Is Getting Your Partner Out Of Thailand The Key To A Successful Relationship

[trainman34014]

I built my relationship in Thailand over a four year period of coming here four times a year for one month visits. The woman I eventually married and settled with is 18 years younger than me and was a widowed working Midwife who had traveled widely in Asia but never to the West. Right from the start of our relationship she told me that she wanted to see Europe, Australia and America but had no wish to live in any other place than Thailand. Since we married I have taken her to the UK, OZ and the States and we have had long stays, especially in the UK, which was my former home. After seeing all that these countries have to offer my wife is always happy to come back home and says that whilst she has learned a lot about the World and other cultures she still has no wish to live abroad. As I am very happy living here myself and have no particular reason to want to return to the country of my birth, we have a very happy and stable marriage and I consider myself to be one of the lucky ones. However; I have friends who have had terrible experiences with taking Thai girls to the UK including one good mate who has been married to three different women he has taken back and each time they have crapped on him.

[Gary A]

I have a friend who took his Thai bride to his home country. I won't be too specific because he reads the forum. After a number of years in his home country, they returned to Thailand. She is now a VERY dominating wife and in my opinion, he is in a difficult relationship. Besides being dominating, she has a very bad temper and will blow a minor thing into a loud rant.

My friend, if you read this, I'll just say that it's better you than me. You have my sympathy.

[StreetCowboy]

I don't think it's fair to take a thai girl out of Thailand. As someone said they love their country, their food and music. They love to chat with their friends and of course their number one priority FAMILY. It must be hell for them to go to another country, have no friends, can not speak the language well, no TV, and maybe a cold climate (like Scotland). I think it's just asking for trouble to take them abroad.

Excuse me, we Scots have ways of keeping ladies warm.

Kilts, whisky and Haggis?

You're just trying to make me homesick...

[villagefarang]

Unless one is very insecure and/or a total control freak, I figure the more two people know about each other the better the chance of a successful relationship. That includes understanding where the other person comes from. It is hard to imagine a successful relationship founded on ignorance and constraint.

I had more than twenty years of experience living in Thailand before I decided to get married so my wife had some catching up to do. After several years of dividing our time between our respective countries and weighing the options, we decided on Chiang Rai as our place of residence.

My wife maintains many close relationships with friends in my country and Bangkok through visits, modern technology and social media. In our case, time abroad made our relationship stronger and more balanced.

[thaiIand]

Taking your partner to your own country is the beginning of the end. They become westernized very quickly and realize they dont need you any more. It is the worst possible thing you can do. Believe me, I have experienced it. They become even more greedy. They also meet other thais who teach them how to be successful and its does not include you.

this guy explains it well

If you're a normal person who came here for anything but love, you'll do fine back home with your gf/wife

But.

If you're a lowlife/faty/loser/desperate man(ie: guy in my avatar) and think you saved your thai girl from a life of misery in bars or on a farm and bring her back home. Then yes she will find better because you're not that great to begin with and were just a meal ticket anyways.

Edited February 12, 2012 by thaiIand

[billd766]

I don't think it's fair to take a thai girl out of Thailand. As someone said they love their country, their food and music. They love to chat with their friends and of course their number one priority FAMILY. It must be hell for them to go to another country, have no friends, can not speak the language well, no TV, and maybe a cold climate (like Scotland). I think it's just asking for trouble to take them abroad.

Excuse me, we Scots have ways of keeping ladies warm.

Surely you don't mean feeding them with porridge and salt, haggis, mutton pies anmd wee hawfies?.

That would ruin a relationship.

[garrfeild]

It's not a question of where you live but how you behave in a relationship.

[StreetCowboy]

It's not a question of where you live but how you behave in a relationship.

Would you like to buy a flat in the East End of Glasgow?

[jayjayjayjay]

I don't think it's fair to take a thai girl out of Thailand. As someone said they love their country, their food and music. They love to chat with their friends and of course their number one priority FAMILY. It must be hell for them to go to another country, have no friends, can not speak the language well, no TV, and maybe a cold climate (like Scotland). I think it's just asking for trouble to take them abroad.

I would guess that Chris put it in a nutshell, and Ulysses also made a good point.

But, there ARE no hard and fast rules when it comes to love and marriage. Statistics in the western world show marriage failures of over 50%. If you are a gambling man then go for it. Just don't bet the farm on a wish and a prayer. Don't gamble with what you can't afford to lose and happily walk away from.

I think suffice to say that relationships and Thailand are mutually exclusive. I've had one disaster and one wonderful relationship, both carried out in Thailand. Had the first relationship gone overseas it still would have gone wrong given incompatibility, so I honestly believe Thailand has nothing to do with it..

[jayjayjayjay]

Depends on the age difference if the Thai lady is 15 years plus younger than her farang partner then she will almost certainly have affairs behind his back (seen this happen so often)

I honestly think you need to look at the quality of your friends more than the difference in age!

[HardenedSoul]

I think a guy knows if his partner is the type who would avail herself of an opportunity to upgrade so if he's afraid of losing his wife/GF to a younger, more handsome and/or richer guy in his homeland or elsewhere, he needs to examine the fundamentals of the relationship and figure out if he's living in denial. Relationships face challenges anyway as it is but having to fight off interest from third parties that she herself doesn't rebuff will become tiring and, I'd imagine, demoralizing.

I'm still at an age and possessed of aesthetics that see me regularly propositioned by the wives/GFs of older guys while she thinks they're not looking so, for now, I can't begin to imagine what it's like to live with the worry about a Thai girl dumping me for a younger guy but I think that if a man has even an inkling that such misfortune could befall him, it's better he remain in Thailand where he'll at least be on a more level playing field in terms of competition for his partner.

[DP25]

I would think its quite the opposite, and being able to earn a living and stay in Thailand is the key to success. Not many Thais are happy living in foreign countries. Thais only make up 1% of Asian Americans, if they wanted to live in the US there would be millions of them already like there are with Chinese, Filipinos, or Koreans.

[richard_smith237]

I believe this issue depends purely on your wife / girlfriend and the relationship you have.

My wife certainly does not need me, but she chose me, I believe she will follow me where ever I need to be. I also believe that its important to either be close to my family or her family, so really its England or Thailand, unless of course a great job comes up somewhere else. In which case I have already asked her: If a great job else where comes up and it makes financial stupidity not to take it, we have to give it a try and make the best of efforts to make it work, I don't want complaints or sadness, just a year of effort. IF after a year she has made a concerted effort to enjoy life and is still not happy, I will be happy to move back to square one which always remains an option....

The key point here as in any relationship is simply maintaing mutual respect.

[Roadman]

I think it has everything to do with the correct choice of a thai partner (which should not be any different in the choices you would make in your home country) compatability of the partners, where you take them and the effort you put into bedding them into their new environment. My experiences within the wide circle of the thai community for the 10 years that I have been heavily involved within it here in New Zealand is exactly the opposite of what others are saying here. Most of the thai women here would not go back to Thailand. There are a few that have gone back that has been also at the choice of their retired/retiring partners. There have been plenty through the death of, or divorce from their partners that have chosen to stay here, and have no desire to go back to Thailand. There have also been a few that have gone back to Thailand then within a short time are back here vowing to never go back to Thailand. When asked why the answer I always get is New Zealand is a beautiful, stable and caring country and Thailand is the pits. I get the same answers apart from the odd one when I ask all the thai women in stable relationships here if they are Thai's in NZ or Kiwi Thai's. Only a few of them would go back. What is also noticeable is that they all tend to bring their daughters here but not their sons. And the answer is also more of the Thailand is the pits and they want their daughters out of there and somewhere safe where they can gain educational and general life opportunity. And most of these daughters seem to do well (there is a large group in varsity but that is because our own thai daughter is there also for us to know these ones well) and are staying here as well.

The other obvious differents that I see here opposed to what others are saying is that while there is the odd dead beat most of the thai community here are very supportive of each other and are great value to new arrivals. Also the westernised thai women here still retain all their thainess and most of the thai / falang relationships I see here are based on respect for each other.

[richard_smith237]

I would think its quite the opposite, and being able to earn a living and stay in Thailand is the key to success. Not many Thais are happy living in foreign countries. Thais only make up 1% of Asian Americans, if they wanted to live in the US there would be millions of them already like there are with Chinese, Filipinos, or Koreans.

There are various different reasons for this though: How about folk from Malaysia, Indonesia, Laos? .... The Chinese are everywhere because quite literally there are millions of them and China has been doing trade on a global level for centuries. A lot of Koreans have had to move due to political adversity. Filipino's travel well, especially to the USA as their education system is very Americanised....

[RPETER65]

I have been married to a Thai since 2003,who I met and married in th U.S, she had been in the U.S. for 5 years, came with her than Thai husband who was working in the U.S. as a flight engineer, his problem with alcohal caused their marriage to end in divorce.When I met her she had been in the U.S. 5 years, mostly on overstay, after dating for a year we married and she received permanent residency, in 2006 I retired and we moved to Thailand to be close to her aging father. We have since traveled back and forth between living in Thailand and the U.S. about six months each, we have a home in both countries, we have an equal amount of Thai and American friends in the U.S. she has always pulled her weight finacially working and contributing to our finances, I have never given or have I been asked for money for her family, we have on accasion loaned money always to be repayed. We are now bothretired and finacialy set we travel, both in Asia and the U.S. and love it, our biggest problem has always been comunication, although she is fluent in english because of the cultural differences we sometimes have a hard time really understanding one another. What I have learned from our experiences togther patience and understanding helps a lot.I read many threads on these expat forums which would lead the inexperienced to beleive all Thai people are money hungry users, it is not so, I have never felt used or looked down on as a farang in Thailand, my wifes family and friends have more than welcomed me into there communities, but then again I was smart enough not to marry a bar girl.

Good luck with what ever you do, but remember a successful marriage to a Thai takes work,commitment,and understanding as does any marriage.

[Mobi]

Although I have no facts to back this up, I think it is probably true to say that a majority of Farang/Thai relationships end up in failure, whether they live in Thailand or in the west.

Certainly my own experience, having had no less than five legal Thai wives through the years, some of them living abroad with me and others in Thailand, bears this out; but of course, I may well be the exception.

But my personal experiences apart, through the years, I have known of so many Thai/farang marriages that have floundered - sometimes in Thailand, and sometimes back in the farang's home country. I also have known of many more where, although the couple are still together, it is clear they are in a dreadfully unhappy, loveless marriages and it is only the 'kids' or mutual financial security that keeps them together.

I also know of some marriages, both in Thailand and also back in England, where, as far as I am aware, they are genuinely happy, but I have to say they are few and far between.

There really are no hard and fast rules. One of my wives - the one I took to England, loves England and will never come back to Thailand, except for holidays. Others hate it there and just put up with it until they have saved enough to go back home, or just suffer in silence for the sake of the families back home who they are supporting.

I have a friend who was convinced that if you found a Thai girl young enough - before she knew anything of life or its bad ways - and take her out of Thailand, send her to school, teach her English and western ways and culture and let her grow up in a foreign environment, that she will leave all those so-called bad 'Thai habits' behind.

So he did just that with a seventeen year old, sort of Pygmalian-like, after first marrying her. Six years later he was the most unhappy man on the planet. She had been screwing around almost ever since she went to The UK, at the age of 17, and was generally acting in a most un-wifely manner. Of course there was a large age difference, which no doubt had much to do with her infidelities.

I used to know another similar marriage where an ageing, very rich, British scientist, took a young girl from Ubon to Cambridge where she produced a large, second family for him. If you met them, you would say they were an idyllic couple. Yet the girl became quite friendly with my then Thai wife and she confided with her that she was bitterly unhappy, hated her husband and was unfaithful whenever she could get away with it.

I could go on and on.

It would be an interesting exercise to do a survey to try and establish whether the incidence of breakups in Thai/ farang marriages was any higher than the breakup of marriages in general. I suspect it is, which is even more interesting given that for most of the men – and many of the women – it is their second or third marriage, so they should be getting better at it.

I honestly think you have to understand the woman, her tastes, her likes, her dislikes, her level of education and much more besides, before you are able to assess whether she will be happy in the west.

Certainly, most will not be happy, but some of them learn to find their way, especially if they have access to a Thai community where they can spend time with Thai friends.

Frequent trips back home are also a good way of keeping wives happy. Isolating them in a foreign country is not a good idea as generally they love to be with other Thais.

However, there are exceptions to this. I once knew a Thai couple who lived in England and absolutely loved it there because they could enjoy so much privacy that was not possible for them in Thailand.

My own Thai wife did not wish to mix with other Thais very much when we lived in England. She embraced the west and their culture which is why she is still there today.

When I first knew her, I always remember playing her the ‘theme’ album of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s ‘Jesus Christ Superstar’, which had just been released. She asked me to explain it to her and she fell in love with the music, and later with British musical theatre – along with many other western things. We were still living in Thailand at the time. Now how many Thai women would react like that?

There are no hard and fast rules on this and certainly the chances of having a long successful marriage with a Thai woman are quite slim, wherever you decide to live. The language and cultural barriers, along with most Thai women’s natural instincts to control their spouses – along with a not uncommon ‘amoral attitude’ towards men and sex, make the odds against happiness even higher.

But good luck to all those who try – be it in LOS or somewhere else in the world – you never know, you might be the exception that proves the rule.

[ludditeman]

I've recently heard a few of my friends saying that getting your partner out of Thailand and living for a while in your own country is critical for the success of your relationship. I can see a logic in that however I have also heard of stories where doing just that has badly disrupted and destroyed some relationships that have gone well.

What's been your experience on this issue? Would you agree that people doing this have a greater chance of a long term relationship? Or does it just open a new set of problems?

I would suggest that giving your wife access to the courts in your home country would be a recipe for financial disaster, for those men in the 50% of marriages that eventually end in divorce. The odds are bad!

[ludditeman]

Taking your partner to your own country is the beginning of the end. They become westernized very quickly and realize they dont need you any more. It is the worst possible thing you can do. Believe me, I have experienced it. They become even more greedy. They also meet other thais who teach them how to be successful and its does not include you.

this guy explains it well

If you're a normal person who came here for anything but love, you'll do fine back home with your gf/wife

But.

If you're a lowlife/faty/loser/desperate man(ie: guy in my avatar) and think you saved your thai girl from a life of misery in bars or on a farm and bring her back home. Then yes she will find better because you're not that great to begin with and were just a meal ticket anyways.

I've found the 'normal guys' get taken far more often than the 'lowlifes'.

The lowlifes are usually that bit more careful.

[pattayadingo]

Three, yes, three guys from my home town took their women with them back to the U.K.

Whenever they were out in the pub the women were ogled at as some exotic species, yet to me they were not beautiful Thai women. Within the space of 6 months two couples had split up and the other had returned back to Thailand. Not a good success ratio.

That made me vow not to go to the trouble and expense of taking aThai woman back home. I would never be sure what they were up to and with whom behind my back.

I would much rather stay in Thailand with one and let the relationship run its course. Much cheaper and less hassle in my opinion.

[thaimate]

to the darkside blogger

My friend without trying to appear rude if you have had five Thai wifes who have left you ,i think you should be looking at what is wrong with you ,not what is wrong with Thai women

[maprao]

I have been married to a Thai since 2003,who I met and married in th U.S, she had been in the U.S. for 5 years, came with her than Thai husband who was working in the U.S. as a flight engineer, his problem with alcohal caused their marriage to end in divorce.When I met her she had been in the U.S. 5 years, mostly on overstay, after dating for a year we married and she received permanent residency, in 2006 I retired and we moved to Thailand to be close to her aging father. We have since traveled back and forth between living in Thailand and the U.S. about six months each, we have a home in both countries, we have an equal amount of Thai and American friends in the U.S. she has always pulled her weight finacially working and contributing to our finances, I have never given or have I been asked for money for her family, we have on accasion loaned money always to be repayed. We are now bothretired and finacialy set we travel, both in Asia and the U.S. and love it, our biggest problem has always been comunication, although she is fluent in english because of the cultural differences we sometimes have a hard time really understanding one another. What I have learned from our experiences togther patience and understanding helps a lot.I read many threads on these expat forums which would lead the inexperienced to beleive all Thai people are money hungry users, it is not so, I have never felt used or looked down on as a farang in Thailand, my wifes family and friends have more than welcomed me into there communities, but then again I was smart enough not to marry a bar girl.

Good luck with what ever you do, but remember a successful marriage to a Thai takes work,commitment,and understanding as does any marriage.

Didn't you know no one here on TV has ever married anyone other than a "good girl from a good family" oh yeah with a university education" Just look at all those good uni students from good families you can find clubbing in and around Bangkok.

Just an opinion. Background does not matter it will work or not work where ever you choose to live! Mine has worked for 12 years 10 of which have been married.

[theblether]

I don't think it's fair to take a thai girl out of Thailand. As someone said they love their country, their food and music. They love to chat with their friends and of course their number one priority FAMILY. It must be hell for them to go to another country, have no friends, can not speak the language well, no TV, and maybe a cold climate (like Scotland). I think it's just asking for trouble to take them abroad.

Excuse me, we Scots have ways of keeping ladies warm.

Surely you don't mean feeding them with porridge and salt, haggis, mutton pies anmd wee hawfies?.

That would ruin a relationship.

Hmmm, but maybe it is a cunning plan to fatten them up........hence reducing play-away opportunities

[harrry]

I don't think it's fair to take a thai girl out of Thailand. As someone said they love their country, their food and music. They love to chat with their friends and of course their number one priority FAMILY. It must be hell for them to go to another country, have no friends, can not speak the language well, no TV, and maybe a cold climate (like Scotland). I think it's just asking for trouble to take them abroad.

Excuse me, we Scots have ways of keeping ladies warm.

Stone'sGreen Ginger wine? Followed by a session chopping wood to keep warm.

[473geo]

My wife is clearly a home bird, she revels in her family responsibilities, I can see she enjoys contributing by working her small farm, she is doing a great job with the children, especially as currently I work in my home country

I had a choice, I could be selfish and insist she and the children join me (leave rural Thailand for city life, with no family support, or friends)......... or my family remain in Thailand where I will join them when the time is appropriate

I chose the latter as being the best long term choice for my wife, children, and marriage...........I am confident my chidren will enjoy their childhood......my wife carries a purpose and value in her daily routine, and I get to appreciate the happiness I help to create....

And the future?........what will be will be.....

[theblether]

There are a lot of top quality responses and it makes compelling reading. It stands out to me that many people have taken a long time to consider the implications of re-locating, while some maybe less so.

I lived in Germany for 5 years with my Scottish wife ( hence no cultural dislocation between us ) and isolation was the biggest issue my wife faced. It took a bit of time for her to find a job, and to get even a basic handle on the language etc.

When she had our second child that isolation became even more acute and after a few months she moved back to the UK to gain more family support. To me that was the beginning of the end of my marriage as absence makes the heart grow fonder but too much absence results in two separate lives.

Thais tend to have a much tighter day by day family culture than we Westerners do these days so I would imagine that the level of culture shock and isolationism would be a major test for any relationship.

What could be done to ease those problems? Did any of the people that have taken their partners back to their own countries ( successfully ) take the time to pre-empt these problems?

Any advice along these lines may help out other people on the cusp of taking their partners back.

[theblether]

Taking your partner to your own country is the beginning of the end. They become westernized very quickly and realize they dont need you any more. It is the worst possible thing you can do. Believe me, I have experienced it. They become even more greedy. They also meet other thais who teach them how to be successful and its does not include you.

this guy explains it well

If you're a normal person who came here for anything but love, you'll do fine back home with your gf/wife

But.

If you're a lowlife/faty/loser/desperate man(ie: guy in my avatar) and think you saved your thai girl from a life of misery in bars or on a farm and bring her back home. Then yes she will find better because you're not that great to begin with and were just a meal ticket anyways.

Harsh but true..........it doesn't matter where you are in the World, and it doesn't matter how many places you have visited or lived in, the one consistent is your personality.........so if you're the loser / control freak / alcoholic type etc then there is no hiding place from yourself.

[Kwasaki]

That's a very wide open question and clearly a personal one.

For me personally and IMO, I would say it was good for my initial relationship, to cut a long story short my wife seeing how was in UK helped her see that it was all roses in the west.

Every situation is different, relationships can be successful or failures in any given set of circumstances.

[theblether]

That's a very wide open question and clearly a personal one.

For me personally and IMO, I would say it was good for my initial relationship, to cut a long story short my wife seeing how was in UK helped her see that it was all roses in the west.

Every situation is different, relationships can be successful or failures in any given set of circumstances.

Do you do anything in particular to prepare your wife for life in the West or did you just jump on a plane and hope for the best?

[Mobi]

to the darkside blogger

My friend without trying to appear rude if you have had five Thai wifes who have left you ,i think you should be looking at what is wrong with you ,not what is wrong with Thai women

The title of this thread is:

"Is Getting Your Partner Out Of Thailand The Key To A Successful Relationship:What's Your Experience?"

So I responded to the OP in good faith, having had much experience in this matter, both personal, and from observing others over a period of more than 40 years, and felt that I had something useful to contribute.

I revealed my own experiences by way of illustration - not so that someone should turn the discussion into a snide insinuation on my state of mind.

'what is wrong with me' is NOT the subject under discussion.

What do you hope to gain from your remark? What does it add to the discussion?

It doesn't take a genius to realise that if someone has been married for 5 times then there is something wrong somewhere - but although I may be an extreme example, I can assure you that there are countless farangs who have had multiple marriages with Thai women.

I see you are observant enough to refer to me as the 'darkside blogger,' so why don't you go one step further and read my blog, as then you would then find all the answers you are looking for and apart from many other things you would learn that it wasn't 'five Thai wives who left me' - pray where did I say that?

Maybe it is simply that something I said that hit a bad note in your own life?