'expats' And Delusion

[siamamerican]

How about this for another goofball generalization about human beings.

There are two kinds of expats in Thailand:

1. Those who realize each one is an individual with their own unique life story

2. Those who feel the need to put all of them into some kind of pidgeonhole based on superficial appearances

3. Those that generalize in regards to to Thais, putting them into some kind of pidgeonhole and at the same time get offended when the same concept is applied to them.

[livinthailandos]

nobody seem to post this yet, so i'm more than happy to post it. I believe the majority of expats range from only 2 characters

1. Homer Simpson

2. Austin Powers

Its ok though, with thai society your still accepted.

I've realized in the time spend here, its not worth the time or effort to socialize as most people here have such narrow view points on many issues. I find its just easier spending time working, reading, learning more thai, enjoying my morning coffee.

[mizzi39]

I have precisely 2 western friends here. Straight family men who just enjoy a couple of beers, a chat and a laugh once a week. Same as me. They're my kind of people. They're happy enough with their Thai family/lifestyle as am I.

A lot of the expats I've met over the years I wouldn't speak to back home either through not having anything in common with them or them being complete nutters. I aren't that desperate for western company. I'm a family man. My wife, my daughter and my wife's family and pals are all I need.

Same here. I have about 4 close western friends in the whole kingdom, 1 who is a family man like me and shares a lot of the same interests.We get together at least a couple times a week for a few beers and a laugh. Our families are very close too.

My wife and son take up much of my time and frankly i prefer staying home with an occasional trip to BKK or the beach. I do not yearn to "find" new expats to socialize with, however i will give anyone the time of day. Like others posts have stated, many expats are nutters, so you need to cut through the weeds just to find one who is not a genuine screwball. This takes work and effort. My life is busy enough, so not worth it to me.

I think that it is a delusion to think that fellow expats are going to fill some kind of void.

[longstebe]

Mine is simple,I came here because I wanted too. Nothing bad happened in the west and I didn't get dumped.

I wanted a new chapter and new challenge.

I don't know every expats situation so how can I possibly judge them. I will always give an expat the time of day.

If an expat ends up being a ball bag after a while,I will choose not to spend my time with him again,it's that simple.

Like some of the guys say,everyone likes different things. I like to take walks in the jungle on the other hand I would

like to meet a few guys here where I am to have a beer and watch the football with from time to time.

There is plenty to do in LOS. Jump on a bloody bus and go somewhere .

[JSixpack]

expats . . . most of them would prefer to stay within the confines of their gated community, moo baan giving barely a nod or 'good morning' to their fellow ex compatriots . . . .

Ignoring all the extraneous provocative speculation and reverse snobbery of your post, I'd point out that most older folks do about the same in their home countries. Maybe their community isn't gated (though it well may be), but by and large they stay at home, take care of the house & garden, watch TV and videos, and go out mainly for shopping or to visit a member of the extended family. Occasionally they attend a holiday gathering of relatives/friends. More often than not they prefer not to get much involved with the neighbors, maintaining only a passing acquaintance if that.

At night, mainly young people are out. Here, most expats aren't young and couldn't keep up that act for long.

Exceptions exist here, but there also.

Edited September 22, 2009 by JSixpack

[longstebe]

If some of the older expats like to stay at home with a drink,so what.

It's there lives.There not harming anyone.

[KarenBravo]

I have no need for cinemas , theaters, social meeting, pubs, bar girls /boys/ladymen, art galleries, museums, etc I just need my garden and the internet. Oh I forgot I have no interest in Thai culture, Buddhism, language.

Ahhhh.......a fellow sociopath. Happiness is solitude.

[bonobo]

As people get older, they have fewer close friends. That is in Thailand or in other countries. So it is not surprising that ex-pats in Thailand do not have many ex-pat "best" friends, on the whole. Couple a smaller pool of ex-pats than in his or her home country (so it might be harder to find someone who would match well as a friend) and the tendency to have fewer friends overall, well, that seems pretty normal to me.

I have met many decent ex-pats in Thailand, both TV types and others. But I can't say any are close friends. I have one close friend back in the US and three close Thai friends here, and that is about it. And that is actually one more than the average for a guy over 50.

[Jingthing]

How about this for another goofball generalization about human beings.

There are two kinds of expats in Thailand:

1. Those who realize each one is an individual with their own unique life story

2. Those who feel the need to put all of them into some kind of pidgeonhole based on superficial appearances

3. Those that generalize in regards to to Thais, putting them into some kind of pidgeonhole and at the same time get offended when the same concept is applied to them.

You're so vain. You probably think this THREAD is about you. You're so vain. I'll bet you think this THREAD is about you. Don't you? Don't you?

[thaihome]

You're so vain. You probably think this THREAD is about you. You're so vain. I'll bet you think this THREAD is about you. Don't you? Don't you?

IRONY ALERT! IRONY ALERT!

TH

[teatree]

I think a lot of ex-pats living here long term are in a kind of limbo situation - they dislike living here but dislike living in their native country even more so.

[webfact]

The Twilight Zone..?

[mca]

I think a lot of ex-pats living here long term are in a kind of limbo situation -

So they spend their spare time dancing under a slowly lowering stick. Sounds like fun!

[harrry]

I think a lot of ex-pats living here long term are in a kind of limbo situation -

So they spend their spare time dancing under a slowly lowering stick. Sounds like fun!

I thought that described those who provide services to many of them.

[MJP]

It's just another experience I shall not repeat in the future. Tried my best but in the end things change and time moves on. I am going to take a much greater interest in myself from now on, as I've always put myself last before everyone else. I don't want much, very little as it turns out. Mowing the lawn is my greatest pleasure, bit of weeding etc. I'm also going to travel more, moving to Bermuda shortly for a couple of years too. I've always wanted to go to Florence. Crete too. Perhaps go back to the US to see family.

I can identify with your situation, MJP; I was in a similar situation. I was always trying too hard at being Mr Nice Guy. But... No more! I still like to help people because it makes ME feel good, and I do a lot of charity work. But, I'm looking after number one from now on, and I have since my last marriage ended in 1996. It's great!!! Because I'm free to do as I wish I'm a much happier man. I have more lady friends than I ever did and yet I only have to pay for one. If I want to I can be generous, and I don't get told by a lawyer how much I owe some blood sucking leech.

It might not suit everyone's life style, but it sure suits mine. I'm always like a kid in a candy store and have a hard time choosing what to do next. And, in Thailand I can do it on a relatively low budget.

One of the things that has really helped is a lot of my [much] older friends saying, 'oh yes I remember my first marriage . . . ho ho ho'.

Ironically it was my mother-in-law that stepped in and sorted things out. Nice and stable now.

[KevinBloodyWilson]

<snippety> ...It really pisses me off that these other expats can be so nice.

Me too. If I can make the effort to have prejudices, I don't see why they can't make the effort to comply with them. Poor bloody show imho.

[henryalleman]

I'm retired and married for more than 33 year with a Thai lady. Our lifestyle is not much different than back home, but lets be honnest life overhere is a lot cheaper so we can have the extra's that are just impossible back home.

I live in greater Bangkok with all the shopping facilities at hand, I don't eat Thai food, and its no problem to find all the food I prefer in the neighbourhood, till know I not even know the taste of somtam, LOL.

We life in an appartment that would cost 5 times more back home. I drive a car that would cost me 3 times more in the old country. Going out to have dinner don't cost you an arm and a leg. So we can enjoy a very comfortable lifestyle at a reasonable price.

We life an anynomous life and so are the the few expats I know, most of them are in the same situation as I, married with a Thai lady and have no family left back home. Once in a while we have some dinner with expat friends from back home who we knew for many years before we relocate.

Me personaly am not even the slightest interested to meet other expats or hang out in the expat scene and so are most of the friends I know. I'd like to add that in our neighbourhood are almost no expats living its just a nice middle class Thai neighbourhood.

Was Thailand our first choise? No, it was not, but making up our budget we could not find a country who could give the same value for money.

And am I content? yes I am, so even taking a holliday to the old country is not in question, we prefer to discover the rest of Thailand and Asia.

IMHO I think that many of retired expats are in my position and spend the same kind of life.

But I must confess that we are city people, so living upcountry in a small village or at some Island or tourist hot-spot would drive us crazy.

I think its important to find the lifestyle you prefer and can afford and have an stabble relations and than you will have no hazles at all.

so your life will be sabai mak maak

[wilsongbrown]

I've lived here for a few years now and whenever I see someone on some western tv show walking into a bar/pub/restaurant simply enjoying the conviviality and conversation going on without the 'how long have you been here?' questions and overall boring 'bar' scene, I'm envious and remember being able to walk into my local and strike up a conversation or meet friends for a good time without any 'ulterior motives'.

Here it's all bar girls/carpet baggers boasting about their latest deal (although they're in the minority now )

I agree with the poster who used words to the effect that 'you wouldn't give the time of day to those who made up most of the expat contingent here if you met them in your home country'.

[nisakiman]

I agree with the poster who used words to the effect that 'you wouldn't give the time of day to those who made up most of the expat contingent here if you met them in your home country'.

Same as that. I'm a serial expat, currently living in Greece, and I avoid the "Brit bars" like the plague. I didn't come to live here to be with a load of confused losers. That said, there are always people around who actually have a brain and know how to use it, and I have made some good (expat) friends in the 6 or 7 years I've been here. It goes without saying that I also have a lot of Greek friends.

In a couple of years I will be moving to Thailand, and I anticipate the same situation will apply.

Edited September 22, 2009 by nisakiman

[siamamerican]

How about this for another goofball generalization about human beings.

There are two kinds of expats in Thailand:

1. Those who realize each one is an individual with their own unique life story

2. Those who feel the need to put all of them into some kind of pidgeonhole based on superficial appearances

3. Those that generalize in regards to to Thais, putting them into some kind of pidgeonhole and at the same time get offended when the same concept is applied to them.

You're so vain. You probably think this THREAD is about you. You're so vain. I'll bet you think this THREAD is about you. Don't you? Don't you?

Dope DUDE - aint you witty. Sorry if you felt that my post was directed in your direction because it most certainly was. Now go run off to the nearest pub with pretty Thia girlies and buy that loving you could never get back home.

[KevinBloodyWilson]

You're so vain. You probably think this THREAD is about you. You're so vain. I'll bet you think this THREAD is about you. Don't you? Don't you?

Dope DUDE - aint you witty. Sorry if you felt that my post was directed in your direction because it most certainly was. Now go run off to the nearest pub with pretty Thia girlies and buy that loving you could never get back home.

Didn't think it was *that* bad. Seemed pretty witty to me...

[eurasianthai]

I do from time to time come across some interesting chaps here, but they all say the same thing - they'd prefer to stay at home as unless you're up to a night out at the local karaoke/gogo bar, there's nothing else here. Is there?

Not at all.

I stay here because I like my job better here.

Not because of the job but because of the people I'm working with.

And well, they're Thai

[siamamerican]

You're so vain. You probably think this THREAD is about you. You're so vain. I'll bet you think this THREAD is about you. Don't you? Don't you?

Dope DUDE - aint you witty. Sorry if you felt that my post was directed in your direction because it most certainly was. Now go run off to the nearest pub with pretty Thia girlies and buy that loving you could never get back home.

Didn't think it was *that* bad. Seemed pretty witty to me...

Agree, but he can never know. I think he has enabled the TV feature that blocks certain members ( me) posts.

[emsfeld]

I find it rather amusing how harshly expats tend to judge each other.

I have to say, I have met many interesting, friendly, fun to be with foreigners and Thais alike during my stay and never really made any bad experiences. The diversity you get here is great - I have very good friends coming from all over the place that I'd have never met otherwise. All of them are productive and quite successful at what they do - plus really know how to have a great time. Work hard, play hard seems to be their motto - love it!

[JetsetBkk]

You're so vain. You probably think this THREAD is about you. You're so vain. I'll bet you think this THREAD is about you. Don't you? Don't you?

Dope DUDE - aint you witty. Sorry if you felt that my post was directed in your direction because it most certainly was. Now go run off to the nearest pub with pretty Thia girlies and buy that loving you could never get back home.

Ha ha. I'm sure JT will have a chuckle to himself about that.

Girlies, indeed.

[eek]

The other morning in the elevator I said "hello. How are you?" to the husband of my friend (she is Thai, he is Western). He replied "not great". So i said that im sorry to hear that. Then he continued by saying its not something thats wrong with him, just all these Thais...that they are all lazy and blah blah blah..you get the picture i think. Then some westerners i say just a pleasant hi to, may ask more details such as do i live here, then ask what i do here, then what visa im on, etc..in such a way that it feels like im in an interview. One guy just a few years older than me seemed to want just an audience rather than a conversation started going into minute details about his personal life and woes...even though i was just trying to read my book and enjoy a quite coffee in the local coffee shop (plus its embarrassing when i know the staff quite well to have some guy raising his voice and cussing about this and that and talking down about Thai people).

But, thankfully ive met some real Gentlemen and some great easy going people too.

But, thing is, it really is up to each of us if we want to be sociable or not. I am wary of others regardless of nationality, no matter what country i am in. I think there is nothing wrong with that personally and it doesnt mean im unsociable or rude. If someone isnt responding how you want them to respond, and you are not needing to work or live with them, just move on. Easy as that..no?

Edited September 24, 2009 by eek

[Travel2003]

I might be far off here, but it seems to me, after many years here, and surfing internet, that expats in Thailand that belong to various "groups" are a more happy lot.

I know a few that belong to some of the many motor cycle clubs here. Not my cup of tea, but they seem to have great fun and love their life here.

Same goes for the expats belonging to some of the sports clubs, or doing hobbies together.

I guess being social with other expats and also bringing in their Thai spouces in the activities bring out the smile and happiness.

Anyone?

[EffectiveAnger]

I'm here for all the pirated DVDs, CDs and software! Where in the world can you get such a variety and so cheap too? This is real democracy at work!

Speaking of 'democracy,' there's never a dull moment in Thailand. Exciting stuff! If you are bored in Thailand, it's because you're not reading the news.

[FarangForce5]

There is a lot of variety of expats but in general I get the sense that people who bail out of their native lands will tend to be bitter and critical of their home countries due to lack of success etc. If things are going well on a financial and personal level then why leave for a foreign land? They set off for new starts and in the beginning are overly positive about the new location. They might even go out of their way to convince people(on websites etc) how much better the new country is than their old country. At this point they are in the earlier denial stages.

Unfortunately over time these expats realize they are repeating the same pattern of unsuccessful results and become discontent and increasingly bitter and critical all over again in the new country. Often they become bitter and critical on websites or to anyone who will listen to them. It's a vicious cycle that will be repeated over and over until they reprogram their subconscious self beliefs.

For me it was quite different really. I left the US behind for Thailand having a quite bright future there in the financial industry. I had never even visited Thailand before making the move here, but I just decided that a year or so working abroad would be a great experience and opportunity to gain some international business experience before going back to the States and continuing my career. 5+ years later I am still in the LOS and I have no regrets about my decision to turn a 1 year venture into an indefinitely long-term (and successful) one.

[sangfroid]

Why does it bother you? I'm sure every ex-pat has his/her own reasons for choosing to live here rather than their home country and it's quite possible that they are living the same way as they would like to in their home country too but maybe, can't afford it there. Others maybe have no ties, commitments or even family in their own country and just chose to live in the climate of their choice.

I love to see the retirees here who look like they have a new lease of life and can enjoy it in the warmth of the company they choose and the heat of the day. It's also a far better option for some whose families are just waiting for them to retire at 65 so they can shove them in an old peoples home somewhere so they can sell the house and not even bother to visit again. How about that option after you've worked all your life.

i love this reply,and concur whole heartedly.

I, 66 years young, also think that this is an excellent response.