Thai ladies who propose via email .. what to think

[taxexile]

come on bud,admit it,you're nothing but a good old fashioned dirty dog,nothing wrong in that,but you should be posting on the"bangkok tonite" forum,its more your style. :laugh:

[Bud Zumwalt]

???

To Tex and everyone else,

I just got another email from her today. This is a quote from the first paragraph,

"Thank you so much for your promise..love me only. You are my sunshine if you change your mind and love another lady then sunshine is out. I have a big heart for you only."

I guess she may have actually had a few friends probing me with email, I think she did catch me saying something wrong, that is why she canceled her email, after I wrote her friend she changed her mind and now I have a second chance. I was a fool, I had it all with this lady and did not realize it. Anymore Thai ladies email me and they get the rapid reply I am taken. This lady has amazed me with her open mindedness, and true love for almost two months. She made it clear up front she does not want a butterfly, so now that my wings have been clipped, I am all done flirting, kidding around with other ladies on the email, and must keep my eyes from wandering while forever, around her or not, because she is very serious about one thing, your mine and your better not look beyond my pretty little face.

She wants to travel a little by train, she does not drive and I would need driving school, since my country is not on the English system, backward system I call it, travel around to some spots, not talking all this marrage stuff anymore, she is a swimmer like I am, I swim daily for exercise and sail my vessel when not a Yacht Captain. She is one in a million, I am not mixed up anymore, my mixed message is now very clear. I must be faithful, not a jerk, keep my email limited to her and her only, and when with her keep my eyes from wandering when other ladies walk by, no matter how good their butts look. What a jerk I was, what a mature together lady she is.

Bud

West Palm Beach, Florida, USA

[taxexile]

she has seen the yachts,the jeeps,the lifestyle,the bucks.

bud,nautically speaking,you are about to be stitched up like a kipper and hung out to dry.you took the bait,she is reeling you in;hook, line and sinker,prepare to be gutted.

its a joy to behold. along with your anti malaria pills and lomotil make sure you pack plenty of antidote to "yaa saneh",cos it looks like you will need it.

its not long to judgement day.

enjoy, :laugh:,and please keep us informed.

this one will run and run.

[chonabot]

Bud , theres always the chance, as this lady is PC literate, that she has seen this site already , as I assume you are using your real name here and on the other site?

Any thoughts?

[Bud Zumwalt]

To Chon:

You just took the thoughts right out of my head, seems we have parallel thinking on issues, that is why get we along well.

I was coming back to this post just too add the same comment you just made. I did not mention it to her but I mentioned it to the lady I think she had probe me with email. Or maybe they were already were onto this site. She personally I do not believer is all that computer savie, but she has a lady friend who is a computer programmer and does the complicated translation work for her, she once said she has many friends who do many things for her, she always replies to every English sentence I give her with complete understanding, even my thoughts, never missing anything from translation. She knows how I dot my I's as you say. This lady is amazing, she checks her man out, hates butterflies. I believe many mates have been sent by by, because they got nabbed by one of her friends on email after making advances, only to have her read their email while having tea with her friend or friends. I had one Thai lady go on AOL and IM me, that is a chat box direct to you on your email. For days she chased me, at first I talked to her only to learn more about Thailand, wages men get, why so many divorced Thai ladies with kids and husband married to other ladies having more kids, these conversations lasted sometimes four (4) hours, after a few days of this I started breaking down, she sent photos, more talk, more serious talk, an email too her saying love .. next day got an email from my lady, replied checked time status, the love email I sent to her alleged friend came in about the same time, then the soul mates email address goes default. So I wrote a letter to soul mates friend and she emailed me her new changed email address then this warning letter about if you love anyone else the sunshine is gone, so both she reads this site and/or she had me probed via email from her friend(s) is possible, one thing is sure .. I got nabbed, but got a second chance with warning, so two things are possible, she either set me up for entrapment with her friend breaking me down over time, which is really not fair, but if she wants her man, no holes bared faithful, then she will go to know end to make sure he really is .. if she is hooked into this site and reading my posts, at least she now knows I will commit to her if she is for real and not a gold digger.

Also, she is not the gold digger type, I have dated a few Jewish ladies who come out and ask your what your worth before they even go on a date. I believe she is not rich, maybe even struggling, but she does not ask to come to America, never asked my guaranteed income, I told her I could meet the minimum requirement, which is only now 40,000 baht per month, which by the way is amazing because a Captain in the Thai Army only makes half that, so really none of her questions have been about monies, just loyality, trust, not lying, and making it very, very, very clear she does not want a butterfly.

I have heads up to gold diggers, and besides my gold mine is small compared too many Americans.

Bud

[taxexile]

if she is hooked into this site and reading my posts, at least she now knows I will commit to her

apart from the occasional threesome !!! :laugh:  :laugh:

go! budster go! :laugh:

[SoCal]

Bud,

Why don't you stop in LA on your way to BKK. It's pretty much equidistant either way, and let me either: knock sense into you, or the wind out of your sales. Before getting upset, know that this is a friendly offer.

Always interesting to see relative newbies on their first trips to BKK, first interactions with Thai females, etc. Can be something like a drug. Several years ago I was looking at a way to throw it all away. Thankfully I did not, and now recognize what a mistake that would have been. I go to BKK twice a year on vacation/business, and while it never seems enough, it is the practical decision.

Your old enough to not be thinking with your heart, or your most southern head. Use your brain. That's not to say that the other two are not important in life, but all things in perspective. Maybe you want to feel 20 again, but at what cost?

If I can give you two pieces of advice, and believe I told you before: be honest & take things slow.

Best of luck on your adventure. Hope you do not get lost.

[Bud Zumwalt]

???

To Taxexile,

You mentioned, quote, [she has seen the yachts,the jeeps,the lifestyle,the bucks]

Actually I live quite modestly, my life style is that of the rich and famous as their Captain l live as they do while on tour to exotic ports of call, like Bahamas, Bermuda, and Key West, Cuba and the Carribbean. But that is only as long as they are on voyage. Then it is Mr. Average Joe Buddy. She knows this and she as well does not expect anything more than an average life style that most working in Thailand enjoy, not an expensive Western style, just common, people enjoy some stability, nothing more.

As far as the three sum, well I never had her in mind. I highly respect her, my thoughts along thoughts lines were if in fact she and I did not work out and it has been a long time since I enjoyed that situation, last time was in South Korea and I had so much rum I cannot remember what happend, but Ma Ma Sun told me the girls said I was great.

Right now Hurricane Isabel, my mother's name has all Captian and Crews land locked, that is why I have time for these interesting conversations.

Bud

[taxexile]

i also enjoy these conversations bud,and hope it all goes well for you in october (in spite of my cynical posts.)

so cal was spot on when he said dont get lost. i got badly hurt and confused by a lady here  before meeting my wife,it happens before you know it.you tend to disbelieve the subtle signs that should tell you all is not right. the cultures are so different and the opportunities for misunderstandings, picking up and giving out the wrong signals are so great it's a wonder that any relationships survive.as in all peoples,there are good and bad,honest and dishonest,we can all suss out our own people,we have learnt how to do it from the day we were born, but to suss out people from another culture,well, we have no experience to tell good from bad unless it is patently obvious,and over here it usually isn't .go carefully.and dont rush to commit.the forum boards of asia are littered with the graves of those that rushed.

good luck   and keep us all posted.

[D80]

Dutch,

Soryy to say your 90% statistic is not likely to be correct.  What you have heard about the upperclass not registering their marriage is partly true but it is for business purposes only (the man and the woman have their names in separate assets so that if one has gone bankrupt or something happens in the biz, the other can still help-usually the really rich people wiould do this).  From what I've found, most Thai people do register their marriage, well, in BKK anyway (might be a different story in the countryside).  My mum & dad, grandma & grand dad, most relatives and friends that I know of (both in BKK & out) registered their marriages.  Although some only do so when they decide to have kids.

Bud,

Again, glad you found someone and hope you will be successful.  However, go slow, be careful and proceed with care.  Good luck!

[Dutch Vader]

To Dr. Pat-Pong,

Please read: "Geschichten aus Thailand" by Gunther Ruffert, page 66-67. Quote from this German expat and probably expert, living in Thailand for 25 years now:

"Nun ist aber in Thailand, vor allem auf dem Land, eine formliche Ehe, dass heisst, eine im Verzeichnis der zustandigen Behorde eingetragene Verbindung, mit ggf. einzuklagenden Rechten, die Ausnahme."  (page 66).

And:

"Der Priester segnet lediglich das junge Paar, dem es dann freisteht sich wieder zu trennen, wenn ihm danacht ist." (page 66.)

And:

"Da die gesetzliche Ehe in Thailand auch heute noch die Ausnahme ist und nur in besseren Kreisen sowie in den Stadten praktiziert wird..." (and so on...) Page 67.

So I didn't make my statements up myself, but they are the result of research. Maybe in Bangkok the legal marriage is more common, but upcountry it certainly isn't. It is "just" a Buddhist ceremony with no legal consequences, like the right to alemony after separation/divorce. This is also why there are so many women, left by their husbands, who have to take care of themselves and their children without being able to sue their husbands for alemony.

DV.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Where is the reference to your 90 per cent of the Thai's Dutch ?  No matter what some old German thinks, Thailand does NOT recognize de facto relationships at all.

[Dutch Vader]

Mr. Pat-Pong,

You may be right, I dunno really... I have read however, that "legal" marriage is NOT common practice (except for rich people and BKK), but rather the exception to the rule. What is common however, is the Buddhist ceremony.

Is in your experience this Buddhist ceremony called "marriage" in Thailand or not?

And if it is, does this Buddhist ceremony then have legal effects or not? I mean, are people legally considered married, if they "only" went trought the Buddhist ceremony? Or is it necessary to register the marriage somewhere to be legally married?

This "old german" says 2 things: 1. Registering the marriage is not common; it is mostly practiced in BKK and by upper class people only; upcountry it is not common practice; 2. The Buddhist ceremony is common practice, also upcountry; people are considered "married" if they went trough this Buddhist ceremony; but it is no legal marriage and therefore has nog legal consequences; if one chooses so, the husband or wife can leave eachother like that anytime they want, without being able to sue the other for alemony.

Do you think this is correct or not?

DV.

PS you are right: I used the 90% as a different way of saying "most people do not". The German did not use 90% but only "common or not".

[Dutch Vader]

Tax, what is "yaa saneh"? Sleeping drugs I thought, or not?

DV

[taxexile]

the relationship has to be registered at the ampur office to have any legality.i dont know what benefits,if any, are gained by legalizing the relationship.as far as i know the buddhist ceremony does not constitute a legal marriage.

[taxexile]

saneh means to charm someone

yaa saneh is the word for a thai charm potion,obviously such a thing does not exist,but a woman may joke to a friend or to someone that she wants to attract that she will put yaa saneh in the intended "victims" food or drink to make her irresistable to him.

falangs seem to be particularly susceptible to yaa saneh,the merest whiff or taste can render them devoid of sense or reason and totally under the control of the woman, who can do with her victim as she wants.the results can be seen everyday throughout the Kingdom and provide a source of free entertainment and amusement to those not yet afflicted.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

You are quite right Tax......... there is no legality in the Wat ceremony. According to Thai law, people going through such a ceremony are not married.

[Bud Zumwalt]

???

To Dutch and you all,

I believe the Buddhist ceremony is used in lieu of a legal marriage, when for some reason the farany or Thai male is not willing to go legal yet. It shows the family that both male and female are serious and living together, even having a child together is therefore approved. Dutch is correct this has no legal obligations. That is why so many Thai ladies have children, then the Thai male gets another wife and has children leaving his first wife usually now late 30s or early 40s penny less.

Sometimes the husband .. if gainfully employed will take the children as a help. I know one nice lady this happened to .. her Thai Army Major now has three wives. His income is about 20,000 baht per month. Yet a farang staying in Thailand from American with a wife must show an income of at least 40,000 baht per month, in such non immigrant type "0" marriage, the American needs renewal each year, but does not have to do the 3-month border runs. But that type of marriage must be registered and legal.

As far as letting the lady take away all my senses, well thoughts on the subject are such.

1-the Internet or email correspondence is only an introduction to someone, not matter what is said seriously about the actual relationship starts after meeting face to face,

2-once you meet your friend or if more select who you want to zero in on, the chemistry thing, attraction between the two of you,

3-spend time living together, renting an apartment, do a PI background on her to make sure there is not a husband and making sure she is actually divorced, no dowry if paid to parents if she has kids from a prior marriage, if must pay dowry it must be reasonable for single lady, many parents do not even require such any more,

4-after about one year together, and if all is well about her background, perhaps a legal marriage is in order if you both still want such,

5-beware of women who move fast, get you in the sack and play on your lust for them, think with you head not what is between your legs,

6-always look highly towards a lady that offers to remove her ad from the Internet because she has met you, if she is always emailing you and is honest, if she shows you a full length photo and not just photos of her face only, actually a lady may try and hide the fact she is over weight or has legs that are a little fatish, but if she is honest about all these things, she is probably the one who will stay the course, being honest about any of what she thinks would be disclaimers, shows herself well,in my book a lady like that gets to my heart much faster than a lady who is plastic, hides the real her whether it be physical or emotional,

I have developed some interesting little tests of loyalty, it seems my soul mate has as well. After the dust settles the real lady will emerge, I am not yet convinced she is the real lady, but I am convinced that it truly will take time. I put the suggestion out that it might be better if I did not meet her at the airport .. not until after my minor surgery and I had time to start feeling good enough to tour, seems now she is my tour guide and has half of Thailand she wants to tour.

Bud

[TizMe]

not until after my minor surgery

lets all hope that it is a lobotomy.

Dr P.P, maybe you can volunteer to assist. Make sure that they don't miss something.

[Bud Zumwalt]

???

My name is Savitri, I am Bud's secretary while he is at sea.

Bud will not be available to answer any posts for a few weeks, he thanks all of you for your knowledge and experiences within Thailand. He values all your comments. He adds that his relationship with his soul mate of this post is going very well, he is keeping in contact with her via satellite or side band radio email, he regret he is too busy for this forum.

He sincerely hopes you all the best of everything.

Sincerely,

Savitri Lall for Bud

[taxexile]

how about you standing in for him whilst he is away ?

[chonabot]

Savitri can we have another photo of you?

[foolwholaughsatdeath]

To say that the Buddhist Marriage Ceremony has no legality is not true, at least according to the US.  When I got my gf pregnant, I didn't want to get married, but she and her parents wanted to have a ceremony to save face.  They said they didn't care about the registration, just the oppinions of others.  I had my folks look into the matter for me back home, and according to the Consul General any marriage that can be proven by photos, witnesses, etc is considered a binding marriage in the states, and a thai buddhist ceremony at the wat (as well as any other religious ceremony) would be considered as legal if proof of it happening was presented.

[chonabot]

So did you or didn't you?

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Check out the legality IN Thailand

[foolwholaughsatdeath]

Chonabot,

Not yet.  We are engaged, and I've been living here in Thailand with her until we can get her fiance visa processed by INS and the US embassy (which is a long painful process).  So legally, not married.  but practically speaking i am a married man. (happily too, I should say)

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Where in the USA did your family find a US Consul-General IN America ? They only exist in foreign service abroad.

[foolwholaughsatdeath]

Sorry, Patpong.. you are correct, what I meant to say is Attorney General.    He also told my folks that If I participated in the Buddhist ceremony i would not be able to get a divorce regonized for at least three years.  So while these ceremonies may or may not be recognized as legal in Thailand, they certainly are in the US.

[foolwholaughsatdeath]

BTW, I am not a lawyer but I imagine these laws could vary by state.  The office my folks contacted was the California office.

[JemJem]

Folks....do you think this BudZumwalt (and Savitri Lall) characters are for real ? I have my doubts on it.

I mean, okay, he has given his (well, supposedly 'his') Web site which has a photo of him and Savitri Lall but the site and those pics might be some others' stuff.

Also, he had first written that he would never be with a 'Western' woman, then in the 'farang women' thread, he showed his interest in meeting a 'Western' woman. Besides, he has contradicted himself regarding his age.

I think he/she is one of those 'longer-lasting-trolls'. What do you think ?

Regards,

Jem