Out Of The Mouthes Of Babes!

[A. BOOZER]

NUDITY

> I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a

> woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark

> naked!

> As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the

back

> seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!

> ************************************************

> HONESTY

> My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd

> dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in

the

> garbage.

> Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and

came

> out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little

smile,

> "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few

> days ago.

> ***********************************************

> OPINIONS

> On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from

> his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are

> not necessarily those of his parents."

> ************************************************

> KETCHUP

> A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar.

> During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter

to

> answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her

> mother.

> Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.

> She's hitting the bottle."

> ************************************************

> MORE NUDITY

> A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker

> room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies

grabbing

> towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then

> asked,

> "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

> *************************************************

> ELDERLY

> While working for an organization that delivers lunches to the elderly, I

> used to take my 4- year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The various

> appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs,

> unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false

> teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of

> questions, she merely turned and whispered,

> "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

> ***********************************************

> DRESS-UP

> A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw

her

> dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."

> "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

> **********************************************

> DEATH

> While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister

heard

> the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his

> 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.

> Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small

> box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of

> the deceased.

> The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with

> sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his Father always

> said:

> "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn .. and into the hole he

> gooooes."

> *************************************************

> SCHOOL

> A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just

wasting

> my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they

> won't let me talk!"

> **********************************************

> BIBLE

> A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered

> through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.He picked

> up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been

> pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called

out.

> "What have you got there, dear?"

> With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's

> Adam's underwear."