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bkkjames

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COUNCIL COMPLAINTS FROM AROUND THE COUNTRY

These are genuine clips from council complaint letters:

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

3. It's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.

4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly then he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

15. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

16. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

18. The man next door has as large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

19. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third,so please send someone round to do something about it.

20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

21. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

BT :o

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awwwww

you too BT Merry Christmas and Happy New Year ja!

Yes a Very Merry CHRISTMAS and a SUCCESSFUL and Happy New Year to you to Thithi.

Hopefully we can meet in Jan 2009 :o

BT :D

Des O'Connor told the story on Countdown this week of being invited

to play a Pro-Am in Australia and being paired with Ronnie Corbett and

GREG NORMAN.

This latter name completely overawed him, and he went to pieces, and

could do nothing right (happens to all of us, whether Greg is there or not !!).

At the end of the round, his Aussie caddy went to take his bag to clean

clubs etc, and asked "Did you enjoy that?"

"That was the worst day I've ever had on a golf course." said Des.

"Oh- so you've played before then, have you." replied the caddy.

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Exam???!!! :D On what subject???!!!

Had a professor who always said this before an exam....."you know the rules, you can cheat as long as I dont catch you, 'cos if I do......."

Also had another who showed up for an exam drunk and promptly fell asleep. I got a perfect score on that exam :o

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