Old Timers - Help Please

[Senia]

1. why is everyone their own boss here ?

2. why do the men here especially like to spout out advice that have no medical or scientific reasoning behind it at all. And they get pissed off when you do offer a rational reasoning.

3. Is it me or is "control" a big thing here.

4. If you hire someone to do a job why should I be the one to listen to her and not she listening to my instructions ??????

5. Are even foreign non- expat women second class citizens here ?

[F1fanatic]

You'll find out on your own. You don't need our advice as you wouldn't believe it anyway.

[SteeleJoe]

1. why is everyone their own boss here ?

They aren't.

2. why do the men here especially like to spout out advice that have no medical or scientific reasoning behind it at all. And they get pissed off when you do offer a rational reasoning.

Not aware that that's true.

3. Is it me or is "control" a big thing here.

I think it's you.

4. If you hire someone to do a job why should I be the one to listen to her and not she listening to my instructions ??????

Uhmmm...you shouldn't?

5. Are even foreign non- expat women second class citizens here ?

Eh? Do you mean female tourists? Why "even"? And what do you mean by "second class citizens"? (Tourists or expats, by definition, aren't citizens at all -- and certainly aren't equal if that's what you mean)

Look forward to seeing this thread when I come back....

[sbk]

A few recommendations:

http://www.amazon.com/Working-Thais-Guide-Managing-Thailand/dp/9748496503

http://www.amazon.com/Culture-Shock-Thailand-Survival-Etiquette/dp/0761454985/ref=pd_sim_b_1

http://www.amazon.com/Very-Thai-Philip-Cornwel-Smith/dp/9749863674/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1308910223&sr=1-1

I had to learn mine the hard way: experience. But, I am now a very patient woman that has learned how to deal with things here without going crazy.

[Berkshire]

I think the OP can be classified as a rambling, incoherent rant. And not a particularly entertaining one at that.

[SteeleJoe]

I thought what Berkshire did.

But I now think that SBK was the wiser...(I should have given a moment's thought).

[Shotime]

"...(I should have given a moment's thought)."

At a minimum..

[SteeleJoe]

"...(I should have given a moment's thought)."

At a minimum..

Yes, maybe even two.

(But I tend to not do that on forums rather often, and quite deliberately. I usually prefer to reply off the top of my head and as soon as I see something that I feel like replying to for whatever reason. Sue me.)

[Xangsamhua]

A few recommendations:

http://www.amazon.co...d/dp/9748496503

http://www.amazon.co.../ref=pd_sim_b_1

http://www.amazon.co...08910223&sr=1-1

I had to learn mine the hard way: experience. But, I am now a very patient woman that has learned how to deal with things here without going crazy.

One to add to SBK's list:

http://www.selectboo...px?SBNum=043092

[jdinasia]

"...(I should have given a moment's thought)."

At a minimum..

Yes, maybe even two.

(But I tend to not do that on forums rather often, and quite deliberately. I usually prefer to reply off the top of my head and as soon as I see something that I feel like replying to for whatever reason. Sue me.)

I start writing immediately .....

I do, however, take a moment to reflect now before pushing the "post" button .... (most of the time )

[SteeleJoe]

"...(I should have given a moment's thought)."

At a minimum..

Yes, maybe even two.

(But I tend to not do that on forums rather often, and quite deliberately. I usually prefer to reply off the top of my head and as soon as I see something that I feel like replying to for whatever reason. Sue me.)

I start writing immediately .....

I do, however, take a moment to reflect now before pushing the "post" button .... (most of the time )

When I write (or do many things) I have a tendency to -- as my father put it (though not originally) -- "make the perfect the enemy of the good"; if I don't just go off the top of my head I either spend too much time trying to perfect it or never write at all because I know I won't be able to do it as well as is warranted if I don't put a lot of time and effort and I can't be bothered or haven't got time or energy...so I pretty much just bang it out and push send.

So while I have occasionally done some "serious" writing that I was willing to submit to critical review with my name on it, forums for me are where I can just go for it without concern about getting it just right; I try never to write anything that I can't stand behind as being factually correct or sound in logic or principle -- and believe I generally succeed in that but have no problem admitting to error and apologizing for it when it is pointed out to me -- but I don't claim my posts to be comprehensive or well written (especially not the latter).

I also tend be just a wee bit long winded...not that anyone noticed, I'm sure...

[JurgenG]

I'm afraid you're not going to like my answers.

1. why is everyone their own boss here ?

Because the people you know didn't find anybody to hire them so they didn't have any other choice but to be "self employed"

2. why do the men here especially like to spout out advice that have no medical or scientific reasoning behind it at all. And they get pissed off when you do offer a rational reasoning.

Why do you think nobody wanted to hire them ? They are obviously not the brightest lights on the Christmas tree

3. Is it me or is "control" a big thing here.

Thailand is not really a forgiving society when it comes to losers, obviously everybody put shit on your friends.

So it seems they are desperate to find someone that is even lower than them.

Waste no time, find new friends

4. If you hire someone to do a job why should I be the one to listen to her and not she listening to my instructions ??????

You obviously not hiring the right people. But why am I not surprised based on the people you know here ?

5. Are even foreign non- expat women second class citizens here ?

No.

I strongly suggest you move out of your current circle of friends

If you're not a drug addict white trash, they are a lot of smart, well adjusted thais and foreigners that are most willing to welcome you. Just chose the right friends

[WinnieTheKhwai]

I don't get this post at all. Happy to see that some people seem to understand it though.

[Shotime]

They've lost me, too..

Edit: There you go. I didn't like my respone, and I'll admit to not being perfect. Far from it. However, it is always a good idea to think a little before hitting the Post button. Sometimes, that doesn't work for me either, but I'm trying.

[bina]

senia is a new mother i think she just gave birth recently or fairly so; non thai and i think, asian? living in thailand. i suspect that she is having problems with family members telling her what to do with her child, etc...and hubby dearest is not giving her the support she is expecting/ this is based on other of her posts in the past. and possibly her childcaretaker is doing stuff she specifically asked her not to do... and she is just venting. im wondering if we should just move it to family or elsewhere to get more appropriate answerx?

hopefully i guessed parts of this right?

bina

senia's previous 'venting' post

[SteeleJoe]

senia is a new mother i think she just gave birth recently or fairly so; non thai and i think, asian? living in thailand. i suspect that she is having problems with family members telling her what to do with her child, etc...and hubby dearest is not giving her the support she is expecting/ this is based on other of her posts in the past. and possibly her childcaretaker is doing stuff she specifically asked her not to do... and she is just venting. im wondering if we should just move it to family or elsewhere to get more appropriate answerx?

hopefully i guessed parts of this right?

bina

senia's previous 'venting' post

http://www.thaivisa....14#entry4401514

Well, now I feel like a total jerk.

If Bina's got it right, sorry Senia.

[zzaa09]

I think the OP can be classified as a rambling, incoherent rant. And not a particularly entertaining one at that.

Hysterical.......very un-PC.

[JurgenG]

senia is a new mother i think she just gave birth recently or fairly so; non thai and i think, asian? living in thailand. i suspect that she is having problems with family members telling her what to do with her child, etc...and hubby dearest is not giving her the support she is expecting/ this is based on other of her posts in the past. and possibly her childcaretaker is doing stuff she specifically asked her not to do... and she is just venting. im wondering if we should just move it to family or elsewhere to get more appropriate answerx?

hopefully i guessed parts of this right?

bina

senia's previous 'venting' post

http://www.thaivisa....14#entry4401514

Thanks Bina. Now I I read the post completely differently. I think you're right, it appears to be family related. But I also think it may have its place in the general forum as it's important for someone who plan to live in Thailand to understand the dynamics of a Thai family.

Based on my observation, Thai families are extended families and it's not unusual to see to see 3 or 4 generations living under the same roof, or vey near by of each other. That includes the wives and husbands of the children and their own children.

The real head of the family is most often the mother. The "imported parts" (husband and wives of the children), have two options : submission or be ready for a life of incessant troubles ...Or move out but this option is sometime synonym to divorce and anyway even then you have to understand you're only married to half of your wife/husband, the other half belongs to his/her family.

Male, female, rich, poor, thai, foreigners, high so, low so ... I've friends in all this situations, being the "imported part" is not easy for anybody.

My solution is to be nice with your in-laws but keep them at bay. Allow your other half quality time with his/her family but insist by spending quality time together on your own.

And get your own friends who will act as support group when you need it.

I hope I get it right this time ....

[moe666]

Stand upfor yourself and donot be a door mat

[Trembly]

Actually there are plenty of Thai families who are quite willing to respect personal boundaries . . . but it takes your partner's cooperation (with you) to remind his/her family that husband & wife are a family unit in their own right AS WELL as being part of their family.

Ever seen a Thai sibling rule a family, up, down and sideways? The real issue is whether or not you are being taken seriously by them - not the easiest task if you don't speak their language and can only rely on body language.

Not-being-taken-seriously happens in all-Thai families too, by the way.

[sbk]

Thats true, and if there is no spousal support its even harder.

The biggest thing is to not live too close in proximity to the family if you can't handle them or if they are particularly controlling.

[nocturn]

Senia has a posting history that documents her inability to cope and stand up for herself.

[JurgenG]

Senia has a posting history ...

The only thing we can deduct form her posting history is that it is not easy to raise a baby in a foreign country and that instead of expressing her frustrations ( that are fully understandable given her situation) on the people around her, she chose to vent them on a virtual forum.

And to ask for advise.

Actually a very smart and considerate way.

[StreetCowboy]

Senia has a posting history that documents her inability to cope and stand up for herself.

Thanks for that helpful comment. It is always worth remembering that people can be heartless without being cruel.

SC

[F1fanatic]

Senia has a posting history that documents her inability to cope and stand up for herself.

Thanks for that helpful comment. It is always worth remembering that people can be heartless without being cruel.

SC

Again looking for the ROFL emoticon!

[StreetCowboy]

Senia has a posting history that documents her inability to cope and stand up for herself.

Thanks for that helpful comment. It is always worth remembering that people can be heartless without being cruel.

SC

Again looking for the ROFL emoticon!

That always reminds me of Rolf Harris; can you see what the joke is yet? Is there a beardie-aussie-bloke icon?

To be honest, I can only recall one time that I was completely helpless with laughter, and that over a slightly technical issue with colleagues; to be honest, even today, I struggle to explain it, and never successfully to a layman. It makes me appreciate what it must be like to be an accountant; I imagine most of their humour relates to double-entry book-keeping (my apologies for that, but, like a postern-trumpet fanfare, I was frightened to try and keep it in)

And my apologies for somewhat of a digression from topic, though perhaps we should all be grateful.

SC

[F1fanatic]

Senia has a posting history that documents her inability to cope and stand up for herself.

Thanks for that helpful comment. It is always worth remembering that people can be heartless without being cruel.

SC

Again looking for the ROFL emoticon!

That always reminds me of Rolf Harris; can you see what the joke is yet? Is there a beardie-aussie-bloke icon?

To be honest, I can only recall one time that I was completely helpless with laughter, and that over a slightly technical issue with colleagues; to be honest, even today, I struggle to explain it, and never successfully to a layman. It makes me appreciate what it must be like to be an accountant; I imagine most of their humour relates to double-entry book-keeping (my apologies for that, but, like a postern-trumpet fanfare, I was frightened to try and keep it in)

And my apologies for somewhat of a digression from topic, though perhaps we should all be grateful.

SC

Digressing again - sorry - I'm definitely mathematically oriented rather than artistic - I used to be a Flnance Manager .

Believe me, we have a healthy sense of humour - but only when we're 'in the mood'. Like most people.....

I've been helpless with laughter a few times.

[StreetCowboy]

...

Again looking for the ROFL emoticon!

That always reminds me of Rolf Harris; can you see what the joke is yet? Is there a beardie-aussie-bloke icon?

To be honest, I can only recall one time that I was completely helpless with laughter, and that over a slightly technical issue with colleagues; to be honest, even today, I struggle to explain it, and never successfully to a layman. It makes me appreciate what it must be like to be an accountant; I imagine most of their humour relates to double-entry book-keeping (my apologies for that, but, like a postern-trumpet fanfare, I was frightened to try and keep it in)

And my apologies for somewhat of a digression from topic, though perhaps we should all be grateful.

SC

Digressing again - sorry - I'm definitely mathematically oriented rather than artistic - I used to be a Flnance Manager .

Believe me, we have a healthy sense of humour - but only when we're 'in the mood'. Like most people.....

I've been helpless with laughter a few times.

Like you, I enjoy a career where I can be innovative and creative, and, again like many accountants, I consider novelists and poets to be my peers, rather than those who are more literal than literary.

Straying back on topic momentarily; I feel we have been blessed that no-one has yet said "Grow a pair".

Anyway, it takes years for a tree to bear fruit.

SC

[rgs2001uk]

To answer your questions in order you asked.

1. They arent, though they like to think they are.

2. Quick answer loss of face, I dont have the time or inclanation to go into the role of boys in Thai families and the way they are raised.

3.Quick answer yes, your problem is you dont know where you stand in the pecking order yet.

4. You dont, you sack them and get what you pay for, refer to answer 3 above.

5. Nothing sexist on their part, you are non Thai, refer to answer 3 above.

[JurgenG]

like many accountants, I consider novelists and poets to be my peers,