I miss not hearing (and using) some of the unique terms and phrases from my pre-Thailand days, like:

"Holy Jumping Dinah!" (Wow!)

"Nothing Doing" (No Way)

"She's got a gigantic case of the ass today!" (She is in a nasty mood today!)

"Oh Dry up" (Stop whining)

"Stop your belly aching!" (Stop complaining!)

"That little mammy scratcher!" (That little rascal)

Got any to add? The funnier the better

Last night, I said this to my Thai Working Girl Friend:

I tried to shake you by taking you to Hua Hin. She had never heard that before. I've been unsuccessful in shaking her a few times. I can't seem to shake her loose no matter what I try.

My auntie used to say (affectionately): "He can soak his socks in my coffee anyday"

About this thread:

Oh No you di'int

Have a nice day !

Have a nice day !

I remember "Heavens to Murgatroyd"

and also "Have a good one" (have a good day or whatever)

"My throat is dryer than a dead dingos dick" When I need a beer.

Someone (so and so) is acting/is stupid. "so and so is short a few cockies in the top paddock"

"Sh1t happens, but why is it always happening to me!"

Are you pulling my pisser.

If wit was shit, you'd be constipated

Sweating like a pedophile in a kindergarden

Hilarious stuff! - keep 'em coming!

When a friend 'sacked' his old girlfriend for a younger (but less agreeable) version, I explained to my wife that we say "he jumped out of the frying pan into the fire".

She understood immediately. The Thai version is "run away from the snake , run into the crocodile's mouth"

I miss not hearing (and using) some of the unique terms and phrases from my pre-Thailand days, like:

"Holy Jumping Dinah!" (Wow!)

"Nothing Doing" (No Way)

"She's got a gigantic case of the ass today!" (She is in a nasty mood today!)

"Oh Dry up" (Stop whining)

"Stop your belly aching!" (Stop complaining!)

"That little mammy scratcher!" (That little rascal)

Got any to add? The funnier the better

OMG Canadians appear more incomprehensable than Taswegians. (no offence intended to either race)

I honestly have never come accross any of these sayings except the bellyache one.

Have a nice day !

To which I usually respond (since it's an order) "Well, I'll try but I can't promise to."

I still occasionally use my father's term for a funnel - a tundish (tun being an old term for barrel or cask and you used a tundish to fill them)

I'll also occasionally drag up 'eckythump'

I miss not hearing (and using) some of the unique terms and phrases from my pre-Thailand days, like:

"Holy Jumping Dinah!" (Wow!)

"Nothing Doing" (No Way)

"She's got a gigantic case of the ass today!" (She is in a nasty mood today!)

"Oh Dry up" (Stop whining)

"Stop your belly aching!" (Stop complaining!)

"That little mammy scratcher!" (That little rascal)

Got any to add? The funnier the better

OMG Canadians appear more incomprehensable than Taswegians. (no offence intended to either race)

I honestly have never come accross any of these sayings except the bellyache one.

Ah, Canadian, that explains it

How about some of these to liven things up:

Face like a fookin welder's bench (in a Yorkshire accent), when referring to a particulalry ugly specimen, or perhaps 'face like a bulldog lickin piss of a thistle'?

Mine's a pint and you're a c*nt

Get back to the circus you c*nt

ummm...

Some people are just lucky

"if he fell into a barrel of shit he'd come out smelling of roses"

Whereas myself - "if I fell into a barrel of tits I'd come out sucking my thumb"

Well I'll go to the foot of the stairs

Face like a slapped arse (Bright red with anger/indignation)

Mad as a fish (picture a landed fish flapping around...)

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be"

"Proprium humani ingenii est odisse, quem laeseris"

The expression 'Six of one-half dozen of the other' which is the equivalent of 'Same-Same in Thailand.

face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

For the morning after the night before :-

I've got a head like Birkenhead and a mouth like Lossiemouth.

I've got a mouth that feels like a gorillas armpit - or the bottom of a baby's pram.

My backside is as loose as a goose. I could crap down the sides of a bucket.

He is such a lowlife that he could crawl under a snakes belly - wearing a top hat.

She's got great legs. The exquisite fluting was by the great Italian master Varicosi. She stole them from a grand piano. With funbags like that she'll never fall flat on her face. You don't get many of those to a pound (or kilo).

I suggest that you consult a proctologist. You need a brain transplant.

It was reported today that paedophile Gary Glitter had died of a heart attack. A spokesman for St. Thomas's Hospital said that his condition was satisfactory.

"The turtle's head is touching cloth" - when one has left it a little close before visiting the cr@pper.

"It was like a flock of birds taking off" - when the result of that visit was particularly loose.

"Tight as a duck's ar5e and that's water tight" - of a cheap Charlie or the Aussie version "Tight as a crab's ar5e".

"Throws nickels around like manhole covers" (cheap Charlie)

"Like two kids fighting in a tent" (used to describe a bra-less well endowed gal)

"Like two kids fighting in a tent" (used to describe a bra-less well endowed gal)

Like a sackfull of bunny rabbits...

Once when my old fella had given a irish gypsy woman a lift and crossed her palm with silver she looked up and said "may your feet never be cold, for the want of a womans back to warm them on" delivered in a irish lilt.. which may be one of the best little blessings I have ever heard.

"Tight as a duck's ar5e and that's water tight" - of a cheap Charlie or the Aussie version "Tight as a crab's ar5e".

"Tight as a gnat's chuff" although I wouldn't wish to elaborate.

And to lower the tone (as if)

"Like waving a pencil at the channel tunnel."

"The turtle's head is touching cloth" - when one has left it a little close before visiting the cr@pper.

Which can lead to "the tigers face in ones underpants".

"The turtle's head is touching cloth" - when one has left it a little close before visiting the cr@pper.

Which can lead to "the tigers face in ones underpants".

AKA skidmarks

I'll go to the foot of our stairs !

I once heard Johnny Carson, playing Karnak the Magnificent, say (to Ed McMahon):

"May a weird holy man set fire to your nosehairs." Never forgot it. Karnak had many great one liners.

I still reckon that Oz has the best collection, here's just a few of my favourites.

may your chooks turn into emus and kick your shithouse door down

built like a brick shithouse

what do you think this is, bush week

she’ll be right mate

flat out like a lizard drinking

fair suck of the sav

don’t come the raw prawn