Senility Strikes

[A. BOOZER]

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one

morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said,

'"Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel

answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?" She pulled it out and

stared at it.

Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I

know where to find my hearing aid."

When the husband finally died, his wife put the usual death notice

in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhoea.

No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family

phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of

diarrhoea, not gonorrhoea." Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and

day so of course I know he died of diarrhoea, but I thought it would be

better for posterity to remember him as a great lover, rather than the

big s- - he always was."

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They

were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave

came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and

couldn't find her, so the Captain sent the old man back to shore with

the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.

Three weeks went by, and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It

read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom

of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her

butt was an oyster, and in it was a pearl worth $50,000...please

advise." The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl, and re-bait the

trap."

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed

away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the

casket out, when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.

They hear a faint moan.They open the casket and find that the woman is

actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once

again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are

again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the

door, the husband cries out, "Watch that wall!"

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a

park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.

She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me

every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh

fruit and freshly ground coffee."

I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" She said, "He makes me

homemade soup for lunch, and my favourite brownies, and then makes love

to me for half the afternoon.

I said, "Well, why are you crying?" She said, "For dinner he

makes me a gourmet meal with wine, and my favourite dessert and then

makes love to me until 2:00 a.m." I said, "Well, why in the world would

you be crying?"

She said, "I can't remember where I live!"

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the

years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately,

their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play

cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and

said, "Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long

time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought,

but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend

glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at

her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

THE SENILITY PRAYER

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,

the good fortune to run into the ones I do,

and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now, I think you're supposed to send this to 5 or 6, maybe 1,

oh hel_l, send it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember

who they are. Then something is supposed to happen . I think.

[Pink Mist]

subtle ones boozer, very good