November 4, 200817 yr Flat out like a lizard drinking. Too slow to keep worms in a tin. Built like a brick shithouse. He could talk under wet cement with a mouthful of marbles. He had a head on him like a sucked mango. Drier than a nuns nasty. A good root and a fart would kill him. Up at a sparrows fart. I'm not pissing in your pocket mate! She had more pricks than a second hand dartboard. He's floggin the log/dog again! You must be the world's only living brain donor. Happy as a bastard on Father's Day. About as useful as tits on a bull. Dry as a dead dingo's donger. May your ears turn into <deleted> and shit on your shoulders. If I had a dog that looked like him, I'd shave it's arse and make it walk backwards. He couldn't find his arse with both hands, even if his fingers were flashlights! About as useful as a one-legged man in an arse kicking contest. He must have 2 penises...he couldn't be that stupid from pulling one. Couldn't drive a greasy stick up a dog's arse Got a face like a bashed in shit can. Couldn't organise a f#ck in a brothel with a fist full of fifties. As ugly as a hat full of <deleted>. Seen better heads in a piss trough. She was so ugly that when she walked on the beach even the sewerage got up and left! If I had a head like yours I'd circumcise it. If brains where dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your hat off!!! He would root the hair on a barber shop floor. She/He'd scare a dog out of a butcher's shop. Doesn't know shit from clay.
November 4, 200817 yr "The turtle's head is touching cloth" - when one has left it a little close before visiting the cr@pper. Which can lead to "the tigers face in ones underpants". AKA skidmarks AKA Hershey's kisses
November 4, 200817 yr Author "When I born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother!" Rodney Dangerfield "So stupid he couldn't find his dick if it glowed in the dark" (Can't remember the female author)
November 4, 200817 yr Author "The turtle's head is touching cloth" - when one has left it a little close before visiting the cr@pper. Which can lead to "the tigers face in ones underpants". AKA skidmarks AKA Hershey's kisses Reminded me of "Hershey squirts" (diarrhea)
November 4, 200817 yr "The turtle's head is touching cloth" - when one has left it a little close before visiting the cr@pper. Which can lead to "the tigers face in ones underpants". AKA skidmarks AKA Hershey's kisses Reminded me of "Hershey squirts" (diarrhea) Would these be on par with going into a bar in Boyztown and saying "excuse me, can I push your stool in ?"
November 4, 200817 yr Bend over and touch your toes and I will show you where the wild goose goes! We always said, 'Bend over I think I know you.' And then, 'She's smuggling a yo-yo.' (Referring to a gal wearing tight jeans.....aka 'camel toe') How about, 'I have to piss like a race horse.'
November 4, 200817 yr If I had a dog that looked like him, I'd shave it's arse and make it walk backwards. Lockheed, the world's ugliest dog 2003-2005. Face like a bag of spanners.
November 5, 200817 yr Author "Colder than a witch's wazoo" "He's got a wild hair in his ass" (He is really mad) "Weenie wacker"
November 5, 200817 yr ' " I'm going to point Percy at the porcelain" (an old Barry Humphries line for Bazza McKenzie)
November 5, 200817 yr "Driving the porcelain bus" (vomiting) We had a few similar ones: 'Praying to the porcelain God' ......and 'Feeding the puppies'
November 10, 200817 yr Author "Up your nose with a rubber hose" "He can put it where the sun doesn't shine"
November 17, 200817 yr Author Like two peas in a pod Scared shitless Til the cows come home raining cats and dogs Higher than a kite Happier than a pig in shit You can blow it out your ass (somebody offended)
November 20, 200817 yr From my ex-wife's dad: "If she had as many sticking out of her as she's had stuck in her, she'd look like a porcupine" "If I had that, and she had a feather in her ass, we'd both be tickled"
November 21, 200817 yr Face like............. a Bull-Dog chewing a wasp or a Rottweiler licking piss of a nettle
November 25, 200817 yr "Box of fluffy ducks" "Rattle your dags" "Don't get your knickers in a twist" "Two sammies short of a picnic" "Wee cracker, mate." "Couldn't see the road to the dunny if it had red flags on it." "Two-thirds of five-eighths of fuc_k all." "Wouldn't know shit from clay."
November 26, 200817 yr Raining Stairrods My kids don't even know what stairrods are http://www.stairrods.co.uk/ Just in case you need any SC
June 30, 200916 yr I feel rougher than the bottom of a cockie's cage. Don't come the raw prawn with me, mate! Fair crack of the whip. Beyond the black stump. Back of Burke. Strewth! Cry Ruth! To chuckle and chunder. Cry Hughie!
June 30, 200916 yr Busier than a one-armed bricklayer in Beirut As useful as a hip pocket on a singlet Funnier than a hat full of arseh0les More fun than a trip through a sewer in a glass bottomed boat
Create an account or sign in to comment