Meeting Thai Ladies On Dating Sites: 9 Do's And Dont's

[jfchandler]

It's good to hear the honest accounts of folks on how things worked out, or didn't, for them...

I never have quite understood those who dismissed using an online approach to at least initially meet Thai women, and instead countered with their advice to, if I paraphrase them, just go out in Thailand and smile and look around....

I live here... so when I go out every day, if I went by just physical looks alone, I'd probably see 50 different women in a day who anyone would consider attractive and good age, especially when one is traveling via SkyTrain or MRT or even out shopping in the malls....

So seriously, what's anyone supposed to do about that??? They could me married....they could have boyfriends.... they could be lesbians! You don't know anything about them, their background, their education, etc. and have no idea of whether they're interested in meeting someone.

And even if they are interested in meeting someone, that doesn't mean, especially for Thai women, that they're going to start smiling or winking at someone they don't know and know anything about, especially a farang, as they're out shopping or traveling. YOU the guy could be married or one of the farang with a dozen GFs in tow... They likewise have no idea... (Unless of course, the woman's on the game and looking for a customer, etc...)

So at least online, despite all the scammers out there, the two people start out knowing at least that you the guy are in the market, and she the woman likewise is in the market... (and hopefully isn't already married or having a Thai boyfriend....

After that initial contact, it's the same process as if you've met someone anywhere... But it's that initial narrowing of the field that I found useful back when I was looking around....

[jazzbo]

At least for me, Kuhn JC, I am just describing circumstances as I have personally encountered them... I studied Chinese language 35+ years ago so learning Asian languages if not fluently is a natural for me... I have good occasion to meet Thai women who do not speak English and who have never before even met a farang let alone have had a reasonable conversation with one... None that I have spent any time with would have had the least notion to hang-out with a farang.

When they ask what do I actually do while here in LOS I have a unique story that they can explain to their friends and family... so everyone's experience is different... and while on occasion I may have been proven the financial chump, on balance I have come out way ahead.

[bonobo]

I see this thread has got more informative as it evolved

It was bound to providing the people kept it decent. Nothing wrong with the cynical, but funny replies, though. Bonobo probably gave the best advice for a person looking for a serious relationship. It still comes down to finally meeting the person face to face and seeing if there are any sparks. Strange as it may seem, and regardless what some cynics believe, it IS possible for a May-November relationship to work out. There is no logical reason for some people's attraction to each other... but it happens. It's just less likely that #10 gal is going to fall for some #4 guy... unless he is wealthy. You only need one good, informative answer to make reading a thread worthwhile.

The world is full of different people with different ideas on what they need in life.  And many women do feel more comfortable with older men.  Some people think that this is an Oedipus Complex, but even that is too simplified, I believe.  I personally think that some younger women seek older men in the belief, a false belief in most cases, perhaps, that an older man is less apt to stray.  (I know an American woman who pretty much has only dated men in wheechairs, and she told me that she can trust these men to stay faithful to her (although she caught one of them with a neighbor.))  And many women find young men immature, irresponsible, and flighty.  Of course, other women, older women, like only rather young men, so it evens out.

Men like older women, super skinny women, obese women, young women, Asian/black/middle-eastern/Latina/redhead/blonde/tall/short/fill-in-the-blank women, so is it hard to realize that some women do like older men?  Not the majority, but some?

If you browse through the desires of women on sites such as ThaiLoveLinks, for every 25-year-old who writes that she can accept a man who is 60, there are five who give their top age acceptance at 30 or 35. So not every women on the websites is trolling for older guys for nefarious reasons. But for men who are older, there are some younger women out there who would seek them out. And once the women's age jumps to around 35, many, many more women are around who are just seeking emotional fulfillment.

[Huey]

I met my wife on the net and I love the OP's rules. Dead on IMHO.

I would add a couple more

1) Talk for awhile online, chat and let it be about simple everyday things (ie today my day was like...)

2) Take your time after you meet her. No matter how hot she is, keep it away from the bed room for at least a month or 2.

3) Be romantic without making the first move physically.

Good Luck

[GreenSnapper]

2) Take your time after you meet her. No matter how hot she is, keep it away from the bed room for at least a month or 2.

3) Be romantic without making the first move physically.

That's very courteous!

That gives her sufficient time to meet a real man in the meanwhile

[cognos]

Rule No. 1: Don't waste time!

Never do any extended emailing, chatting etc. It is a total waste of time doing this with a stranger. Instead: meet up as soon as possible. Just 1-2 hours in a coffee shop. This short meeting is much more worth than weeks of chatting and mailing.

Rule No. 2: Take her to bed at the third meeting.

If you are a healthy normal man, you don't want to waste time on this too. I normally go for the second meeting, but if she shows promising attitudes, I give her another chance at the third meeting. Don't wait any longer: there are lots of psychos there who just want to abuse you for having some entertainment and free meals. And those who hold back with sex will also do it in a later relationship or use sex to gain something from you. Both is not what you want, so move on quickly after the 3rd meeting.

Rule No. 3: There are lots of good girls outside the dating sites. Once you follow my rules 1+2, you will have sufficient time to go for these girls too.

really?? I respect your view, but in general, my experieces were the opposite.. the first one made me wait until I came back to LOS the second time.. my future wife made me wait 18 MONTHS!! After marriage this changed DRASTICALLY.. to the point where..well, I'll let you guess

signed: every day

btw.. my experiences confirmed what I read and heard.. that, in general, educated Asian women without kids at age 30 have had WAY less sexual partners than the corresponding farang from Europe/north america..so much for the stigma of asian women that they are so loose

I wouldn't wait 18 days, let alone 18 months. If you want to wait that long, you might as well become a monk. True about the older Thai women (over 30). Many don't have a clue which end is up. Like an old maid auntie back home.

Oh, i did not wait 18 months, only for her.. I had her permission ( and would have anyway) to go short time in the interim with others.. another sort of uniquly Thai thing

[Loz]

The sort of thing in fact that is quite telling about ones views on sex in relationships. Or rather, sex being divorced from the exlusivity of a relationship.

I met a girl who talked about dating seriously and she said offered that she wouldn't mind if I saw hookers so long at it wasn't the same one all the time.

initially I was appauled (not long in Thailand and "green" to its wiley ways) but now I realise that when people are open an honest it is clear that women don't expect men to resist temptation because its too easily and often dangled. She was simply cutting to the heart of the matter. Obviously that didnt go according to her plan but I have to say she is one of my best friends to this day. Chiefly because she has been so honest with me. Not that it matters but, she is engaged to a farang now. In many respects I think he is a lucky guy.

[bow]

What about the very expensive "It's just lunch" (24.000 for 12 dates) and Meet N Lunch ? (5.900 / date) ?

[Loz]

What about the very expensive "It's just lunch" (24.000 for 12 dates) and Meet N Lunch ? (5.900 / date) ?

ANyone else confused by this??

[cognos]

I met my wife on the net and I love the OP's rules. Dead on IMHO.

I would add a couple more

1) Talk for awhile online, chat and let it be about simple everyday things (ie today my day was like...)

2) Take your time after you meet her. No matter how hot she is, keep it away from the bed room for at least a month or 2.

3) Be romantic without making the first move physically.

Good Luck

Hey Huey, you are a smart guy vis a vis women..as you realize that sex, although important, should not ALWAYS be viewed as the most important goal right off the bat. Although the sex IS the destination, the journey there is of great importance..

.. especially if you want a better chance of a long, ongoing relationship with her, as opposed to the quick, "in and out" scenario of the.. " if I don't get laid by the third date I'm outta here" fellows, which of course is the norm by far, especially in places like LOS..

..it is amazing how the lady will sooner or later become sexually aggressive in the pursuit of your body after you do #3 in your post..and when you finally get what you wanted in the first place, the wait is always worth it, as the emotional bonding has already happened long ago.. so many guys just seem to be unable to operate in this manner..oh well..

signed: emotional bonding before physical bonding ..or..easy come and easy go.. UP 2 U

[Loz]

emotional bonding requires more communication than:

I lub u 2 mut

U lub me

Shot time/Long time

Tea rack

Jub Jub

Special price for you.

[Huey]

I met my wife on the net and I love the OP's rules. Dead on IMHO.

I would add a couple more

1) Talk for awhile online, chat and let it be about simple everyday things (ie today my day was like...)

2) Take your time after you meet her. No matter how hot she is, keep it away from the bed room for at least a month or 2.

3) Be romantic without making the first move physically.

Good Luck

Hey Huey, you are a smart guy vis a vis women..as you realize that sex, although important, should not ALWAYS be viewed as the most important goal right off the bat. Although the sex IS the destination, the journey there is of great importance..

.. especially if you want a better chance of a long, ongoing relationship with her, as opposed to the quick, "in and out" scenario of the.. " if I don't get laid by the third date I'm outta here" fellows, which of course is the norm by far, especially in places like LOS..

..it is amazing how the lady will sooner or later become sexually aggressive in the pursuit of your body after you do #3 in your post..and when you finally get what you wanted in the first place, the wait is always worth it, as the emotional bonding has already happened long ago.. so many guys just seem to be unable to operate in this manner..oh well..

signed: emotional bonding before physical bonding ..or..easy come and easy go.. UP 2 U

Thank You,

I do have to be very clear however, this is the play for long term relationships i.e. potential wife material. For anything else just go grab what you want from where ever, and get a new one the next day. It's literally that easy here. But here like anywhere else, to attract a woman of quality you need to take your time with it.

[BigWheelMan]

Here is an article I discovered on line about 8 years ago.

Please don`t ask me for the source, too long ago to remember, but I think it is interesting:

When you're trying to meet someone online, it seems to happen (or not happen) in stages:

Stage 1: You exchange emails.

If that works out well, you proceed to the next stage...

Stage 2: You exchange email/MSN addresses for IM chat.

This I find is where most things come to an end. For, in MSN Messenger it becomes obvious how many other guys she's playing off each other at the same time. And when you don't chat for a day or two, she's checking her emails, talking to other guys and then chatting with them on MSN. It seems almost impossible to breakthrough this stage and get to a face-to-face meeting.

I find a lot of women don't really want to meet. Or if they do, it's to catch them doing whatever they happen to be doing that day/night. I had a woman that wanted me to help her move!!! Pffft. (And of course there were going to be other strange guys from her MSN helping!) As if my first meeting is going to be helping her fill a UHaul truck. Other popular but poorly chosen meeting ideas are: "I'm going to such and such club with friends, meet me there!" Great, broadcast that message out to every guy reading your MSN. So what are we supposed to do? Wander around a dark club hoping to bump into her? And then what? Share her with 20 other guys??? Come on. It's no wonder things rarely make it to stage three...

Stage 3: A one-on-one face to face meeting at a mutually agreed upon location.

Requires TRUST -- which isn't often present in online dating.

Requires a COMMITTMENT -- which most people aren't willing to make.

Requires EFFORT -- and people tend to be lazy.

Stage 4: Dating.

Edited April 25, 2010 by BigWheelMan

[cognos]

like Huey, I was searching for wife material, so again , he is right. There is another"bus" on every corner, and many "fish" in the sea..especially in LOS ( hence the attractiveness??duhhhh..) so if a guy only uses the three date rule, he can always get what he is searching for, ad nauseum..

seek and you shall find, again, again, again..and again..etc..

[cognos]

How about the girl you meet on the internet, and just before you go to LOS to meet her, she mails you and says.." I sorry, I darker than in picture..are you angry me?"

when this happened to me, I said to her.." don't worry, I like dark skin".. boy was she worried, in my case, for nothing, as I don't judge a book by its cover

[bow]

What about the very expensive "It's just lunch" (24.000 for 12 dates) and Meet N Lunch ? (5.900 / date) ?

ANyone else confused by this??

I am just curious if anyone has used these dating agencies, and if so, if he felt that he got value for money.

[GreenSnapper]

like Huey, I was searching for wife material, so again , he is right.

You both are obviously very inexperienced with women. And I mean real women, not the Nana/Cowboy sort.

Cognos, I congratulate you for your happy relationship. But you sound like somebody who won the lottery and now tells everybody to stop working and do the same.

Life is not that simple.

If you want quality women, you have to go through a huge bunch of less desirable women. As more you date, as higher your chance that you find the right one. If you need 18 months for each woman, most probably you will end up as a miserable, lonely old chap.

And one more note: quality women do like sex.

[jazzbo]

... and if you do in fact meet a special woman on TLL or one of the other 'meet Thai ladies' sites, and you do in fact marry her, there is no point in then defending her honor and virtue as if she were as Caesar's wife and pure as the driven snow -- She put her rear end on the block -- maybe differently from some other girls who are regarded as not so nice -- and the mathematical reality of the situation is that YOU were probably not the first guy she encountered.

[bonobo]

... and if you do in fact meet a special woman on TLL or one of the other 'meet Thai ladies' sites, and you do in fact marry her, there is no point in then defending her honor and virtue as if she were as Caesar's wife and pure as the driven snow -- She put her rear end on the block -- maybe differently from some other girls who are regarded as not so nice -- and the mathematical reality of the situation is that YOU were probably not the first guy she encountered.

Sorry, but I really don't get your logic.  So if she met another man via a website, she is no longer honorable?  Why is it OK for a man to meet more than one woman in the search for the right match, but a woman would not have the same prerogative?

People put their "rear end on the block" all the time, whether it is accepting a date from someone you met at the library, accepting a date on which your great aunt sets you up, or accepting a date from someone on the internet.  Some people are as "pure as the driven snow," some are out-and-out criminals.  The fact that someone chooses to expand his or her pool of potential dates by joining an internet site has no bearing on his or her perceived "quality."

[jazzbo]

You're right... you don't get my logic.

[bonobo]

You both are obviously very inexperienced with women. And I mean real women, not the Nana/Cowboy sort.

You haven't read many of Cognos' posts.  He has had experience dating, and not from the "Nana/Cowboy sort."

Besides, how are the "Nana/Cowboy sort" not "real women?"  The majority of them have two X chromosomes, ignoring the few transexuals around.  They were little girls at one time, going to school and playing with dolls.  They matured, have breasts and all the rest, can have kids, have dreams and hopes, cry and laugh, can be bitchy or saintly, love, argue, want a family, don't want a family, want a better life, feel disappointed...hmmmm, just like most any women.

Whether you personally care for the type of woman who can accept working in a bar or not is your prerogative, and for many men, an understandable point of view.  But to say they are not "real women" is a rather superficial and somewhat arrogant judgment, in my humble opinion.  And that is an insult to the many women who make a living that way, and to those happily married ThaiVisa couples where the two met in a bar.

[jfchandler]

I think Jazzbo was responding to one of the poster's comments above re his wife...

But nonetheless, I don't see any "logic" being put forward there either in J's last comment...

As Bonobo said, everyone puts their butt out there in the dating world... And, at least for me, I don't hold any double standard on men vs. women for their dating history.... I don't mind if my GF dated other people before. In fact, I'd assume she did (and she did, as did I).

What I am, and should be, concerned with is what she and I do AFTER we are together.... And in my instance right now, after meeting online and then dating together for some months, we have a monogamous relationship and have been living together for a year now, happily so...

[bonobo]

What I am, and should be, concerned with is what she and I do AFTER we are together.... 

Exactly!

[jazzbo]

I really do not care if you gents met your significant other at a chuch social... If I hear again "I met her on TLL but she is a good girl" I think I will barf... to me she's just a horse of a different color.

[bonobo]

I really do not care if you gents met your significant other at a chuch social... If I hear again "I met her on TLL but she is a good girl" I think I will barf... to me she's just a horse of a different color.

You do care, or you wouldn't bother posting about it.

And I am so glad that you are able to judge all others as to how "good" she is or not.  You are certainly inferring that all Thai bargirls and women who have a profile on an internet site are not "good women," and that they are one and the same.

You brag about your (inferred) 24-year-old "10" who likes older men, yet criticize others such as Cognos for finding happiness through the internet.  Rather ironic, I think.

[jazzbo]

Fine --you enjoy yours and I'll enjoy mine... one is no better than the other.

I don't brag about the girls themselves -- they could all disappear tomorrow. What I will brag about is all the hard effort I have done -- including language -- and still do now that puts me in a position to attract their attention and continued interest.

Edited April 27, 2010 by jazzbo

[japkoo]

What about the very expensive "It's just lunch" (24.000 for 12 dates) and Meet N Lunch ? (5.900 / date) ?

ANyone else confused by this??

I am just curious if anyone has used these dating agencies, and if so, if he felt that he got value for money.

I used Meet N Lunch before. 1 of the 3 girls I met was top-notch in every way. Another I became friends with. Another was a gold-digger.

But I think it's good to have access to a completely new pool of girls that you won't find on the Internet. The founder is a really cool girl too.

[japkoo]

If you want quality women, you have to go through a huge bunch of less desirable women. As more you date, as higher your chance that you find the right one. If you need 18 months for each woman, most probably you will end up as a miserable, lonely old chap.

Great advice! Fail fast. There's a lot of luck involved, like whether or not a woman is available, and many good women are not available for long.

[bonobo]

What about the very expensive "It's just lunch" (24.000 for 12 dates) and Meet N Lunch ? (5.900 / date) ?

ANyone else confused by this??

I am just curious if anyone has used these dating agencies, and if so, if he felt that he got value for money.

I used Meet N Lunch before. 1 of the 3 girls I met was top-notch in every way. Another I became friends with. Another was a gold-digger.

But I think it's good to have access to a completely new pool of girls that you won't find on the Internet. The founder is a really cool girl too.

Interesting concept.  I used to belong to a Singles Gourmet Club in the US where we would meet once a month at a nice restaurant for a get-together.  I never really found the right connection, but I had some very nice meals and good conversation.

But at 5,900 baht for a date, I think that is a little expensive for the market here.  Of course, I don't know what goes into it, so that is just an initial impression.

[jfchandler]

if J is suggesting as he seems to be that Thai women who use online dating sites azre the same as BGs, that simply not true and SILLY.

Back when I was looking, I met all kinds of women in that way... True, quite a few sponsor hunters and similar... But also nurses, office workers and other professionals...

What they did have in common was wanting to meet/date a farang, and the reasons for that can be many, and certainly not all bad or dishonorable.