Thai Gf Parents Want Money Cos We Are "engaged" - We Are Not

[Texpat]

Don't pay 'em a dime. Ever.

Not when you meet. Not when you marry. Not for any reason or any circumstance.

Keep money out of it.

The leeches won't be happy, but you won't feel like you bought your girlfriend/bride.

Plenty of nice girls around that aren't going to push you into their little family money trap.

Go find one.

Edited July 21, 2009 by Texpat

[Datsun240Z]

At the end of the day there are definitely ladies out there who will not be grabbing your money,but i think they are rare jewels hard to find but not impossible.

I found mine 20 years ago.

Much depends on how you present yourself in the first few dates.

My first date with my wife (20 years ago) was a dinner at Siam Square, and then I sent her home by public bus (non-aircon), at Bangkapi.

If my wife did not accept the fact I cannot even afford taxi fare, we would not have subsequent dates, nor got married 15 years ago.

Amazing!

[balo]

Get rid of her , unless you're an old farang and she's 20 + years younger than you then you have to pay for the rest of your life.

If not I smell a rotten apple.

[Hardie]

Hello,

been living with my Thai gf here in bangkok for a few months although we have dated for over a year. Today went to her parents house because her mother wanted to speak to us. Should point out that she is from a poor family.

They told us today they want 100,000 or 200,000 bhat plus gold because we are now "something".....this was all in Thai..but gf explained it as "kind of engaged".

I quietly thought ...<deleted>?.... we are not engaged and are still at early stages of living together in a full on relationship.

I have read that dowrys still exist here for marriage but has anyone heard of a custom of giving alot of money to the parents just to date the daughter. my gf could not explain it well. Also a little bit flustered because her family has not been especially friendly so far but today were all smiles. hmmm.

Thanks.

As stated several times the custom of payment is for marriage, not dating. However, that being said, there is no law against breaking with tradition. I never paid anything to my wife's parents prior to marriage or after. It was simple - my wife had lived on her own for many years and believed that OUR money be saved for OUR family. Therefore no dowry. She was the only young Thai that I found that shared my beliefs. For me it would have been a deal breaker.

That being said, it's really what your gf's position is in all of this. If she is encouraging you to pay, I would tell her it's not your way and that if that is what she believes is correct, then it's good that you found out now, and have a good life. You don't want her to live with guilt by not following through with what she believes in and thereby complying with her parent's wishes, and you don't want to live with resentment should you cave in and pay. So best to part amicably at this point in time if no resolution.

If you're living together, then you're obviously engaged... in something. One way or another in the long run you gotta' share the wealth, whether houses, cars, allowance, whatever... it's not right for your partner's parents to live in poverty while you casually fuc_k the daughter they raised for your pleasure. There's no welfare state here, you might have noticed.

The argument of 'just testing the goods' doesn't cut it with most parents. Imagine the shame that parents must feel that their daughter is living with a farang. That means she's a whore to a lot of people.

I can't believe you guys act righteous like 'we get it for free,' while admitting to spending U$ 2000/mo. here (previous thread), even 'Cheap Charlies'. What are you spending it on? I assume most wives here get an allowance. Where does it go?

I don't like the symbolism of payment, dowry, bride price, sin sot, etc. There are other ways to accomplish the same thing. But you might want to go to the temple one morning with some goodies and get a monk to read you the riot act, whether you register a marriage or not. He'll even tell your wife to obey you. Take your voice recorder along.

I can't believe

[SoiGirlHunter]

Amen Texpat!

smart man

[Dakhar]

it's not right for your partner's parents to live in poverty while you casually fuc_k the daughter

I don't see where the parent's financial status has ANY bearing on a sexual relationship. The concept of renting out one's own child is in my view, grotesque, sickening, and evil.

I in no way shape or form, mind helping out, but when there is an assigned dollar figure, to be paid up on X date....

Sorry Pal, that dog don't hunt. I would not want a woman that would love me on the condition of a price to raise my children.

[mca]

I think to give 100,000 or 200,000 plus gold is a customarily practice for thai marriage, even thai man do that. But it is not the end of the story especially you are a foreigner, as there is a saying, when you marry a thai, you marry her whole family, so do your homework and check out how many brothers and sisters she has. If she has 5 or 6 brothers and sisters whom are not working, it is time to reconsider the marriage, as they will very soon be on monthly welfare, drawing from your bank account.

100/200k + gold is not customary, anyone below the age of 60 who even considers paying that for some farmers daughter is a complete idiot.

My brother in law paid 100,000 baht which he got from his mother. Now they both work for my sister in law. So 100k is not unheard of for poor people.

This is true. I asked a few Thai friends I know and they said 100k was pretty normal even for some lad who was, for example, an engineer for an aircon company or a car mechanic at the local Isuzu dealer.

[daoyai]

Hello,

been living with my Thai gf here in bangkok for a few months although we have dated for over a year. Today went to her parents house because her mother wanted to speak to us. Should point out that she is from a poor family.

They told us today they want 100,000 or 200,000 bhat plus gold because we are now "something".....this was all in Thai..but gf explained it as "kind of engaged".

I quietly thought ...<deleted>?.... we are not engaged and are still at early stages of living together in a full on relationship.

I have read that dowrys still exist here for marriage but has anyone heard of a custom of giving alot of money to the parents just to date the daughter. my gf could not explain it well. Also a little bit flustered because her family has not been especially friendly so far but today were all smiles. hmmm.

Thanks.

As stated several times the custom of payment is for marriage, not dating. However, that being said, there is no law against breaking with tradition. I never paid anything to my wife's parents prior to marriage or after. It was simple - my wife had lived on her own for many years and believed that OUR money be saved for OUR family. Therefore no dowry. She was the only young Thai that I found that shared my beliefs. For me it would have been a deal breaker.

That being said, it's really what your gf's position is in all of this. If she is encouraging you to pay, I would tell her it's not your way and that if that is what she believes is correct, then it's good that you found out now, and have a good life. You don't want her to live with guilt by not following through with what she believes in and thereby complying with her parent's wishes, and you don't want to live with resentment should you cave in and pay. So best to part amicably at this point in time if no resolution.

If you're living together, then you're obviously engaged... in something. One way or another in the long run you gotta' share the wealth, whether houses, cars, allowance, whatever... it's not right for your partner's parents to live in poverty while you casually fuc_k the daughter they raised for your pleasure. There's no welfare state here, you might have noticed.

The argument of 'just testing the goods' doesn't cut it with most parents. Imagine the shame that parents must feel that their daughter is living with a farang. That means she's a whore to a lot of people.

I can't believe you guys act righteous like 'we get it for free,' while admitting to spending U$ 2000/mo. here (previous thread), even 'Cheap Charlies'. What are you spending it on? I assume most wives here get an allowance. Where does it go?

I don't like the symbolism of payment, dowry, bride price, sin sot, etc. There are other ways to accomplish the same thing. But you might want to go to the temple one morning with some goodies and get a monk to read you the riot act, whether you register a marriage or not. He'll even tell your wife to obey you. Take your voice recorder along.

I can't believe

Agree, you just need to be discreet about "testing the goods" when you are openly (the parents know) living together then the spirits know and the parents have the responsibility to close the deal so to speak. By living with the daughter, you have "joined the family" and are expected to assist in someway.

[venturalaw]

Hello,

been living with my Thai gf here in bangkok for a few months although we have dated for over a year. Today went to her parents house because her mother wanted to speak to us. Should point out that she is from a poor family.

They told us today they want 100,000 or 200,000 bhat plus gold because we are now "something".....this was all in Thai..but gf explained it as "kind of engaged".

I quietly thought ...<deleted>?.... we are not engaged and are still at early stages of living together in a full on relationship.

I have read that dowrys still exist here for marriage but has anyone heard of a custom of giving alot of money to the parents just to date the daughter. my gf could not explain it well. Also a little bit flustered because her family has not been especially friendly so far but today were all smiles. hmmm.

Thanks.

As stated several times the custom of payment is for marriage, not dating. However, that being said, there is no law against breaking with tradition. I never paid anything to my wife's parents prior to marriage or after. It was simple - my wife had lived on her own for many years and believed that OUR money be saved for OUR family. Therefore no dowry. She was the only young Thai that I found that shared my beliefs. For me it would have been a deal breaker.

That being said, it's really what your gf's position is in all of this. If she is encouraging you to pay, I would tell her it's not your way and that if that is what she believes is correct, then it's good that you found out now, and have a good life. You don't want her to live with guilt by not following through with what she believes in and thereby complying with her parent's wishes, and you don't want to live with resentment should you cave in and pay. So best to part amicably at this point in time if no resolution.

If you're living together, then you're obviously engaged... in something. One way or another in the long run you gotta' share the wealth, whether houses, cars, allowance, whatever... it's not right for your partner's parents to live in poverty while you casually fuc_k the daughter they raised for your pleasure. There's no welfare state here, you might have noticed.

The argument of 'just testing the goods' doesn't cut it with most parents. Imagine the shame that parents must feel that their daughter is living with a farang. That means she's a whore to a lot of people.

I can't believe you guys act righteous like 'we get it for free,' while admitting to spending U$ 2000/mo. here (previous thread), even 'Cheap Charlies'. What are you spending it on? I assume most wives here get an allowance. Where does it go?

I don't like the symbolism of payment, dowry, bride price, sin sot, etc. There are other ways to accomplish the same thing. But you might want to go to the temple one morning with some goodies and get a monk to read you the riot act, whether you register a marriage or not. He'll even tell your wife to obey you. Take your voice recorder along.

I can't believe

And therein lies one of the differences in our respective (Thai vs. Western) cultures. Thai way of thinking: "you casually fuc_k the daughter they raised for your pleasure." Really? Western way of thinking: Parents raise a child out of pride and obligation - they created the child, not as an investment for their future, but, one would hope, out of love.

The argument of 'just testing the goods' doesn't cut it with most parents. Since when is an adult child 'goods'? So to the Thais, a daughter is a product to be used for a price?

"One way or another in the long run you gotta' share the wealth, whether houses, cars, allowance, whatever... it's not right for your partner's parents to live in poverty" What if the man's parents are living in poverty and the Thai/Farang couple have a couple of children? Then who gets supported? And factor in if the Thai bride's parents are wealthy. Then is the Thai daughter still obligated to help support her parents? Or if the Thai daughter has a deadbeat brother (came across this a few times)? Is farang husband obligated to support his parents, her parents, the couple's children, his wife, AND the deadbeat brother? How does he do this if he is earning say - 10,000 baht per month? Just a question. Curious about an answer from the supporters of the Thai way of living.

[DMasut]

Hello,

been living with my Thai gf here in bangkok for a few months although we have dated for over a year. Today went to her parents house because her mother wanted to speak to us. Should point out that she is from a poor family.

They told us today they want 100,000 or 200,000 bhat plus gold because we are now "something".....this was all in Thai..but gf explained it as "kind of engaged".

I quietly thought ...<deleted>?.... we are not engaged and are still at early stages of living together in a full on relationship.

I have read that dowrys still exist here for marriage but has anyone heard of a custom of giving alot of money to the parents just to date the daughter. my gf could not explain it well. Also a little bit flustered because her family has not been especially friendly so far but today were all smiles. hmmm.

Thanks.

RUN FORREST!!! RUN!!!!

Even if you love her and intended to marry her, this is a sign of only the beginning of what's to come in the future.

DO THE MATH MAN!!!!

100,000 divided by 1,000thb (if you speak some Thai and can negotiate) for GF experience at any Bar of your choosing = 100 Nights in heaven.

REMEMBER WHAT CHARLIE SHEEN SAYS: "I don't pay to have sex with women, I pay them to go away afterwards."

THE FACT THAT YOU EVEN HAD TO ASK SOMEONE ON THIS FORUM INDICATES YOU ARE NOT READY.

[DMasut]

For goodness sake, try to understand the culture here.

And what is that (the culture here) To sell your daughter to the highest bidder or to live off her earnings as a prostitute

That could be an interpretation of some Westerners who understand very little about Thailand and its culture, I have a slightly different interpretation however.

Let me see if I can't put the term culture into perspective and call it tradition instead.

If you've ever been close to Thai's who are truly poor and live in small clusters in grass shacks with corrugated tin roofs, a single room that provides no privacy or protection from the elements and is full of mosquito's, 24/7; if you had listened to their stories about how their crops failed one year, a family member needed hospital treatment and there was no work to be had anywhere, other than perhaps 200 baht a day laboring on occasion; if you have seen the anguish as a parent tries to dress their daughters child in the best clothes they can find as they prepare her for school and worry about government loans that must be repaid and they have no idea how they will manage that, or even where they will find food for their evening meal unless they go into the hills and cut bamboo shoots. If you had seen those things then you would understand what it's like to be really really poor yet despite all of it, the family remains a family unit, it has love, support and that's really all they have.

So the role of the eldest daughter (and younger ones also these days) is to provide whatever support she can to that unit and most of the ones I've ever come across take that job very seriously. Some Westerners might call it prostitution but the Thai's will refer to it as working and don't get all hung up about western religious values of no sex before marriage - many Thai's will also see it as a trade off, you want me and sex, I need support for my family. At the end of the day nobody forces the Westerner to take the Thai girl and have sex with her, he could always go a totally different route in life. But if he chooses to take the girl, culture or tradition suggests he should pay, that's the tradition and from a moral perspective, it's not a bad one in my book. Of course, if your Thailand experience has consisted only of life on upper Sukhumvit or an apartment in Langsuan with the odd trip to Koh Samui, you may have no idea whatsoever what's being talked about here and couldn't possible begin to understand the concepts involved.

Nice post but LOVE was not mentioned even once!

I believe;

If she is in love she will protect you from all the nonsense that goes with marrying into a poor Thai family.

If she doesn't love you and she is only after your money then you have to pay bigtime.

It really is that simple

I agree 100% no 1000% no 1,000,000,000,000,000%

If she doesn't protect you from it, SHE's IN ON IT!!!

[venturalaw]

Hello,

been living with my Thai gf here in bangkok for a few months although we have dated for over a year. Today went to her parents house because her mother wanted to speak to us. Should point out that she is from a poor family.

They told us today they want 100,000 or 200,000 bhat plus gold because we are now "something".....this was all in Thai..but gf explained it as "kind of engaged".

I quietly thought ...<deleted>?.... we are not engaged and are still at early stages of living together in a full on relationship.

I have read that dowrys still exist here for marriage but has anyone heard of a custom of giving alot of money to the parents just to date the daughter. my gf could not explain it well. Also a little bit flustered because her family has not been especially friendly so far but today were all smiles. hmmm.

Thanks.

RUN FORREST!!! RUN!!!!

Even if you love her and intended to marry her, this is a sign of only the beginning of what's to come in the future.

DO THE MATH MAN!!!!

100,000 divided by 1,000thb (if you speak some Thai and can negotiate) for GF experience at any Bar of your choosing = 100 Nights in heaven.

REMEMBER WHAT CHARLIE SHEEN SAYS: "I don't pay to have sex with women, I pay them to go away afterwards."

THE FACT THAT YOU EVEN HAD TO ASK SOMEONE ON THIS FORUM INDICATES YOU ARE NOT READY.

Truer words were never spoken!

[DMasut]

PRESCRIPTION FOR HUMANITY WITH FARANG MEN IN THAILAND:

WHEN WE SPEND MONEY ON A GOOD AND NOBLE CAUSE EVERYONE WINS.

WHEN A WESTERN MAN TRIES TO LOOK LIKE A HERO IN THE EYES OF THAI PEOPLE BY USING SPENDING MONEY, INEVITABLY YOU LOSE BIG TIME!!!

APPLY ACCORDINGLY, AND OFTEN.

[tlang33]

you have a very narrow definition of marriage.

do you think marriage is a piece of paper?

small mind.

do you think in biblical times they went to a courthouse?

if i was thai parent, and a older falang was banging my daughter, i would 'test' him as well. i don't see it as being about money. they probably just don't like you very much. or maybe they just don't have a high opinion of falangs. at any rate, they are probably think they have their daughters best interest in mind.

if i was an american parent, i would ask your intentions as well. and if i couldn't do it verbally, i would do it in other ways. a parents protection for their children crosses all cutlures. its a natural response. money doesn't play a part in this.

probably there are alot of racists on this website that think a poor farmer from thailand only care about money. whatever makes you sleep at night. whatever makes you feel superior.

[henryalleman]

Hello,

been living with my Thai gf here in bangkok for a few months although we have dated for over a year. Today went to her parents house because her mother wanted to speak to us. Should point out that she is from a poor family.

They told us today they want 100,000 or 200,000 bhat plus gold because we are now "something".....this was all in Thai..but gf explained it as "kind of engaged".

I quietly thought ...<deleted>?.... we are not engaged and are still at early stages of living together in a full on relationship.

I have read that dowrys still exist here for marriage but has anyone heard of a custom of giving alot of money to the parents just to date the daughter. my gf could not explain it well. Also a little bit flustered because her family has not been especially friendly so far but today were all smiles. hmmm.

Thanks.

In fact its very simply, just explain to them that its against your nature and culture to do like that, because you respect their daughter, and by paying that sum you will feel that you are buying her. And you love her too much to treat her like some water buffalo you buy on the market. Also explain that in your culture its the girl parents who give a sinsod because you take the responsibility out of the parents hand. But again you love her too much to ask them. So it would only be fair that both of you forget the mutual traditions, everybody happy, nobody looses face

Of course explain all of this in a very polite and respectful way with a smile. After that you invite them to have some dinner, somewhere nice where they have the food they like.

And of story.

[remil]

ive been with my girlfriend and living together for almost 2 years now. Ive never heeard of having to pay the family abd even if I were to marry her I WOULD NOT PAY. marriage is not about money for me and even if that is the "Culture" it doesnt prove love. Personally I would walk away from this type of relationship but if you really love her and are sure she feels the same way then she should just go with you.

[Geekfreaklover]

Don't pay 'em a dime. Ever.

Not when you meet. Not when you marry. Not for any reason or any circumstance.

Keep money out of it.

The leeches won't be happy, but you won't feel like you bought your girlfriend/bride.

Plenty of nice girls around that aren't going to push you into their little family money trap.

Go find one.

Good post.

[Moonrakers]

you have a very narrow definition of marriage.

do you think marriage is a piece of paper?

small mind.

do you think in biblical times they went to a courthouse?

if i was thai parent, and a older falang was banging my daughter, i would 'test' him as well. i don't see it as being about money. they probably just don't like you very much. or maybe they just don't have a high opinion of falangs. at any rate, they are probably think they have their daughters best interest in mind.

if i was an american parent, i would ask your intentions as well. and if i couldn't do it verbally, i would do it in other ways. a parents protection for their children crosses all cutlures. its a natural response. money doesn't play a part in this.

probably there are alot of racists on this website that think a poor farmer from thailand only care about money. whatever makes you sleep at night. whatever makes you feel superior.

What an incredibly naive post.

And how many times can you contradict yourself? I highlighted just one example.

[venturalaw]

you have a very narrow definition of marriage.

do you think marriage is a piece of paper?

small mind.

do you think in biblical times they went to a courthouse?

if i was thai parent, and a older falang was banging my daughter, i would 'test' him as well. i don't see it as being about money. they probably just don't like you very much. or maybe they just don't have a high opinion of falangs. at any rate, they are probably think they have their daughters best interest in mind.

if i was an american parent, i would ask your intentions as well. and if i couldn't do it verbally, i would do it in other ways. a parents protection for their children crosses all cutlures. its a natural response. money doesn't play a part in this.

probably there are alot of racists on this website that think a poor farmer from thailand only care about money. whatever makes you sleep at night. whatever makes you feel superior.

What an incredibly naive post.

And how many times can you contradict yourself? I highlighted just one example.

The comment I liked was this one: "money doesn't play a part in this." So why is it that money is what they are asking for? And then, ALWAYS, the race card. Sure - we're all racists because we do not support extortion.

[Datsun240Z]

Hello,

been living with my Thai gf here in bangkok for a few months although we have dated for over a year. Today went to her parents house because her mother wanted to speak to us. Should point out that she is from a poor family.

They told us today they want 100,000 or 200,000 bhat plus gold because we are now "something".....this was all in Thai..but gf explained it as "kind of engaged".

I quietly thought ...<deleted>?.... we are not engaged and are still at early stages of living together in a full on relationship.

I have read that dowrys still exist here for marriage but has anyone heard of a custom of giving alot of money to the parents just to date the daughter. my gf could not explain it well. Also a little bit flustered because her family has not been especially friendly so far but today were all smiles. hmmm.

Thanks.

As stated several times the custom of payment is for marriage, not dating. However, that being said, there is no law against breaking with tradition. I never paid anything to my wife's parents prior to marriage or after. It was simple - my wife had lived on her own for many years and believed that OUR money be saved for OUR family. Therefore no dowry. She was the only young Thai that I found that shared my beliefs. For me it would have been a deal breaker.

That being said, it's really what your gf's position is in all of this. If she is encouraging you to pay, I would tell her it's not your way and that if that is what she believes is correct, then it's good that you found out now, and have a good life. You don't want her to live with guilt by not following through with what she believes in and thereby complying with her parent's wishes, and you don't want to live with resentment should you cave in and pay. So best to part amicably at this point in time if no resolution.

If you're living together, then you're obviously engaged... in something. One way or another in the long run you gotta' share the wealth, whether houses, cars, allowance, whatever... it's not right for your partner's parents to live in poverty while you casually fuc_k the daughter they raised for your pleasure. There's no welfare state here, you might have noticed.

The argument of 'just testing the goods' doesn't cut it with most parents. Imagine the shame that parents must feel that their daughter is living with a farang. That means she's a whore to a lot of people.

I can't believe you guys act righteous like 'we get it for free,' while admitting to spending U$ 2000/mo. here (previous thread), even 'Cheap Charlies'. What are you spending it on? I assume most wives here get an allowance. Where does it go?

I don't like the symbolism of payment, dowry, bride price, sin sot, etc. There are other ways to accomplish the same thing. But you might want to go to the temple one morning with some goodies and get a monk to read you the riot act, whether you register a marriage or not. He'll even tell your wife to obey you. Take your voice recorder along.

I can't believe

And therein lies one of the differences in our respective (Thai vs. Western) cultures. Thai way of thinking: "you casually fuc_k the daughter they raised for your pleasure." Really? Western way of thinking: Parents raise a child out of pride and obligation - they created the child, not as an investment for their future, but, one would hope, out of love.

Okay, now you explain that to the rest of Thailand, and a lot more happy couples

[Datsun240Z]

you have a very narrow definition of marriage.

do you think marriage is a piece of paper?

small mind.

Actually it is .

In Europe more and more people start to realize, living together is absolutely the same. If you love and thrust each other, you can share just as good, the love is the same, there is no need for a marriage paper to bound stuff and $ together. In the past here ( 30 years back or more ) everybody had the same view about marriage as in Thailand these days. The boy from the local village, found a girl from another village and there was the "aprovement" by the family". Now they got smarter, and realize it isn't everything.

[Datsun240Z]

you have a very narrow definition of marriage.

do you think marriage is a piece of paper?

small mind.

do you think in biblical times they went to a courthouse?

if i was thai parent, and a older falang was banging my daughter, i would 'test' him as well. i don't see it as being about money. they probably just don't like you very much. or maybe they just don't have a high opinion of falangs. at any rate, they are probably think they have their daughters best interest in mind.

if i was an american parent, i would ask your intentions as well. and if i couldn't do it verbally, i would do it in other ways. a parents protection for their children crosses all cutlures. its a natural response. money doesn't play a part in this.

probably there are alot of racists on this website that think a poor farmer from thailand only care about money. whatever makes you sleep at night. whatever makes you feel superior.

What an incredibly naive post.

And how many times can you contradict yourself? I highlighted just one example.

The comment I liked was this one: "money doesn't play a part in this." So why is it that money is what they are asking for? And then, ALWAYS, the race card. Sure - we're all racists because we do not support extortion.

I think this will always be when a in their eyes "rich" foreigner is trying to marry a poor country families daughter. When Thailand develops, newer generations will be easier, and more understandable, I think we just have to face facts as it is now, all we can do is teach them, this is wrong.

[zzaa09]

you have a very narrow definition of marriage.

do you think marriage is a piece of paper?

small mind.

Actually it is .

In Europe more and more people start to realize, living together is absolutely the same. If you love and thrust each other, you can share just as good, the love is the same, there is no need for a marriage paper to bound stuff and $ together. In the past here ( 30 years back or more ) everybody had the same view about marriage as in Thailand these days. The boy from the local village, found a girl from another village and there was the "aprovement" by the family". Now they got smarter, and realize it isn't everything.

This can easily apply to today's standards as well. The community {which is more important than the state} considers you engaged or married after said proper ceremonies, etc. I've known countless couples, Thai/Thai; Thai/Chinese; Thai/Farang that were ceremonially hitched without the presents {nor pursuit} of paper legalities. As per engagement ceremonies, many Thai communities find this activity almost as binding as the actual formal marriage motions themselves.

[David006]

Hello,

been living with my Thai gf here in bangkok for a few months although we have dated for over a year. Today went to her parents house because her mother wanted to speak to us. Should point out that she is from a poor family.

They told us today they want 100,000 or 200,000 bhat plus gold because we are now "something".....this was all in Thai..but gf explained it as "kind of engaged".

I quietly thought ...<deleted>?.... we are not engaged and are still at early stages of living together in a full on relationship.

I have read that dowrys still exist here for marriage but has anyone heard of a custom of giving alot of money to the parents just to date the daughter. my gf could not explain it well. Also a little bit flustered because her family has not been especially friendly so far but today were all smiles. hmmm.

Thanks.

As stated several times the custom of payment is for marriage, not dating. However, that being said, there is no law against breaking with tradition. I never paid anything to my wife's parents prior to marriage or after. It was simple - my wife had lived on her own for many years and believed that OUR money be saved for OUR family. Therefore no dowry. She was the only young Thai that I found that shared my beliefs. For me it would have been a deal breaker.

Goodonya mate if you like/love her ....pay and marry if not well... If you were in the uk or.. the bleeding rings would cost ya more. The ladies here are divine..don't whine don't, quibble don't f..g argue about ..nothin.....thats why your here yes? Up to you but guess if you want to keep the prize you must pay the piper..be happy!!!

That being said, it's really what your gf's position is in all of this. If she is encouraging you to pay, I would tell her it's not your way and that if that is what she believes is correct, then it's good that you found out now, and have a good life. You don't want her to live with guilt by not following through with what she believes in and thereby complying with her parent's wishes, and you don't want to live with resentment should you cave in and pay. So best to part amicably at this point in time if no resolution.

[JimsKnight]

Hello,

been living with my Thai gf here in bangkok for a few months although we have dated for over a year. Today went to her parents house because her mother wanted to speak to us. Should point out that she is from a poor family.

They told us today they want 100,000 or 200,000 bhat plus gold because we are now "something".....this was all in Thai..but gf explained it as "kind of engaged".

I quietly thought ...<deleted>?.... we are not engaged and are still at early stages of living together in a full on relationship.

I have read that dowrys still exist here for marriage but has anyone heard of a custom of giving alot of money to the parents just to date the daughter. my gf could not explain it well. Also a little bit flustered because her family has not been especially friendly so far but today were all smiles. hmmm.

Thanks.

Looks like they have a mentality that your gf has a price tag mate.

Time to lay down the law, move on, or become a doormat man.

[zzaa09]

Difficult tag such absolutes on this particular situation, as the same could be said for all situations - they're not all the same.

[Beardog]

Sounds like yet another fishing expedition. Her snacks are the bait & I guess that makes you the chum.........................run as fast as you can.

[SMEEERE]

you have a very narrow definition of marriage.

do you think marriage is a piece of paper?

small mind.

Actually it is .

In Europe more and more people start to realize, living together is absolutely the same. If you love and thrust each other, you can share just as good, the love is the same, there is no need for a marriage paper to bound stuff and $ together. In the past here ( 30 years back or more ) everybody had the same view about marriage as in Thailand these days. The boy from the local village, found a girl from another village and there was the "aprovement" by the family". Now they got smarter, and realize it isn't everything.

Well we do,." If you love and thrust each other"

[G54]

you have a very narrow definition of marriage.

do you think marriage is a piece of paper?

small mind.

Actually it is .

In Europe more and more people start to realize, living together is absolutely the same. If you love and thrust each other, you can share just as good, the love is the same, there is no need for a marriage paper to bound stuff and $ together. In the past here ( 30 years back or more ) everybody had the same view about marriage as in Thailand these days. The boy from the local village, found a girl from another village and there was the "aprovement" by the family". Now they got smarter, and realize it isn't everything.

Marriage IS a piece of paper, at least the certificate is.

The relationship is another matter.

Agree that living together has been the 'in thing' for so long many forget all about getting married. A couple living together have the same rights as a married couple in the U.K. regards property etc., when they split.

So why have a document to show your commitment ?

[chiang mai]

To the guys that say, don't give them a penny:

I suspect that attitude has more to do with the speakers ability to pay and/or his past experiences with money and women in the West, a costly divorce perhaps, don't know. I find it odd that anyone of a reasonable age who has been brought up, educated and lived/worked in the West for most of their lives would be able to look, in depth, at the situation of some of these families and not want to help in some way.