Dowry Payments

[tks]

Hey Meemiathai--

Can you read? CAN YOU READ??? I already know you can barely write, I read your posts.

Reread my posts and the accusations by others against me and you will understand why I wrote what I did. I was questioned on my ability to understand a social issue. That is why I included just a very small bit of evidence to support my position. If you want more, I can provide that for you in PM so I don't bore everyone else here with my background.

And NO, I WAS NOT BURNED BY A THAI GIRL, NOT ONE TIME!!! DO YOU GET IT??? Read that again. I repeat....REREAD my posts. NOT BURNED!

I like living here too for reasons that I wrote about earlier, so either you cannot read or have a very poor memory.

I learned about Thai women before I came here the first time, and after living here, found that what I learned was true. Plus, I don't find Thai women attractive, so there is no reason for me to even look at them. (Sorry, I don't like dark skinned, slutty looking flat-nosed girls with bodies like little boys who dress like Britney Spears, I am allowed a preference right?) Now Korean and Chinese girls, there are some attractive CLASSY women! I'd even say Japanese women too. Thais wouldn't know class if it wagged in front of their face.

So, how's that for a discussion....go on...attack me some more. You realize this isn't even fair to you?

So...guys...don't fall for the dowry scam!!! (Back on topic!!!)

[dr_Pat_Pong]

While this has all been fun, I see that this is a censored board, which I didn't know, so it seems that opinions are restricted to being P.C., a false road I will not walk down. A shame that truth, no matter how harshly presented, is restricted here.

Still persisting with this censored board. Last warning about your attitude.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Offensive and racist post removed. Admin PP

[sbk]

Actually tks, I would say my 15 years of living in thailand outranks your 8 years of foreign university education in weighing who understands thai culture more. Education does not equal understanding, or intelligence. So, you don't like thai women, fine, I can understand that. What I don't understand is why you persist in giving advice on a topic in which you choose to have no experience.

If a guy does not want to pay a bride price, fine, but he needs to understand that it isn't some scheme to rip off the farang invented by thai people. In fact, most thai men pay one. And Kevinn, your wife may be middle-class but if you look in the hi-so pages you will find that the high-so pay a bride price as well, so I don't think it has anything to do with class or education. Seems to me it must be more a family choice. Perhaps the bride also chooses it, in a culture that values women as the hind legs, perhaps this is one way for the future bride to feel valuable?

And compromise is a two way street guys, your refusal to pay a bride price doesn't scream compromise to me any more than candyflips refusal to marry someone who won't pay.

[NedKelly]

TKS your description of Thai women above is a disgrace. Who doyou think you are to be so negative about people of another race. What size is your KKK hood ? thewomenof Asia are so lucky that you are around to tell them who is attractive and who is not.

I cant beleive that people post such <deleted> on this forum. Why dont people try to be positive for a change. if you dont like a topic stay out of it. Just let those who need the information they seek get what they need. We do not need in any lifetime to have such incredible and knowledgable and obviously handsome people as you boring us with your comments.

[meemiathai]

your refusal to pay a bride price doesn't scream compromise to me any more than candyflips refusal to marry someone who won't pay.

Do you GET it, tks?

Sorry for my poor ability to read and write english! I am sure I could do better if you could speak chinese!

It is fine, very fine indeed to express your disapproval of the dowry issue. But with all the insults to the 'Thai culture' that came out from you(which is based on total ignorance) makes it hardly acceptable! Oh yes! You hate to be the bearer of the ugly truth! ***TRUTH???***

Again, why are you here(on this forum) if you despise Thai people or Thai culture that much? Do you think you need to be here to save us from being scammed by the Thais?

I believe, well no offense, that there is a handicap in you for relationships. And the 8 years didn't do any good for you. I cordially suggest you seek assistance from a shrink!

One last thing I would like to point out is, most farangs who has got ripped off by women in Thailand are of your type of person. Selfish, not willing to give away anything but would like to receive many.

[Khutan]

Umm, I thought I posted a reply here, but obviously my connection must have betrayed me.

Anyway, I got married recently and Paid a reasonable price I thought. Anyway After the wedding and a few genuine expenses were paid it has all come back.

I know my situation is probably different (aren't they all) but we spoke to the family and we said what we wanted to do. I also indicated that if this wasn't ok then we could leave it 4 or 5 years before we do marry. I had the support of my wife and she didn't mind since she has lived in Falang Land with me for quite a while.

So we were able to negotiate things to a good conclusion. Her family saw the face saving "Bride Price" and plenty are paid by Thai's and Falangs and the money mostly came back

[Pink Mist]

me thinks a troller lurks

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Do you GET it, tks?

Meemiathai.....he got it allright....the Royal Order of the Boot

[meemiathai]

[dr_Pat_Pong]

After all this crap....you don't agree with the decision ???

[markt]

Howabout a poll asking who has paid the biggest dowry?

It doesn't have to have been paid by yourself, by someone you know.

[Head Snake]

Very interesting reading. hehe

Yes, can we get back to topic. Can I ask what does a thai man pay for dowry? Is it different than farang?

My opinion is thai women are very beautiful, even their noses.

[hkthai]

It would all depends on the bride’s and groom’s social, financial, and family status. In general, what I can tell you is in a Thai to Thai marriage, the groom’s elders would pay a social visit to the bride’s elders. Bride’s price are discussed and negotiated during this visit…and I would imagine in some cases the amount to be given back (if not all) is also agreed upon.

For Farang to Thai marriage, I am not really sure what is the social norm. However, I would expect that the women would play a greater and more active role in bride’s price discussions. Hopefully the women have enough consideration to keep a balance between family and farang. As someone said earlier, you should really know the girl as well as the family if you have come to this point. And if you do, then the bride’s price should be just an after thought.

[sbk]

Well, my mother-in-law tried to arrange a marriage for my husband about a year or so before he met me and the girl's family wanted 100,00 baht plus gold jewelry, and this was 15 years ago! But then, my husband comes from a fairly well-off family. Apparently bride price is according to 1)bride's family wealth and 2) groom's family wealth.

He got lucky, I was free! Well, I preferred not to have a large wedding (over 1000 people) so we didn't have a wedding here at all. I knew I just couldn't handle the intense scrutiny of that many people.

[D80]

Hi people,

Wow, I haven't been here for a while and there's this heated discussion going on!? And what other topic can it be but the troublesome 'dowry'.

Well, in my experience as a Thai woman, I have said before that my family doesn't practised it. However, it is not a scam and it is indeed a cultural thing. Some people take advantage of it and do use it to defraud some poor souls out of their money. That situation does exist but could be avoided by taking your time to get to know the woman you are marrying and her family (and friends).

A friend of mine who is from a very well to do family, a sort of minor royalty even, and her family still believes in the dowry system. They don't need the money. They don't want the money. They would give the money back to her partner plus double the amount. It is the symbolic value that they are after. It is part of the culture that some see as 'respect' for the family and that is all. If you cannot bring yourself to go through it then it is your choice. But I think to just call it a scam, a cultural B.S. is going a bit too far.

I make no judgment on the practice. I don't support it, I don't practise it. But if anyone believes in it then it is their choice. When done properly, it has its own merit and reasons. And really, you can't generalise and say every case is genuine or every case is a scam. You've got to see for yourself individually and make judgment from your own expereince with the girl and her family. It is not something that's only geared towards farangs. Thai men go through it too.

There is no set 'price', really. Generally, it does depend on many things such as the bride and groom's family background, the social status of their family and so on. The higher the status, the higher the dowry tends to be. But most family in the middle/upper class tend to give the dowry back. A relative of mine got married recently and was given back the dowry, plus the amount double what was paid as a 'wedding gift' from the bride's family.

So, for anyone having a relationship with a Thai woman, follow your own judgment. Be aware of the risk involved by all mean, but don't tar us all with the same brush. There will always have to be adjustments and compromises between the two people in an intercultural marriage. In some issues, it is more realistic to a certain party to adapt to the other's way and vice versa. The best thing to do is to communicate and work out the result together and not continuing down the road of the 'you change first' argument.

Believe me, if you can't even get through the first hurdle of whether or not to pay the dowry, the marriage doesn't have a good prospect. There will be a lot more things to consider that will bring your differences to test. And in many ways, all relationships are like that, be it Thai-farang, farang-farang or Thai-Thai. The differences may be heighten when it is intercultural but the basis of adjusting and compromising is still there.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Thank you for that explanation D80. It puts a bit of balance into some of the nasty

' contributions '. Welcome back

[Pink Mist]

If you pass the medical examination then you pay right Doc!!!!!!!

[alleypanda]

a couple(both thai) I know they are very VERY wealthy family. The groom paid 60 million thb.

[chonabot]

60 Million? Pah mere bagatelle...........looks for spellchecker...

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Chon ....how many nights would that buy you in the streets of delight

[chonabot]

Doc , I've tipped bigger than that for a shoeshine in Soi Yodsak , well that's what she said it was......

[dr_Pat_Pong]

I assume Missus Chon has gone to bed

[NedKelly]

Thanks for that D80. Very good info. I thinkyou are right in saying that it varies from family to family and situation to situation. You are also very right insaying that communication comes into it as well. My problem is that the subject has been raised despite the fact that there has been no discussion about marriage and at the same time the womans family have been asking her to buy a car, house, farm etyc ect.....all my antenna's have gobe up to warn me that all they see in me is money. Not being a rich person makes me feel both inadequate and insulted. Maybe that is their idea !! Her loss not mine !!

[Head Snake]

60 million rupiah maybe. Baht??

[alleypanda]

60 million rupiah maybe. Baht??

Well, you must never been to India . 1 Indian rupiah a= 1 thai baht

and Yes she does really get that dowry sixthty million bahts. her family is a wellknown and if I say who she is or what kind of buisness she own verybody will know it. and I am sure almost everyones had been oneway other another support her buisness.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Flame ....flame....antiflame.....continuing is a waste

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Closed