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Glitterman Speaks About [I] Glittermans Ark Of Death.


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Thankyou for choosing this 'Glitterman' product. If for any reason you should not be entirely satisfied with the effect of this visual sleeping pill, then re-click on this post and read it again and again until it works, thus bumping up my 'VIEWS' counter.

The Almighty and Powerful Wizard is back again with this parable;

PARABLE 479384. The Parable of the cheese from the moon.....Yet again.

..............And so cycling slowly along Beach Road one day, the Golden Glitterman did happen to see absolutely nobody come running out for him to save.

"Nobody needs saving today". The Golden One thought. "So even though I have not watched telly for over 8 years, I shall sneak into the Central Plaza cinema and watch the new movie for a while".

So making himself nice and comfortable in his cinema seat, the cinema lights then faded out and the movie started. But the Golden One did suddenly hear many people behind him 'Tutting!'

"Oooopps they are tutting at me" Thought the Golden One "Because my big feathery hat is in their way so they can not see the screen. I will remove my hat and place it on my knees, like so". But the tutting did not stop, it only dramaticly increased. "It must be because it is a bad movie". thought the Golden One.

........Outside, after the movie had finished, the Golden One walked away and while drying the back of head with a golden hanky he said, "They really must fix that leaking air condition system inside that new cinema, the back of my head is soaking wet......strange though.......It feels rather like SPIT". The Golden One tutted with anger.

...............Suddenly a heavy rain downpour began and a ferang man came running shouting, "Save us O Great Golden Glitterman, for we are all surely to be drowned by this heavy rain".

And the Golden one gave that beautiful goldenman smile and said "Fear not, for as you know I am the Great Golden Glitterman. Savior of the world, the most photographed western ferang in the history of Thailand......Brag brag brag [One hour later] brag brag brag......Front covers of magazines, newspapers, books, national and internation telly news features, and now I will save you from this terrible flood. You all must build an Ark out of the wood from beer bars, so TEAR ALL THE BEER BARS DOWN!, I would help you but I do not want to get my hat dirty".

.....And so a rather smallish wooden boat was quickly built, and the Golden one placed some gold tinsel round the edge to make himself feel at home.

"We will never all get in that small boat, there are thousands of us". Protested one man.

"Nonsense!" Exclaimed the Golden one, "Another guy also with long hair did this same thing with millions of species of the world a couple of thousand years ago, and nobody questioned that. NOW IN YOU GO! and leave a lot of room for me, my bicycle and 25 crates of cheese from the moon".

So all the good people of Pattaya squashed in and the boat floated away. "Now the idea of mine is that we should safely land on the mountain peak when the water level drops". Explained the Golden one.

"But we are floating out to see". said one lady.

"Oh I sort of had not thought of that". said the Golden One slyly. So, far out to sea they did float. Then after kissing a small mirror for three hours the Golden One climbed up onto his crates of cheese from the moon and shouted, "Now I am going to preach to you about the righteous path one should take in Pattaya. There will be NO beer bars, No alcohol, NO bar girls, No ladyboys, No gay men.....[One hour later].........No drug users, No wild dogs, No telly watchers, I am sure there were more than ten people on my Ark an hour ago, perhaps the hot sun was too much for them and they have gone for a swim. Anyway I shall continue, NO road spitters...." Much later the Golden one said, "Oh look the sea tide is bringing us back in to Pattaya".

....And the wooden Ark did indeed return to Pattaya. Then the Golden One excitedly said, "Land ahoy. Look there is the top of the mountain, and over there is Central shopping Plaza".

"but now we are going to far inland, we are now outside of Pattaya'. protested one angry man

"PATIENCE!" impatiently snapped the Golden One, "For the rain has stopped and the water level is dropping fast, and you are looking to be banged on the head by an over sized wooden polo mallet if you speak again".

......And indeed the flood water did dissapear and the wooden Ark came to a standstill.

"Where are we?" Asked one girl. "We seem to have landed in some small lake".

"Okay everybody out!" Commanded the Golden One. "We can swim to this small lakes shore". So they all got into the water and started to swim.

"I know where we are". said one lady. "There is a sign over there on the shore, it says DANGER DO NOT LEAN TO FAR OVER THE EDGE WHEN FEEDING THE CROCODILES".

"Fear not". said the Golden One with a shaky voice. "The crocodiles may have swam away with the flood, I do not think that they are territorial....AAAGGGHHH.....Please do not eat me Mr crocodile, for I am the Great Golden Glitterman and I have some wonderful cheese from the moon you might care to try instead".

The crocodile tried some cheese from the moon and said, "Thats greeeeeaaaaat cheese, wonderful tangy taste, great texture. Do you have any more? where did you get it?"

"From the moon". Replied a delighted Golden One, and everybody sat down on the shore with all the crocodiles and had a wonderful cheese from the moon tea party. Then after the party the Golden One decided to make some cheese from the moon on toast. So he lured all those good people back to his Ark, and staying outside he locked them all in, and set fire to the Ark. Laughing as all the people burned alive.......AMEN.

Moral of the parable is....I do not know but I think it has something to do with cheese from the moon.

Coming in a week, yet another one like this one....only better.

The Royal Glitterman hath Spoken.

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I'm surprised he's still posting this homophobic flame on the forum. I doubt anyone else would get away with it.

I don't really mind his pieces because they are kind of literary. I think he is Burroughs-esqe. Impressive to do without a history of drug abuse.

That said, maybe the gays guys in town should chase him around on his bike and try to KISS him, that'll teach him.

Edited by Jingthing
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I'm surprised he's still posting this homophobic flame on the forum. I doubt anyone else would get away with it.

I don't really mind his pieces because they are kind of literary. I think he is Burroughs-esqe. Impressive to do without a history of drug abuse.

That said, maybe the gays guys in town should chase him around on his bike and try to KISS him, that'll teach him.

Not so impressive when you consider this is a whole week's work. The same religious theme running through it as well so just his boring life replayed over and again.

Christian family values in Pattaya eh....whatever next!

IThe Tom and Jerry connection still has me puzzled though.

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Hark, the auricle hath spoken.

Do you think you have any more artistic themes to explore. Blue cheese, blue moon, full moon, etc is kinda played out.

Hark, I speaketh unto you.

Yep a weekend in Kanchanaburi or Bangkok might set his creative juices flowing....I hope he's listening and changes the record....

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