How Old Is Too Old To Become A Dad?

[473geo]

in addition working man 5 weeks holiday to spend with kids............................older man can spend all 12+ weeks with his kids when they have holiday

Sounds like a nightmare to me!

Isn't that where the experience cuts in too......

[ignis]

Have you noticed here and in farang land that grand parents seem to cope better with their offspring's kids than the parents do.

Yes but at the end of the day they give them back, it is not 24/7 365 days a year.

[transam]

Have you noticed here and in farang land that grand parents seem to cope better with their offspring's kids than the parents do.

Yes but at the end of the day they give them back, it is not 24/7 365 days a year.

In many cases they don't, those from '' the old school'' can keep it together and age has it's advantages.

[mogoso]

It seems to me, that if you decide to have a child at any age you must undertake the responsibility to provide for the child. Being old does mean being stupid, if you procreate you must set up a trust or annuity or something to care for the child, love does not provide food and shelter. Doesn't matter if you and the child mother split, it's your kid, step up to the plate and simply do what's right.

[nocturn]

You are all youngsters. I had my first child (she's now 16 months old) at 58 years old (wife was then 35). Always wanted one but my first wife (married for over 30 years and together for 20 of those) did not for medical reasons.

My daughter is wonderful, my wife is a great mother and it's fantastic to have the time, money and energy to see her grow up in a secure and comfortable environment.

I have no problems if you think that is too old or disgusting or whatever. Thankfully there is no law against it and I plan on sticking around for a lot longer than the average western male (let alone Thai male) does in a relationship.

I do not think it is disgusting, it is entirely up to you. however my line of reasoning goes like this: when your daughter is 20, you will be a doddering geriatric if not dead. I personally wouldn't want that for my child.

I was 38 when my child was born and I saw her as my last chance, but I guess the numbers were more significant to me when I did the math.

She is 4 now. She is in my custody though her mother is very much in the picture. We were always greater friends than lovers and thankfully that continues.

I suppose it all comes down to what kind of parent you want to be -- I decided to be one without a zimmer frame, and I still think i am pushing that envelope.

I had older parents and while they were loving, supportive and more wonderful than i could have ever wished for, my father especially struggled to keep up emotionally, mentally and physically as i moved into my late teens. The gap was vast, and i was the eldest.

One blessing in disguise is that my parents both perished within 6 months of each other in my early 30's. Both were still vital and self-sufficient at the time of their respective deaths and I never had to make any nasty decisions regarding managed care, nor did i ever feel conflicted about the decisions i made in life. For that i am eternally grateful, because I would like to believe i would have been there had they needed it and not abandoned them in their old age. I am glad I never had to test that theory.

Edited April 22, 2011 by nocturn

[zzaa09]

Have you noticed here and in farang land that grand parents seem to cope better with their offspring's kids than the parents do.

Years of learned experience. Wisdom has it's place.

[transam]

Lots of <deleted> spoken here. You could be twenty, father a kid and get run over by a bus , kid still has to get through life and it WILL. Talk about molly coddle. A century ago in the UK it was shit, didn't stop a kid being born, in fact my mum had car tyre tread nailed on her shoes again and again, shot up by the gerry's and STILL had 3 kids and eventually had a good job in UK government. Sheeeesh. LIFE GOES ON who ever mum and dad is, and how ever old they are.

[nocturn]

Lots of <deleted> spoken here. You could be twenty, father a kid and get run over by a bus , kid still has to get through life and it WILL. Talk about molly coddle. A century ago in the UK it was shit, didn't stop a kid being born, in fact my mum had car tyre tread nailed on her shoes again and again, shot up by the gerry's and STILL had 3 kids and eventually had a good job in UK government. Sheeeesh. LIFE GOES ON who ever mum and dad is, and how ever old they are.

you forgot to mention your 12 mile walk to school in the snow, but perhaps that is another blessing in disguise.

[transam]

Lots of <deleted> spoken here. You could be twenty, father a kid and get run over by a bus , kid still has to get through life and it WILL. Talk about molly coddle. A century ago in the UK it was shit, didn't stop a kid being born, in fact my mum had car tyre tread nailed on her shoes again and again, shot up by the gerry's and STILL had 3 kids and eventually had a good job in UK government. Sheeeesh. LIFE GOES ON who ever mum and dad is, and how ever old they are.

you forgot to mention your 12 mile walk to school in the snow, but perhaps that is another blessing in disguise.

You may jest but yes, we did. Life went on. In the first world war young male lives were wiped out BUT life went on, nature has it's way.

If man was supposed to stop recreating when young then nature WOULD have it's say, but it doesn't, if you can recreate what ever your years then do it.

[nocturn]

Lots of <deleted> spoken here. You could be twenty, father a kid and get run over by a bus , kid still has to get through life and it WILL. Talk about molly coddle. A century ago in the UK it was shit, didn't stop a kid being born, in fact my mum had car tyre tread nailed on her shoes again and again, shot up by the gerry's and STILL had 3 kids and eventually had a good job in UK government. Sheeeesh. LIFE GOES ON who ever mum and dad is, and how ever old they are.

you forgot to mention your 12 mile walk to school in the snow, but perhaps that is another blessing in disguise.

You may jest but yes, we did. Life went on. In the first world war young male lives were wiped out BUT life went on, nature has it's way.

If man was supposed to stop recreating when young then nature WOULD have it's say, but it doesn't, if you can recreate what ever your years then do it.

i believe the word you are looking for is procreate. And i did not jest.

Edited April 22, 2011 by nocturn

[zzaa09]

Lots of <deleted> spoken here. You could be twenty, father a kid and get run over by a bus , kid still has to get through life and it WILL. Talk about molly coddle. A century ago in the UK it was shit, didn't stop a kid being born, in fact my mum had car tyre tread nailed on her shoes again and again, shot up by the gerry's and STILL had 3 kids and eventually had a good job in UK government. Sheeeesh. LIFE GOES ON who ever mum and dad is, and how ever old they are.

you forgot to mention your 12 mile walk to school in the snow, but perhaps that is another blessing in disguise.

You may jest but yes, we did. Life went on. In the first world war young male lives were wiped out BUT life went on, nature has it's way.

If man was supposed to stop recreating when young then nature WOULD have it's say, but it doesn't, if you can recreate what ever your years then do it.

Recreate. Naturally. Repopulate the world so they may relive and regenerate more wars for their future off-spring.

[transam]

Lots of <deleted> spoken here. You could be twenty, father a kid and get run over by a bus , kid still has to get through life and it WILL. Talk about molly coddle. A century ago in the UK it was shit, didn't stop a kid being born, in fact my mum had car tyre tread nailed on her shoes again and again, shot up by the gerry's and STILL had 3 kids and eventually had a good job in UK government. Sheeeesh. LIFE GOES ON who ever mum and dad is, and how ever old they are.

you forgot to mention your 12 mile walk to school in the snow, but perhaps that is another blessing in disguise.

You may jest but yes, we did. Life went on. In the first world war young male lives were wiped out BUT life went on, nature has it's way.

If man was supposed to stop recreating when young then nature WOULD have it's say, but it doesn't, if you can recreate what ever your years then do it.

Recreate. Naturally. Repopulate the world so they may relive and regenerate more wars for their future off-spring.

Perhaps, but in the life of man compared to the life of earth it really is minuscule. Earth will go on but man, hmmm, l don't know but in reproduction l do not see any difference to man, cow, chicken, what ever, if nature provides, you do it.

[flying]

Far better off to have a kid at 50 when you are mature and ready than when you are 21 with zero life experience.

Yes & no

Having life experiences does not always translate to having parenting skills.

While I will say that older parents may have more patience. Some I know say when I was

younger & had kids I had the energy but not the patience....Now that I am older I have neither

Still the question that most will have or should have is will they be there for the kids?

Having raised my share I can say it does not end at 18. Kids need support in some form well into life.

If you are 70 years old when your child graduates from high school at 18 how much longer

will you be there for them? Will you be there to help with college or advice with relationships, home purchase,

job career etc etc etc

Also as a father it is nice to be able to take part in the physical things with a son as he grows.

All that aside love can be given at any age of course.

[Roadman]

How old is to old to be a Dad?

Good question as the question asks becoming a Dad as oppossed to fathering chilren, which IMHO suggests a more responsible relationship.

When my main batch of babies were born in my late 20's and early 30's I didn't have a clue about being a Dad, didn't have the foundations of patience and probably more importantly lacked the true desire to love a child and be loved back. Maturity, patience, understanding, morals and values etc. etc. and that existense of that desire have now made me into an excellent Dad much to the benefit of my late in life 'gift' thai daughter. The other foundation (mostly as there are a some excellent single parents out there) to being a Dad is having a solid reliable in it for the long haul partner to bounce and learn from.

With the foundations in place and reflecting where I now sit in life IMHO the oldest age to have children would be in reality minus 20 years from when you are to die. Being that you are around to help your mate "Dad" them through the child and teen years into being a young adult when they should have the ability to mostly care for themselves. And having experienced and seen the results of a large proportion of at times a**ehole step fathers I would not want to have any of my children left to their care in my absence through death and having been a solo father for two would not desire leaving my partner to go it alone especially through their teen years. Realise you mostly can't foresee your death but all of life one plays the %ages and as you get older the odds are shortening so to me it would be making a call on my health and considering baring accidential death if I had that 20 years available.

Edited April 22, 2011 by Roadman

[Tonto21]

Hi aussiechick,

My first thought on this question was nature has all the answers, IE, ‘as long as there’s lead in the pencil there will be buns in the oven.’ However on a personal level, for me, 50 would be pushing it. I never forget a kid I knew at school, he was 14 and his Dad was positively geriatric, even then as a teenager, (with all the sensitivity of a teenage boy) I felt sorry for this kid.

I would not want to have any more kids now, for purely selfless reasons; I’m now 54, if I had a sprog tomorrow, when he has his 18^th birthday I’ll be 72+, (I don’t think I’ll make it that far) for me that’s not expectable on so many levels.

I think bringing a child into this world in the autumn years of life is total egotistical, and shows a lack of control and no appreciation for the principals of action and consequence.

[keestha]

My father was born in 1907, and my daughter in 2007. No problem there at all. I always felt blessed to have relatively old parents, it helped me to have a broad knowledge base, they told me a lot about life in Europe before the second world war. Likewise, when my daughter grows up I could tell her a lot about for instance the seventies, when I was a hippy roaming around Asia.

[cardholder]

Far better off to have a kid at 50 when you are mature and ready than when you are 21 with zero life experience.

+ 1

[473geo]

Far better off to have a kid at 50 when you are mature and ready than when you are 21 with zero life experience.

+ 1

Actually I think you will find there are many children well brought up by young parents in their teens and twenties........young parents benefit from having their parents around to offer thoughtful advice......so the progression of learning in situ continues.......I know some guys who setttled into a comfortable family lifestyle at an early age and brought up very well adjusted children

I was not of the same type, just wanted to roll around doing what I pleased......I doubt my experiences will actually have gained me any advanced parenting skills......perhaps more tolerance and an increased awareness of the challenges and options my children will face as they negotiate the maze of life...........and I will be the first to admit my ideas as to how my children will enjoy life differ from many of the 'ideals' often voiced on this forum

I think the old addage 'no one size fits all' is a fitting comment on this thread

[geriatrickid]

The sperm of older males is more likely to be carrying genetic material that is damaged. This translates into an expected higher incidence of medical problems in the resulting offspring. Sorry, but that's part of human reproduction.

An older male is similar to a young teenage male when it comes to children. Nether is at a stage in their respective emotional aand energy timelines where child rearing is best undertaken. Older parents just don't have the time or patience for kids. Look at the parents in their 20's and 30's and all the time and energy they invest in their kids. I think a 50 year old would be hard pressed to come up with the energy to do the same. A 10 year old wants an active dad to hang around with. Having some 60 year old grampa along for the ride is an embarrassment for a kid. And no dressing in Billabong shorts doesn't make one young. I honestly think that some of the old guys having kids are doing it for vanity. If a parent really loves a child does he want the kid to be alone at the important stage of development the 20-30 year old stage? A 60 year old having a kid is most likely going to be dead when the kid would most benefit from the father's life experiences. 70 year old+ father just isn't going to understand the worries and concerns of a 20 year old kid.

[Scott]

I 100% agree with Geriatickid. I feel soooo sorry for parents who are in their 40's let alone 50's or 60's. It takes so much energy to be a parent and it's the kind of energy that only young people really have.

I won't even get into how it affects the child.

I think nature designed that active libido for a reason.

[473geo]

The sperm of older males is more likely to be carrying genetic material that is damaged. This translates into an expected higher incidence of medical problems in the resulting offspring. Sorry, but that's part of human reproduction.

An older male is similar to a young teenage male when it comes to children. Nether is at a stage in their respective emotional aand energy timelines where child rearing is best undertaken. Older parents just don't have the time or patience for kids. Look at the parents in their 20's and 30's and all the time and energy they invest in their kids. I think a 50 year old would be hard pressed to come up with the energy to do the same. A 10 year old wants an active dad to hang around with. Having some 60 year old grampa along for the ride is an embarrassment for a kid. And no dressing in Billabong shorts doesn't make one young. I honestly think that some of the old guys having kids are doing it for vanity. If a parent really loves a child does he want the kid to be alone at the important stage of development the 20-30 year old stage? A 60 year old having a kid is most likely going to be dead when the kid would most benefit from the father's life experiences. 70 year old+ father just isn't going to understand the worries and concerns of a 20 year old kid.

Bit of a ramble geriatrickid.................given the proper environment of school friends, similar age family members to play with, and energetic and attentive mother,......the father can easily have influence and input without hurtling around playing with the children every minute of the day.... your comment would also appear to support an opinion that all nannies be made redundant, as their employment excludes both the mother and father from 24 hour daily activities.

As for an important stage of development in the 20 - 30 year old stage......don't remember taking a great deal of notice of what my parents thought when travelling that age bracket.......but perhaps I was different!

[BangrakBob]

Lots of <deleted> spoken here. You could be twenty, father a kid and get run over by a bus , kid still has to get through life and it WILL. Talk about molly coddle. A century ago in the UK it was shit, didn't stop a kid being born, in fact my mum had car tyre tread nailed on her shoes again and again, shot up by the gerry's and STILL had 3 kids and eventually had a good job in UK government. Sheeeesh. LIFE GOES ON who ever mum and dad is, and how ever old they are.

you forgot to mention your 12 mile walk to school in the snow, but perhaps that is another blessing in disguise.

You may jest but yes, we did. Life went on. In the first world war young male lives were wiped out BUT life went on, nature has it's way.

If man was supposed to stop recreating when young then nature WOULD have it's say, but it doesn't, if you can recreate what ever your years then do it.

12 mile? You were lucky. We lived for three months in a paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six in the morning, clean the paper bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down t' mill, fourteen hours a day, week-in week-out, for sixpence a week, and when we got home our Dad would thrash us to sleep wi' his belt.

[TommyDee]

the show was one of the most interesting we have had. (yeah i am the eejut on the mike every day.. all flames welcome) it showed the diverse opinions on the subject. in the end, no one is right or wrong, there are extreme views and a ton in the middle.

we cant manage to do that size of a show on a daily basis at the moment because of the amount of work involved but are trying to get at least one hot subject a week that is related to life here and at least NOT Kiss ass radio.

On this subject we included the local chat boards and got great input which helped create the show. perhaps we can do the ssme on TV.. Up to the admin, pls let me know

cheers

TD

[F1fanatic]

The sperm of older males is more likely to be carrying genetic material that is damaged. This translates into an expected higher incidence of medical problems in the resulting offspring. Sorry, but that's part of human reproduction.

An older male is similar to a young teenage male when it comes to children. Nether is at a stage in their respective emotional aand energy timelines where child rearing is best undertaken. Older parents just don't have the time or patience for kids. Look at the parents in their 20's and 30's and all the time and energy they invest in their kids. I think a 50 year old would be hard pressed to come up with the energy to do the same. A 10 year old wants an active dad to hang around with. Having some 60 year old grampa along for the ride is an embarrassment for a kid. And no dressing in Billabong shorts doesn't make one young. I honestly think that some of the old guys having kids are doing it for vanity. If a parent really loves a child does he want the kid to be alone at the important stage of development the 20-30 year old stage? A 60 year old having a kid is most likely going to be dead when the kid would most benefit from the father's life experiences. 70 year old+ father just isn't going to understand the worries and concerns of a 20 year old kid.

Bit of a ramble geriatrickid.................given the proper environment of school friends, similar age family members to play with, and energetic and attentive mother,......the father can easily have influence and input without hurtling around playing with the children every minute of the day.... your comment would also appear to support an opinion that all nannies be made redundant, as their employment excludes both the mother and father from 24 hour daily activities.

As for an important stage of development in the 20 - 30 year old stage......don't remember taking a great deal of notice of what my parents thought when travelling that age bracket.......but perhaps I was different!

Yes. Children are happy to have a father that is old enough to be their grandfather. In fact they don't even notice - until they reach an age where they notice these things...

It doesn't matter though as long as they are able to have the latest fashions that the rest of their class cannot afford.

They won't turn into spoilt brats at all, they will just think their father is wonderful and grow up to be loving, caring people - or not (having grown up with their only advantage being money...)

Edited April 23, 2011 by F1fanatic

[Loz]

I think its up to the two people in a relationship. I mean a relationship is just a term used to describe two people who habitually make fcuked up decisions together and the odd good one. Lets just leave them too it. At least in Thailand (maybe due to lack of social services) the kids tend to have a lot of care and attention from extended family so they will not be out on the street. And if Dad wants to put 22 inch chrome spinners on his zimmer frame for when he makes the school run (or limp) then so be it.

Any baby that is wanted has a good start in life.

[473geo]

The sperm of older males is more likely to be carrying genetic material that is damaged. This translates into an expected higher incidence of medical problems in the resulting offspring. Sorry, but that's part of human reproduction.

An older male is similar to a young teenage male when it comes to children. Nether is at a stage in their respective emotional aand energy timelines where child rearing is best undertaken. Older parents just don't have the time or patience for kids. Look at the parents in their 20's and 30's and all the time and energy they invest in their kids. I think a 50 year old would be hard pressed to come up with the energy to do the same. A 10 year old wants an active dad to hang around with. Having some 60 year old grampa along for the ride is an embarrassment for a kid. And no dressing in Billabong shorts doesn't make one young. I honestly think that some of the old guys having kids are doing it for vanity. If a parent really loves a child does he want the kid to be alone at the important stage of development the 20-30 year old stage? A 60 year old having a kid is most likely going to be dead when the kid would most benefit from the father's life experiences. 70 year old+ father just isn't going to understand the worries and concerns of a 20 year old kid.

Bit of a ramble geriatrickid.................given the proper environment of school friends, similar age family members to play with, and energetic and attentive mother,......the father can easily have influence and input without hurtling around playing with the children every minute of the day.... your comment would also appear to support an opinion that all nannies be made redundant, as their employment excludes both the mother and father from 24 hour daily activities.

As for an important stage of development in the 20 - 30 year old stage......don't remember taking a great deal of notice of what my parents thought when travelling that age bracket.......but perhaps I was different!

Yes. Children are happy to have a father that is old enough to be their grandfather. In fact they don't even notice - until they reach an age where they notice these things...

It doesn't matter though as long as they are able to have the latest fashions that the rest of their class cannot afford.

They won't turn into spoilt brats at all, they will just think their father is wonderful and grow up to be loving, caring people - or not (having grown up with their only advantage being money...)

I grew up with kids who were in boarding school..........not once....not once.....can I ever remember a complaint about their parents.......they accepted their life, loved and respected their parents just the same.....despite not seeing them for months on end.............perhaps children are more resilient than some of you think

I went to school with a boy who had an older than average father...........it was well known, the guy was a local reverend...............the boy wasn't bothered about the age of his father and mother...........knew he was loved and wanted

You know what troubled him? the assinine comments from the narrow minded Aholes who thought they knew how he must feel.......his father was not an embarrassment.......the people seeking to make comment were!!

As for being spoilt................well surely that is not about age......and....in my opinion...... likely to be more prominent in a younger inexperienced family

I can assure my children are not turning into spoilt brats..............because I know better......

[F1fanatic]

I think its up to the two people in a relationship. I mean a relationship is just a term used to describe two people who habitually make fcuked up decisions together and the odd good one. Lets just leave them too it. At least in Thailand (maybe due to lack of social services) the kids tend to have a lot of care and attention from extended family so they will not be out on the street. And if Dad wants to put 22 inch chrome spinners on his zimmer frame for when he makes the school run (or limp) then so be it.

Any baby that is wanted has a good start in life.

Yes, but I somehow doubt that the child is impressed by the improvements to the zimmer frame!

To be fair though, most fathers aren't old enough to require a zimmer frame - they're just in their 50s to 70s.

The kids are v grateful that their fathers are so young...

Whereas the kids from Thai relationships have to make do with the father being in their 20's, but having no money.

Edited April 23, 2011 by F1fanatic

[Pacificperson]

I was 46 when the second son was born. I will be 64 when he graduates high school.Hopefully, I will be around to see them through college. After that, they are on their own.

I personally don't think that I would have handled it well if I was any older. The physical part was toughest when they were 9 to 12 or so and big enough to push me around in their play.

It does not always happen that the doddering father kicks the bucket. I have a friend who married a much younger wife and had a child in his seventies. His wife died of cancer and he has an eight year old by himself in his late seventies.

But I will add this: an old father or stepfather who is present is far better than a young one who has disappeared.

Edited April 23, 2011 by Pacificperson

[transam]

I think its up to the two people in a relationship. I mean a relationship is just a term used to describe two people who habitually make fcuked up decisions together and the odd good one. Lets just leave them too it. At least in Thailand (maybe due to lack of social services) the kids tend to have a lot of care and attention from extended family so they will not be out on the street. And if Dad wants to put 22 inch chrome spinners on his zimmer frame for when he makes the school run (or limp) then so be it.

Any baby that is wanted has a good start in life.

Yes, but I somehow doubt that the child is impressed by the improvements to the zimmer frame!

To be fair though, most fathers aren't old enough to require a zimmer frame - they're just in their 50s to 70s.

The kids are v grateful that their fathers are so young...

Whereas the kids from Thai relationships have to make do with the father being in their 20's, but having no money.

AND deserted.

[zzaa09]

Lots of <deleted> spoken here. You could be twenty, father a kid and get run over by a bus , kid still has to get through life and it WILL. Talk about molly coddle. A century ago in the UK it was shit, didn't stop a kid being born, in fact my mum had car tyre tread nailed on her shoes again and again, shot up by the gerry's and STILL had 3 kids and eventually had a good job in UK government. Sheeeesh. LIFE GOES ON who ever mum and dad is, and how ever old they are.

you forgot to mention your 12 mile walk to school in the snow, but perhaps that is another blessing in disguise.

You may jest but yes, we did. Life went on. In the first world war young male lives were wiped out BUT life went on, nature has it's way.

If man was supposed to stop recreating when young then nature WOULD have it's say, but it doesn't, if you can recreate what ever your years then do it.

12 mile? You were lucky. We lived for three months in a paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six in the morning, clean the paper bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down t' mill, fourteen hours a day, week-in week-out, for sixpence a week, and when we got home our Dad would thrash us to sleep wi' his belt.

Oh dear. I feel a Python sketch coming on.....