Re-ignite Or Leave

[hnka]

Ok, simple and straight to the point. When you feel that the fire is slowly dying out in your relationship, what would you do. Try to reignite it or pack up and leave?...hmmm..

[Travel2003]

Ok, simple and straight to the point. When you feel that the fire is slowly dying out in your relationship, what would you do. Try to reignite it or pack up and leave?...hmmm..

I believe any responsible adult will first try to reignite.

[astral]

Give the fire a poke and see what happens.............

[Maigo6]

I once lived with a woman for 6 years, things were getting a bit monotonous, so we wen't out, got another girl and took her home, had a great time.

Things didn't seem so boring after all.

[ubonjoe]

Plan a short trip somewhere together alone. That will help re-ignite the fire.

[12DrinkMore]

Buy a big motorcycle.

[tw25rw]

Try poking a few other fires and see how you feel about the first one.

[Birdman]

Try poking a few other fires and see how you feel about the first one.

...let her have a few other ones and see how you feel about that.

[yabaaaa]

Try poking a few other fires and see how you feel about the first one.

Play with fire and You'll get burnt eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek

[wolf5370]

Ok, simple and straight to the point. When you feel that the fire is slowly dying out in your relationship, what would you do. Try to reignite it or pack up and leave?...hmmm..

Me thinks only you can answer this question. Imagine yourself without your partner - not just imaging how much fun it would be to be dating again (it never really is) - just whether you think you would want to be without them. Not CAN you live without them, but do you WANT to live without them.

This will give you your answer. You could try a short separation without seing other people and se if you like it - vosot relatives or something.

[mrt273nva]

Buy a big motorcycle.

haha. i did exactly this. best decision i've made.

[rideswings]

Where did you buy it and what did you buy???

Buy a big motorcycle.

haha. i did exactly this. best decision i've made.

[grantbkk]

My advise, based on actual experience, is poke it some more while performing critical thinking on the issue, then go relationship shopping anew. I was divorced six time in my home country from about 1971 to 1995. All great women of various means and education levels that enhanced my life in some way. They also were awarded homes, furniture, appliances and automobiles for their trouble. Sounds crazy but I don't regret marrying any of them or blame them for reducing my personal wealth. We are only on this earth for a short time and should enjoy it. Believe me when I say the first divorce is always the hardest. After that it's like going steady.

There will always be someone else for you out there. After an appropriate mourning period you will be back on the game. Enjoy!

[NanLaew]

There's a married couple I know, dear friends the both of them that hit a rough spot in their marriage, she was an air hostess doing domestic US routes on a major carrier. The guy, who I used to work with, asked me what to do. He had been given the suggestion of the 'romantic getaway' and since I am the consummate international gypsy, he asked for a recommendation. I pointed him towards Jericoacoara on the north coast of Brazil where I had spent an idyllic 2 week vacation.

They went, loved the place and fell in love all over again. We had dinner together a few months after and they both privately thanked me for the suggesting the quiet Brazilian beach.

A year later, after getting her qualifications in real-estate, the wife quit her job as an air hostess and set up her own realtors business, targeting the rich and the exclusive areas of the city. Her husband changed employees but basically stayed the same Field Engineer in the oil service business. Five years later she cracks her first +$1million year and in celebration, buys him the loaded Corvette he has always wanted. He still is doing the 9 to 5 with the odd field trip out of state.

Two years after that, she sues for divorce, takes him to the cleaners and crushingly takes back the 'vette, gets the house, half his 401k, the right kidney and both testicles.

The moral of this tale is they both took a break, reignited the spark but she chose to run with it. Her whole life was reinvigorated and she was inspired more than just in the bedroom. My buddy was happy that he was just getting some regular sex again but didn't see anything beyond that. Her complaint to me was he was such a bore, on the computer every night, surfing the 'net, watching TV at weekends. Maybe if they had had kids, they wouldn't have had time to get bored with each other but without kids to consider, he certainly had more freedom than most men to make the same significant changes that his ex- wife did.

To the OP, look at what your life would be without your partner and then have a good, long think about what your partners life will be like if you are not around. It may shine a whole new light on your situation and hasten the decision you need to make.

[Cuban]

Is the feeling the same on both sides? How much investment is there in your shared past, would there be a feeling of loss in your shared future?

That said, splitting up can be a painful event - sometimes better to 'bite the bullet' than let it fester.

Some relationships have a lifespan and run their course, others are "...till parted by death..." only you know your own heart.

[henryalleman]

Everybody who is married or have a relationship at one point or another comes to this moment of doubt, and some of us even more than once.

But if you move out, and start a new relationship there is only one guarantee, sooner or later you will be in exactly the same situation.

IMHO a relationship is not like an TV remote control where you can change the program when you get bored.

My advise? I don't have, just some thoughts.

BTW I'm married 33 years and its not always have been easy.

[caulfield2]

There's a married couple I know, dear friends the both of them that hit a rough spot in their marriage, she was an air hostess doing domestic US routes on a major carrier. The guy, who I used to work with, asked me what to do. He had been given the suggestion of the 'romantic getaway' and since I am the consummate international gypsy, he asked for a recommendation. I pointed him towards Jericoacoara on the north coast of Brazil where I had spent an idyllic 2 week vacation.

They went, loved the place and fell in love all over again. We had dinner together a few months after and they both privately thanked me for the suggesting the quiet Brazilian beach.

A year later, after getting her qualifications in real-estate, the wife quit her job as an air hostess and set up her own realtors business, targeting the rich and the exclusive areas of the city. Her husband changed employees but basically stayed the same Field Engineer in the oil service business. Five years later she cracks her first +$1million year and in celebration, buys him the loaded Corvette he has always wanted. He still is doing the 9 to 5 with the odd field trip out of state.

Two years after that, she sues for divorce, takes him to the cleaners and crushingly takes back the 'vette, gets the house, half his 401k, the right kidney and both testicles.

The moral of this tale is they both took a break, reignited the spark but she chose to run with it. Her whole life was reinvigorated and she was inspired more than just in the bedroom. My buddy was happy that he was just getting some regular sex again but didn't see anything beyond that. Her complaint to me was he was such a bore, on the computer every night, surfing the 'net, watching TV at weekends. Maybe if they had had kids, they wouldn't have had time to get bored with each other but without kids to consider, he certainly had more freedom than most men to make the same significant changes that his ex- wife did.

To the OP, look at what your life would be without your partner and then have a good, long think about what your partners life will be like if you are not around. It may shine a whole new light on your situation and hasten the decision you need to make.

Reading this story, my first thought was....well, where are they now in their lives?

Because every "investment banker," hot shot "entrepreneur," venture capitalist and real estate broker has been with their tail between their legs for most of the last year....and things look even more bleak going forward.

I wonder if this woman is happy now with her real estate career, and was prescient enough not to just spend to her lifestyle, but actually save and invest conservatively.

It kind of reminded me as a reverse of the so-so Nicolas Cage movie "The Family Man," where his "jet-set" corporate life as a single is juxtaposed by the boring, but ultimately more fulfilling life as a suburban father and tire salesman. Usually women who get caught up in that "high maintenance/luxurious" type of lifestyle find it quite a crash landing to go from a BMW back to a Ford Focus.

Is your buddy now happier than she is...? Or his life still boring? Did he change his life in any way? Sometimes, couples just change or grow apart. I love watching baseball on t.v., and most women consider that boring...but there are certainly passions/interests you can share outside a man's sports and a woman's shopping, you just have to be creative and reinvent your relationship. Maybe if they had only read all the Nicholas Sparks novels their marriage would have been salvageable, lol. Just kidding. But for this type of woman who always needs more fun, more excitement, nicer things, better social networks, she might never be satisfied or happy...

[Pakeha]

My advise, based on actual experience, is poke it some more while performing critical thinking on the issue, then go relationship shopping anew. I was divorced six time in my home country from about 1971 to 1995. All great women of various means and education levels that enhanced my life in some way. They also were awarded homes, furniture, appliances and automobiles for their trouble. Sounds crazy but I don't regret marrying any of them or blame them for reducing my personal wealth. We are only on this earth for a short time and should enjoy it. Believe me when I say the first divorce is always the hardest. After that it's like going steady.

There will always be someone else for you out there. After an appropriate mourning period you will be back on the game. Enjoy!

Six times.... Don't you start to wonder after number three or four? Love your attitude though

[caulfield2]

My advise, based on actual experience, is poke it some more while performing critical thinking on the issue, then go relationship shopping anew. I was divorced six time in my home country from about 1971 to 1995. All great women of various means and education levels that enhanced my life in some way. They also were awarded homes, furniture, appliances and automobiles for their trouble. Sounds crazy but I don't regret marrying any of them or blame them for reducing my personal wealth. We are only on this earth for a short time and should enjoy it. Believe me when I say the first divorce is always the hardest. After that it's like going steady.

There will always be someone else for you out there. After an appropriate mourning period you will be back on the game. Enjoy!

Six times.... Don't you start to wonder after number three or four? Love your attitude though

I wonder if he has ever met Liz Taylor?

Healthy attitude...lol...I wonder how that has gone over the last 3-4-5-6 times explaining his past/history to each prospective bride's family. Wish I could have been a fly-on-the-wall for those conversations. I've been dragged over the coals a couple of times the last two years for having been married once (still separated) by my g/f's mothers.

[Pakeha]

I wonder if he has ever met Liz Taylor?

Healthy attitude...lol...I wonder how that has gone over the last 3-4-5-6 times explaining his past/history to each prospective bride's family. Wish I could have been a fly-on-the-wall for those conversations. I've been dragged over the coals a couple of times the last two years for having been married once (still separated) by my g/f's mothers.

That would be due to the multiple... Most mothers have a problem when their daughters prospective husband has girlfriends...

To get back on topic - Re-ignite... or PM grantbkk

[Gravelrash]

Some situations are worth saving and others just exist on borrowed time, only you can know which it is after an honest evaluation.

If it dies though a few beers before The Clash, then head out all amped up.

[mrt273nva]

Buy a big motorcycle.

haha. i did exactly this. best decision i've made.

Where did you buy it and what did you buy???

bought it secondhand off a private seller. it is a Suzuki GSXR 750. it has saved my marriage.

[Lost in LOS]

in the western world, reignite.........in thailand change partners

[0Mix1up]

Buy a big motorcycle.

haha. i did exactly this. best decision i've made.

Where did you buy it and what did you buy???

bought it secondhand off a private seller. it is a Suzuki GSXR 750. it has saved my marriage.

why? because you could get away faster? joking ok?

but seriously how can a bike save a marriage?

IMO marriages are not for selfish people

[G54]

If the embers are about burnt out beyond re-ignition then huffing and puffing will do no good at all.

On the other hand if the embers are simply smouldering for a want of some attention to bring back the flames of passion, huff and puff like crazy

[hnka]

Thank you all for all your opinions and advises. Greatly appreciated!

[yabaaaa]

Thank you all for all your opinions and advises. Greatly appreciated!

Doesnt matter who you are married too all relationships get boring, its the same with life unless you constanly push yourslef to do new things u will just die.

getting a new partner makes you do things u used to, it makes u make an effort again, but in time you will drift back to being boring or bored. Up to you to work hard at it. It takes two.

Edited February 15, 2009 by yabaaaa

[BugJackBaron]

Everything you need to know is in the movies or in song..

Here is Springsteen on the issue...

"You can't start a fire

you can't start a fire without a spark

This gun's for hire

even if we're just dancing in the dark"

[xenomorph]

There's a married couple I know, dear friends the both of them that hit a rough spot in their marriage, she was an air hostess doing domestic US routes on a major carrier. The guy, who I used to work with, asked me what to do. He had been given the suggestion of the 'romantic getaway' and since I am the consummate international gypsy, he asked for a recommendation. I pointed him towards Jericoacoara on the north coast of Brazil where I had spent an idyllic 2 week vacation.

They went, loved the place and fell in love all over again. We had dinner together a few months after and they both privately thanked me for the suggesting the quiet Brazilian beach.

A year later, after getting her qualifications in real-estate, the wife quit her job as an air hostess and set up her own realtors business, targeting the rich and the exclusive areas of the city. Her husband changed employees but basically stayed the same Field Engineer in the oil service business. Five years later she cracks her first +$1million year and in celebration, buys him the loaded Corvette he has always wanted. He still is doing the 9 to 5 with the odd field trip out of state.

Two years after that, she sues for divorce, takes him to the cleaners and crushingly takes back the 'vette, gets the house, half his 401k, the right kidney and both testicles.

The moral of this tale is they both took a break, reignited the spark but she chose to run with it. Her whole life was reinvigorated and she was inspired more than just in the bedroom. My buddy was happy that he was just getting some regular sex again but didn't see anything beyond that. Her complaint to me was he was such a bore, on the computer every night, surfing the 'net, watching TV at weekends. Maybe if they had had kids, they wouldn't have had time to get bored with each other but without kids to consider, he certainly had more freedom than most men to make the same significant changes that his ex- wife did.

To the OP, look at what your life would be without your partner and then have a good, long think about what your partners life will be like if you are not around. It may shine a whole new light on your situation and hasten the decision you need to make.

I don't think that woman is suitable for a normal family life. Working as an air hostess mean a lot of travel and lot of opportunities for sex outside the marriage. A friend of mine is an airline pilot and he tells me stories every time about how lose those hostesses are when it comes to respect for their boyfriends or marriage. The pilots are usually equally bad on being 100% faithful. So I guess that woman, in your story, is probably very spoiled with having exciting sexual adventures outside her marriage. If she then is having a hard time to live a normal life with her husband just because she's doing more dollars, then she have lost the actual whole point in the marriage. That guy is probably better off single.

Actually reminds me of the movie "American Beauty".

Edited February 15, 2009 by xenomorph

[loong]

Don't give up too quickly just because the fire is dying a little...

Try to make it smoulder with the occasional burst into flame.

Relationships just do not keep that excitement all of the time. If you are comfortable together, then be happy.

If there are resentments, try to isolate the cause and do something about it.

Give it time and a little effort, but if no success, throw some cold water on it and walk away.