Meeting Thai Ladies On Dating Sites: 9 Do's And Dont's

[jazzbo]

I have never met a bar girl in 20 years of coming to Thailand.

[bonobo]

I have never met a bar girl in 20 years of coming to Thailand.

And your point is...?

I am not sure if you are bragging, crying over lost opportunities, or wanting some sort of an award for being as "pure as the driven snow."

[jazzbo]

As you said earlier: Sorry, but I really don't get your logic... Having never been there, I don't understand the Marines... sometimes it is hard to get the logic of something that you maybe have never encountered.

Edited April 27, 2010 by jazzbo

[TAWP]

What I am, and should be, concerned with is what she and I do AFTER we are together.... 

Exactly!

Right so.

I know my GF's history (more so than any of the others that follow her) and accept it, as the main importance is what she does when she is with me now.

[jazzbo]

Do you maybe mean that you know your (current) GF's history more than any that pre-ceeded her?

[GreenSnapper]

You both are obviously very inexperienced with women. And I mean real women, not the Nana/Cowboy sort.

You haven't read many of Cognos' posts.  He has had experience dating, and not from the "Nana/Cowboy sort."

Dating is just dating. Experiences is another thing.

Besides, how are the "Nana/Cowboy sort" not "real women?"  The majority of them have two X chromosomes,

You didn't get my point: I have nothing against BGs, but then it is completely different if your seduction game mainly consists of winking with a 1000B note, or if you have to do some more efforts to convince her.

"good girls" as cognos was dating, don't need 18 months of efforts to get into bed. Only inexperienced men would need that long. They either won't be impressed by a 1000B note. It's all about game, and in the end "good" girls and "bad" girls do like sex - most of the time at least.

[Loz]

No, he means he knows she is still on the market as they are not married. She is still exploring options that might offer a better deal. He is a realist and accepts that right now, she has been pretty up front about everything and he is a strong contender.

Very Pragmatic and admirable.

[louialive]

Using internet dating can be a risky business wherever in the world you are.

The main difference between TLL and some others in Thailand is that you have to PAY to communicate. So yes there are not so nice people there but at least there are likely to be serious girls also. In the UK the freebie sites tend to be filled with people just looking for sex etc and also some very strange characters.

The only advice I can offer is talk regularly on MSN or similair and don't be afraid to ask questions and listen to what the person says/writes. Ask leading questions while talking about other things so you can make a judgement on what they are really looking for. But not on the first few weeks leave it for a while. The thing my wife said that she hated most was that guys would want to talk about sex straight away. She said they were quickly deleted. I know about my wifes past because I asked (before someone shoots me down because she had spoken to other guys before me). Remember whats good for the goose is good for the gander. We all have a past wherever we are from, its the future and what you can offer each other that counts.

This is a very cut down version of events but as an example one lady I chatted to fro a while on MSN. She said she had her own business. Then after a few weeks she told me about impendning business loss bla bla bla. I gave her some sensible business solutions as I am in business myself which went way over her head. Then I got "if you not going to help my finnancially I don't have time to talk with you" That contact quickly got deleted.

Don't be over possesive if at the first contact with someone they are talking with other guys also. You are probably chatting with other girls. This will change if you are right for each other. Rememeber some Thai girls speak with falang to help improve their English (yes I know some want to improve their bank balance also). Its not a sin to talk to other people. If you become serious as a couple then that changes things. Have the decency to disable your profile for a while if you start to get along. Must be very degrading to be into someone and find they have been on line on dating site also.

Its not easy but it is do able. I am not sure about the multiple meets when you go to Thailand, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and you were being part of a selection process. If you can try and find a lady that appears right for you. Of course nothing is guaranteed as from behind a screen, on the phone we can be anyone we want to be. But hopefully if you have taken time to get to know the person over 5 months or so you will have a good idea of what to expect.

Good luck and as the song goes "Don't stop believing"

[GreenSnapper]

Again: chatting is a total waste of time. Maybe if you are abroad and she is in TH, it may be a option for a short while, but if you and her live in the same city or nearby, the only practical way is: meet up as soon as possible.

If you meet her, you are already one step ahead of all the other fools who chat her up for months and months. And if you bed her soon after, you already have the connection the others (probably) don't have.

Then start from this point and build a relationship if she is worth.

Edited April 27, 2010 by GreenSnapper

[sheela]

bed the girl be4 the other guy! that way you have an in.

sounds good to me.

[Loz]

the reality...

[TAWP]

Do you maybe mean that you know your (current) GF's history more than any that pre-ceeded her?

No, that I know about her than any of her past BF's or anyone that is currently following her now, declaring their interests for her...

No, he means he knows she is still on the market as they are not married. She is still exploring options that might offer a better deal. He is a realist and accepts that right now, she has been pretty up front about everything and he is a strong contender.

Very Pragmatic and admirable.

That too.

[wolf5370]

Couple of posts here - one just a few up - that go on about TLL and having to pay. I just looked at their web site (I know someone that has used it over a year) and you do NOT have to pay. There is a free membership - it just limits you. You don't get at the top of the list, premium members do and down on to the majority free members...its explained here http://www.thailovelinks.com/Tour/Tour.cfm

Never used one myself, but have advised others to try it after hearing success stories. For new people here, especially those that do not work here, it is still difficult to meet woman who are not in the usual much-discouraged-dangerzone of the bar. Lets face it, if a newbie only has sites such as this to go on, they will (should) be sh!t scared of bargirls. Us workers here get to meet people at work. It takes a lot of bottle to just walk up to a lady in a supermarket etc. I think such sites are a good starter for ten in possibly making introductions for people that simply are not in the same social circles - or have been out of social circles for a while for any number of reasons (window, divorcee, etc).

Many divorced and widowed Thai women do not socialise at all - especially if they have kids - they have few avenue open to them to find a partner and stave of loneliness - sites like TLL is full of them. People just have to get past the eye candy. If you are on the site with the intention to find a woman near your age that would look after you and make a good wife and companion, then use the search facility and filter out 18 year old students etc that will just distract you. Be objective. Read thier profiles (use MS Bing or something to help translate the Thai if you can't read it).

I just had a quick browse as a hidden member (signed up for free, but instantly made myself hidden as Mrs wouldn't be pleased!). I took the view of a 50 year old man (a little over a decade older than I am) and searched for Thai women in Thailand, Chiang Mai, between 30 and 36, non smoker, and got over 1,00 girls returned. About half I would go out with (if I wasn't married) based on looks alone. Pleanty of plain girls too. Many without kids (I also spotted someone I know from a place I used to work - an education administrator ).

[Loz]

I was curious to see what kind of Guys I was competing against so I did a reverse look up posing as a Thai girl looking for men between 30-80.

Imagine my horror when I saw my Dad's profile on there, member since 2007!! My Mum is going to hit the roof. God knows what (rather WHO) my Dad's been hitting

[bonobo]

You both are obviously very inexperienced with women. And I mean real women, not the Nana/Cowboy sort.

You haven't read many of Cognos' posts.  He has had experience dating, and not from the "Nana/Cowboy sort."

Dating is just dating. Experiences is another thing.

Besides, how are the "Nana/Cowboy sort" not "real women?"  The majority of them have two X chromosomes,

You didn't get my point: I have nothing against BGs, but then it is completely different if your seduction game mainly consists of winking with a 1000B note, or if you have to do some more efforts to convince her.

"good girls" as cognos was dating, don't need 18 months of efforts to get into bed. Only inexperienced men would need that long. They either won't be impressed by a 1000B note. It's all about game, and in the end "good" girls and "bad" girls do like sex - most of the time at least.

 Yes I did get the point you were making, that BG's are in a different class and are not "real women."  My X chromosome comment was tongue-in-cheek, but it makes my point that BG's are just as "real" as any other women, and to dismiss them as not being worthy of normal humanity is rather specious.

I don't think, from reading Cognos' many posts on the subject, that he was trying for 18 months to "get her into bed."  I believe he chose to take it slow for a number of reasons (he can correct me if I am wrong.)  Personally, I could not wait that long to move to that part of a relationship.  But that is me.  He chose his method and is happy with it, so why criticize him as somehow being incompetent?  Sex isn't the end all for everyone.  

[jazzbo]

... as per my original post: There are women out there who do not speak English, have never met a farang, have never considered that she would like to meet a farang, and, if you do meet such a person, you would be the first farang that she has ever met... you will not meet such a person online. Better, worse, indifferent... who knows?

[bow]

I am just curious if anyone has used these dating agencies, and if so, if he felt that he got value for money.

I used Meet N Lunch before. 1 of the 3 girls I met was top-notch in every way. Another I became friends with. Another was a gold-digger.

But I think it's good to have access to a completely new pool of girls that you won't find on the Internet. The founder is a really cool girl too.

Interesting concept.  I used to belong to a Singles Gourmet Club in the US where we would meet once a month at a nice restaurant for a get-together.  I never really found the right connection, but I had some very nice meals and good conversation.

But at 5,900 baht for a date, I think that is a little expensive for the market here.  Of course, I don't know what goes into it, so that is just an initial impression.

Interesting, I didn't expect positive comments.

I might have to reconsider. Maybe it's good idea after all. You get what you pay for.

[Loz]

In the UK I tried Speed Dating 3 times. It cost a little money but was a great way to sift through genuine applicants.

I had some VERY good times off the back of it. I guess if both parties are paying for an introduction, both parties are at least "really" looking for something.

I wondered a couple of years ago why speed dating isn't popualr here. I didn't know about the "unspoken" industry at that time. I was green to thailand.

But for "respectable" people you'd think there is a window of opportunity, but for the fact that really respectable people probably inter-marry with prominent families that are known to them.

[bonobo]

But for "respectable" people you'd think there is a window of opportunity, but for the fact that really respectable people probably inter-marry with prominent families that are known to them.

There probably is some truth to that.

I associate with quite a number of what we can euphemistically call "respectable" (read wealthy and powerful) people, but I have only been romantically involved with one.  Or I should write, I only started becoming romantically involved with one.  She was the daughter of a very powerful man here, someone with whom I had been on good terms.  She was a new widow (husband killed racing motorcycles) and we started to click.  Once her father got wind of it, she was told in no uncertain terms to back off, and I was suddenly persona non grata with the family.

She is now married to a Thai from a family acceptable to her father.  

[MidoriApple]

woww.. really interesting post! also fun reading...

I have experiences in dating websites also, twice..

Although I were not long there, about a month in first one and almost 3 weeks in second,

but I have a few good friends back... and we have been still.

Can I share my experiences as I was once a woman in there?

Will come back here again, now got to go to supermarket, will also take time thinking what are "Do's & Don'ts"

Edited April 28, 2010 by MidoriApple

[bonobo]

woww.. really interesting post! also fun reading...

I have experiences in dating websites also, twice..

Although I were not long there, about a month in first one and almost 3 weeks in second,

but I have a few good friends back... and we have been still.

Can I share my experiences as I was once a woman in there?

Will come back here again, now got to go to supermarket, will also take time thinking what are "Do's & Don'ts"

Please do share your experiences and points of view.

[louialive]

Couple of posts here - one just a few up - that go on about TLL and having to pay. I just looked at their web site (I know someone that has used it over a year) and you do NOT have to pay. There is a free membership - it just limits you. You don't get at the top of the list, premium members do and down on to the majority free members...its explained here http://www.thailovelinks.com/Tour/Tour.cfm

You will note however that the standard membership has limitations, hence why I said about paying. Being able to IM via this site avoids the need to give email address/msn before you are sure and you can block people you do not want to communicate with. I know once I enabled my accout prorperly by paying for next level I had endless people trying to IM.

So I browssed first, looked at profiles etc that I liked and then paid.

[jazzbo]

Just as an aside, Kuhn B. -- and I learned this from my very low-key late Father who was routinely the golfing companion of some 'ultras': Persons of wealth and power love to hang out with persons who are indifferent to wealth and power.

[GreenSnapper]

 Yes I did get the point you were making, that BG's are in a different class and are not "real women."

No, that's not what i said. We discuss dating here, not chromosomes.

Bargirls are "unreal", as their dating habits are fundamentally different to those of normal women. A woman is normally very selective about the man who finally goes into her pants, that is universal and genetically programmed.

Those men, who only date BGs, live in a totally surreal situation. They don't need any game, the only thing necessary is a heap of 1000B notes.

When dating real women, you need game, charm, wit, behaviour, seduction skills.... otherwise you will not succeed. This is a different world. Men who make their experiences mostly at the BG world, don't count as being "experienced with women".

Edited April 28, 2010 by GreenSnapper

[bonobo]

Yes I did get the point you were making, that BG's are in a different class and are not "real women."

No, that's not what i said. We discuss dating here, not chromosomes.

Bargirls are "unreal", as their dating habits are fundamentally different to those of normal women. A woman is normally very selective about the man who finally goes into her pants, that is universal and genetically programmed.

Those men, who only date BGs, live in a totally surreal situation. They don't need any game, the only thing necessary is a heap of 1000B notes.

When dating real women, you need game, charm, wit, behaviour, seduction skills.... otherwise you will not succeed. This is a different world. Men who make their experiences mostly at the BG world, don't count as being "experienced with women".

Do you understand the phrase "tongue-in-cheek?" Of course we are not writing about chromosomes here! I was using that to point out the utter fallacy, or at least the utter discriminatory tone of your post.

If you choose not to date bargirls, that is your prerogative. I don't date nor hire their services myself, but that is for my own, personal preferences. But to call them "unreal" is fundamentally condescending and elitist. Bargirls are just as "real" as rubber tappers from Naratiwat, bookkeepers in Bangkok, students in Khon Kaen, nuns on Soi Convent, silk weavers in Buriram, and factory workers in Chon Buri. To assume anything else is blatant predjudice. (Note that I don't say to prefer one or the other is wrong. That is your prerogative. But to assign sub-human status to any group is really rather arrogant.)

You go on about "game," and "seduction" skills necessary in dating. I hate to disagree with you (OK, maybe I don't hate it), but I am rather "experienced with women," as you put it, and I have found that you don't need any certain "skill set." You just need to be yourself and honest in how you portray yourself. Then you will attract the type of person who is really attracted to you, not to some avatar that you portray. And if someone is not attracted to the real you, then perhaps you shouldn't be dating that person?

You criticize Cognos and try to elevate yoruself as somehow more superior than him. Why? Is his happiness an afront to you? Whether you or I would go about dating the same way as him is irrelevant. He did it his way and is happy. I would think you could just give him a pat on the back and move on instead of trying to deneigrate him. I, for one, am happy for him.

Regardless, I do understand exactly what you are saying. And in my humble opinion, I don't think that reflects very well on you.

[jazzbo]

"Just as real as ... students in Khon Kaen" -- what a comedian you are, Kuhn B.

[yabaaaa]

One situation that using the online computer sites precludes is meeting a Thai woman who -- for whatever reason -- until she met you never considered hooking up with a Western guy in the first place.

Some guys will have no idea how important that is... but I am glad you pointed it. You could write a doctoral thesis on that subject alone!

After reading this thread for a laugh I came across these comments which I reckon is one of the best pieces of decent advise anywhere on this forum when the topic of dating Thai women is concerned.

For sure there are exceptions.. However, all of my friends in successful relationships are dating women who would never have thought about 'catching' a foreigner.

And a couple of friends who do seem to have difficulty in their relationships always end up dating what I refer to as 'the occupational farrang hunters'... Not necessarily hookers, but professional, attractive women, who have decided that they are 'too good for Thai guys', this notion of preconceived ideas is a precursor to headaches in the cases I have observed.

There is one piece of advice no one has talked about. If a woman has been with a farang previously then run away! The odds are they have fleeced the farang before and you are the next victim. Clearly, many of them will not tell you but some are so arrogant they cannot lose they will spill their guts. I found this out with with my first thai woman and if I had been smart enough to see the hand writing on the wall the loses would have been smaller. She was a real pro at emptying wallets. Met her on thai love links before coming to thailand.

You ever think what happened to some of these women previouisly?? I know one who had a farang husband who after she got pregnant with twins buggered off with a bar girl, do you not think this might make her a little more " hardened" when meeting any other men? Two sides to many stories

[bonobo]

"Just as real as ... students in Khon Kaen" -- what a comedian you are, Kuhn B.

???

There is a rather huge university there, so I am not sure your point. They aren't "real" women also, or that there are no students there?

[bonobo]

You ever think what happened to some of these women previouisly?? I know one who had a farang husband who after she got pregnant with twins buggered off with a bar girl, do you not think this might make her a little more " hardened" when meeting any other men? Two sides to many stories

I pretty much go out mostly with university graduates, whether here or in other countries including back home. That is just my preference as I think there is more commonality there and a better chance of a match. But when I first started dating here (not when I was here in 1982 or 1996, but when I came back to start working here a few years back) I was intrigued by a young woman in Surin. OK, I will admit it was mostly her photos, including one in a bikini which was amazingly impressive. Her English was excellent, but she was still quite young and had only graduated from high school.

I had to drive to Buriram, so I made a detour to meet her. When this lovely Aphrodite showed up at the KFC where we agreed to meet, I was rather shocked to see she was 8 1/2 months pregnant. Seems her Swedish boyfriend enjoyed her as arm-candy and a sex toy, but after she got pregnant, he ran away faster than you could say "child support."

I saw the photos of them in Phuket, Pattaya, Bangkok, etc. I saw her small apartment when I drove her there. And I could see the obvious result in her belly. So I did believe her story.

So what would you do? You are pregnant, kicked out of your home for dating a farang and then getting pregnant, no work, no skills, an apartment lease expiring. I didn't become her sugar daddy, and I didn't appreciate the deception, but I could certainly see her motivation for being a little less than honest in our e-mails and her desperation to find any avenue of support.

[cognos]

like Huey, I was searching for wife material, so again , he is right.

You both are obviously very inexperienced with women. And I mean real women, not the Nana/Cowboy sort.

Cognos, I congratulate you for your happy relationship. But you sound like somebody who won the lottery and now tells everybody to stop working and do the same.

Life is not that simple.

If you want quality women, you have to go through a huge bunch of less desirable women. As more you date, as higher your chance that you find the right one. If you need 18 months for each woman, most probably you will end up as a miserable, lonely old chap.

And one more note: quality women do like sex.

Your perception is your reality, we can all agree on that. I went through a few, but does everyone have to " go through a bunch of less desirable women", as you say? I am not sure about that.

I waited 18 months for one, my future wife for certain reasons.

I think most humans like sex, not just quality women.

Take good care