If I'm ever fortunate enough to regard you as a financially equal drinking partner then I may also share your above view.

[bmw]

Same shit, different location.

I notice a lot of expats saying they have Thai friends in Phuket, but to me it should put under the heading of networking as the Thais that actually do speak english down here, want to befriend a farang for gain.

With all due respect mate, I'm in a better position to judge that one at the moment.

If I'm ever fortunate enough to regard you as a financially equal drinking partner then I may also share your above view.

I'm afraid you will find out the hard way Mr Scamp.

[Johnny Moron]

As for the friends issue, well, if you ask most Thai people how many true friends they have it will usually come down to just a few that they have known since childhood.

I agree with everything you say.

My only "real" Thai friends are the brothers of my Thai wife. All have good jobs and are reasonably wealthy.

[Stocky]

farangs don't look right

Green cross code advice?

[poolcleaner]

I read, write, and speak Thai and work for a Thai company.  I feel perfectly comfortable communicating all day in Thai and some days don't speak much English if any. 

Now that's amazing!! Half your luck (or braincells)

Expats who only know Bangkok, in fact, know very little to nothing of Thailand.  If you can't speak the language and never leave this crowded polluted city, you are tasting the worst of Thailand.  If you have never sat with a group of young construction workers in the Isarn and sang songs as they played the guitar or went fishing with a group of fishermen late at night or stayed at an only-local beach with a group of close friends then you have missed out on some of the beauties of Thailand.

Funny how people tastes can differ. I wouldn't stay in Thailand if I had to live in the sticks. Singing songs and fishing..........no thanks.

"One man's fish is another man's poisson" and all that.

[Tornado]

Same shit, different location.

I notice a lot of expats saying they have Thai friends in Phuket, but to me it should put under the heading of networking as the Thais that actually do speak english down here, want to befriend a farang for gain.

With all due respect mate, I'm in a better position to judge that one at the moment.

If I'm ever fortunate enough to regard you as a financially equal drinking partner then I may also share your above view.

Your not in any position to judge anything. You are such a loser, they feel sorry for you - thats all! If you really think you can judge a friendship over 7 free beers from a Thai bar girl, then you have a lot to learn. Then again you DO have a lot to learn!