September 1, 200520 yr I found these two pictures today and thought it would be fun to have the "which sex is better debate" MMMMM not sure why it has put 2 of the female brain. Maybe female brains are twice as good as mens, d@mm not a good start for the blokes Any funny pictures or comparisons between the sexes. Heres another one i found.
September 1, 200520 yr "which sex is better debate" Free sex Poem: Women have many faults, men have only two, everthing they say, and everything they do!
September 1, 200520 yr I find that only women can sexually arouse me.. it must be something in their jeans totster
September 1, 200520 yr The Perfect Day for Her: 8:15 a.m. Wake up to hugs and kisses 8:30 a.m. Weigh in 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday 8:45 a.m. Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants 9:15 a.m. Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil. 10:00a.m. Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer. 10:30 a.m. Facial, manicure, shampoo and comb out. 12:00 p.m. Lunch with best friend at outdoor café. 12:45 p.m. Notice ex-boyfriends wife, she has gained 30lbs. 1:00 p.m. Shopping with friends, unlimited credit. 3:00 p.m. Nap 4:00 p.m. 3 dozen roses delivered by florist, card from secret admirer 4:15 p.m. Light workout at club followed by gentle massage. 5:30 p.m. Pick out outfit for dinner, prim before mirror. 7:30 p.m. Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing. 10:00 p.m. Hot shower (alone) 10:30 p.m. Make love. 11:00 p.m. Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling. 11:15 p.m. Fall asleep in his big strong arms. The Perfect Day for Him! 6:00 a.m. Alarm 6:15 a.m. Blowjob 6:30 a.m. Massive dump while reading sports section of USA Today. 7:00 a.m. Breakfast, filet mignon and eggs, toast and coffee. 7:30 a.m. Limo arrives. 7:45 a.m. Stoli Bloody Mary en route to airport. 8:15 a.m. Private G4 to Augusta, Georgia. 9:30 a.m. Limo to Augusta National Golf Club. 9:45 a.m. Front nine at Augusta (nine under) 11:45 a.m. Lunch, 2 dozen oysters on the half shell, 3 Heinekens. 12:15 p.m. Blowjob 12:30 p.m. Back nine – Augusta (4 under). 2:15 p.m. Limo back to airport (Bombay Martini) 2:30 p.m. Private G4, Augusta to Nassau, Bahamas (nap). 3:15 p.m. Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female (topless) crew. 4:30 p.m. Land World Record light tackle Marlin (1249 lbs). 5:00 p.m. G4 back home, massage & hand job en route by naked Kathy Ireland 6:45 p.m. Shit, shower & shave. 7:00 p.m. Watch CNN newsflash. 7:30 p.m. Dinner. Lobster appetizers, Dom Perigon (1963), 20 oz. New York Steak. 9:00 p.m. Remy Martin and Cuban Partagas cigar. 9:30 p.m. Sex with three women. 11: p.m. Massage and Jacuzzi. 11:45 p.m. Bed (alone) 11:50 p.m. 12 second, 4-note fart, dog leaves the room. 11:55 p.m. Sleep.
September 1, 200520 yr I'm Glad I'm A Man I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe. I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts. I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west. I don't get wasted after only 2 beers, And when I do drink I don't end up in tears. I won't spend hours deciding what to wear. I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair. And I don't go around checking my reflection in everything shiny from every direction. I don't whine in public and make us leave early, And when you ask why get all bitter and surly. I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing. I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring. I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back. I don't carry our differences into the sack. I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you Or think every guy out there's trying to steal you. I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too. I know what the time is and I know what to do. And I honestly think its a privilege for me To have these two balls and stand when I pee. I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball. It's more fun than dealing with women after all. I won't cry if you say it's not going to work. I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk. Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure. I won't assume it's permanent by any measure. Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a man, you see. I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery. I don't get all bitchy every 28 days. I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise. I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true. I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you! I'm Glad I'm A Woman I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am. I don't live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam. I don't brag to my buddies about my erections. I won't drive to ###### before I ask for directions. I don't get wasted at parties, and act like a clown. And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down! I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt. My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut. And I don't go around "re-adjusting" my crotch, or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch. I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind. I'm a woman you see-I'm just not that kind! I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing. I don't have body hair like shag carpeting. It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back. When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack. And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb. I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome. Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side. I'm a woman, you know-I've got far too much pride! And I honestly think its a privilege for me, To have these two boobs and to squat when I pee. I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball. I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal. I won't tell you my wife just does not understand, Or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band. Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep, Then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep! Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see. Forget all about that old penis envy. I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick. I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true. I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!
September 1, 200520 yr If a tree falls in the forest and no-one is there to hear, does it still make a sound? If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman there to hear, is he still wrong? Ladies are much better than men, I know cos she told me
September 1, 200520 yr Well, if they didn't have a you-know-what..we would throw rocks at them. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> The hoover not good enough?....
September 1, 200520 yr Well, if they didn't have a you-know-what..we would throw rocks at them. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> The hoover not good enough?.... <{POST_SNAPBACK}> hoover is a very English word...Prefer the word Vacume actually, which is what is between the missus ears at times.
September 1, 200520 yr Well, if they didn't have a you-know-what..we would throw rocks at them. The hoover not good enough?.... hoover is a very English word...Prefer the word Vacume actually, which is what is between the missus ears at times. Reminds me of a couple of old one's Q Why do women get married in white A Don't all Domestic appliances come in white Q Why do women have small feet A To get closer to the kitchen sink Q Why did the women cross the road A Who gives a <deleted>, what was she doing out of the kitchen
September 1, 200520 yr Author Q Why did the women cross the roadA Who gives a <deleted>, what was she doing out of the kitchen Also another one What does wife stand for? Washing Ironing <deleted> etc Dont get me wrong i know these are sexist jokes and i dont advocate sexism in anyway so come on girls give us some more bloke jokes
September 1, 200520 yr Well, if they didn't have a you-know-what..we would throw rocks at them. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> The hoover not good enough?.... <{POST_SNAPBACK}> hoover is a very English word...Prefer the word Vacume actually, which is what is between the missus ears at times. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> My mistake. Should of used a more universal word for the male population really.
September 2, 200520 yr Too few women in here for the topic to take off. Bullying isn't fun. daleyboy is a big girl... Taoism: shit happens Buddhism: if shit happens, it isn't really shit Islam: if shit happens, it is the will of Allah Catholicism: if shit happens, you deserve it Judaism: why does this shit always happen to us? Atheism: I don't believe this shit
September 2, 200520 yr Author Too few women in here for the topic to take off. Bullying isn't fun. I am not bullying anyone meadish, this was supposed to be a laugh, a bit of fun, i dont think any of the girls will see it as bullying, they have already posted stuff about the blokes, i never intended to offend anyone. As for jai dee that was supposed to be a secret, its only at weekends you can call me shirley
September 2, 200520 yr Author its only at weekends you can call me shirley Shirley you can't mean that Bloody h e l l will you all just keep it quiet i dont want this getting out into the general section
September 2, 200520 yr its only at weekends you can call me shirley Shirley you can't mean that Bloody h e l l will you all just keep it quiet i dont want this getting out into the general section Tell me Shirley, have you ever seen a grown man naked I love them Airplane quotes
September 2, 200520 yr Q)How does a man show that he is planning for the future? A) He buys two cases of beer. Q)Why are blonde jokes so short? A) So that men can remember them. Q)How many honest, intelligent, caring men does it take to do the dishes? A) Both of them. Q) Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? A)They don't stop and ask for directions. Q)How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? A) We don't know;it has never happened. Q) What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A) A widow. Q)Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? A) They already have boyfriends. Q) What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A)They're married. Q)Why are married women heavier than single women? A)Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. Boom Boom
September 2, 200520 yr Why does a man prefer blondes? Men always like intellectual company. Why does a man like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time. A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children. How can you tell soap operas are fictional? In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed. What should you give a man who has everything? A. A woman to show him how to work it. B. Penicillin Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts. Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence. How was Colonel Sanders a typical male? All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs. How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don't talk. Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A.A dog is always happy to see you B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera? Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time. What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted. What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish. What did God say after creating man? I can do better. Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what? Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand? A man's undivided attention. How is a man like a snowstorm? Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay. What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist. Why do jocks play on artificial turf? To keep them from grazing. If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows. Why do men name their penises? Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions. Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed. Why do men like masturbation? Its sex with someone they love. What is gross stupidity? 144 men in one room. Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. Wife: You wear briefs, don't you? What's the difference between a porcupine and a Corvette? The porcupine has pricks on the outside. How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove. What is a man's view of safe sex? A padded headboard. How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable". Why did God create man? Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn. Why were men given larger brains than dogs? A.So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties. B.So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block. Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom? To keep the swelling down. What is the thinnest book in the world? "What men know about women." How many men does it take to screw a light bulb? A.One - men will screw anything. B.One - men will screw up anything. C.Five - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats beans for dinner. What is a man's idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging. How can you tell if a man is aroused? He's breathing. What's the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature. How do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head. What do men and beer have in common? They're both empty from the neck up. How can you tell if a man is happy? Who cares? How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small. What is a man's idea of doing housework? Lifting his leg so you can vacuum. What is the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.
September 2, 200520 yr Author Q) Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? A)They don't stop and ask for directions. Boom Boom thats got to be the best one boo, very true.
September 2, 200520 yr Curse A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!!!" They each continue on their way, and ..... as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road ..... and dies immediately. If only men would listen.
September 2, 200520 yr Ah, but you so conveniently forgot to tell us about the flattened hooker further down the road, Boo.
September 2, 200520 yr It's not the men in my life that counts - it's the life in my men. (Mae West) Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me. (Mae West) Mae West It's better to be looked over than overlooked. (Mae West) Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet. (Mae West) It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom. (Joan Rivers) I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds. (Joan Rivers) Oh Lord, give me chastity, but do not give it yet. (St. Augustine) What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. (Mark Twain) Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage. (Ambrose Bierce) Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired. (Mae West) My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects. (Les Dawson) My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. (Jack Benny) A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke. (Rudyard Kipling) By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. (Socrates) A man is only as old as the woman he feels. (Groucho Marx) I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly like mine - we were both crazy about girls. (Groucho Marx) I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. (Groucho Marx) Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity. (George Bernard Shaw) Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire. (George Bernard Shaw) Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking. (Bill Vaughan) Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. (Charlotte Whitton) My wife has a slight impediment in her speech - every now and then she stops to breathe. (Jimmy Durante) The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. (Jilly Cooper) When you see a married couple coming down the street, the one who is two or three steps ahead is the one that's mad. (Helen Rowland) When you see what some women marry, you realise how they must hate to work for a living. (Helen Rowland) I married beneath me, all women do. (Nancy Astor) The state has no place in the nation's bedrooms. (Pierre Trudeau) The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform. (Alfred Kinsey) A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished. (Zsa Zsa Gabor) I never hated a man enough to give him diamonds back. (Zsa Zsa Gabor) You mean apart from my own. (Zsa Zsa Gabor, asked how many husbands she had had)
Create an account or sign in to comment